3. Reading minds

CARA

I literally woke up by a sigh. This day didn't start off very good. And the rest of the day would probably be worse. I sighed again and groaned.

"Hng... I don't want to be social today." I mumbled to myself as I was laying alone in my huge bed.

I grabbed my phone and looked through the notifications. A message from my friend Mike.

From: Mikee

'Hey Caz, see ya today?'

To: Mikee

'I can't, I have to be socializing with a random girl...'

From: Mikee

'Too bad :D I really wish you good luck, but most of all, you HAVE to act nice!! Okay? Please, for me'

To: Mikee

'....Fine.... JUST for you.'

I stopped texting with Mike and opened the contact app instead. I searched through my contacts and saw a new name.

Kendall Jenner? 

Is that her name?

That was actually pretty beautiful. Kendall. I have never heard it before. Kendall. I never want to stop saying it. Kendall. I like it. Kendall. It's so good. Kendall. I can consider it as a name for my future child.

Hold on...

When did I start thinking about children!? This is weird. And scary. I'm not even 30! And I don't even have a relationship with anyone right now.

I clicked on her name and texted her.

To: Kendall

'Hey, where can I meet you? /The smoking girl'

And after some minutes, she answered.

From: Kendall

'See ya at the place where you smoked the other day in about an hour?:)'

To: Kendall

'You mean my smoking spot? Sure.'

I closed my phone and started to get myself ready. The breakfast was totally okay. Bacon and eggs. Yum! I brushed my teeth and all that stuff and put on some clothes.

"What clothes should I wear?" I asked myself.

"Well don't ask me, Cara." I answered to myself.

"What impression do I want her to get from me? Not the smoking girl! That thing is for sure." I mumbled.

"What about this?" I said and held a grey hoodie with blue color inside of the hoodie. "That will probably work..." I mumbled faintly and put it on. 

I also decided that I would wear black jeans.

"Okay Cara, rule number one: Don't smoke when she is with you. Rule number two: Try to act nice, for Mike's sake. Rule number three: Don't get angry at her happy mood. Rule number four: Try to drag her down to your level, which means, she won't care about anything anymore." I told myself while I looked in the mirror.

"But why Cara?" I took a step closer to the mirror, so it looked like I talked to myself.

"Why would you want to drag her down?" I asked the mirror.

"Because you want to prove her wrong." I told myself.

"That's not nice." I smirked.

I was ready to meet Kendall now. So I grabbed my jacket and put on my black, blue and white snapback backwards and started to walk down the empty street.

I felt how I so wanted to smoke, but I figured that I would only get shit for it, and I have to follow my rule number one. When I was standing exactly where I stood for some days ago, I looked around, trying to see her somewhere. Which I didn't have to do for long, because suddenly I felt two hands on my eyes.

"Guess who." she whispered.

I shivered and felt a cold feeling going down my spine. I couldn't help but tell myself that I was okay. I don't know why I wouldn't be okay, but I just felt so nervous.

"I have to go with... Kendall?" I asked and fake smiled.

She removed her hands and I turned around.

"Wow..." Was all I could say. But I didn't say it just because, I said it because I had a reason.

"What?" she smiled playfully.

"You look... Different." I didn't want to say what I actually thought. Because that would be more than embarrassing.

"And by different you mean...?" she waited for a more detailed explanation.

"I mean that you look... well, different." I really couldn't say what I thought.

She chuckled.

"Well, should I take it as a compliment?" she asked.

"Yeah! Yeah, of course!" I assured her. And I meant it too, oddly enough.

"So... What exactly is different then?" I got a feeling that she teased me.

"I guess you're face looks a little bit different. In a good way, as I said. Are you wearing make up?" I asked.

"I'm not." She chuckled so sweet. "But I wore make up when I met you yesterday. You're maybe used to see me in make up."

I got a little surprised, because she looked like... Okay here it comes, the word I didn't want to tell her... She looks like a goddess. No, that's not enough. She looks like a goddess, angel, model and every other thing that compliments your look. But that is nothing compared to how I love the way she looks at life and just looks at things. I love it just as much as I hate it. I love it cause she gives me hope that there isn't just hatred in this world. But I hate it because I don't know if it's her real self. And I hate it because she maybe just wants to prove me wrong, just as I want to prove her wrong.

"Well, you look amazing without make up, I have to say." I gave a hint of what I actually thought.

She blushed while she smiled.

"By the way, what's your name?" she asked me.

"You don't know?" I asked surprised.

"No, you ever told me." she answered flatly.

"Really?" I asked doubtingly. "My name is Cara."

I looked at her face. Her eyes were looking up, like she was thinking really hard.

