27

WIN'S POV

"Happy Graduation Day!" Chimon greeted me as I walked out of the room. 

"Thank you." I said and smiled. 

It has been that long since... everything... I did not even know how I made it this far. I was still exhausted. Bright recovered. He was doing so well when I had to say goodbye. 

We did not talk about us. We just focused on his recovery and he did so well. He was still in the hospital when I left. I said I have to leave for good. I did not. 

I was exhausted and drained at that point, I couldn't process anything and I still blamed myself for what happened to him. I wanted to fix things with him when I am finally better but when I saw him doing very well. I figured it would be better if I kept my distance. 

I did not go away... I stayed and finished my degree. I decided to stay at the in-school dormitory. I blocked off all my social medias. I cut ties with every family member of Bright. I told them I had to go abroad. 

I pushed everyone away, I needed to focus. I have to find myself even if it seems impossible that time. It hurt more than I thought it would and it frustrated me, I've been to so many places trying to run away and find inner peace, parts of it helped but then I grew tired of running. I admitted to myself that there is something wrong with me. 

I consulted with experts and I figured the trauma and circumstances has already caused a deterioration in terms of my mental health. I was forced to face my demons, it was terrible that I had to consult and admit to myself that I needed the help but sooner or later I needed to actually tell my mom and my brother. 

My family has played a great a role with why my mental health is at this chaotic state right now. I didn't want to blame them but maybe if I had a more functional family I would not go through everything that has been going wrong with me. 

I got ready for graduation. Is this the life I want? 

Will I really be happy with my choices? 

I stared blankly at the wall for a while... I have an offer from an international airline, I did not know how to feel about it, until I heard the news that Bright already has a new girl. It hit me... the world must have moved on yet I still have the void inside of me that I haven't really fixed. 

We never had closure...

I stood up before I start drowning in my thoughts and regrets. We arrived at the graduation venue on time and my thoughts drifted while I was in line...

Flashback

"Come on... I am so ready to be a passenger and boss you around during the flight." Bright said as I scan through all the things I have to memorize.

"I won't get assigned to your section in the cabin" I laughed. 

"I will make sure that you do get assigned to my section." He said.

"I can barely make it through this semester." I sighed and placed the papers down. 

"Hang on, I think I have the perfect solution for that." Bright said. 

He stood up and went to the kitchen, I didn't mind because I was trying to figure out where to start with everything I have to study for...

"Here, pause for a while." He said and when I looked up he has our favorite coffee-flavored ice cream. 

That was the longest break I had since we tried finishing all of the ice cream and at the same time we managed to talk about future plans. 

"Let's promise to be there for each other's graduation, even though we are from different schools, we'll figure out to be there... we'll grow together, we'll be each other's cheerleaders, we'll make it through the odds right?" He told me...

"We don't know that..." I said.

"Oh, I know... I'll be there, I'll be your number one supporter my love..." He said.

end of flashback

I laughed a little with that thought as I stood in line alone, without even a single trace of him anywhere on my graduation day. 

What if we made it? 

I sighed until my name was called and I had to be on stage... I graduated with Latin Honors. If you look at my life from afar, everything is actually where it is supposed to be, it was perfect for some, but the void inside me just keeps holding me back from the happiness.

Mom invited several family friends for my graduation, some relatives also came, all I did was put a fake smile on until they all went home... I decided to go to Bright's favorite spot, away from the city, to admire the city lights. 

I bought myself some snacks and two cans of beer to enjoy... I manage to get a car loan and I am still getting used to it. I sat on a small rock or maybe cement fixture that has always been there and started drinking my beer. 

"You still remember this place huh..." I gulped when I heard that voice, it sounds like a familiar feeling of home... It is him...

I looked back and saw him there... I was frozen where I am seated and I didn't know what to tell him. 

"I can... uhhmmm, go... if you like." I told him and started packing up my stuff. 

"No Win, stop running from me." He said in a calm tone but there was a hint of sadness in his voice. 

"I-I'm sorry" I immediately said, I didn't know what I was sorry for, but all I know is that I was sorry for a bunch of stuff. 

"I heard you graduated today..." He said obviously changing the topic. 

"Y-yes." I said carefully. 

It was like we were completely different people. I didn't know how I would react to him, I couldn't even read his body language anymore. There wa silence after that, he wasn't saying anything. I couldn't figure out if he was thinking or what. 

I remained quiet even though I badly want to know already if he is graduating the same as me, or maybe he already did too... 

"D-do you want some beer?" I asked him offering the other beer that I bought. 

