Chapter 16

Every time that Adrienne throws something in my suitcase, I immediately take it out.

She has this crazy idea that I’ll be spending the weekend in New York City with her and the boys. She’s out of her damn mind if she actually thinks I’m going with them.

“I will tackle you” she threatens. Adrienne’s tiny but she’s a feisty little thing.

I roll my eyes and take a short black dress out of the suitcase and bring it back to my closet. Before I can get it in the closet Adrienne jumps on my back and wrestles me to the floor.

“Get off of me” I scream while laughing.

“Say you’re going.” She’s now straddling me, holding my arms down against the floor.

“Well isn’t this a sight” Michael laughs as he walks in my room. “By all means, please, continue.”

“Tell me you’re going and I’ll get off you.”

“Fine” I groan just so she’ll leave me alone. I still have no intentions of going. A weekend with Ashton isn’t my idea of a good time. Not anymore.

“I promise it will be a great weekend. You have me and Michael. You don’t even have to talk to Ashton.”

I give her a fake smile. She was just telling me that I need to stay away from him and move on and now she wants to me go on a mini vacation with him.

I haven’t even gotten around to telling her about last weekend when I accidentally walked in on Ashton with those guys. I still don’t understand what that was about and I’m sure he won’t tell me either. The only thing I do know is that it was sketchy and I realize that I haven’t even scratched the surface with him yet.

It doesn’t matter if there are other people there or not I will not be spending my entire weekend with Ashton Irwin…

Two hours later

There is nothing worse than being stuck in traffic in a tunnel. If Ashton sitting in the seat next to me doesn’t have my anxiety going through the roof than this certainly does.

Every horrible thought is running through my mind. Can we really trust these things? What if there is a burst? We are stuck in the enclosed space and the water could come rushing in and we’ll all drown.

Luke must realize my nervousness. He takes my hand in his and brings it to his lap. Leaning over to whisper in my ear, he says, “Everything will be okay.”

I give him a simple smile. I know he is referring to more than just being stuck in the Lincoln Tunnel.

After I fought with Adrienne again after not going, somehow Luke convinced me to go. One, the room was already paid for. Two, they needed all the support they could get at the show. It’s not easy playing in front of a new crowd and they want to see familiar faces.

I think what made me change my mind the most was that Luke said that he wanted me there. He told me to forget all the bullshit with Ashton. He wanted me there and I just couldn’t say no to those big blue eyes.

With his thumb circling the top of my hand, I noticeably relax but Ashton next to me tenses up. His breathing is heavier than it was before. I catch a glimpse of his jaw clenching as his eyes focus on the tiles on the wall of the tunnel.

I feel guilty. I shouldn’t feel this way. It’s like I’m betraying Ashton. That’s not the case. He doesn’t want me. Getting rejected twice proved that to me.

I wanted him to stay with me that night. I was scared that one of those guys would find their way into my room and do God knows what with me. With him, I feel safe, protected. I feel that way around him all the time. Like nothing can hurt me – except for him.

As much as I want to ignore it, I can’t. I have all these feelings towards him, most of them are bad but there is something between the two of us. It’s magnetic and toxic. I need to know what happened. What I did wrong.

I let go of Luke’s hand and turn to Ashton. “Why?” is all I ask.

Ashton cranes his neck in my direction and cocks his eyebrow. “What?” he snaps.

“Just tell me why.”

“Shane” Adrienne warns. Maybe it’s not the best idea to pick a fight with the Hulk right now but I can’t sit next to him and not say anything.

“No” I shoot her a warning look. “Tell me why you never showed up that night” I demand.

Ashton’s cheeks turn a bright pink. His eyes narrow in and burn holes straight through me. “You’re still not over that?” he huffs.

“Over it? We had a great weekend together then you stand me up.” My voice betrays me and cracks. I don’t want to seem vulnerable or upset in front of him.

“Maybe you imagined the whole thing” he answers with the cockiest grin on his face. “Girls do that all the time.” It takes every ounce of strength in me not to extend my arm and slap him across the face.