"Cara..." she said. I understood that she just said my name to try.

"Cara..." she repeated, still looking up.

"Cara, that is an awesome name actually." she finally said and looked at me and smiled.

"Not as awesome as Kendall." I suddenly blurted out.

I quickly looked straight into her eyes, searching any signs of a surprised or confused expressions. But instead, I got responded by a beautiful smile. I couldn't help myself this time. She was making me feel happy, and I couldn't do anything about it. I was so helpless with this girl. So I smiled back to her, and you might think I smiled to her because she smiled to me. But that is not the case. I smiled to her because everything with her made me want to smile. I always held my real happiness inside when I was with her, because I wanted to prove her wrong. But I just couldn't pretend anymore. 

I really gave her a real smile. I didn't act or pretend. And I guess she noticed how real my smile was, because she put her hand on my cheek and gently caressed the corner of my  curved lips and said:

"Wow, I've never seen your real smile. It's beautiful though." she said and gave me a smile that was just as real as my smile.

She let go of my cheek and looked into my eyes. I started to blush, which made me blush even more because I think it is so embarrassing to blush. Especially when you're in front of people who are looking at you.

"And you're cute when you blush." she added and gave me a wink.

I let out a giggle, and surprised myself. I never knew I could be like this. I looked confused at her when I heard that surprising giggle.

"I... I'm sorry..." I said awkward. Oh. My. God. Did I just say sorry because I giggled!? What the hell is wrong on with me!?

"For what?" she chuckled.

"I don't even know." I said and joined her chuckle.

We started to walk farther down on the street, that now some people were walking on. 

"I have to say, it did take a while until you smiled." she admitted, looking forward while we were walking.

"I'm not used to smile." I confessed. 

"What? When you have that beautiful smile?" she asked surprised.

Damn it. I blushed again.

"I could do a lot just to see that smile. For real." she said and turned her head and looked at me.

"Um...." I was uncomfortable. I wasn't used to talk about things like smiles and stuff like that. "Thanks?" I said insecure. I did everything to not meet her gaze that was constantly glancing on my profile. 

"I guess you're not used to talk about stuff like this." she suddenly said.

I froze. I just stopped walking. Could she read minds!? I looked at her. She was standing in front of me with a questioning face.

"What's wrong?" she asked worried. But I could see a little glimpse of amusement in her brown eyes.

"How... How did you... Nevermind." I said and started to walk next to her again.

"Wondering how I know that?" she suddenly said again. Reading my mind perfectly clear.

I froze again. Stopped walking.

"Can you actually read minds!?" I asked scared. I was dead serious. But she was just laughing.

"You should have seen your face!" she kept laughing.

I was just standing there, scared. Looking at her amused face.

"What is so funny?" I finally asked, still uncomfortable.

"You." she said.

"Do I have something on my face or...?" I asked.

"No!" she assured me. "It's just so fun that you actually believed that I could read minds."

"Well, you basically did, so I was scared for a reason." I said and I could feel a smile creeping up on my face again. I couldn't help but laugh a little bit. I thought about how I actually thought she could read minds, and laughed even more.

"Okay okay, that maybe was stupid. But you really said what I thought!" I admitted while I stopped laughing. But I never stopped smiling.

"That's so cool." she said and smiled to me. "But no Cara, I can't read minds."

I sighed of relief.

"Okay good, otherwise you would've gotten to see some really weird stuff in there." I said and pointed at my head.

She chuckled, and we started to walk again.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"Wherever we want." she answered.

"Cool." 

"That is in fact not so cool." she chuckled.

I looked at her. Then after like minutes, she looked at me too, and I realized I stared at her.

"Liking what you're seeing?" she teased me.

I was totally taken aback. What would I answer on that question? Of course I liked what I was seeing! But No. Freaking. Way. I would tell her. 

I just blushed and slightly shook my head. I shook it because I just couldn't believe what just happened. Not because I didn't like what I was seeing, because as I said, I really liked it.

"Not gonna answer?" she smirked.

"Nope." I said and kept looking forward.

After a while, Kendall saw a small cafe.

"It's so cute! Wanna go inside?" she asked excited.

"Sure." I just said.

She stopped walking and looked at me while her whole upper body sank.

"Is that all you gonna say?" she asked and stepped closer to me.

"What do you mean?" I asked confused.

She put her hands on my cheeks and put her thumbs on the corner of my mouth.

"Say it again." she said, now making me smile. Literally making me smile with her hands.

"Sure?" 

"That looks better." she smiled and started to walk to the cafe.

"Why do you want me to smile?" I asked when we entered.

"Because I think it looks better." she just answered.

We sat down at a small round table. 

"What do you want?" I asked after a while of awkward silence.

