SEONGJOONG

"Cigarettes on the Balcony"

By Yeo_Mama

🌃🌃🌃

The bed was empty.

Seonghwa had shifted onto his side, back aching as he reached out for the warm body laid next to him, hands meeting nothing but air. They fell to the mattress with a soft thump, sleep-crusted eyes cracking open at the growing chill he could feel linger on the rumpled sheets, evidence of his boyfriend's obvious disappearance. The blonde instantly sat up, rubbing a sluggish hand down his face as he observed their dark bedroom through a blurry haze, catching the time in his wake.

3: 30 am.

He barely paid the number any mind, already knowing it was late by the lack of light that filled the small apartment, bits of moonlight spilling over the comforter wrapped around his legs. Though, living in the city did have its perks as the buildings outside remained lit throughout the night, providing him with some sort of light. Plus, the array of bustling restaurants and lone office windows did illuminate the prone body that stood along their balcony, Seonghwa gazing at his missing boyfriend through the sliding doors that separated them; watching him quietly.

Hongjoong was shirtless, his bare back to the glass, spine curled over the protective railing as he exposed each and every knob along his vertebrae. His pajama pants hung low, body relaxed as he slumped onto crossed arms, black hair messy and nearly invisible against the darkness. However, the inky color was the perfect background for the thin wisp of smoke Seonghwa noticed waft up above the male, his heart sinking as he spotted the cigarette placed in his hand. Lips wrapped around the head, chest pulling in a lazy drag as the end briefly turned orange, dainty fingers tapping off the ashes onto the street below.

It was only certain that after two months of abstinence, his boyfriend would inevitably fall back on his own promise, finally giving in to his nagging withdrawals and soothing the itch with nicotine. Seonghwa couldn't blame him though. Abruptly ending years of smoking was bound to put his mind and body through hell, not to mention that his partner was a creature of habit. The moment he got stressed a cigarette was between his teeth, like a pacifier to a baby. Recently his days in the studio had been extra long, and it had clearly gotten to him. Still he couldn't help but feel a pang of disappointment grip at his heart. He'd been doing so well only to lose all of his progress in a single puff of smoke.

"Hongjoong..."

Sighing to himself, the blonde flipped the covers off, swinging his legs over as his feet hit the carpet below him. He pulled the duvet along with him, wrapping it around his shoulders when a shiver rippled through his frame, hating the cold air he could feel leak in from the balcony door. He padded his way over, suddenly noticing the layer of moisture that coated the clear panes as he tugged them open, the smell of rain invading his senses as he could feel a light drizzle settle onto his face as he walked outside.

His boyfriend didn't care to look as Seonghwa closed the door behind him, not even giving him the notion that he may have heard him to begin with. He just took another drag, glassy eyes staring out into the city as he exhaled a cloud of white; seemingly devoid of all awareness. He always got lost in his head when he smoked, and the blonde hated it. Although, Hongjoong was at the age now where he couldn't just tune out any minor inconveniences whenever he wanted to. Especially when he was expected to be mentally present during work and in his home life, now more than ever with the next coming months.

Seonghwa approached him slowly, feet padding along the damp, wooden paneling below him. He pressed himself against his boyfriend's chilly back, feeling his lungs hitch at the contact. Hongjoong hummed in acknowledgement as a pair of lips were pressed to the skin behind his ear, lashes fluttering as he tried to capture a glimpse of the blonde behind him.

"It's late. You should be in bed."

Seonghwa whispered against his shoulder, the sharp tang of smoke making his nose scrunch. He rubbed his palms against the younger's arms, encouraging warmth to enter back into the frozen extremities, but he also let his fingers slide down to wrap around his boyfriend's right hand. Hongjoong allowed the cigarette to be taken away from his hold without a fight, reflective eyes watching as the blonde leaned over his body to snuff the end out onto the ledge, listening to how it hissed faintly when it met the sprinkling of droplets coating the metal. Seonghwa pulled away from him, guiding the male as he turned his boyfriend around, dark eyes observing him carefully. His partner seemed to gradually come out of his haze, the rain sobering him up quickly as his eyes blinked rapidly against the mist; his shoulders beginning to quiver from the cold.

Seonghwa draped the duvet over his frame whilst he ushered them back inside, shutting and locking the door behind him as Hongjoong sat himself down on the edge of the bed; gaze stuck to the floor. With a sigh, the blonde planted himself in front of him on his knees, holding out an expectant hand between them. His boyfriend shuffled around a bit as he produced a pack of ESSE from the band of his pajama pants, handing them over without a word. The blonde thanked him softly, popping the carton open to survey the contents inside; the younger watching him do so. He was glad to find that it was a brand new pack, only one cigarette missing from the bunch, much to his relief.