I don’t even have a response for him. Even if I did it wasn’t worth the breath to say it. I just scoff and turn away from him.

It’s safe to say the rest of the ride is silent and awkward. Calum fell asleep across the back seat. Luke kept his headphones in and didn’t dare look in my direction. Ashton also kept his eyes glued to the window.

Adrienne is surprisingly quiet in the passengers seat. Occasionally she would open her mouth but that was just to tell Michael directions to the hotel.

“Wake up!” Ashton yells at Calum and slaps his back. “We’re here” he mumbles and jumps out of the truck and slams the door shut.

“It will be fine” Adrienne repeats herself and I roll my eyes at her. It won’t be fine.

Luke and Calum check in at the front desk while the rest of us grab the luggage and equipment out of the truck.

“Here” Calum hands the room key to Adrienne. “For you and Michael.”

“So I guess it’s you and me?” I ask Luke.

“Actually…”

“What?” I ask with my hands on my hips.

“When we booked the rooms we figured you and Ashton would be together” Calum answers for him.

“We can’t switch?”

“We could but we don’t want to” Calum shrugs. “Sorry, maybe you two can work things out.”

“Luke” I whine.

“Ashton will go mental if we share a room. We need him focused” he explains.

“And you think I won’t piss him off?”

“Not as much” he smiles and places a kiss on my cheek. “See you before the show.”

I growl and pick up my luggage, contemplating if I should find the nearest bus station and head back to Maryland.

I decide to stick out. I get ready in Adrienne’s room while the guys head to the venue to set everything up.

“I’m happy you’re here.” Adrienne comes up behind me and hugs me. “I would have been so bored without you.”

“I’m telling you know if he pisses me off even once, I’m gone” I threaten.

“Then let’s make sure that doesn’t happen” she smiles.

—————-

The pub is packed when we get there. The bouncer wouldn’t let us through the door. Calum had to explain to him that we were with them. After a few minutes of begging and Adrienne’s shameless flirting, he let us in.

“You almost missed our set” Michael says with panic in his voice, running his hands through his hair.

I’ve seen them perform a few times. They have never been this nervous. I guess when money and their pride is on the line it makes you more nervous.

“I’m sorry baby” Adrienne pouts and pulls him to the side hall for a long, sloppy kiss.

“Good luck” I say quietly to the rest of the guys. I can tell that Ashton’s nerves are through the roof too. I want to calm him down but I’d like to think I have some dignity left.

Adrienne and I push our way to the front of the crowd. They start of singing a cover of ‘What I Like About You.’ If they are nervous it doesn’t seem to show. They all come to life and the crowd is going wild with them.

I’m not sure if Ashton is really into the song or angry because Luke bent down and sang a verse to me. The way he is banging on the drums, I’m sure he will break a drumstick or two.

Between songs the stage went black but that doesn’t prevent me from seeing Ashton pouring a water bottle on his face and lifting his shirt to wipe it all off. It’s enough to have me biting my lip in awe of him.

“You’re drooling” Adrienne laughs and pretends to wipe the nonexistent drool off my chin. I push her hand away and glare at her.

“I’m not drooling. I’m … observing.” I try to hide my smile but I can’t.

“Don’t let him hurt you again” she gives me a sympathetic yet serious look.

“I won’t” I assure her but I don’t sound as convincing as I wanted to.

“Shane” she sighs and I place my finger over her lips.

“They’re next song is starting.” She shakes her head and turns attention back to the stage.

“It started with a picture. Those messages you sent to me. You’re like the perfect mixture of Megan Fox and Katy.”

The girls are going nuts when Calum starts singing and he is eating it all up.

Ashton pulls the mic closer to him and the girls in the crowd scream even louder than before. I hear all the comments they are saying about him. It’s nothing I haven’t heard before. They go on and on about how sexy he is behind the drums and I won’t disagree. It’s when they start saying how they’ll be getting with him later that really makes my blood boil.

