Chapter 4

I didn't expect it would be this far. I know that a lot of people talk about us, but to the point of doing something like this. Nah, it's too much.

I swarm through the buzzing hallway reaching towards my classroom. There she is, on the usual desk next to mine, she glances at me, but the usual smile seems off now.

Maybe she already heard and saw the photos. I want to talk about it with her, but it seems impossible to do.

Class after class went blur, i didn't pay any attention. I gazed at Sui-chan, usually i'd catched her stealing glances at me giving a smile or any other teasing remark. But, her attention was elsewhere, the notebooks, her friends.

It's for the best...

After hours passed from the morning, lunch finally came. Everyone shuffled out of the group alone, in pairs or groups, their chatter and laughter filled the classroom and the hallway.

Sui-chan stood up, glancing at me and then left with her friends. What was i expecting?

The class emptied out, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

It's better this way I said to myself as i leave the classroom making my way towards the rooftop.

The empty rooftop far away from other students calmed my rushed heart. But, a voice came to me, catching me off guard and suprised.

"There you are." I turn around and see Sui-chan by the door. "What are you doing up here all alone?"

"How'd you find me?"

"People talk, no, I'm kidding." She chuckles, trying to break down the ice. "Mikochi tell me. That she found you walking to the rooftop."

She chuckles but then it doesn't mer her eyes, before I could say anything, she opened her mouth, words came out.

"So? What's going on with you?" She asked, taking steps closer to me.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You've been different this morning, and yesterday too." She replied, now she's just a step far from me.

"Have you seen this?" I took out my phone and showed her the pictures of us that taken by someone. "Who took this?"

She tilted hear head, recognizing the pictures. "Oh those." She paused. "I don't know. Why?"

"It's all over the school!" I raised my voice slightly. "I'm worried about you. Your reputation, your image even your heal—"

"Then?" She frowned, resting her hands on her hips. "I've told you, i don't care about any of that."

"But, whats going on with you?" She continued, "It feels like...you're avoiding me."

"Sui-chan." I take a deep breath. "I'm afraid that because of me, people will talk bad stuffs about you, ruining your images and everything."

I could see, her eyes widen for a split of seconds and turned serious and sharp as she locked her eyes with mine. "I thought you were different with anyone else." Her voice sound drowned, "Turn out you were the same."

"Huh? No...that's not what I mea—" Before I could finish my words, she cutted me off.

"Don't make excuse. I'm so tired of people thinking they know what's best for me. I've been doing everything to keep things balanced, and you? You think I care about those stupid pictures? You think I care about what anyone say? Her voice tight, almost strangled with emotions. "No, I don't!" Her voice cracked, and for a brief moment I saw something in her eyes.

I reached out, wanting to close the distance but she stopped me. "I've been trying to show you, that I'm not just about this school idol bullcrap! And you were the one that could understand that!" Tears fall from her eyes. "But you ruined everything now. You don't even see me anymore!"

My body stiff unsure what i need to do, each of her words feel like a blow to me.

I stood frozen, my heart stormed with regret. Each of her words hit harder than before. Silence between us felt really heavy, heavier than anything. I couldn't look to her eyes directly.

"I....i'm sorry." I finally managed to get my words out from my mouth, but it felt so small it almost like a whisper. "I never thought you'd see me as someone who only care about what others thought."

I finally look to her eyes, the eyes that filled with excitement and bright are now gone. It's all empty without that.

"If you want it to be this way, i would accept it." She spoke, her voice shaky and tears still fall from her eyes although she tried to wipe it off. "Let's forget everything...between us."

Right after that, she walk off from the rooftop wiping her tears along the way, but i saw her hesitated to take another steps. I thought she would look at me again, but she didn't. She just walked away before I could say anything to her.

I was right, I'm too egoist. I didn't think twice.

As I stepped out the school gates, the cool afternoon breeze brush against my face, but it did nothing to the knot inside my chest. The street look strangely unfamiliar even though i walk on it everyday.

Days passed and it just one more week left till the festival. The rooftop conversation i had with her still engraved in my mind. I saw Sui-chan only in passing now.

Even if we in the same class, we never share the same moment again. Her eyes no longer met mine.

Part of me always hoped and wished that things like this never happened, but I tried to convice myself that it's for the better. That we were never meant to be more than classmate.

At least, Sui-chan looks happy. Her friends are always around her, laughing and teasing her like they used to. I saw her smile at them, it's light and carefree.

But, when wee see each other, it looks like we never know each other. A complete stranger.

I hadn't realized of how much i'd grown to acustomed her presence untill it was gone. The way she would always find a way to steal glances at me, the jokes she whisper at me in the back of class, and the way she say my name with that teasing tone. It's all faded away.

Maybe, it was really meant to be this way.