Afterglow

The band's label rented out some empty warehouse right in the center of L.A. for the album release party. Music was blaring and the place looked packed with unfamiliar faces when the black SUV parallel parked right outside the main entrance. The bands manager, Matt, gave us assigned seating arrangements so the bands arrival and exiting of the vehicle was just as they wanted. Noah and I sat in the captain's chairs in the middle of the car with Nicholas and Jolly squishing Nick between themselves behind us. I had hoped they'd shove me in the back and make me exit last, so I wouldn't be noticed. Or better yet, let the boys exit the car at the main entrance, then drive around back and let me out by some out of the way back door. I have no such luck, Matt had me exit right behind Noah, he even made a point to instruct Noah to hold my hand and keep me close; Noah needed no instructions to act his typical way, this did however prove to me that the band's label wants to use our relationship for publicity. Noah assured me on the car ride that there was nothing to worry about when it came to the label and how they saw our relationship.

When the door nearest to Noah popped open his hand was already holding mine tightly. He climbed out of the SUV with ease before turning to assist me with a graceful exit, once both feet were on the ground I was immediately aware of the amount of people around us, dozens and dozens of people, bright lights from phones flashes going off while taking pictures in the harsh darkness. Noah had me right at his side as he slowly made his way through the crowd, greeting fans as he went, stopping for a few pictures, pulling me into those pictures with him. The more I looked around the more I became aware of the fact that I wasn't seeing people's faces, but their phones, everyone had their phones out. As we stepped into the warehouse I began to contemplate if what just happened was a dream, a bad one to be specific. The harsh reminder of reality came quickly as I was faced with the crowded warehouse floor full of bodies moving together in no unison at all but somehow all moving together, the sight of it makes me sick, I'm confused as to whether it's social anxiety or the strange visual of the crowd moving and swaying as they were, some danced, and some lingered in place, and others were moving in straight lines just trying for a different destination.

My stomach sank as Noah approached the crowd with me in tow, our hands tightly interlocked, keeping me from aborting the mission Noah had us on. His tall frame, along with being the man of the hour helped him to part the crowd as he led us through and towards a set of metal stairs that looked to lead to a much quieter part of the venue. Halfway up the stairs I could feel relief wash over me as we left the crowd behind us, for a moment I thought it was only me and the Bad Omens boys, reality rushed back in as we arrived at what must be a VIP lounge complete with Bad Omens crew, some I know, some I don't, and what seems to be strategically placed strangers in tight dresses. Unease washed over me as I stayed by Noah's side, scanning the surrounding area I became increasingly more aware of how much many of the women in the VIP lounge resembled a particular groupie from the past. Noah seemed to be trying his best to comfort me by keeping me close, squeezing my hand, and absentmindedly grazing his fingers over my skin once we sat down on a long rounded sofa towards the back wall. We had spent twenty minutes or so small talking guests before taking a seat, and I had yet to see a drop of alcohol that I'm sure would help to ease my discomfort.

After some time Noah left me on the sofa to make a trip to the bar. I watched his tall frame move through the crowd and all the eyes that followed him. On his way back, somewhere along the way, he gained a follower. Noah handed me my drink as he took his seat next to me, his leg pressed against mine, I took a small test sip from the plastic cup before deciding that the mix was too strong and I'd have to nurse one drink for most of the night. Noah's follower lingered a few feet away; they tried to keep their distance to go unnoticed till they were brave enough to sit on the other side of him. The girl looked at me with sharp eyes and a sly smile causing my stomach to drop. I leaned forward and placed my drink on the low table before straightening back and turning my attention to Noah as I listened to the women try desperately to say something interesting enough to entice him into conversation. Noah is no dumbass to what the girl is trying but still he was far more polite than me and he held small talk with her for a few minutes. Well, until he said a joke that was barely funny, causing her to throw her head back in a fit of laughter and toss her hand onto his chest.

Before I knew it her hand was in mine and I was twisting and contorting her fingers as I pushed our hands back into her body, I had risen from my spot and was now pressing her back, pushing her off the sofa, causing her to stumble before falling on her ass. I don't know what had come over me but as soon as I pulled my hand from hers and halfway stood up, my heeled foot was on her chest shoving her the rest of the way to the ground. "Stay the fuck away" my voice felt like it wasn't even mine as it spat the words at her. Just as my mind started to process what I had just done Noah's strong arm wrapped around my waist and pulled me back. I felt him stand up as he tightened his grip and his body rubbed against mine. My mind went to space as he moved us through the VIP lounge, down a different flight of stairs and through a large metal door.