Honestly I don’t think I can handle all these girls going nuts over him. He’s not mine and I want nothing more to do with him but I don’t want any of these girls with him either. At the end of the night it’s our room he’ll be returning to.

“It’s such a sick obsession and now you’ve got the best of me. I’ve got the worst intentions.”He glances my way and winks before continuing. “So call me over, set me free. I can give you what you want.”

“It’s taking me over. I don’t wanna play this game no more. All you gotta do is tell me right now, you want me right now. Come on. Give me the green light. We could have all night. If you just say the word, tell me it’s all right. Give me the green light.”

After the first chorus I know I can’t stay. Ashton may have winked at me during his solo but during the chorus he is clearly flirting with other girls in the audience. He is smiling at this one group of girls and pointing his finger towards the side of the stage, silently telling them to meet him after they get off stage.

I apologize to Adrienne and make my way through the crowd and out the back door. I stand against the cold brick building to catch my breath.

It didn’t really hit me until just now how much I started to fall for him. Maybe even fell. I don’t know. My feelings are so mixed up and I don’t know how to sort through them.

It shot a hole through my heart watching him do that. It might have been for show but I have this strange feeling that he did it to get a rise out of me. I challenged him before and now he’s testing me. I could be reading too much into it but I won’t let him win. He will not get the best of me. Not tonight.

I fall asleep rather quickly when I get back to the hotel. In the morning I will decide if I should head back early. The guys aren’t playing a show but there is this band they want to see play.

About a half hour after I fall asleep there is a loud bang at the door. I can only assume its Ashton. I figured he would have taken one of those girls and went back to her place or something.

I open the door slowly, giving him a sleepy look. His face is bright red. He’s sweaty and his hair is stuck to his forehead.

“Hey you” he smiles and walks past me.

“Surprised you came back here” I mumble.

“This is my room, isn’t it?” he raises both his eyebrows.

“Figured you’d be buried in one of those whores.”

He shakes his head and smirks at me. “I was quick. Wouldn’t want to keep you waiting” he winks and runs his fingers through my hair, messing it all up.

Ignoring my death glare, he throws his body on to the bed and cuddles up with the pillow I was just using. I grab the other one and a blanket. There is no way I will be sharing a bed with him.

“Where are you going?” he mumbles against the pillow.

“I’ll sleep down here” I answer him.

“Get in the fucking bed Shane” he groans, clearly exhausted.

“I’m fine on the floor.”

He pushes himself off the mattress and stomps over to where I have set up camp on the floor next to the bathroom.

“Will you get over yourself” he barks, hovering over me. “Grow up and just sleep in the bed.”

“You want me to grow up?!” I yell back at him. “That’s really rich coming from you.”

His eyes darken and his hands ball into fists. He’s obviously not going to hit me. He just does that when he gets mad and frustrated. “I’ll sleep on the floor” he says while taking deep breaths.

“By all means, the bed is all yours” I say with a fake smile on my face.

“Do you have to be such a stubborn bitch right now?” His voice keeps getting louder and louder. I didn’t expect to have a screaming match with him tonight.

“Will you just go to sleep?” I shout. I don’t have the energy to keep arguing with him.

“No” he folds his arms across his chest. “Not until you get in the damn bed!”

Seconds later there is a light knock at the door. Ashton flings the door open. “What the fuck do you want?” he yells at the person.

“Some guests have been complaining about noise. I need to ask you to keep it down or you will have to leave.”

“Fine” Ashton growls.

“I’m sorry” I apologize for the both of us. “We were just going to sleep.” The man nods and Ashton slams the door shut.

I grab the pillow and blanket off the floor and throw it on the bed. I’m not going to win this argument with him so we might as well just share the bed for the night. It’s just one night. How hard could it be?

Extremely.

I try to keep as much distance between us. I’m almost falling of the bed that’s how close to the edge I am. 

"We won by the way" he says quietly. I can’t bring myself to answer him. It’s best to just lay in silence until I fall back to sleep.

I tossed and turned all night. I don’t think I slept for more than twenty minutes at a time. Ashton’s body was so warm next to mine that not even the air conditioner could cool me off.