"Oh nothing." she said like it wasn't necessary.

"Are you sure?" I asked. 

"Yeah, I don't have any money on me right now."

"I can treat you." I offered. "I have a lot of money, so you don't have to feel like you're using all my money."

"Oh no, I can't do that," she said, looking at me a bit worried.

"Of course you can!" I assured her. "As I said, I have a lot of money!" 

She still shook her head.

"Cara you don't have to do this. Really. I don't want anything anyway."

I gave up and shrugged.

"Tell me if you want anything." I told her.

"I will" she smiled. But not a real smile.

"Is there... Anything... Or something.... Or I don't know but....That is not in their place?" I asked awkward.

"What?" 

I took a deep breath. I wasn't used to ask things like this, but I felt like it would get even more awkward if I didn't.

"Is there anything wrong?" I finally said.

"Oh no, everything is fine." she said and fake smiled again.

"If you say so." I smiled. I actually tried to make a real smile, but it was hard when she wasn't happy. Or well, she didn't admit that something was wrong, but I could clearly tell that something was wrong.

But my so called, smile, seemed to be making some work. Because I could see how Kendall's smile getting more and more real. And when her smile was real, my smile was real.

"Um... So about yesterday..." I started. "I'm sorry I yelled at you..."

She  nodded, but still smiled to me.

"That's already in the past Cara." she said low.

Wow. Did I just get forgiven that fast? I almost thought that I was gonna have to beg for forgiveness.

"And I just wanted to say that I admire you for being so nice to me even if I was rude as hell." I continued, still amazed that she just forgave me.

"But yet here we are, hanging out in a cute cafe like normal... friends?" she said and looked at me with a questioning face

I smiled.

"Friends." I said and nodded.

"And do you still think that true caring is bullshit?" 

Shit. I don't want to bring that up again. I don't want to be annoyed at her now. But I guess she deserves the truth.

"I do." I said, looking down.

"Oh. I thought that you might have changed your mind." she said disappointed.

Damn it. I didn't like seeing her like that. I bet I can't even see her being sad without crying. Nah, who am I kidding? I haven't cried in years, so how do you think Kendall would pull that off? I don't even think that Kendall could make me cry. I've just met her.

"No." I lightly fake chuckled. "No, it can take years to change my mind."

"I'm just so confused. How can you not believe in true caring when it's all around?" she finally asked.

"But if you really think about it, who really cares? Tell me, who really cares about you except your family?"

She didn't answer.

"I thought so." I said, uncomfortable that I just followed my rule number four. I never thought that I could feel bad about following my own rules.

"And who cares about you then? Except your family." she suddenly asked.

"No one. Not even my friends." I admitted.

"Don't you even wish that they would care for you?" 

"No, I don't care about them so why would I be expecting that?"

"I said: Do you wish that they would care about you?" she repeated, ignoring what I just said.

I just stared at her and slowly shook my head.

"That's sad," she said, staring back at me. "Can I please care about you?"

I chuckled.

"Sure. But don't expect me to care about you too." I warned her.

"I never expect anything, so I think I can manage that." she smiled.

I got a feeling that she had a history that had made her this way. Something from her past is deep inside of her, always reminding her to care about people no matter who they are.

"Why are you so nice to everyone?"

"Because as a fellow human-"

I cut her off.

"Yeah yeah, but I mean, why did you decide to be nice even if you feel like shit?" 

"I don't feel like shit." she said.

"No but you are nice to everyone. Something must have made you live that way."

She smiled.

"You're clever. But that is another story for another time." she said and grabbed a lock of my hair.

She put behind my ear. I carefully watched every single move she did. I didn't want to miss anything. 

"I have to go now, but I've had a great time with you Cara." she finally said and leaned over the table, giving me a kiss on the cheek.

My heart started to beat like crazy. I felt how I didn't know if I liked it or hated it. My whole universe was chaos. Every single feeling is running around in my whole body, making my heart beat like I was running a marathon or something. I couldn't help but look at her when she was standing up in front of me. I wanted her to stay so badly, but the other side of me told me to stay away from her because she was changing me into something I never was or will never be. 

She looked down at me and leaned down again.

"Give me a hug." she said.

I awkwardly stood up and parted my arms. And before I knew it, she was in my embrace. I closed my arms and held her. 

My heart was still beating like crazy. If I didn't know any better, I would say something really stupid to her right in this second. But I was silent. But that didn't mean I could think it. She won't hear it then, and it wouldn't be awkward and uncomfortable. I don't know why, but I kind of got nervous when I almost thought it. What if she actually could read minds? I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

Whatever, she won't hear me. So here we go...

please don't leave me.

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