Chapter 9

Simon closed the distance between us in two large strides. His lips crashed into mind before I could even figure out what he was doing. It was like the air from my body completely disappeared from the contact. The way our lips molded into each other felt too perfect, too completely normal. It wasn't like Harry's kiss. No, with Harry it was his lips that felt good, and with Simon's, it was ours.

My legs walked backwards while his moved forward, making my back hit against the wall. Both of his hands were on either side of my face as his mouth worked against mine torturously slow. His tongue slid across mine. I never tasted something so sweet. And the way his body pressed up against mine, hovering over me with his tall frame, making me feel safe for just a moment. This is what I was afraid of, feeling something. Simon was opening up doors that I kept trying to lock up forever.

His hair felt soft twisted around my fingers as I pulled him impossibly closer. My mind was telling me to run, this would never end well, that I knew for sure. But my heart didn't want to hear it, it wanted Simon to keep his lips on mine. It wanted him to graze his teeth against my bottom lip again and again until it was numb. It wanted to crawl into bed with him and see how far we could go.

With that thought I somehow managed to pry myself away from the blond boy. We were both breathing heavy. Simon's lips were swollen and a deep, harsh red. I'm sure mine looked exactly the same.

"Why'd you do that?" I whispered breathlessly.

"Because I knew you were too scared to."

"You shouldn't have, Si." With that I wretched open the door and darted straight to my room despite my name being called. This was all so fucked. How could I have managed to kiss Harry and Simon all within the three weeks I've been here? Everything was getting all mixed up and I had no idea how to stop it. It was a little too far gone to be fixed. On top of that Aaron hadn't been letting up with the threats and if I got any more stressed my head might have exploded.

"JJ I don't know what to do anymore." I huffed, plopping down in a chair across from him. After a night of my brain being on full overdrive I figured my best friend would have some wise words of wisdom u needed to hear.

Currently he was busy on his phone, barely paying me any mind. "About what?"

"I kissed Simin last night. Well, he kissed me, but I let him."

That got his attention, " holy shit. Good for you, how was it?"

"Great, but that's not the point. I kissed Harry too and I think he really likes me."

"I'm sure they both really like you Kells, you're fucking beautiful and your personality isn't that bad, I guess," he teased. "You really should figure out who you want though, don't lead them on."

"I don't want either of them! It makes things too complicated. Why do they have to like me? I told you, there's no one out there for me. Everyone leaves eventually so I'm going to just avoid that part."

JJ looked like he was about ready to slam my head into the table. I didn't blame him, of course he didn't understand why. He never went through what I went through, which I'm happy about, I wouldn't with the life I had on my worst enemy. Well, maybe Aaron. In the end, they are his friends and I shouldn't have been so careless. I should have told Harry when I got the chance what the score was. Simon knew, he just didn't care, that wasn't my fault. He had this delusion that everything would work out back that was unrealistic. He was just a hard headed boy who wanted to fix a broken girl.

"Then just stop leading both of them on. They're great guys and I'm not letting you fuck them over, you should know how badly that hurts."

My head fell into my hands, "I know, okay? I'll fix this, sorry for thinking my best friend might have some advice instead of screaming at me. Don't you think I wish I wasn't fucked up either."

"Word of advice?" JJ stood up and started walking out of the kitchen. "Stop feeling sorry for yourself all the time and grow up. You don't know shit about those boys because you don't give a fuck about anyone but yourself. I'm going out today, maybe you can get your shit together by the time I get back."

He's never been angry with my before, sure JJ had been frustrated, but right then and there, I've never seen him so furious. It made me start to realize that we're not the same as before. He won't start up for me over everything. It's no longer me and him versus the world.

It should have never been.

For so long I relied on him to be my rock that when he grew up and I didn't, I blamed it all on him, when all along it was me. Not that I had to spell it out for anyone, that much was obvious. It wasn't something that could easily change. No matter how angry he got with me,having someone in my life that I opened up to that wasn't him was impossible for me. No one had ever walked in my shoes before so no one could have understood how the fuck I was feeling.

