Chapter 21

A/N - i posted this on tumblr and i planned on improving it a little more before posting it here but i just haven't had the time and i don't want you to wait any longer

Coming back from a long break is always bittersweet. I love home cooked meals and sleeping in my own bed. I love being with Kyle and Bella but I could do without the family drama.

I love my mom very much but sometimes I like the time away. I try to listen to everything that is going on in her life. Most of the time I feel more like her shrink trying to get her life on the right path than her daughter giving advice.

It’s also great spending time with my friends from home. Of course I miss the ones I have back at school. And even though Ashton spent a little over a week with me, I still missed him when he left.

I don’t even put my luggage down before I’m being attacked with hugs and kisses. Adrienne had run into my room before I had the chance to close the door. My little stalker.

“You’re back!” she screams and tackles me on the bed.

I missed her so much. We talked every single day on the phone and skype’d weekly. But there is nothing like lounging on the couch, consuming every junk food imaginable and talking with your best friend.

“Nothing would keep me from you” I smile.

“Speaking of things that would keep you away from me… Where is Ashton?”

After spending Christmas and New Years with me, he went back home until break was over. He didn’t give me much of an explanation as to why he left. I was under the assumption that he was staying until break was over.

One morning after breakfast all his stuff was packed and he was holding a plane ticket back to Detroit. When I tried to ask him about it he got really angry. I decided not to push it because I didn’t want my mom to start asking questions so I let him go without a fight.

We had a great week together though. I showed him around my hometown – all my favorite places and told him about every important memory. He met most of my friends from home and turned his charm all the way up. A side I’ve never seen from him. He was sweet and attentive. I loved every second of it.

Now we’re all back at school and he’s not here. I tried calling him a few times over the past few days and no word from him. I’ve been worried sick to my stomach but I try not to let it show. Somehow deep down I know he’s okay.

“Mikey’s taking me to dinner tonight. Drinks after?”

“Bring a bottle of wine back here?” I look up at her in question. I’m too tired to get ready and go out for the night. I’d rather spend the night in with my best friend drinking a bottle of cheap wine and hearing all about her break.

“Of course honey.” She places a kiss on the top of my head. “Be back at 9” she winks and skips out of the room.

I try Ashton one more time. Nothing.

I need to get out of this room. I’ll have a panic attack if I can’t get him out of my mind. It’s not like Ashton is the most loved guy. And I know he has issues at home. Plus I’m still suspicious of why he showed up at my house in the first place. Something sent him running to hide out there. I just hope he’s not in a hospital bed or a ditch.

Luke is the only person in their room when I enter. I give him a tight hug and tell him how much I missed him over break. And I did. He’s a great friend and good listener.

“Have you heard from Ashton?” is the first thing I ask. Maybe it’s just me. Something could have clicked in his head when he was at my house. Our relationship could have become too much for him to handle and he needed to leave. Need a breather.

“Not since last Sunday” Luke answers. “He does this a lot.”

“Goes M.I.A.?” I raise my eyebrows.

“He’ll be back” he says. “I promise” he assures me after I shake my head. “So how was break?” he asks to get my mind off the Ashton situation.

“It was… alright” I answer honestly.

“Tell me about it” he pats the spot next to him and I hop up on his bed.

“Christmas was weird. My parents aren’t really together” I start explaining. “Never mind. You don’t want to hear about this.”

“You can tell me anything Shane” he smiles sincerely.

“They are in the middle of a trial separation. My dad spent the night on the couch. It was kind of sad actually. It’s his house too. He paid for it and put most of the work in to it and he’s sleeping on the couch on Christmas Eve. And he invited my ex-boyfriend without asking.”

“That must have been awkward” he laughs.

“Oh yeah” I nod my head. “Because Ashton showed up unannounced.”

I proceed to tell Luke all about Ashton’s stay. Then I give him the boring details of the rest of my break. It consisted mostly of trips to the mall with my friends and getting frozen yogurt. Watching a bunch of Christmas movies and lounging around my house because it was too cold to go outside.

“How was your break?” I ask. “Must have been better than mine.”

“Went to Cancun with my brothers. That was fun. Except they brought their girlfriends.”

