Chapter 14

Nathan and Jay were sat in Nathan's car. Jay didn't want to go back into his flat, it only reminded him of when Siva was there, and every horrible thing that occurred before and after.

"How long did you suffer from anorexia?" Nathan asked.

"I don't know," Jay breathed. "Probably a decade or less."

Nathan nodded his head. He knew no other way to respond. "How did it affect you?"

"I was very insecure... I still kind of am. I wasn't quite myself with the illness. Actually, I wasn't myself at all. I was depressed and lonely. Sure I had friends and family, but they didn't know about me, nor would they have understood my issues. So, I felt lonely."

"Would you hurt yourself?"

"Starving hurt, but I got use to the pain. When I did, I started burning myself with scorching water."

Nathan winced at the thought.

Jay twiddled his thumbs. "I've started up with that again."

Nathan clenched his jaw. He couldn't bear to hear Jay's confessions.

"I started the morning after I broke up with Seev. It was the only thing that could elude my worries and how I felt, or feel rather."

"How do you feel?"

"Like my shell's been broken. I feel naked and vulnerable to the world."

"Ahhh, such a wonderful feeling that is," Nathan said sarcastically.

"You've experienced that feeling?"

"I have. It was horrible."

"How'd you get rid of it?"

"I never gave up on myself. I just kept chasing after my dreams. The words that hurt me didn't stop me. The way people looked at me in disgust didn't stop me. Because, I knew I was destined to live a good life, and I wouldn't let anyone ruin that for me.

Look where I am now. I'm in The eff-ing Wanted!"

Jay chuckled. Nathan smiled at the sound.

"Let's go somewhere," Jay suggested.

"Where would we go?"

"Anywhere away from here. I want out of London."

"Right, well let's get the hell out of here then."

He sent a smile to Jay, and Jay returned one.

"Off we go!" Nathan announced.

•••

Jay and Nathan turned up in front of Jay's parent's house in Newark-on-Trent. They stepped out of the car.

"Jay? Nathan?" Jay's mother, Maureen was sat on her front porch. She got up from her rocking chair and rushed over to them with open arms and a a huge grin. She gave them the standard breath stifling mom hug.

"Oh how I've missed you boys!" She finally set them free, letting them grasp for air.

Jay laughed. "I missed you too, Mum."

Maureen brushed a strand of hair from Jay's face and admired how small his blue eye would get when he beamed with joy.

"What brought you guys here?" Jay opened his mouth to respond, but Maureen cut him off. "Oh never mind that. Come inside and have a beer!"

The boys laughed as they followed her into the cozy home. They sat down at the bar in the kitchen as she fetched them the last two bottles of Heineken she had.

"Like mother, like son," Nathan said, making the two laugh.

"Where's dad?"

"He's off at a friends house. I finally had a moment of solitude until you two showed up, but I don't mind it. As I said, I missed you both.

Would you like something to eat? I made a spinach casserole."

"Sounds yummy, but I'm not hungry."

"Neither am I, but thank you Mrs. McGuiness."

"What are you? A child? Call me Maureen, dear. I don't know how many times I have to remind you."

"Sorry, it's a habit of mine."

"You're just too sweet and respectful." She gave a warm smile. "How was the drive?"

"Pretty nice," Jay answered. "We spent the entire time singing to old 80's tunes."

"Ahhh, those were the days." She began to reminisce. "Now all I here on the radio is 'I'm glad you came'."

They all bursted into laughter.

"It's so good to see you again, Mum."

"It's wonderful to see you too, sweetheart."

"What about me?" Nathan joked.

"Oh hush! You're just the chauffeur."

"Ugh. Hurtful."

They giggled.

"I have something to tell you, Mum."

"Then go ahead and spit it out."

"Siva and I started dating recently. We're over now, though."

"You and Siva?" Her eyebrows shot up.

"Yeah."

"Wow. What is he?"

"Bisexual."

"How's Nareesha dealing with it?"

"Terribly. See, he kind of cheated on her with me."

"Jay!"

"What can I say? I'm eye candy!" He joked.

Maureen tried to hold back laughter, but she couldn't get a grasp on the corners of her lips, so it was inevitable. "But, seriously. How could you guys do that to her?"

Nathan looked back and forth at the two as they conversed. He admired the way they were with each other, so open and honest, and nonjudgmental. Why can't everyone be that way with each other, he thought.

"I didn't want to do that to her. It just sort of happened. Siva broke up with her and told her what had happened."

"The whole truth?"

"Yeah."

"Good."

"Now she's freaking out and being a total bitch. I get that. Who wouldn't be after discovering something like that? She didn't even know he was bi. Anyway, she took it overboard with her words and said some very hurtful things. It was pretty bad.

I don't know how she's dealing now, but I ended things with Siva, so it doesn't matter anymore."

"She's threatening to tell everyone about what happened. She's out to ruin us all, but Siva doesn't think so. He thinks she's lying," Nathan added.

"Nareesha wouldn't hurt a fly if she could. Don't you boys worry about that. And if she does try to pull something, she'll be coming into contact with my fists." She rose her fists and pretended to box.

It sent the boys into a roar of laughter.

After she finished acting out what she would do, she took in a few deep breaths (everything tires when you start to get old) and asked, "Why'd you break up with Seev? He's such a good looking lad. He could sweep me off my feet. If I were you I'd put him in my room and let him have it."

"Please, Mum! You're married for God's sake! Great! Now I can't get the image if you two together out of my head."

She laughed evilly. "It's true, though."

"Just stop, please. I beg of you."

"If you ever do decide to get back with Siva, you may have some competition with your mum," Nathan joked.

"You're really not making this any better for me, Nath. Anyway, to answers your question, Mum, it's all I could do. I'm afraid our relationship would bring everything to ruins."