"Go brush your teeth."

He ordered gently, pecking at his forehead as he stood up from the floor.

Seonghwa walked out of their bedroom, leaving Hongjoong to clean up as he moved towards the kitchen, hand pressed to the wall as he guided himself through the darkness. Carpet turned to wood and the blonde saddled up towards their cupboards, flipping on the light above the sink as he went. Warm light filled the space as he grabbed a glass from the cabinet, filling it up from the tap. Once done he turned everything back off and retracted his steps, padding down the hallway to his room.

His boyfriend was on his side of the bed when he entered, the lamp beside him on and an old hoodie now covering his upper body. He was looking at the framed black and white photo he kept on his nightstand, his pinky finger lightly tracing over the small blob placed in the middle; only a few weeks old. The blonde smiled at the sight, sitting himself down on top of the covers as he urged Hongjoong to move closer towards him; glass still in hand. Together, they watched as he snapped each and every stick inside his boyfriend's cigarette pack, placing them all into the water Seonghwa had brought to the bed with him, the rolled paper floating to the bottom in a small pile.

It was a silent agreement that once the last stick was broken into two parts and submerged within the glass, the couple settled down to go back to bed. Seonghwa left the cup on his own bedside, too tired to deal with the contents inside until morning, and he shoved his legs underneath the sheets, sighing as his head hit the pillow. Hongjoong followed behind him, clicking off the light as he shifted to lay on his back; hands clasped atop his stomach.

A thick silence quickly filled the air around them, charged with unspoken regret and hollow disappointment as they both remained quiet. Cotton shifted with restless limbs, drained eyes staring up at the stucco ceiling in obvious diversion, pretending to note nonexistent cracks and crevices even in the complete darkness. The space between the couple felt like a gaping chasm; cold, forsaken, and unable to be crossed. Seonghwa hated the feeling, immediately moving onto his side when he realized that neither of them would be crossing that invisible line they had drawn, curling up with his pillow in an attempt to stave off the creeping void in his heart and try to sleep; forcing his eyes closed.

"Are you mad?"

Hongjoong's voice was but a mere whisper, yet it still pierced the wall in between them, despite his low volume. It seemed like a hushed confession, his boyfriend's tone much too uncertain for him to purposefully say it out loud, but he still appeared to express his distant thoughts against his better judgment. The blonde felt his body go rigid underneath the sheets once his looming question was up in the air for all to hear, their silence radiating amongst the pale rays of moonlight that snuck through the windows.

Seonghwa let the words settle in for a moment, allowing his gnawing disappointment to fester for just a bit longer before he inevitably let it go. He wanted to be upset, he truly did, but he couldn't help but feel empathic by the whole thing. It was one thing to give up smoking, but it was another to do it for the benefit of the one you love. He knew Hongjoong was struggling, but he couldn't be prouder of what he'd already accomplished, albeit with a few bumps along the way.

"No."

The blonde spoke, his voice soft. He flipped back over to face his boyfriend, eyes shining in the night as the brunette looked at him with an expression of guilt; his mouth and brows downturned.

"I'm not mad."

I'm not mad at you for breaking your promise. Or that when I kiss you, I can still taste the smoke on your lips, your skin, and your clothes. Seonghwa kept these thoughts to himself, choosing not to speak them out loud. Though he still hoped Hongjoong felt the sincerity in his touch as he finally closed the space keeping them apart them; pressing himself up against the younger's warmth.

"I'm sorry."

There was a thickness to his boyfriend's tone, voice even quieter than before as if to keep it from cracking. Seonghwa simply curled around him in response, tucking his head below his chin as he nuzzled into the crook of Hongjoong's neck with a sigh; resting his hand over the expanse of his chest. The brunette instantly intertwined their fingers together, soothing a thumb over his knuckles as his gaze returned to the ceiling.

"I'm trying to get better."

He breathed, bringing Seonghwa's hand up to his lips as he pecked at the skin softly, as if to seal his devotion to keep his promise to the blonde this time around.

"I know."

Seonghwa sighed, knowing deep down that his partner spoke nothing but the truth.

The brunette's arms suddenly wrapped around him in a comforting embrace, the couple shifting to sleep back to chest as Hongjoong settled himself into the nook between his shoulders. A heavy hand moved down to rest along his abdomen, warm and protective. Seonghwa's heart swelled at the action, eyes slipping closed with a smile resting on his lips.

"We'll get through this. Together."

🌃🌃🌃

Author's Note: This is basically implied Mpreg, but whatever...

I know nothing about addiction, this was literally made because I listened to "Cigarettes out the Window" by TV Girl one too many times. On that note, I don't even know if this is any good. It was just one of those write it and forget it stories I needed to purge from my mind...

Anyways, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!