Twenty-Seven

Kyungsoo

I seriously hated time. It seemed like no matter what it was always working against me. Whenever my life was going great, it went by so fast. But whenever it was horrible, it took its precious time ticking by.

I checked the mail every day for three weeks, some times multiple times a day. It was the first thing I did once I got home. There was nothing besides the usual bills and such. There was just nothing. 

You should just give up. He forgot about you.

That's what my head told me. I turned to my heart for more encouraging words, but even it was starting to feel less and less optimistic.

He doesn't want you anymore. He's moved on. 

I tried shake the thoughts off, but it just had a quicksand effect. The more I tried, the deeper I sank into my worst nightmares.

He's not coming back. He doesn't love you anymore.

It was over, I had to accept that. The battle I was constantly fighting with myself had to end. I was tired of fighting it, too. I was tired of carrying all of my happiness and hopes and dreams with one person. I was tired of feeling powerless. So, I told myself that as long as he was happy, I would be fine. And as my therapist said, first love didn't mean last love. I would be happy again one day, too. I was determined to be.

Chanyeol

"What do you mean you're giving up??" Baekhyun said loudly at lunch, turning practically every other head in the cafeteria. Kyungsoo sighed and took a sip from his water bottle. 

"I'm giving up. I'm done thinking that he'll come back," he said plainly.

"B-But, how can you just do that?" Luhan asked. 

"I don't expect you guys to understand," he said, resting his back against the chair. "It's almost graduation and he hasn't even found a way to write me back or call or anything. I can't keep waiting for a message that will never come."

"Have you met his parents? At this point, he probably has to train a pigeon to deliver the letter," Tao said.

"Still, I'm just tired," he replied with a small shake of his head. "Tomorrow is the first day of our last summer before we graduate and go to college and I'd like to at least try to enjoy it."

"Are you sure this is what you want to do?" I asked. He turned to me. 

"No, but it's what I have to do," he said. 

There was so much doubt in his eyes. I knew this wasn't the way he wanted things, but I also couldn't tell him to do anything else. 

Kai

Months seemed to fly by and before I knew it, the town was filled with summer weather and dreams of graduation. My time was mostly consumed by Zelo and Taemin, which I didn't mind too much. I was doing well academically and managed to catch up enough to be on track to still graduate on time. In particular, I enjoyed my elective art classes. They were kind of like an escape for me, a way for me to take my mind off the chaos going on around me.

Even though I was preoccupied with new friends and interests, I still always thought about Kyungsoo, what he was doing, if he missed me, if he thought about me as much as I thought about him.

Those were the times when I felt like an asshole. I thought about all of the things I said we would do in the summer and hated myself because we wouldn't get to do them.

"What are we going to do today?" Taemin asked as he plopped on my bed.

"I don't know," I said, shutting the front door. "What do you guys want to do?"

"Skateboard!" Zelo shouted.

"Not if you want me to break my face," Taemin said, emitting a glare from Zelo.

"I never said I didn't," he said. Taemin whacked him over the head in response. "Ow, that hurt asshole." Taemin just stuck his tongue out at him. "That means, Kai, you are the tiebreaker. What do you want to do?"

"Ummm," I said, rattling my brain for an answer. "We could go swimming. I mean, it is hot as hell outside."

"Okay, swimming it is then," Taemin said.

"Alright, I have to go to our room and get my trunks then," Zelo said.

"Me, too. Let's run over really quick," Taemin said as he stood. "We'll be right back."

"Okay, I'll be here," I said. Then with that, they disappeared out the door. I grabbed a few water and then started to search around for my swim suit. Once I found them, I put all the other necessary stuff in a bag and was about to head out when I saw a white envelope fall out from a pile of things my parents had brought up with them on their last visit. 

Curiously, I set my stuff down and walked over to it, pulling it out of the pile. I took it out and ran my eyes over the front of it, where the addresses were written. The hand writing looked familiar, so I shifted to the address it was sent from.

