Chapter 10

It’s been three days since that night and spending all this time with Jess has been absolutely wonderful. Jess had left the following morning to get some clothes and such from her house so that she could spend the entire time with me and other than her constant fussing over me I really enjoyed having her stay with me. Okay, well I’ll admit I did kind of like being fussed over by her but I’d never admit that to her.

We basically spent the last few days just lazing around like we have been but I found out earlier today that Jess has to leave for a few days to travel to New York. I wasn’t happy about it obviously but I was going to be supportive of everything she does even if it means I have to spend time away from her. It may even be good seeing as I have no idea how she isn’t sick of me by now.

I was currently sitting on my bed with my laptop rested on top of my legs looking for another job. My standards were no longer set as high as they were before. I was just trying to find something, anything, that wasn’t too far and had decent pay. I was so desperate at this point I thought about just taking a second shitty job. At least until I could get myself caught up.

I felt the bed shift next to me and looked up to see Jess peering over me, moving so that her chin lightly rested on top of my shoulder.

“What are you doing?” she asked curiously. “You’ve been in here for a really long time.”

“Sorry. I was just looking for another job,” I told her as I scrolled through the various listings.

“Find anything?”

“Nope,” I answered as I closed my laptop and placed it next to me. I sighed heavily as I felt stress consume my mind. I didn’t know things would be this hard.

“Hey, you’ll find something,” Jess said as she rubbed my upper arm soothingly.

“Yeah. I hope so,” I said, relaxing immediately at Jess’s touch. “What have you been doing this whole time?” I’d been in here almost an hour and didn’t even notice until now.

I glanced over at her and noticed that she was wearing a mischievous grin and I instantly felt so much fear. What had she done now? Instead of answering me she grabbed my hand and pulled me into the living room. I spotted what looked like a pile of index cards on my coffee table and an endless amount of Chinese takeout. When had she ordered takeout without me noticing??

“What is this.” I said in a monotone voice. Did I even want to know?

“Well, I thought since you’re stuck inside for a while and I’m leaving tomorrow. We could play a game,” she said as she dragged me over to sit on the floor. “Also, I didn’t feel like cooking.”

I stared blankly at the index cards scattered across the table, wondering what Jess could have possibly put on them. What were we even playing?

“Okay… Are you gonna tell me what we’re playing?”

Jess shoved a plate of food toward me before she started explaining what she had been up to for the last hour.

“We’re gonna play 20 Questions. Kind of,” she began. Oh god why. “I wrote a bunch of random questions we can take turns asking each other.”

“Um, okay?” I said, still a bit unsure of how fun this was actually going to be. I started eating the food in front of me as Jess picked up the first card.

“Okay. Do you have any fears? Like phobias and stuff,” she elaborated.

“I’m scared of heights,” I told her.

“Heights?! Elena you rode horses,” she laughed.

“Well yeah but that’s different. I don’t know… I’m also scared of chickens.”

“Chickens?” Jess’s laughing only got more hysterical from there.

“Hey, hey chickens freak me out. Have you seen those beady little eyes?” I said defensively.

Jess only shook her head at me as she tried to supress her laughter. She slid a card toward me so I guess it was my turn to ask a question. I turned it over and read what was written there.

“Summer or Winter?” Easy questions so far, I must say.

“Summer as long as it’s not boiling hot,” she said.

Simple enough, I suppose.

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Later that night, Jess and I were laying in my bed trying to go to sleep. It was a bit early for us considering how late we’ve been staying up but Jess had to be up early tomorrow to catch her flight. We’d eaten almost all the food earlier and every question on those index cards had been asked. I have to admit, I had a blast doing such a simple thing with Jess. None of the questions ever got really personal. They were just really fun, simple questions but even so I still felt like we really got to know each other better. We’d shared so much in terms of serious stuff over the last couple weeks that it was nice to just ask each other about trivial things.

I was currently cuddled right up to Jess trying not to fall asleep quite yet. It’s become a habit for us to stay as close together as possible at night which I suppose wasn’t something that average friends do but neither of us ever mentioned anything of the sort. I, for one, wasn’t going to point out how out of the ordinary we were seeing as I was perfectly comfortable clinging to Jess every night.

I closed my eyes and sighed out in relaxation as I rested my head on Jess’s shoulder. I knew she wasn’t asleep yet because her hand had found its way into my hair. She was almost putting me to sleep as she played with my hair gently. I was about to drift off when I felt something drop on the side of my face. And then again and again. I left my hand to my cheek to find it wet and I looked up to see Jess staring off into space with tears running swiftly down her face.

“Jess?” I whispered gently. “Are you okay?”

She didn’t say anything at first. She continued running her fingers through my hair and staring off at something that wasn’t there. I didn’t say anything else as I waited for her to respond in some way. Jess had been in the best mood all day, it just didn’t make sense to me that something was bothering her this much and her not act like it earlier.