A few times throughout the night, his arm would fall across my stomach and absent-mindedly he would pull me closer to him. I wasn’t sure what to do. As much as I wanted to push him off, I just as badly wanted to be in his arms.

—————-

“Don’t you look stunning tonight” Michael compliments me and my little black drss when I finally make my way to the lobby. Everyone wanted to meet at 9 and I didn’t finish getting ready until 9:30.

Ashton is clearly annoyed that I took my time but we’re going out for a night in the city. I have to look my best. Who knows – I might meet some beautiful, rich man who will sweep me off my feet. Doubtful with Ashton being around but a girl can dream.

The second we step in the club, the guys make a b-line for the bar as Adrienne and I attempt to find an open table before the band starts.

Ashton places a lemon drop in front of me and I silently thank him by nodding my head. He may act like he doesn’t give two shits about me but remembering a girl’s drink order is a clear sign that he was paying attention.

After the band finishes playing, all the tables are cleared out to open up the dance floor. The DJ plays some techno music that is perfect to dance to.

With a few drinks in my system I pull Adrienne to the dance floor with me. Michael follows behind and I am left without a dance partner.

I set my eyes on Luke and motion my finger for him to come to me. He shakes his head and I pout my lip and bat my eyelashes. He huffs and places his drink down to dance with me.

“You can sing and play, now let’s see if you can move.”

“Trust me” he smirks. “I can move” he laughs and his hands find their way to my waist and he pulls me closer. His breath is warm against my neck as our bodies sway to the beat of the music.

“He’s staring” Luke whispers in my ear.

“Who?” I ask even though I know exactly who he’s talking about. I’m dancing with Luke because I want to have fun. He’s accused me before of wanting to use him to make Ashton jealous. I promise that’s not what I’m doing right now.

“Ignore him.”

“He’s going to kick my ass” Luke laughs.

“No he won’t.”

Luke hums in response and nods his head in Ashton’s direction. “Oh, he won’t” he smiles.

I watch closely over Luke’s shoulder as Ashton slams his beer down on the counter and heads straight towards us. He’s furious but there is something else behind those eyes full of rage. Jealousy? Lust?

My breath hitches in my throat when Ashton stands behind me. I don’t know what he’s going to do. I’m shocked when his arm slings around my waist and he pulls me closer against him. His crotch grinds against my backside and I’m immediately lost in his movements.

Just when I think Luke is going to back off, he takes a step closer. His hand grips me higher on my waist as he grinds into my front. I almost want to pinch myself to see if I’m dreaming or not.

I thought these two would be in wrestling match on the floor but instead I’m sandwiched between them, feeling better and more confident than I ever felt before.

I allow my head to fall back against Ashton’s shoulder. My fingers find their way into his hair and I grip it as hard as I can. My other hand is on Luke’s shoulder, my fingernails digging deep into his skin.

The music is loud but all I can hear is our ragged breathing.

I was having fun dancing with Luke but when Ashton joined a fire lit through me. Yes, I’m attracted to Luke but Ashton does something to me. And I wanted him to continue to do it to me.

I spin around, coming face to face with Ashton. He has a shit-eating grin on his face as he drops his forehead to mine. “I need to talk to you” he says loud enough for Luke to hear.

My hips still and I give Luke an apologetic look. If Ashton is willing to talk than I am willing to listen.

"Go" Luke says and heads back towards the bar to join Calum.

Ashton takes my hand and leads me through the crowd. He doesn’t hesitate pushing people out of his way.

We stop in a long, empty hallway. His hand grips my throat and he backs me up against the wall. I gulp loudly. For the first time I am frightened that I may have pushed Ashton too far. His free hand slaps against the wall next to my head as he presses his body hard against mine, trapping me.

“You-” I attempt to get out but his lips don’t allow me to speak another word. His tongue forces its way past my lips and I can’t stop myself from melting in his arms.

His grip loosens on my throat and his hand falls down my body, landing on my hip. My hands run through his hair, pressing my body even harder against his. I didn’t realize how much I missed this until now.

