four

You stand next to Alan as you wait outside for your car, Phil behind you asking the lady behind the desk to get it sent.

"So, uh, are you sure you're qualified to be taking care of a baby?" Stu asks Alan, who is standing next to him. You glance over, seeing Alan hold his very large sunglasses over the baby's face.

"Well he's not allowed within 200 feet of a school or Chuck-E-Cheese," you mumble

"What?" Stu asks.

"What are you talking about? I've found a baby before," he defends.

"Oh, god. Here we go," you mumble under your breath.

"You've found a baby?" Stu asks.

"Yeah," Alan says. You sigh, kicking a rock on the ground with your sneakers that you had put back on before you left this morning. There was no way in hell you were putting heels back on. Well, if you even knew where they were.

"Where?" Stu asks.

"Coffee bean."

"Wait- what?" Stu asks as Phil walks up in between you and Alan.

"Hey, Phil? I don't think Doug would want you to take the Mercedes," Alan says.

"Relax, we'll be careful," Phil says, looking up from his phone and stuffing it in his pocket.

"You see, my dad is crazy about that car. He left a Doug in charge-"

"Please shut the fuck up," you say.

"Alan! We've got bigger problems here. Doug could be in the hospital, he could be hurt- not that he is, i'm just using it for an example," Phil mutters to you, "Okay? Let's worry about the car later."

"Uh, guys? Check it out," Stu says pointing to the mattress on top of the point on the statue on the roof.

"Is that the mattress from Doug's room? Alan asks.

"Yup," you sigh, scratching the back of your head.

"What the fuck?" Phil says. Phil walks over, getting the attention of the man loading his trunk in front of you.

"Hey, man, what's going on here?" he asks.

"Some asshole threw his bed out the window last night," the man says.

"No shit," Phil says quietly, looking down at him again.

"Yeah. Some guys just can't handle Vegas," he says, shutting his trunk and heading for the drivers door. Stu awkwardly laughs, all of you standing in a slight state of shock.

"Fuck you," you mutter.

"Oh god," Stu mumbles, shaking his head as he turns away.

"It's gonna be okay, Stu," Phil says, patting him on the back.

"How the hell did we manage that?" Phil asks.

"I don't even want to remember doing that," you say as a cop car pulls in front of you, the valet parker getting out.

"Here's your car, officers," he says, patting the roof.

"Oh, god," Stu says again. It tends to be his favourite phrase throughout the whole time you've been here.

"Alright, everybody act cool. Alright? Don't say a word? Let's just get in and go, c'mon," Phil says under his breath.

"Hey, you got a five?" Phil asks you guys as he checks his pockets.

"No," you all mumble.

"I'll hit you on the way back," Phil says, getting in the driver's seat as you get into the backseat behind him.

"Thank you sir," the kid says. You look over when you see the door on the other side of you open, hitting the child in the face.

"Oh, my god! You just nailed the baby," Stu says, checking it's face.

"What happened?" Phil asks.

"Somebody hit the kid in the face with a door," you say.

"Great," Phil mumbles.

"Are my glasses okay?" Alan asks.

"Your glasses are fine, dick," Stu says, finally getting into the passenger seat as Alan gets into the backseat with you. He takes the baby out, sitting it onto the middle seat and buckling him in as Phil starts driving. The baby almost immediately starts crying, looking up at you.

"What?" you ask softly, gently rubbing his head and trying to shush him.

"Leave him alone," Alan says.

"He's crying, Alan. You're supposed to comfort a baby when it cries. Especially if you just broke it's nose," Stu says.

"He's probably hungry," you mutter.

"Well, what are you waiting for? You're the only one with tits in here," Alan says, all of you looking at him.

"It doesn't work like that, man," Phil sighs.

-

Phil honks at the cars around you as you sit in the Vegas traffic, sipping his coffee.

"This is so illegal," Stu mumbles nervously.

"Can't you see the fun part in anything?" Phil asks.

"Yeah, we're stuck in traffic in a stolen police car, with what is sure to be a missing child in the back seat. Which part of this is fun?" Stu asks.

"I think the cop car part's pretty cool," Alan chimes in.

"Thank you, Alan. It is cool," Phil says.

"Lighten up, Stu. You only live once," you say.

"I'd like to hear you repeat that when we're in jail," Stu says.

