Chapter 15: The Confession

Dazai had given in to his temptation and took a peek at Kunikida's notebook, but he was unable to read too much before Kunikida came back into the room and caught Dazai in the act.

For a brief minute, their eyes met.

That was when Kunikida noticed his notebook. Sitting in Dazai's hands. Being peeked at. Despite what he'd told Dazai. No, no, no, no. This couldn't be happening...but it was.

Today's the day I die of embarrassment for real... Kunikida thought. Without a word, he ran over and hastily grabbed the notebook, and then began to run away.

"Kunikida, wait!" Dazai called.

But Kunikida made no move to slow down.

"Kunikida!" Dazai exclaimed.

Kunikida just continued to run away. Hopefully from everything, so that way he could maybe have a chance of not dying a painful death from embarrassment. Though he doubted he'd ever live this down. His worst fears had come true: Dazai had read his notebook and now he knew the things Kunikida wrote about him. Life was coming to an end. Today was the day that the idealist known as Kunikida died a painful death of embarrassment. Never mind the fact that Kunikida had planned to finally confess to Dazai. What was the point in doing so now? Dazai probably already knew everything Kunikida had planned on saying to him.

"Kuuuunnnniiiiikkkkiiiiiiiiddaaaaaa," Dazai said, still chasing after him.

Kunikida didn't answer or look back. Dazai had broken his promise, so couldn't he at least let Kunikida die of embarrassment in peace?

Apparently not.

Dazai had finally caught up to Kunikida once they were both outside the agency's headquarters. "Kunikida, listen. I can explain..."

Kunikida scowled. "It'd better be a good one."

He's really mad at me this time... Dazai thought. "I just had to know what you wrote..."

"Even though I specifically told you multiple times not to read my notebook?" Kunikida asked, crossing his arms.

Dazai avoided Kunikida's gaze. "I'm sorry..."

"You promised, Dazai. You. Promised. And then you just went and broke that promise. So yeah, you should be sorry," Kunikida pointed out.

It was safe to say that the guilt was eating away at Dazai now. "I know. I know I promised I wouldn't break my promise...and then that's exactly what I went and did."

"I'm glad you realize that," Kunikida said.

"Kunikida...I'm so sorry, I really am. I know it was wrong of me to snoop...but I just really wanted to know what you wrote, and if you wrote about me..."

"Clearly."

"Kuuuunnnniiiiikkkkiiiiiiiiddaaaaa..." Dazai whined.

"What?" Kunikida asked.

"...I'd be asking you not to be mad at me...but I know you are, and rightfully so. I deserve that and worse for betraying your trust, so I won't bother asking you not to be mad at me this time. You probably hate me too, and you should, cause like I said, I deserve it..."

Dazai looked so genuinely sorry that Kunikida's resolve was beginning to break.

There he goes again, trying his best to make me not be mad at him. Why does he have to be so good at that...? Kunikida wondered.

Dazai just watched Kunikida for a minute, deciding that it was best to not say anything.

How do I tell him that what he probably read is true? How do I tell him that I can't stop thinking about him, and I never want to be away from him? How do I say that when he probably won't even feel the same way? Kunikida wondered. In theory, he thought this should be an easy thing: just go up to Dazai and confess to him, and then let whatever might happen next just happen.

Dazai broke the silence. "So... Kunikida? Is it true what you wrote? That you want to confess to me?"

Kunikida looked away. This was too embarrassing, and he was far from ready to confirm the truth.

"Kunikida?" Dazai asked.

Kunikida still didn't answer.

Right, of course. He probably stopped maybe liking me the minute I invaded his privacy. What I wouldn't do to take it all back and just let him talk to me when he's ready. He probably hates me for this, and honestly, he should. I'd hate me too for doing something like this... Dazai thought.

I know Dazai did a bad thing...he went and read my notebook despite how many times I told him not to. I'm not going to have as easy a time trusting him after this, and yet...I can't completely hate him. Why? If it were anyone else, I'd likely be more mad but honestly, I can't hate Dazai. Jeez, sometimes my absolute inability to hate him gets frustrating. Even if he actually does something deserving of hate, I can't find it in me to hate him... Kunikida thought. He finally looked at Dazai again. "So...what did you read?"