“Meet anyone down there?” I nudge his side with my elbow. “Girls must have been throwing themselves at you.”

“No” he blushes and shakes his head. “I didn’t meet anyone.”

“And why not?” I place my hands on my hips. Luke is a very good-looking guy. Honestly all he has to say is  “I’m in a band.” Girls swoon over that.

“Because” is all he answers. I’m not letting him off that easily.

“Because why?” I straddle his knee and wiggle my fingers, threatening to tickle him. When he doesn’t say anything, I begin my attack. It doesn’t last long because soon after I’m pinned beneath him.

There is a loud thud and we both turn our heads to see Ashton standing in the doorway. Shit.

“Where the hell have you been?” I slip out from underneath Luke and storm over to Ashton. “Do you have any idea how worried I’ve been about you?”

“Sure looks like” he says sarcastically through his teeth then picks up his bag and walks to his room and slams the door shut.

“Fuck” I whisper and run my fingers through my hair. It’s not like Luke and I were doing anything. Ashton just has a habit of walking in at the wrong times. I don’t blame him for being mad. If he was pinned under some other girl I would absolutely insane.

“Sorry” Luke shrugs.

“Not your fault” I give him a sympathetic smile.

“Wish he saw it that way” he nods his head towards Ashton’s room. We both know where this is going to go. Screaming and probably physical fighting. But I won’t let that happen. Luke doesn’t deserve a beat down just because we were joking around.

I lightly knock on Ashton’s door. Knowing that he won’t open it, I turn the knob. “Ashton?” I say his name quietly.

I’m not surprised at what I see. Since when has this become a norm for me? Ashton is picking up shards of glass from the beer bottle he just broke.

“Let me before you cut yourself” I step near him and he growls.

“Get the fuck out” he barks.

“What you saw was nothing” I say before he can accuse me of anything. The one thing I would never do is cheat on him. “We were just playing around.”

Ashton turns to stare at me and continues to pick up the glass pieces. “Why are you still here?”

“Why haven’t you answered my calls?” I fold my arms across my chest. I refuse to leave until I get the answers I feel I deserve.

He tosses his phone on the bed. The screen is completely cracked. “Kind of hard to answer calls when your phone is a piece of shit.”

He throws the broken pieces in the trash along with his phone and grabs a dirty shirt from his laundry to wipe up the puddle of beer.

I mentally groan and rip the shirt from his hands. Boys, I swear to God. “Give me that.” I toss the shirt back in his hamper and grab a roll of paper towels.

With a loud huff, he sits at his desk while I clean up his mess. I do feel partly responsible for it.

“Now tell me what happened back in Detroit” I demand as I use some Clorox wipes from Calum’s side of the room to remove any stickiness.

“It’s really none of your business” he bites. I’m a bit taken back. It’s been almost two weeks since I’ve seen him. A few days since I’ve talked to him. I miss him and just want to be with him and he’s pushing me away. And I have a feeling I know why.

“I need to know.”

“Why?” he asks in complete frustration. He runs his fingers through his hair, tugging at the ends. “You don’t need to know shit” he shouts and slams the palm of his hand on the desk.

I jump back and hit the dresser, nearly tripping over my own feet. “Is there someone else?” I ask quietly, almost afraid to speak the words. I’m not sure how he’ll react to that.

Ashton takes a deep breath and pushes the chair back. In slow strides he makes his way towards me. I inhale sharply as his thumb brushes over my cheek.

I find the courage to look up at him. I’m trembling out of fear and him touching me. I miss his hands on my body.

“Baby” he sighs. “I would never do that. I don’t treat you right all the time like you deserve but I wouldn’t do that. It’s impossible to even fathom the thought.”

He cups my face in his hands. “You mean everything to me Shane. I won’t risk losing you for someone else.”

A single tear slides down my cheek. “Then tell me why you went back. Please” I beg.

His hands drop from my face as he looks away. “I can’t.”

“Please” I repeat. I’m to the point where I would get on my knees and grovel. I want to know him. Everything about him. I love him even if I never said it out loud. I can tell he’s hurting and I just want to take away that pain in anyway I can.

“I won’t lose you” he mutters with his eyes focused on the ground.