"What the fuck was that, Alex?!" he hissed at me as the door closed behind us, we stood now in a dimly lit alleyway on the back side of the building.

"I-I, I don't know" instantly my voice was shaking, my adrenaline was at an all time high from the outburst, now fear of repercussions smacked me in the face sending tears to my eyes. "I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry, I-" he cut me off.

"Do you have any idea how bad that looks? Did you forget what tonight is for?!" I could hear him fighting to keep the anger from his voice, ultimately failing. "What the fuck Alex!" he began quickly pacing the alley. I can't recall ever seeing him this angry, suddenly a new fear came to me. Had I made him too angry?

"Noah, I- I'm sorry, I-" he wouldn't let me speak, his hand shot up, palm facing me, meant to silence. My lips closed against my will. The hold he has on me is now more terrifying than ever. 

"Just stop," he sighed heavily, he dropped his arm in defeat before bringing his eyes to meet mine. "Just, get it together" before I could open my mouth he was pulling the door open and stepping inside without me. I felt frozen in place as the heavy door closed with a dull metallic thud, leaving me in the alleyway alone. Reality never felt so cruel as I stood there with tears brimming my eyes, my skin now on high alert, the sticky L.A. heat covering me along with the dank smell of the alleyway. My arms slid up my body till they wrapped around me at my ribs in a desperate attempt at self soothing. I don't know what to do, but I can't go back inside, not now. I also couldn't stay in the under lit alleyway waiting to be attacked by the first person to look at me the wrong way.

My heels clicked against the pavement as my feet brought me out of the alleyway and onto the sidewalk, the street is quiet on this side of the building, it's sad how much of a relief that is. I have no idea where I am, or what I should do, I have no car, I don't even have my wallet. Fuck, I don't even have my phone. Still my feet clicked against the pavement, taking me further and further from the warehouse, I didn't even have half a mind to stop, yet somehow still fully aware I don't know where I'm going, fuck, I don't even know how to get home.

After a few blocks footsteps fell into pace behind me, I tried to not let it bother me, to not look back, for a block and half they followed me. Just as I told myself the screaming alarm in my head was false I heard the footsteps quicken and suddenly a hand came to my mouth as an arm wrapped around my waist. My breath quickened as I was pulled from the sidewalk and into a dark alley. I should've never left that alleyway, it was so much safer than where I am now. I felt light headed as I quickly ran out of oxygen from the hand over my mouth. My body began to kick and thrash, it felt like an out of body experience. I could see myself fighting for my life in an almost pitch black alley, halfway pressed into a dumpster that smelt of rotten food and death. I could see it all happening to me but I couldn't see my attacker. Ugly, he's disgusting, an eternity of hell is what he deserves, he deserves torture and suffering for having ever done this to anyone. Tears now ran freely down my face as my heels stomped into the ground hoping to land on his feet. My elbow jerked and thrust back, teeth I was using my teeth, oh God I put my teeth on this filthy thing, If I survive, will I ever feel clean again? Suddenly I injured him, how, I don't know, I was out of his grasp and my legs pulled me from the alleyway and back to the sidewalk. I felt like a newborn deer as my legs high stepped me blocks and blocks away.

I didn't just go straight, I turned and I turned and I went straight for a bit then turned and turned again, by the time I slowed down I must've been fifteen blocks from where I left my attacker and twenty or more from the warehouse. If I was fucked before I was double fucked now.

So I did the only thing I could do, I walked, and walked and walked. It must've been forty five minutes, maybe an hour before I saw something familiar. The liquor store that we frequent, only a ten minute drive from the house; walking it might take me all night but I was out of options and have been for a long time now. I walked to the front of the liquor store and looked down the street in both directions, right, I think I need to go right. My feet screamed at me as I trekked uphill, after the running and so much walking my heels had rubbed blisters then burst them open, leaving my feet covered in dried blood where the straps covered me.

My pace seemed to slow the longer I walked but progress is progress. I felt tears bubble up to my eyes as I entered the familiar neighborhood, only two more blocks. When my feet made it in the driveway I could see the house, it looked just as we left it, I have no way of knowing what time it is without my phone or if the boys are home, or when they'll get home. On shaky legs I lowered my body onto the front porch and leaned my shoulder and head against the brick wall that makes the side of the garage, then the tears that floated in my eyes decided to fall. I hiccuped as I cried for a few minutes before darkness overtook me in the yellow tone of the front porch light.