But of course, him being JJ. He was right, in a way. I've been to focused on myself, the only things I really knew about Simon and Harry were what they've ever done for me. Whether or not I wanted anything serious with either of them, it was selfish of me to not even get to know them.  Especially to Simon, who only ever wanted to know everything about me.  It wasn't only them though.  Josh, Vik, Ethan, Tobi, there  wasn't much I knew about them and I was officially determined to change that.

My mind was set as I matched up the stairs and to Josh's rooms, knocking on the door with conviction.  It didn't take long for him and his scruffy beard to come over and answer.

"What's up?"  He smiled.

"Can you tell me about yourself?"  My voice spoke before my head, basically making me come across like a crazy person.

Josh laughed, "what?"

"I've been living here for a little while now and haven't gotten to know anyone who allowed me to mooch off of them.  Lay it on me, tell me everything, I want to know about your family, your girlfriend, your weird habits.  Let me know you.

"You're strange, you know that?"  He said to me but opened the door further.  "Come on in then, this might take awhile."

For the next few hours I took my times to learn about Josh, the after going to Vik and I'm glad I did.  The things I learned about them amazed me and made me excited to learn about everyone else.  As soon as they started talking I felt glad that I asked them and the more they said, the more I asked and in the back of my mind all I could think about were the steps I was taking.  How far I've come from the outspoken girl in a run down town with people who hated her to now.  I even went so far as to answer the questions they had for me, mostly things about my parents or how I did in school.  It was easier to answer than I thought, I figured I'd want to lie about my entire life, but I didn't have to.  There was things I danced around, but I still tried to let them know who I was because it did have a lot to do with the girl they saw.

After them it was inevitable that I talked to Simon, one of the closest people to me in this house.  Last night was weird and shouldn't have happened but we've come too far to lose what he works so hard to build with me.  God, he was so important to me it was insane.  How did he possibly weasel his way into my heart?

Unlike the past two other times, I walked right into his room, not really getting the feeling of privacy between us.  There he was, as always, sitting at his computer, editing seat, this time without a shirt because of how hot it was in this house.  He didn't even notice me inside until I laid down on his bed.  The video he was working on was put on pause while he swiveled around in his computer chair.  I tried not to swoon at that cute smiles he sent my way while he stood up and made his way to the bed where I was.  Laying down only inches away.  It scared me, having him so close, but I did nothing to push him away.

"Are you close with your family?"  I asked him.

At first he looked at me like the other two did, but instead of questioning me, he answered right away.  "I don't see them as often as I liked to.  My mom is really great, and her cooking is out of this world.  I've got two older brothers, they're basically the reasons why I am the way I am.  Which I'd like to think is a pretty decent guy.  Maybe you can meet them sometime, mom would really like you."

"Did you like school?"

"High school wasn't awful, I wish I didn't take it as seriously as I did.  If only I knew the things I did really wouldn't have effected my life either way, maybe I could have enjoyed the things outside of school, instead of worrying about good grades and not getting in trouble."  Simon turned in his side so that he was facing me.  "I went to uni, but it wasn't for me, didn't make me happy, so not this is what I do, spend my days making and editing YouTube videos.  It's pretty incredible if you ask me." 

As he was talking, his hand reached up to push my wild red hair behind my ear, deep blue eyes pouring into mine.  All I wanted to do was lean into the touch, but I wouldn't, I refused to.  Instead I grabbed his hand and put it back on the bed, hesitating to let it go.

"We can't.  You can't."

"You keep saying that and then your body tells me to keep going."  Then I feel Simon's fingertips on my stomach as he slipped up my shirt and tickled my skin.  My eyelids betrayed me by flickering shut for a moment.  That gave him the go ahead he needed to tighten his grip and bring his face closer to mine.  Warm breath fanned my face when his lips brushed across my cheek.  My entire body was ignited by this simples touch, it was like I was on drugs.  If I could feel like this from innocent touches, imagine that I would be like if everything wasn't so innocent.  All of my thoughts and decision making were clouded.  I could feel my walls being crumbling down.

Until his lips hovered over mine.  That when I got enough sense in me to roll out of his bed.  My heart was racing, Simon's face had pure lust written all over it, making me weak in the knees.  "What are you trying to do to me?"

