Willow

Arriving home from the liquor store I let the boys unload the car as I headed straight for the house. We had awhile before anyone would be arriving and I saw no point in cleaning if there was going to be a party, so I headed to my room to finally sort through the pictures I took at the shows on the way down here.

Hours later I heard the first arrivals of strangers. I knew if I didn't make my way downstairs Nick would be up here in no time to retrieve me; still I stayed in place, on my bed, laptop on my lap flipping through the pictures I had taken. It wasn't hard for me to get lost in my computer screen and lose track of time as the noise downstairs grew louder and louder. Just as I was about to close my laptop a knock sounded on my door.

"Come in" I called out. The door cracked open. The face it revealed was unexpected; Noah stood there, hand on the doorknob, ready to close it back.

"Nick sent me up to check on you" he said with a nod to the stairs. "He wants you to come downstairs."

"I'll be there in a minute" I said as I swung my legs over the side of the bed. With that he nodded and closed the door back. I stood and looked at myself in the mirror. Black legging with a cropped t shirt covered by a cardigan paired with socked that covered the bottoms of my leggings. Fuck shoes, if I step in a puddle, it'll give me an excuse to go back upstairs. With a deep sigh I turned to my vanity to find my hairbrush.

I wish my brother wasn't so overbearing, or I'd stay in my room all night. I guess the real problem I have with going downstairs is Noah. Well not exactly, it's who would be around Noah. I know I have no right to be jealous of anything. I just don't want to see anything that will keep me up at night.

I jogged down the stairs, a dangerous activity seeing as I was wearing socks, and went straight to the kitchen where I took a Miller Lite from the fridge before perching myself on the kitchen counter. The open floor plan of the house allowed for a straight view into the living and right through the sliding glass doors and out into the backyard where most of the people seemed to have congregated. Only a few people lingered in the kitchen with quiet conversations overshadowed by the music that was playing in the living room. A few more people filled the living room as well, but not an uncomfortable amount.

As I sipped my beer, I examined the crowd outside. I found Nick and jolly, I had already spotted Nicholas in the living room. But where was No- Oh. There he is, sharing a seat, with a girl, nice. I took another long sip of my beer to ignore the feeling my discovery gave me. I hate to admit to myself that I like Noah but the sick feeling seeing him just gave me was a dead giveaway. I can't deny how stupid I am anymore. This time I turned the bottle up and finished it before hopping off the counter and grabbing another.

Maybe it's nothing, his arms around her shoulder, don't be anymore stupid than you already have been. What if my feelings get worse? Will I need to move out? I'm supposed to tour with them, how am I supposed to manage that? What the fuck did I get myself into? My thoughts raced as I made my way to the stairs to head up to my room.

"Hey Alex!" Nick shouted from outside. Fuck. I just want a break. With a sigh I turned to the sliding glass door and took my time walking to the threshold where I leaned as I spoke.

"Yes" my voice heavy with inquisition.

"Come out here, join the party" Nick called back from where he sat on the other side of the blazing firepit. I don't want to do this. This feels terribly like a little sister third wheel. I am not wanted here by anyone, but Nick, and I am definitely not needed here by anyone. "Alex!" He called again after I didn't move to join them outside. Him calling my name forced my foot to step out onto the deck, my legs took me closer than I wanted to go, I took an empty seat in one of Nick's old camping chairs.

I felt small, the small person sitting in the low chair, I felt small. I tried to listen and catch up on the various conversations that were being spoken at once. All it did was overwhelm me and remind me of my place. In the backseat of the car. Off to the side not holding a gaming controller, always watching, and listening to the band but never playing. I was once and will always be the little sister invading her brother's space.

As time went on, I nursed my beer, people began to filter to and from the house. When the backyard emptied out some, I took the opportunity to take a seat on the outdoor loveseat close to the firepit. I felt the chill leave my body as I settled in. Noah and his friend have long since gone into the house for God knows what. I stared into the fire for awhile contemplating all the things in my life that brought me here and all the things I could have done differently to be somewhere else. I had long since finished my beer when the last stragglers headed inside, closing the sliding door behind them. Now all that was left of the party lingered in the living room and kitchen. I felt suddenly felt safer, I cozied down into the couch beneath me as the fire in front of me crackled. I was ready to fall asleep out here when the glass door slid open.

I looked up to see Noah stepping through the sliding door, beer in hand. "What are you doing out here all alone?" he asked as he closed the door behind himself, before approaching me.

I sat up straighter as he neared. "Contemplating life" I answered as he took a seat next to me. 

'Hmm, what exactly about life are we contemplating?" he asked as he leaned back, giving me a side glance.

"How and why, I got here."

"I was wondering the same, what exactly got you here?" he asked curiously.

"You know that answer," I teased. "You guys found me at a glorified strip club and dragged me down here," I said as deadpan as possible.

"But what got you to the burlesque club" he said in a lower more serious tone.