Dazai gazed back at Kunikida, shocked by the question. Was Kunikida not mad about it anymore? "Not that much, actually. I didn't get too far before you caught me. Pretty much all I saw was that you wished you could confess to me."

Kunikida's face heated up. "Right. I see..."

"Why do you think you can't confess to me?" Dazai wanted to know.

"It's...complicated..." Kunikida replied awkwardly.

"Y'know, I could say the same," Dazai admitted.

Kunikida gave Dazai a questioning look.

"Kunikida...I know I flirt with every girl I see, but it's never that serious. Of course I know none of them will want to die with me. Honestly, I just want someone to love me, not necessarily die with me. And for awhile now, I've thought you're the perfect person for that for a lot of reasons..." Dazai confessed.

"And...what might those reasons be?" Kunikida asked, trying to remain casual. HE...ACTUALLY LIKES ME?! Kunikida thought. Outwardly he was maintaining his composure, but on the inside, he was freaking out.

Dazai was caught slightly off guard by the question. "Well, for one thing, you're the kind of person everyone can trust. For another, you're just a really good person in general. You try your best to make sure everyone stays safe, and that's really admirable. I'd say everyone needs someone like you in their lives. You're a real one, Kunikida. Always were, always will be. And...you give me a reason to want to live."

Kunikida blushed. "Thanks, Dazai...that really means a lot."

Dazai smiled. "Of course. Now, I think you owe it to me to give me your reasons, too."

Kunikida laughed. "Yes, I suppose I do. Ok, so...I've already told you that I literally find it impossible to hate you. Aside from that, yes, I do get annoyed when you do your best to ruin my schedule-"

"I have my reasons for that!" Dazai interjected.

"Do you now?" Kunikida asked.

Dazai nodded. "I don't ruin your schedule just for the sake of ruining it. I do it because I feel like that's one of the only things I can do to get you to see me, even just for a minute."

Kunikida was shocked by this tidbit of info. "Dazai, I look at you all the time. You just don't see it."

Dazai pretended to be shocked. "Kunikida! Did you just admit to always watching me?! How creepy."

Kunikida started cracking up. "Not always. And hey, I thought you wanted me to look at you."

"I do," Dazai agreed.

"My schedule does not deserve this mistreatment though," Kunikida added.

"But your schedule prevents you from paying attention to me!" Dazai protested.

Kunikida smirked. "Dazai...are you jealous of a schedule?"

"Whaaaaaaaatttt? Naaaahhhhh..." Dazai fibbed.

"Sure," Kunikida replied.

"Ok fine, maybe I am," Dazai admitted.

"Well, there's no need to be jealous of my schedule. I can always make time for you," Kunikida assured him.

Dazai grinned.

"And another thing...you probably already know this, but I do write about you a lot," Kunikida revealed.

Dazai's eyes widened. "Now I'm really interested to see what you've written."

"I'm surprised you didn't already see it," Kunikida joked.

"Well like I said, I didn't get a chance before you caught me," Dazai replied, laughing.

"Fair enough," Kunikida agreed.

"In all seriousness, Kunikida...WHY DIDN'T YOU CONFESS TO ME SOONER?! Do you have any idea how much I was suffering cause I thought you wouldn't feel the same way?!" Dazai demanded. "Wait..are you even planning on confessing to me? Cause technically you didn't yet. If not, then I just completely embarrassed myself."

"Me?! What about you?! I had no idea how you'd react to a confession, so I did my best to not confess! And I was suffering just as much as you were with all the conflict going on in my mind," Kunikida replied. "And yes, I would if you'd let me."

"Wasn't it obvious that I like you cause I kept messing up your schedule?" Dazai asked.

"And wasn't it clear that I like you since I can never take my eyes off you whenever we're in the same room?" Kunikida questioned.

"Was it not easy to see that I like you when I commented on how lovely your screaming is?"

"I still have a lot of questions about that one that I'm afraid to ask. Anyways...could you not tell I like you when I held your hand and never left your side after I found you trying to die and saved you?"

That question sent Dazai into a state of silence. Kunikida had a really good point. That hand-holding had to have meant something, and it turned out it did after all.