"We're not going to jail, Stu. Doug would love it!" Phil says, referring back to the police car. Phil looks back ahead, honking the horn a couple times more.

"C'mon!" he yells, none of the cars moving.

"Check this out," he says, turning the sirens and carefully backing out from the street, turning onto the sidewalk.

"Oh, no. No, no, don't. Phil- don't do this!" Stu stutters as Phil drives completely on the sidewalk, all of the people walking quickly separating.

"Just take it easy," Phil says in an attempt to calm Stu down.

"Just try to call more attention to us," Stu says. You chuckle, shaking your head at how nervous Stu is.

"Attention. Attention," Phil says over the speaker, a laugh falling from your lips.

"Stu, what's gonna happen? We gonna get pulled over?" you ask.

"Yeah, Stu. We gonna get pulled over by ourselves?" Alan repeats, looking over at you as he loudly laughs.

"Just- shut up," you mumble.

"Sorry," Stu apologizes through his open window to the people walking next to the car.

"Attention, please move out of the way," Phil says, people quickly running away from the car's path.

"I repeat, please disperse," Phil says, speeding up since there are few people left in your way. Phil turns on the sirens, Stu freaking out even more.

"Phil, stop the car, I wanna get out. Stop the car, I wanna get out. Pull over," Stu says, holding his head high as he grips onto the car door for life.

"Ma'am, in the leopard dress, you have an amazing rack," Phil says, the girl smiling and waving as you and Alan laugh again. Only Phil would do something like this, and go to even further extents to worry his friend. One of the many reasons why you love him. Not because he's mean to Stu, just his laid-back personality and sense of humour in general.

"Get off the sidewalk! Get off the sidewalk!" Stu yells to Phil.

"I should've been a fucking cop," Phil smirks, pulling off the sidewalk now that you have passed the traffic.

-

You all stand in the hospital room, watching the doctor that had supposedly helped Phil last night, examine a very old man and check his knee reflexes.

"C'mon, man. Please, any information," Phil begs.

"Look, I already told you. You came in with a mild concussion, some bruised ribs. No big deal. Although, none of you could articulate how it happened," the doctor says, looking back up at you.

"Do you remember, uh, how many of us were here?" Phil asks, properly standing up from his position leaned against the sink.

"I don't know, I think it was just you guys, definitely no baby, and one other guy," he says.

"That's our guy. Was he okay?" Stu asks.

"Yeah, he was fine. He was just whacked out of his mind. You all were," he says, slipping on a pair of latex gloves.

"Alright, come forward. And turn," he instructs the man before pulling down his white underwear. All of you quickly turn around, not wanting to see whatever junk is hanging out.

"Can he even legally do that with the people in the room?" you whisper.

"I don't know," Phil whispers back.

"Okay, and cough," he says, all of you making disgusted faces.

"Okay, attaboy. Alright, Felix, you can put your robe on, and the nurse will be in here in a minute. I'll see you after the weekend," he says, all of you turning around again.

"Okay. thank-thank you. Thank you, doctor," Felix says. The doctor stands up, looking at you guys and shaking his head as he throws the gloves out, washing his hands.

"Jesus," you mutter after realizing he meant Felix wasn't gonna make it past the weekend when he shook his head.

"Guys, I really gotta go, I'm sorry. I have surgery up on the fourth floor," he says.

"No, we know. But we just need a couple more minutes of your time," Phil says, holding up a hundred dollar bill. The doctor looks at it, nodding.

"Yeah, tuck it right in there. You don't wanna re-sterilize. Walk with me," he says, holding his hands up as Phil tucks the money in his coat pocket. You all follow behind him as he leads you back to the ER, opening a cabinet.

"First and last name?" he asks.

"Phil Wenneck," Phil says. The doctor nods, pulling out a file before walking down the hall again as you all anxiously follow after him.

"Okay, here we go. Patient name, Phil Wenneck, 2:45 am arrival. Minor concussion, like I said, some bruising, pretty standard," the doctor says, glancing at the open file.

"Do you mind if I take a look? I'm actually a doctor," Stu says.

"Yeah, you said that several times last night. But really, you're just a dentist," the doctor says to Stu, all of you snickering behind him. Even wasted out of our minds, you don't let Stu take any fame.

"Okay, this is interesting. Your bloodwork came in this morning, wow," the doctor says as you approach a reception desk, dropping the file on top of it.