"Jay, this is a new era. You won't be killed for loving whom ever you please. If people can't accept your relationships, then fuck them!" His mother had no filter."As in forget not sex-"

"I get the point, Mum."

"Just making sure. I want you to be happy, love."

•••

The boys spent the rest of the day joking around with Maureen and eating a nicely cooked home meal. Once it began to get late, they decided to leave. They gave their goodbyes and hugs, and then headed out.

As they drove towards Jay's place, they began talking about Siva.

"Are you gonna take him back?"

"I don't know."

"What do you feel like doing."

Jay took a moment to think it over, then he concluded: "Pretending like none of this ever happened."

"As in, you and him?"

"Yup." He popped the p.

"It's not exactly an option, is it now?"

"There's no point in getting back with him. It's obvious he can't be trusted."

"How's that?"

"He cheated on Nareesha with me."

"Because he loves you, not her. If I was that crazy for someone other than my imaginary girlfriend, I probably wouldn't be able to help myself in doing so. I'd breakup with the girlfriend eventually, of course."

"Well, he told you boys about my dark past."

"Only to protect you. He wanted us to look out for you and be there for you."

"That's still not a reason to go blurting out my business."

"Oh whatever! If something bad is going on with you, it's our business, too."

Being without a rebuttal, Jay let the argument rest.

"I can tell that he really cares for you. Maybe you should take him back."

"I can't."

"What's stopping you?"

"Nareesha! The world!"

"No, Jay. It's you that's in the way. Let your guard down for once. Forget the consequences. I don't want it getting in the way of your happiness."

Jay tilted his head to the side and looked out the window in his door, up to the sky that was painted in violets, blues, and oranges as the sun began to fall into its slumber.

"Give Siva and yourself a chance to experience that happiness."

Nathan's words echoed in Jay's mind.

"Fine. Do you know where he's staying?"

"Yeah."

"Can you take me there?"

Nathan turned his head to Jay, who then felt his gaze and turned towards him. He found Nathan with an incredibly adorable smile on. And so, he blushed while shaking his head.

•••

Nathan stopped his car in front of the hotel's entrance. "This is it," he announced.

Jay shuddered and wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans.

"It'll be fine, Bird. Just go and get him."

He nodded and reach for the door handle. Before pushing the door open he said, "Thanks for everything, Nath. It's nice to know that you'll always be there for me no matter the reason."

"We're brothers, so of course I'll always be."

He pushed the door open and stepped out. "See you later," he said with a smile and then shut the door.

With his hands in his pockets he walked into the hotel and to the front desk.

"Hello, sir! How may I help you today?"

A male concierge asked.

"I'm here to see Siva Kaneswaran."

"Alright, let me look him up in the system to see if he's here." Jay studied the man as his eyes scanned through a computer.

"Well, he does have a room here, but he just went out an hour ago."

"Can I get his room number?"

"Sorry, I'm not allowed to provide that information. You can either sit here in the lobby and wait for him, or just come back tomorrow."

"I'll sit and wait."

"Are you sure? There's no telling when he'll be back."

"I'll wait."

"Okay then. Do as you please."

•••

"What is that you want now?"

"I just want to talk, Nireesha. There's no point in getting into arguments with you."

"Just say what you have to say. I've got somewhere I need to be in the morning."

"I just need to know if you're still going to go to the press with this whole story of our's."

"Why? You've finally figured out a way to stop me from doing it?"

"No. Honestly, I don't believe you'll even do it. It's been a few days."

Nireesha scoffed. "I've been busy! I meant what I said, and I will let everyone know how horrible you two are."

"Don't talk about Jay that way, because he isn't a bad person."

"Right, because good people sleep with their best friend's boyfriend."

"He only did it because I told him I loved him. He thought I'd leave you, but I wasn't going to. I just saw him so sad and vulnerable that I took advantage of him for my own selfish reasons. So, he isn't the bad person, I am.

Look where my actions have lead us. I've made you bitter, and now Jay is scared and probably hurting himself. That's why I'm here."

"What do you mean he's probably hurting himself?"

"When he was younger he had some issues which resulted in him becoming anorexic and hurting himself."

"As if. There's noway Jay could have ever been like that."

"It's true. And now that he's scared about the whole situation, I think he's hurting himself again."

"And what makes you think that?"

"I asked him if he was and he wouldn't answer."

"Then get him help."

"The only thing that can help him right now is you. I need you to tell me you won't release the story or else something really bad might happen to him."

"Not gonna happen."

"Nireesha!"

"No!"

Siva grabbed on to her shoulders, his long, sharp fingers digging into her skin.

"You're hurting me!" she shouted as she tried wriggling out of his grasp.

"Stop moving and maybe it won't hurt!"

"Let me go!"

"Just listen to me!"

"No!"

With a quick thought as to how to get her to listen to him, he forced her body to his and kissed her. Her body relaxed, and she was finally still.

He pushed her away, leaving her mouth hanging open.

"Si-"

"I only did that to shut you up." He dropped his arms to his sides.

"You really love him, don't you?" Tears began welling up in her big brown eyes. He hated seeing her that way. He never wanted for things to go so badly. All he ever wanted was for everyone to turn out happy.

"I do, more than you could imagine."

"I wish you still felt that way for me, but it's too late. I've lost you." She gave a shaky exhale with her eyes closed, trying not to cry. Once she felt strong enough to hold her tears back, she reopened her eyes. "You were right, I was never gonna tell people what happened with us, especially if Jay were to hurt himself. I might have a mean bark, but I'm no heartless bitch."

"I know you're not. Thank you, Nunu." He extended his arms out to her, and she walked into them without thought.

"I'm sorry," she mumbled.

"No, I'm sorry."

•••

I'm so stupid. I totally thought I put this up yesterday. Ugh