Instantly his features changed to something of irritation. "Because I'm what you need Kelsey, we could be so great for each other but you're so thick headed." Simon sat up and pushed his messy hair back. "You do this shit all the time. You pull me in, and it really seems like you actually want something and then you push me away. Fuck stop already. Do you just not like me? Maybe it's Harry you like and you just feel bad for me."

"It doesn't matter who I like!" I yelled louder than I probably should have. "You don't have a right to like me, you know shit about me, that's because I don't let you know because I don't want you to know. I'm not good enough, the real me isn't good enough and I've seen what people can do. Change who they are, how they act overnight and I won't fall for it again. It doesn't matter if I believe you are a nice guy, I used to believe Aaron was a nice guy too, look how that turned out. You're going to fuck me over in the end like everyone else does." I stormed out of his room while he continued to yell after me. Why does everything always have to turn out like this for me? One good day is all I was asking for.

I sent JJ a message asking when he'd be home, hoping he wasn't still angry with me. He replied back a few seconds later to say probably not until really late or in the morning. Great, when the only person I wanted couldn't be here and I felt alone again. So I did what I always did when I felt that way. In the kitchen, up in the cabinets, were bottles filled with vodka. I took one off the shelf, filled a cup nearly to the top and took a sip of it. Immediately the burning liquor warmed me up on the inside.

The living room was empty so I decided to sit down on the couch in the corner, the boys were too preoccupied with the games to come downstairs and look at me in all my self pity. Aaron was right, I didn't deserve a good guy because I wasn't good. All i was ever good for was to be used and abused, why would anything be different now. I pushed good guys like Harry and Simon away and wondered why I got stuck with guys like Aaron. It was my fault and yet here I am feeling sorry for myself.

Drinking always seemed like the answer until I was drunk and overthought everything. Still I drank more and more until I felt light as a feather and it was hard to keep a steady thought. The cup somehow was drained faster than I thought and before long it was completely empty. That was fast.

As I was up getting more there was a knock on the door, before anyone could answer it I heard people barge in and start yelling. It was obvious Ethan was here, his voice could be picked out from anywhere. And where there was Ethan, I was sure his household came with him. Of course the day JJ wasn't here I was going to be stuck with everyone. Hopefully they were just here to record some videos and not so much hangout. Should have known that wasn't going to happen. They should really start telling me when they were going to come over so I could mentally prepare myself.

"Started drinking without us?" A voice that came from none other than Harry said from behind me.

"It was a stressful day," I turned around and smiled up at his cute face. He was wearing a blue sidemen shirt today and it looked awfully nice against his pale skin. My mood changed when he hugged me tightly and placed a kiss on my cheek.

When he pulled away he grabbed cup and started filling it with alcohol like I had been doing. "I have to say, we've all been coming around more lately now that you're here. You look beautiful by the way." I didn't really, all I was wearing were shorts and a plain tank top, my hair was probably all over the place, but of course I had my makeup done.

"You're so sweet," I answered just as a boy I've never seen before came in. He wasn't too tall or too short and was very pale with a little but of facial hair. Quite attractive if you asked me.

"I take it you must be Kelsey, the girl these lads never shut up about. I'm Callum, almost positive they never bothered to mention me," his smile was adorable.

"They must have once or twice. It's nice to meet you."

All the other boys began to file in, trying to get to the alcohol. Simon came in with Ethan laughing about something until he saw me standing next to Harry. I watched his eyes visibly darken, something that I've seen too many times since I've been here, meaning that he wasn't too happy. Everyone was talking at once and having a great time around us but I noticed the change in Simon. He didn't look happy in the slightest. I was the only one who noticed him look me dead in the eyes before he opened his mouth to speak.

"Who wants to play some games?"

HI GUYS I'm so sorry I haven't posted in awhile and now you're stuck with this shitty chapter. My charger got lost while I was in the process of moving and so now I'm waiting for a new one while I'm using my shitty one to type out everyone while I have to retype it on my phone. Enough complaining though the next chapter with be full of drama and I'll get that out as fast as I can. PLEASE remember to comment and vote, it means so much, I love you guys.