"They found a large amount of Ruphylin in your system," he says. Phil furrows his eyebrows, looking at the doctor.

"Wait- as in- roofies?" you ask, everyone looking at you.

"Yes. Commonly known as the date-rape drug," he says.

"What, so what are you saying? That I was raped last night?" Phil jokes, chuckling softly.

"Actually.." the doctor trails off, flipping through the pages. Your eyes widen as you all glance at each other.

"I don't think so. But someone did slip you the drug. I'm not surprised you don't remember anything," he clarifies, closing the chart as a slight wave of relief flows through you're sure all of you. But, that still leaves the fact that you were drugged by someone. And whoever drugged you is the person you blame for not knowing where your brother is.

"Doc, none of us can remember anything from last night. Remember?" Alan asks you, laughing as you furrow your eyebrows at him.

"I'm not even gonna respond to that," you mumble.

"Yeah, how could someone have drugged all of us?" Phil asks, turning back to the doctor.

"Look, I wouldn't worry about it guys. By now, the stuff's out of your system You're gonna be fine. I have to go," he says, about to walk away.

"Wait, wait, wait. Please, doctor. Is there anything else? Like something we may have been talking about, or some place we were going?" Stu asks.

"Actually, there was something. You guys kept talking about some wedding last night," the doctor says, all of you sighing from the disappointment after the slight bit of hope.

"Yeah, no shit. Our buddy, Doug is getting married tomorrow," Stu says.

"You know what? I want the hundred back," Phil says, reaching for the money.

"No, no, easy. You kept talking about some wedding that you just came from. At the, uh, Best Little Chapel. You guys kept saying how sick the wedding was and getting all crazy about it. Okay? I hope this helps, I really have to leave," he says.

"Best Little Chapel, do you know where that is?" Phil asks, pulling out the napkin and writing it down.

"I do. It's at the corner of Get A Map, and Fuck Off," he says. You roll your eyes, all of you looking back up at him.

"I'm a doctor. Not a tour guide. Figure it out yourself, okay? You're adults," he says, walking away.

-

"What about the baby?" Alan asks as you park outside the small, pink, ghetto chapel.

"Just leave him in the car, we're only gonna be five minutes," Phil says as you all get out of the car.

"Whoa, we're not leaving a baby in the car," Stu says.

"He'll be fine. I cracked the window," Phil says, pointing to the window cracked open. You all follow Phil through the front door, walking into the antique-looking inside and stopping at the front desk.

"What if they don't remember us?" Stu asks.

"Well, let's just find out," Phil says, you all continuing to walk down the very small aisle when you see two people inside.

"Hey, I'm sorry, excuse me? Sir?" Phil asks, gaining the attention of the guy talking to a girl on a ladder fixing a light. He turns around, smiling and laughing when he sees you guys.

"Look at these guys!" he smiles, walking towards you.

"What's the matter? You miss me? You miss Eddie? You want more from me?" he asks, walking up and hugging Phil, catching him off guard. "How are you, my friend?"

"Look at this guy, you are fucking crazy," he smiles, walking over to Alan and pinching his cheeks before hugging him. Although, Alan looks like he enjoyed it.

"Hey! You got some lady-balls on you, my friend!" he smiles, hugging you too.

"What's going on, man?" he asks Stu.

"Listen, I'm gonna tell you something. I know some sick people in my life. This guy, is the craziest, wildest bastard I've ever met in my life, man," he smiles, gesturing to Stu. You all smirk, knowing how odd it is for Stu to be called the wildest one of the group.

"Who, this guy?" Phil smirks, pointing at Stu.

"This guy is out of his mind!" he laughs.

"What's going on you fucking crazy motherfucker!" he smiles, pulling Stu in for a hug as the rest of you watch and laugh.

"I thought he was gonna eat my dick," he smirks, pulling away.

"Oh?" Phil says, smiling wildly.

"What happened? No love for Eddie? You don't hug me? Huh?" he asks.

"No, no. It's not that... Eddie. Uh, it's just that we're having a hard time remembering what happened here last night," Stu says.

"Yeah, was there a wedding here? Do you guys do weddings here?" Alan asks. Eddie laughs, leaning his head back.

"You are cracking my balls, man," he smirks.

"Eddie, obviously, we were here. We're looking for our friend, Doug," Phil says.

