Twenty-Five

Kyungsoo

I got better at coping with time. I still hadn't heard anything about how Kai was, so naturally, I worried about him a lot. But there was nothing I could do from where I was and I had accept that. All I really could do was trust that Kai would keep his word and come back when it was safer.

"How have you been?" Baekhyun asked me one day at lunch in a concerned tone. I looked up from playing with my food only to see everyone else's eyes on me. "You seem to be in happier spirits these days. That's good."

"Yeah, I've been fine, I guess," I said, continuing to poke my rice with chop sticks. "Not great, but not horrible."

"Are you lying?" Xiumin asked, making me look up again.

"No," I said, eyebrows slightly creased.

"Are you depressed?" Luhan said from beside me. I just looked at him and he shrugged. 

"No, I'm not depressed," I said as I sat up straight from my slouching position.

"That's what depressed people say sometimes, isn't it?" Sehun said. I just sighed and rolled my eyes.

"I'm telling the truth," I said. "I'm not depressed."

"Then why aren't you eating?" Chanyeol questioned with his eyebrows raised, unconvinced.

"Because I'm not hungry," I said nonchalantly. He just looked at me, still skeptical. "Look, I appreciate you guys worrying about me, but I'm really okay. I-I'm getting there." 

They all looked away after that, but I could still feel Chanyeol's eyes on me. I brought my eyes to the plastic tray below me. A few seconds later, I stood up, the chair sliding loudly across the tile, and grabbed my stuff. I dumped my unfinished lunch in the trash can and brought the tray up to the counter. After that, I went into the bathroom and stopped in front of the mirror. 

Sometimes I thought about how pathetic I must seem to them. It had been at least two weeks, maybe even three, since he left and I was still feeling like this, acting like maybe if I was sad enough Kai would just magically appear. I would have loved to be able to just move on, but I couldn't. All my thoughts and worries were holding me hostage. 

I wondered if he was okay. I wondered if he was being bullied or if he had already made new friends and had forgotten about me. Or maybe he realized it was all just a phase and would come back only to tell me it was over, that he no longer loved me. I wanted to think that in some ways, he was just as sad as me, that he missed me just as much as I missed him. I would never be able to know, though, and that was what killed me. 

Kai

"No, no, no, no!" Taemin screamed on the edge of couch as him and Zelo played video games. 

"Yes! Another victory for Choi Junhong!" Zelo standing up from his original sitting position. 

"Yah, that's not fair! You cheated," Taemin said with a pouty face. "You stole my gun."

"It's not my fault you dropped it, dumbass," he said as he sat back down. I laughed from the bed, shaking my head at how immature they could be sometimes. "Just admit it, Taemin, I'm better than you in every aspect of life."

"Over my dead body," he said. 

"Is that a proposal, Lee Taemin? You wanna go?" Zelo said, chuckling and getting into a fighting position.

"You wanna go?"

"Bring it on, kid."

"Guys come on now, you know the rules," I said as I walked into the living room. "If you want to kill each other, do it outside. I don't need the police breaking down my door because one of you goes missing." They both laughed and sat back down on the couch, settling for just giving each other small shoves instead. 

"So do you miss Kyungsoo?" Zelo said. "You don't seem as miserable as you did a couple weeks ago."

"I'm not as miserable, no," I said with a sigh, glancing down at a loose thread on my blanket. "I still miss him a lot, though." 

"You never told us how you guys met," Taemin said as he adjusted his sitting position on the couch.

"Oh, um, the first time we met was at a party," I explained, taking a break from my homework. "Then we kind of got dared to kiss and the rest is history, I guess."

"That's adorable," Taemin said.

"Huh," Zelo said.

"Huh?" Taemin said as he shot him a glaring look. "Huh? That's all you have to say? That was fricking adorable and you just say huh?"

"Yeah, I do," he said.

"Do you guys always argue?" I asked. 

"Yes," they spoke simultaneously. I laughed and ran my fingers through my hair. 

"Isn't that how you Minho met anyway? Look what happened with you two," Zelo said, slightly pointing at Taemin. Taemin shifted his face away from him as if he was beginning to get uncomfortable.

"Who's Minho and what happened with him?" I asked, feeling totally clueless.

"Him and Taemin used to be like super duper in love, but he was older than him, so when he graduated school and went off to college, he forgot about him," he explained. 

"He didn't forget about me," Taemin mumbled in defense. "He just got busy, that's all..."

"Then how come he still hasn't contacted you after he promised he would?" 

He looked down as he played with his fingers. "I told you, he's busy. College is a lot of work, I bet. He texts me when he can."

"Or maybe he never cared, have you ever considered that?" 

"He did care, jerk." Taemin shoved him a little. "Don't listen to him, Kai. Kyungsoo sounds really nice. I'm sure he won't forget about you. I know what they say about long distance, but it can still work out. You just have to really want it to and be willing to put the work in."

"Clearly Minho doesn't understand that," Zelo said, his eyes widening as he spoke.

"Dude, shut up," Taemin said, shoving him again. 

I looked away and down at my notebook. It would have been a lie to say that wasn't a worry of mine, that he would get tired of waiting and find someone else. I wanted to it to work with all of my heart and was willing to do whatever it took to make sure it did, but there was no point in fighting alone.