"No way," I said, not believing what my eyes were seeing. Quickly, I took the letter out and started reading it. Tears instantly flooded into my eyes as I began reading it.

Dear Kai,

It's just me, Kyungsoo, but you probably already saw that by now. How have you been? Do you like your new school? I hope people are being nice to you. I'm sure they are, though. You have this weird charm where people automatically seem drawn to you. I'm sure you're just as popular there as you were here.

Don't ask me how, but I found your address so I could write this. Honestly, I wanted to call, but I didn't know if your parents made you change your number or block me or if they took your phone altogether and I didn't want to get you into more trouble.

I'd like to say I've been doing well, but that would be a lie. I miss you so much. Time seems to be passing slowly, which only makes me even more anxious to see you. I just thought this would be easier since you promised to come back. I thought I could be strong for you, for us. I guess I was wrong, though.

Anyway, I don't mean to make you feel bad. I know you had no choice. There's only a few more months until graduation. I don't know if you'll be back before then, but I'd really like it if you could come. I'm sure Sehun will be having a party, so you don't even have to come to the actual ceremony if you can't, as I'm sure you'll be busy with your own. I'd just really appreciate it if you could try or if you could find time to write me back maybe. Just so I know you're okay.

I'll be here, waiting for you, when you get back. I love you so much.

Yours forever, Soo 🖤

Tears were now running down both of my cheeks. How long had this been in there? It had to at least two weeks, maybe more. This was the first time I had seen it, which instantly told me my parents must have had something to do with it.

"You ready yet?" Taemin's voice coming into the room didn't even bring me out of the trance I was in. "Kai, are you okay?" I put the letter down by my side and tried to tame all my anger.

"Yo, Kai, when did you go deaf?" Zelo said, chuckling a little. I folded it back up and put back in the envelope.

"Yeah, I'm here," I said, wiping my eyes. "I'm ready. Let me just grab the bag."

"Were you crying? Why were you crying?" Taemin asked.

"No, it was just my allergies acting up," I lied.

"Oh...okay," he said uncertainly.

"Let's go," I said, stuffing the envelope in my back pocket and exiting the room.

This was the last straw.

Kyungsoo

Summer was better as far as my mood was concerned. I was beginning to feel a lot better, but I was still down. I spent more time with my friends, but I still wished that I was with Kai. I missed him. Despite my attempts to forget him, I still missed him.

I found joy in going to the beach, especially when the sun was just about to set. It made me feel calm, somehow. The sun would always set and would always rise, and that brought me comfort. 

"Do you enjoy being here alone?" A familiar low voice said. I looked up and saw Chanyeol standing there with a corner grin pulling on his lips.

"So what if I do? Is there a problem with that, sir?" I said. He chuckled a little in response.

"No. You just looked lonely is all. Thought you might want some company from your best friend."

"Aren't you suppose to be with Baekhyun helping him pack for school?"

"Yeah, but he said he'd probably end up having an emotional breakdown, so it'd be better if I wasn't there." I laughed slightly and he sat next me to me in the sand. There was a short silence before he started talking again. "Mmm, this is really relaxing," he hummed.

"Yeah, that's why I like it out here," I said. I felt him look at me and then we were quiet for a little while longer.

"I know he'll be back," he said suddenly. I looked at him and he didn't return my look. "I'll admit, I was kind of jealous at first because I might have kind of liked you...like a lot." My eyes widened slightly, confused as to where he was going. "But then, I saw the way he looked at you and knew he really did love you." He finally turned to me and smiled. "You can't just look at someone like they're your whole world and then turn around and forget them. He'll come back. And if he doesn't, I'll kick his ass for you." 

I laughed, shifting my view toward the ocean and setting sun again. I felt his arm go around me, pulling me closer to him. I instinctively, laying my head on his shoulder and sighed.

I didn't know if he would come back. I didn't know if things would ever go back to the way they were. But I would be okay even if they didn't. At the very least, I'd always have the good memories of my first love.