How much I missed that electric pulse flowing through out my body. How his lips on mine had me throbbing for him in just mere seconds. And I know he felt the same – his hard on is pressed painfully against my thigh.

I pull Ashton out the back exit, desperate to get back to the hotel. He walks closely behind me, hiding his boner between our bodies.

He flings the door open, forcing me against the bed the second we step into the room. We might just get another noise complaint tonight.

“I missed you so fucking much” he mumbles against my neck.

“I missed you” I admit. I pull of his shirt and throw it to the side.

“I’m sorry” he adds in. As much as I would love to talk about everything and sort through it I need him inside me much, much more.

“Apologize later.” He nods, understanding what I mean and hikes my dress up over my hips. He slides out of his pants and rubs his throbbing cock against me. The sensation is almost enough to make me cum already.

He flips us over, laying flat against his back as I climb on top of him. I slowly sink down on him, giving myself time to adjust.

When I start moving, Ashton’s head falls back against the pillow. His bottom lips sucks in between his teeth. He watches me carefully as I ride him, wanting to get the both of us off as quickly as possible.

He steadies my hips, lifting his, taking complete control. I throw my head back in pleasure, dizzy from the way he is making me feel.

“Ashton” I scream out when he hits the right spot. “Oh my god” I cry. “Don’t stop! Don’t stop!”

“Fuck” he moans, growing harder if that’s even possible. “You’re so fucking sexy right now” he says between breaths.

In seconds, my back is pressed against the mattress. His hands tugging at my hair as he buries himself inside me. My eyes roll to the back of my head and my legs tighten around his waist.

“Ashton, I can’t-” I don’t finish my sentence before I come undone underneath him. Ashton pulls out, cumming on my stomach with a loud moan.

He lifts me up bridal style and carries me to the bathroom. He twists the knobs and sets the temperature for the shower.

I step in and he lingers by the sink. “You coming in?” I ask him.

“Do you want me to?” He had all this confidence just minutes ago and now he looks like a lost puppy.

I nod my head and he steps in the shower, allowing me to stand under the water first.

“I didn’t go home with anyone last night” he admits.

“I know” I smile, even though I wasn’t sure about what he did last night. But the little girl inside of me is jumping up and down that he came straight home to me.

“I fucked everything up with us.” His eyes fall to the floor of the shower.

“Yeah, you did” I say to him. I wasn’t going to let him get off that easy even though I was willing to accept his apology. “Why?” I ask again, hoping this time to get a genuine answer from him.

“I’m no good for you Shane. You’ll only get hurt because of me.”

“Then don’t hurt me” I look into his eyes. They resemble a little boy’s who just got yelled at by his mom for the first time.

“I will though. You shouldn’t be with me.”

“I make my own decisions.” I stand on my tippy toes to place a kiss on the corner of his mouth. “I want you Ashton. All of you. Even the bad parts.”

“Why?” he shakes his head, confused as to why anyone would want to be with such a… a … monster.

“I’m willing to at least try. You’re worth it to me.”

“And what about the guy you’re seeing?” he cocks an eyebrow.

“Nathan? I’ll let him down gently” I giggle. Ashton doesn’t need to know Nathan’s sexual orientation.

“I’ve never done this before” he shies away.

“Done what?” I take his hand in mine, pulling him closer to me.

“This. Us. I’m going to screw it up.”

“I won’t let you” I say quietly.

“You know nothing about me.”

“I want to learn everything about you. That’s what dating is all about.” I give him a gentle smile, hoping that he will start doubting himself. He needs to get past whatever is holding him back and just allow himself to be with me.

“There are things from my past, thing that I’ve done that will send you running” he warns.

“Good thing I’m not going anywhere.”

"Promise me" he states, his tone serious.

"I promise."

Before he can say anything I press my lips to his. His hands cup the back of my thighs and he lifts me in his arms, my body between him and the shower wall.

“Now this” he smirks devilishly. “This I could get used to.”