I took a moment before I responded. "A series of unfortunate events" I sighed. "I moved from mine and Nick's hometown because my boyfriend got a big job in Washington, I got a job, made a couple friends, I though we were going to get engaged, then I found out he was fucking one of my best friends. After that I moved out to my apartment that you guys saw, I learned that my job wasn't enough to support me, so I got in deep debt fast. I went looking for work." I paused to gage his reaction before I continued. "First, I went to a strip club, but they were full up, they didn't have any room for any extra dancers. But the lady I talked to sent me across town to the burlesque club." I took a second to laugh. "My audition was terrible, I made it by the skin of my fucking teeth" I stopped again to giggle. "But I made it, I worked there for eighteen months" I looked up to Noah when I finished with a smile.

"Where was Nick, when you needed a job?" Noah asked as he turned his gaze to the fire.

"I think you guys were touring down the east coast right about then" I said in a not completely sure tone.

"I wish we could have been there then" Noah didn't move his eyes as he spoke.

"It's whatever, I learned some lessons and shit like that" I said as I leaned forward to set my empty bottle on the deck beneath me. "So where did your guest go?" I asked, trying to sound as casual as possible. I looked to Noah to see an unsure look on his face, "The blonde" I clarified.

"Oh, she, she's nothing" he said in a dismissing manner.

"She didn't look like nothing," I said adjusting in my seat. "She's really pretty" I hated the words as I said them.

"There's not much more to her than pretty," he said taking a long swig of his beer.

"What a shame" A small spark of happiness ignited inside me.

"I see much more in others than I see in girls like her" he said as he leaned forward to set his bottle down.

I scoffed. "What do you mean by that?"

"I mean" he started. "Girls like that are so flat, they're so easy to read. One is just like the next, I can't stand that shit." He said his tone of voice growing bothered.

"What about the others?" I inquired.

"The others are hard to find," he paused before looking up at me. "Kind of like, when you find one, you got to keep it around, not let it go." His brown eyes bored into mine.

"I think I know what that feels like" I said just above a whisper. My eyes kept wandering to his lips, and the perfect teeth behind them and the brown eyes above them. I couldn't help but dare to think what his lips must feel like pressed to mine. I had to push the thoughts back as to not slip up and not let one fall from my lips. The air between us felt tense so I tried to shift the topic. "When I was working at the burlesque club I decided that, that part of my life was over" I stated looking back to the fire. "A relationship a mean" I clarified. "I don't know how I feel about it now." I looked back to Noah who was already looking at me. "What do you think?"

"I think," he paused. "anything's possible" Before I could register his words his lips were pressed to mine. Our lips moved together in slow passion, a moment I never want to end. After a moment I felt his hands slip to my waist where he tugged, bringing me onto his lap where I straddled him. I pulled back from the kiss with a heavy breath.

"Noah" I breathed out. "Nick can't see us." I whispered.

Just then the sliding glass door sounded causing our heads to snap in its direction. Noah shifted me off his lap and back to my seat quickly.  Standing half outside the door was Nicholas, a look of shock mixed with confusion shown on his face. "You know Nick is still around, right?" he asked with a thumb pointing back inside the house. "You might not want to- you know I'm just going to act like I didn't see anything" Nicholas continued obviously uncomfortable with what he saw. With that Nicholas stepped back inside, closing the door behind himself.

There was a moment of silence before I decided to speak. "I should, uh, probably get to bed" I waited a second to allow for him to stop me before I stood up. "Goodnight Noah" I said quietly before padding across the deck to the door. I weaved through the remaining people scattered around the living room to get to the stairs. Once in the safety of my room I closed the door leaning my back against it immediately I let out a shaky breath I had been holding in. There was no way I'd be sleeping tonight. I pushed off the door and began pacing the small room back and forth.

What the fuck was that? Did he mean it? Or was he drunk? Tipsy maybe? Is this a test? A prank? Does he actually give a shit about me? That doesn't make any sense! I was at a loss. My thoughts were racing and after twenty minutes I concluded the only way to get my answer was go to the source. I turned to face the door, the thought of what was on the other side made my stomach turn; but some things had to be done. I strode to the door swinging it open and shutting it behind me, I turned in the direction of the stairs only to run straight into a white t shirt.

"Woah" I heard a familiar voice, they were holding their hand up to stop me from passing. Before I could fully register that it was indeed Noah that I ran into he grabbed me by my wrists and was pulling me into his room, closing the door behind us.

'Noah, what the fuck is-" His lips were on mine again. I melted into his touch as one hand cupped my cheek while the other wandered down to my waist. Although I didn't want to, I pulled away, I had to know, "Noah answer me" I pleaded. I looked into his brown eyes, and they about broke me, if he told me the worst possible outcome, a test, a prank, I hate you, this could never work, I'd still bend to his will.

"It's whatever you want it to be, Alex" he said his voice low causing a spark of excitement to run through my body. Just as soon as he said the words his lips were back on mine.