Kunikida had likewise gone quiet. He supposed there was no straight way to explain Dazai's comment on his screaming. But originally, Kunikida had thought that was just Dazai being Dazai. It was, but it was also more than that. Everything was beginning to make sense now?

"...Wow. We're both pretty oblivious, aren't we?" Dazai asked, breaking the silence.

"I guess so," Kunikida responded.

"I'm starting to see why Yosano teased us so much," Dazai commented.

"And Chuuya," Kunikida added.

"Chuuya's been teasing you?!" Dazai asked.

"Sort of," Kunikida replied.

"Wow, that's so mean," Dazai remarked, shaking his head.

Kunikida laughed. "Don't worry about it, he's just teasing me all in good fun. Though that's pretty much all he did last time I went to ask him for advice. I went to him for advice, and all I got was teasing."

"Sorry, Kunikida, but I would've laughed so much if I'd been there," Dazai admitted.

"Nah, don't be sorry. It's funny looking back, but I was embarrassed out of my mind while it was actually happening. Side note, he thinks I'm a terrible liar."

"Well, for once I have to agree with him. You really are," Dazai pointed out.

Kunikida shrugged. "I get that a lot, so yeah, it must be true."

"What caused him to say you're a terrible liar?" Dazai wanted to know.

"I brought up how you tried to read my notebook and he asked why I didn't want you to. I just told him that you'd probably be bored by reading all my plans cause that's all I write," Kunikida explained.

"Yeah, no one would ever believe that," Dazai announced.

"But that's not the worst thing he did," Kunikida continued.

Dazai had a wicked grin. "Now this I gotta hear."

Kunikida averted his gaze. "He asked if I'd proposed to you yet."

Dazai started cracking up. "He what now?! Did he really ask that?"

Kunikida started to laugh a bit, too. "Never mind the fact that neither of us had confessed yet. Chuuya just wanted to know if I'd proposed cause apparently you can do that without confessing first."

"Huh, ya learn something new every day," Dazai said.

"I guess so," Kunikida agreed.

"So Kunikida, I believe you still need to confess to me since I already confessed to you," Dazai declared.

"Right..." Kunikida replied. He took a deep breath, suddenly feeling really shy. He tried to work up the courage to just say the things he wrote about Dazai. It couldn't be that hard...right?

Dazai waited.

Kunikida looked Dazai right in the eyes. "Dazai...ever since I first laid eyes on you, I've always thought you were the best person I have the privilege of knowing. Sure, you fool around a lot and you have some lazy tendencies, but when it comes down to it, you really do know how to help out, and you do it without hesitation. That's really cool of you. Whenever you're around, I can't take my eyes off you. I think about you all the time, you're always just there in my mind. You're impossible to forget. I never want to leave your side...for many reasons. One of which would be I'm afraid that if I let you out of my sight for even just a minute, you'll run off and try to die...so that's why I made you promise to at least try not to die. I don't know what I'd do without you. I couldn't have asked for a better partner...I love you, Dazai."

DID HE REALLY JUST SAY THAT?! AM I DREAMING?!?!?!?!?! Dazai thought. For a minute, he was too shocked to respond in any way.

Kunikida inched closer to Dazai and gave him a concerned look. "You ok?"

Dazai was now even more of a blushing mess, for Kunikida was just inches away from him at this point. He was suddenly finding it extremely difficult to speak. But truth be told, he really was ok. More than ok, in fact. What he had initially perceived as impossible had happened: Kunikida returned his feelings. He couldn't ask for anything better.

Kunikida lifted Dazai's chin up and kissed him.

Kunikida! Are you trying to make me stay speechless? Cause by all means, please keep doing so. I could get used to this, Dazai said to himself. He decided that if he didn't have tachycardia yet, he probably would soon. But it would be worth it since now he knew Kunikida liked him back.

Kunikida gazed at Dazai. "Now are you ok?"

Dazai grinned. "I'm more than ok."

Kunikida smiled back. "That's good."

I'm still not used to seeing Kunikida smile this much, but I can get used to it cause it's easily the best sight to behold, Dazai thought. He pulled Kunikida into a hug. "I love you, too."

"Thanks, Dazai," Kunikida replied, patting Dazai's head.

(A/N: it's about time these two confessed to each other, amirite? Bonus chapter/epilogue coming soon)