"Do you remember him?" you ask, finishing his sentence.

"Yeah, the small guy, like a monkey, your brother," he says.

"Yeah," Alan agrees to the monkey part as you laugh softly.

"You saw him?" Stu asks.

"Of course," Eddie smiles.

"Is there anything you can tell us about what may have happened last night?" Stu asks. Eddie looks at all of your faces, almost as he doesn't believe you.

"You don't remember nothing?"

-

Stu opens the book Eddie had given you, the first page being Stu in a tux with a random girl in a white dress. Stu groans, looking as if he's going to be sick as the rest of you start cracking up.

"Congratulations, Stu. You got married!" Alan smiles.

"This— this can't be happening," Stu says nervously, flipping to the next page. "Oh, God."

"Look at that," Alan smiles at the picture of the six of you. The bride stands in the middle next to Stu, Stu cupping her boob. The rest of you stand around them, the other guys wearing the same blue tuxedos as you wear a tight short dress the same colour. Phil lazily hangs his arm over your shoulders as the rest of you look anywhere but the camera, looking completely drugged and out of it. Stu groans, flipping the book shut and backing up. Phil steps forward, continuing to flip the page from where you left off. The next page is a picture of the girl on Stu's back, showing off her ring as Stu smiles widely.

"I'll tell you one thing, you look seriously happy here, man," Phil says, flipping the book to see the other portrait photo of the girl's leg up on Stu's shoulder as a kneeled Stu looks up her dress.

"That's it, my life is over," Stu says.

"I don't know, Stu. I already like her better than Melissa," you smirk.

"Stu, it's okay. Look, shit happens. Come on, Melissa's not gonna know anything about this. This never happened, I'll take care of it," Phil says at the same time Eddie walks back into the room.

"Hey, what's all that?" Alan asks, referring to the boxes the assistant girl had just put behind the front desk.

"The High Roller package. It's what you guys ordered. You have coffee mugs," he says, pulling out a white mug with a picture of Stu and the girl in a heart on the front.

"What?" Stu asks, both his hand on the back of his neck.

"You have, baseball caps, huh?" he asks, pulling out a hat with the same picture on it.

"And fancy calendars, all with pictures of Stu and Jade," Eddie says, pulling out a calendar.

"Her name's Jade?" Phil asks, his arms crossed over his chest.

"Yeah, and she's beautiful, man. Clean, very tight. Tits like that. But that's because she had a baby," he says after referring to large boobs.

"That explains the baby," Phil smiles at you.

"Oh, Carlos! Carlos," Alan says.

"Great, all right. Uh, here's the deal. We made a major mistake last night. We need to get this marriage annulled immediately. You do annulments?" Phil asks.

"Of course I do annulments. It breaks my heart. It's gonna make me very sad but, it's no problem. Very good price for you. I can't do it with just him, though. I need the chick, we need both parties," Eddie says.

"Oh, not a problem. That's great. Isn't that great, Stu? Come on, buddy. And she probably knows where Doug is," Phil smiles.

"Awesome," Stu says, slightly sarcastically.

"All right, all right. Okay. Uh, we need her address. She must've filled out some paperwork, right?" Phil asks.

"Of course. Hey, excuse me? What is the matter with you? Go and get the paperwork, man. I spend my life waiting for you," Eddie says to the girl.

"Okay, I'm going," she says, walking to the back room.

"C'mon," Eddie says, smacking her ass on the way out. "And get the baklava please!"

"Oh, by the way, how the nipples?" Eddie asks, everyone looking at you, curious to know what he is talking about.

"What? My nipples?" you ask.

"Yes, you let him pierce nipples," he says, gesturing to Phil. Phil's eyes widen, a large smile taking over his face.

"No way," he smiles, looking over at you.

"I let Phil do what?" you ask, peeking in your shirt and past your bra to see that your nipples are in fact pierced, small rods of metal going through both of them. Sure, it kinda hurt but you just expected it to go along with all the rest of the damn pain radiating through your body.

"I guess that's where the needle came from," Phil chuckles.

"Can I see?" Alan asks.

"No, Alan! You, of all people, are not allowed to see! If you make one more comment about seeing my boobs, talking about my boobs, or I catch you looking at them, I will not hesitate to knock you the fuck out!" you yell, Phil in a complete fit of laughter next to you.