13. Don't make yourself small

KENDALL

That day when me and Cara went to the music store and Cara sang to me, I haven't been able to stop thinking of Cara. I know that I live with Cara and that I see her everyday, but it's like that isn't enough. I want her. I just don't know how. I'm sure I just want a sane sister. I hope...

Yes, that must be it. Cara is like my sister. She is always there for me, and she is always comforting me. Like my mother used to do. No stop Kendall, don't think about that.

But after Cara sang it to me, I just can't help but to stare at her lips like everytime she is speaking to me. And I just want to hug her all the time, and on the nights, I bet I am suffocating her by hugging her so hard. But I just can't help it.

One day, I searched on my phone on google: 'love'. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I was confused and I mean, love can also be sister love. I just wanted to know more. I found a site and read.

'There are different kind of love. Sibling love, family love, friend love, in love, crushes, and everything. The most normal thing to think of when you hear love is love. That kind of love where you just want to be with someone all the time or you just want to live with someone for the rest of your life. That can be a sign of the that kind of love. Or when you can't stop thinking about someone, you're always happy when you are with that person, you always laugh at his or her jokes.'

I turned off my phone.

"That was the most crappiest site ever," I muttered. "The author didn't know what he was talking about. That was totally crazy."

But then I thought about my feelings for Harry. And everything was true. I felt like this when I was most in love with him. And wow, now I don't even think about  him. Thanks to Cara. In a good way of course.

So does this mean that I am in love with... Cara? A girl? That is so weird. I never imagined it like this. But it feels so normal. Why is it so normal!? What is going on with me!? I can't be in love with her.

I basically freaked out by my self in the bedroom when Cara called on me from the living room.

"Kendall!" she shouted. "I have a present to you!"

It felt like my stomach would fly away. My mouth literally looked like a clown face. This is so weird, everything. 

I ran to the living room and saw Cara with a present in her hands.

"To me!?" I asked surprised and happy.

"Yes!" she laughed.

I grabbed the present and opened it.

"Thank you Cara!!" I exclaimed when I saw the key.

"It's not much, but I mean, you live here after all." 

"Cara stop making yourself small!" I laughed. "I like it, and that's the point. Right?"

"Right," she nodded.

Cara had given me a copy of the apartment key. I guess she wanted me to feel as free as possible. I hope she doesn't think that I don't like to be with her. Because that's basically everything I want to do nowadays. 

"Thank you Cara," I said seriously. "For everything. I hope you know that I really couldn't have done this alone. I am so grateful for you."

She stared at the floor, and I could see how she slightly blushed.

"It's nothing."

Why is she always making herself small? Because she has a very big heart. Doesn't she know that? Does she even know that she is loved? Does she know that she is very important for me? Why is she doing this every time?

"Cara, I just want you to know that you are kinda everything for me now. You are so important for me and I hope you know that. And I promise that your family loves you. And don't forget, I care about you."

"Stop Kendall, I have done nothing to you. I should thank you."

Again. She never let herself think that she is something special. She is pressing herself down. Something is missing...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------