“I’m fine. I guess I’ve just been missing…. home more than I normally do. I don’t want to leave,” she said quietly.

“It’s okay to miss home, Jess,” I told her as I snuggled back into her. “You’ll just be gone a few days. I bet it’ll go by quick.”

“I hope so,” she replied weakly.

“It will,” I mumbled as I felt myself drifting off again.

As I laid there I focused on the feeling of Jess’s fingers gently tangled in my hair. Her breathing had slowed down considerably so I assumed she wasn’t crying anymore. Knowing she was all right now I let sleep take over. I felt my thoughts become cloudy and I thought I vaguely heard Jess’s voice calling my name but I was too far gone to respond.

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So it’s been two days since Jess left for New York and I think I’ve been slowly going insane. The combination of missing her along with not working was really getting to me. It’s not like I could go outside or anything seeing as it was cold as hell and I was still getting over this pneumonia. Me and Jess talked on the phone daily, although it was difficult with the time difference we still managed to stay in regular contact.

Jess has seemed so down ever since she left. Even the morning she left for the airport I could tell she was trying her best to hold back tears. She didn’t seem so sad the last time she left but I guess she’s just been traveling a lot lately. I really had no idea.

Luckily, Jess was returning home tomorrow evening which I was more than excited about. Being alone in my apartment with nothing to do was turning out to be a bad idea. Jess was helping me come to terms with so much I hadn’t even realized how much happier she made me until she was gone. I started taking some of the photos out of my photo album and hanging them up in frames. I even started unpacking all of the other things I brought with me which has helped me tremendously. I’ve realized I can’t keep my past completely out of my life and so I’ve chosen to sort of embrace it in a way since Jess has been gone.

It was now going on two in the morning and I had just place a photo of Jess and me together from the other day on my bedside table. It was across from the old photo of Grace and I that Jess had pointed out the other night. I was so tired but so satisfied with everything I’ve done to the apartment today. It definitely made it feel more like a home now.

When I did finally get into bed it was half two in the morning and I was beyond dead on my feet. All the cleaning and redecorating really took it out of me. I climbed into bed and I’m pretty sure I was asleep before my head even hit the pillow.

I was awakened not too long later by the sound of my phone going off. I groaned when I saw my clock indicate that it was five in the morning. Who the hell is even up at this hour? I groggily reached for my phone and squinted at the bright screen to see a new text from Jess.

‘Are you still awake? xx’

Well I am now. I was confused by her late message but lazily typed out a response nonetheless.

‘Yeah. Are you okay?’

It was odd for Jess to be texting me this late. And we all know that if someone was texting in the middle of the night, odds are something’s wrong. I only had to wait a minute or so for her response and I opened it immediately.

‘I just need someone to confide in I guess. Would you mind giving me some advice about something?’

‘Of course. Is there something wrong?’

Once again, I didn’t have to wait long until my phone buzzed in my hands with another message.

‘Well not exactly it’s just… There’s this girl I like. Like I really like her’

My heart felt like it had literally been shattered into a million pieces. I knew that Jess wasn’t “mine” necessarily but it still didn’t make it hurt any less. Jess liked someone else and it’s not like I had made any attempts at telling her how I really felt about her. I drew in a shaky breath, noticing that my breathing had sped up considerably.

‘Well, does she like you back?’

I watched my phone nervously as I awaited her next text. I felt like such an idiot. I’ve met and befriended the most perfect girl I could possibly imagine and yet I was too scared to hint at anything more. I jumped when my phone buzzed again and quickly opened the text.

‘I don’t know… I think maybe she does but I’m not sure. I just don’t know what to do, I’m afraid I might scare her off. What would you do?’

Sit here and act like I want nothing more than a friendship is exactly what I would do and have been doing. Probably not the best advice to give. Definitely not the best advice to give.

‘If you really like her I would just go for it. You never know unless you try right?’

Boy did I know it. I laid there with my eyes closed just letting the feelings of anguish and regret roll over me. Jess was taking a long time to respond this time and I thought that maybe she had gone to sleep until I finally felt my phone buzz.

‘Yeah. I think I might try to talk to her when I get back sometime. Thanks so much, babe. And I’m sorry if I woke you up xxx’

‘It’s okay. I’ll see you when you get back.’

I put my phone back on the table and turned over so that I was facing the wall. I hugged the pillow that Jess had used while she stayed here and when I breathed in her scent I just broke down. I didn’t want this to be real. I just wanted to wake up and find out that whole conversation was a dream. More than anything I just wanted a chance with Jess. I felt like such a lost cause and I didn’t think I could be fixed this time. My heart was broken and I wasn’t even in a relationship. What the hell did I think I was getting myself into?

A/N  Feedback please :D I skipped around a lot timeline-wise in this chapter and I don't like it but hopefully you guys were okay with it. 

Thank you again for all the feedback I've gotten so far. It's really encouraging you all have no idea :)