“You won’t” I touch his face lightly with the tips of my fingers. “I told you I’m not going anywhere.”

“Remember those guys?”

“The disgusting ones I accidentally bumped into?”

I was drunk one night and of course managed to go to the wrong room. Not just the wrong room but I walked in one something I shouldn’t have. Ashton was talking with these men who rubbed me the wrong way. I didn’t ask too many questions. Mostly because I was really drunk at the time.

“I know them from back home. My brother used to work with them. He still owes them” he explains.

“What does that have to do with you? Why can’t your brother take care of it?” I question.

Another deep breath and his eyes shut. “He can’t. He’s dead.”

The words hit me like a freight train. Dead? His parents and his brother are all gone? No wonder why he’s so fucked up in the head and can’t handle a normal relationship.

“Ashton” I reach out to him. “I’m so sorry.” I wrap my arms around him and pull him close to me.

“Please don’t ask about him” he mutters against my shoulder. It will take a lot of control to not ask but I want to respect his wishes.

“Okay” I reply barely above a whisper. “Did you take care of everything?”

“Yeah” he nods his head. “They won’t bother me anymore.”

I raise both eyebrows at him. “What does that mean? You didn’t like,” I swallow the lump in my throat. “Kill anyone, right?”

He laughs loudly and that puts me at ease. “God, no. I stole a few things and pawned them for money. I paid him off and politely threatened him.”

"And you don’t think he’ll come after you? Or that you’ll go to prison? What you did is illegal" I ramble.

"Yes, Shane" he chuckles. "I promise everything is fine now. I won’t let him ruin my life anymore. Ruin this."

“Who is him?” is that last question I can ask him for the night.

“Someone in the past. Let him stay there” he looks me in the eye, silently begging me to not push this any further.

“Fine” I huff. “Just promise me one thing?”

“Anything” he smirks.

“Do not fight with Luke.”

His lips twist into a snarl. I know he’s debating it in his head. “Alright.”

With that, my fingers run through his hair and pull him down until his lips meet mine. We both are dealing with a lot; him more so than me but being together fixes all of that. I can’t explain it. On paper, we are probably no good for each other. But no one can deny the spark between us.

As Ashton starts his attack down my neck the door flings open. “There you are!” Adrienne stumbles in. “And Ashton is back!” she cheers and claps her hand. “The whole gang is back together” she slurs. “We are living a Grease moment” she laughs at her own words.

“How much did you let her drink?” I ask Michael.

“There is no stopping her” he shakes his head and hands me the bottle of wine that Adrienne promised me.

“Let’s go” she grabs my hand. “Everyone in the common room” she announces. “If I can’t get any of you to a party than I’m bringing the party to you!”

She turns on their stereo and blasts the music. Michael turns it down and she frowns. “We have too many violations already” he informs her.

“Don’t care.” She fights her way past him and turns the music back up. “Live a little.”

Adrienne takes my hand and spins me around. Soon we are dancing in the middle of the room while all the guys watch. A few glasses of wine and I’ll be on her level. I just want to relax tonight and have a good time with my best friends and my boyfriend.

Speaking of – in the midst of our dancing I notice Ashton approach Luke. My heart begins to speed up with panic. He promised he wouldn’t fight with him over what he saw or think he saw.

I glare at Ashton and he throws his hands up. He grabs two beers from the fridge and hands one to Luke. Ashton sits on the chair and continues to enjoy the show and he is clearly very much enjoying it, which turns me on so much.

Within an hour Adrienne has everyone drunk. She has that power over people. Mostly by forcing everyone to play drinking games with her.

Michael finally gets the crazy one into his room and shuts the door. Luke is passed out on the couch and Calum is still laughing on the floor. Ashton climbs behind Luke and cuddles with him.

“So I can have your bed all to myself?” I grin.

“Can we bring him with us?” he pouts and stares down at Luke. Happy drunk Ashton is my new favorite thing. He is so playful. It’s strange.

I cover Luke in a blanket and reach out my hand for Ashton. He takes it and lead us to his room, closing the door behind us.

We crawl into his bed and under the covers. It’s nice to just cuddle with him. “You seem really happy” he whispers in my ear.

“I am” I smile even though he can’t see me. “I’m with you.”