"Yeah, sure." I handed him the beer and we continued to be quiet. 

It feels like an eternity of silence with him as we sat there not even saying a word to each other. I sighed when I felt my tears are coming again. I stood up... It's time to go. 

"I'll go ahead..." I told him. 

"You always do." He told me.

I looked at him when he looked over at me. There were tears in his eyes... I couldn't bear this...

"B-bright..." I called out to him.

"You always do leave Win. I thought you left for good... but I guess you just left me..." He told me. 

"I'm sorry" That's all I could say as I looked down and let the tears flow as well. 

"It's unfair you know. I always wondered, I tried... Did I do the damage? I know how terrible your mental health has gone but... was I part at fault for it? I wanted to know Win... because I'd bleed myself dry for you, wasn't that enough? Wasn't I enough?" He asked. 

It felt like I was stabbed multiple times, No. It's not Bright. 

"Bright No... you've done more than enough for me... It was me all along, I drowned... you have always been my breath of fresh air when I was drowning... I just didn't make it through the last time. I blamed myself for what we had to go through... That's not our fault but it has given us so much damage..." I told him trying not to break even though I was already an emotional mess as well. 

"It was exhausting Win... dying... but I didn't know I could live just for parts of me to die again..." He said. 

I looked up to the skies... I couldn't take this. 

"Bright, Whatever we do, as long as we are hurting individually, we'll only end up hurting each other... I didn't want to let you go, but I don't want you waiting as well... I wanted to be the best version of me for you. I don't want you fixing my broken pieces. I love you, God, I love you so much it hurts to see you hurting and to be the reason behind that, I couldn't do that..." I told him. 

"I don't wanna say goodbye again... because I just can't... I wanted to ask, I know it will be selfish... but would you wait for me?" I asked him when he didn't respond. 

He didn't answer me, I just started taking steps away from him with the hope that he would call out my name... but he didn't. 

Will there be something that would hurt more than this?

-----After a year-----

BRIGHT'S POV

"but would you wait for me?"

I sighed when I woke up... It has been a year since I last saw Win, I haven't heard from him since then, his social media accounts went private and there were no any updates from his brother. 

"Are you ready for your big day?" Ton asked. 

"It's not as if I am a licensed Architect already, I still have my board exams." I told her. 

"Yeah, but you could have at least chosen to celebrate instead of leaving..." She told me. 

"Ton... It will just be for a week, I'll be fine, Japan isn't too far. I'll just enjoy some time to myself before I come back and study for boards." I said and assured her. 

"Okay..." She sighed. 

We headed to the graduation venue. I almost got delayed, I know I took advanced lessons before to shorten the time I'll spend studying my course but the incidents and recovery took more time than I expected and I had to make up for them. 

"He's proud of you." Namtan said... 

She was one of the factors that contributed to stopping me from moving on... She never really let go of Win, she held on to what happened to my favorite spot... She gave him the chance and she was waiting... I mean, I would wait an eternity for him as well I guess... 

"I'll believe that if I see him today." I told her. I was hoping, he'd be around... It's impossible but we always gotta try our luck right? 

"You have a flight to catch, don't be silly." She said in return. 

"I'll go ahead and line up." I said without taking back what I was hoping for. It was the only gift that I'd love. Him coming back to me, I don't care about anything else. I don't care how terribly everything goes downhill again, as long as he'd be there with me. 

It seemed selfish I know... but what could I do? I'd choose him over everything else. I'd get through anything if he's with me. I managed to finish with Latin honors, despite everything that I've been through. 

The day ended without a sight of Win...

"Is everything settled for you sir?" The attendant asked.

"For now, yes." I said and smiled. 

"For concerns and if you need anything sir just press the call button, the attendant assigned to business class will be assisting you." She told me. 

I nodded and she left headed to a different class area. Who is the one assigned here?

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome onboard Flight BW4E flying from Manila, Philippines bound to Tokyo, Japan. This is Metawin Opas-iamkajorn, your head cabin crew speaking. We are currently second in line for take-off and are expected to be in the air in approximately five minutes time. We ask that you please fasten your seatbelts at this time and secure all baggage underneath your seat or in the overhead compartments. We also ask that your seats and table trays are in the upright position for take-off. Please turn off all personal electronic devices, including laptops and cell phones. Smoking is prohibited for the duration of the flight. Thank you for choosing Winter Airlines. Enjoy your flight." The head cabin crew announced and I could feel my tears threatening to fall any minute. 

I've never felt so proud and happy like this before, he made it! He reached his dreams, he is living the life that he loves. I smiled throughout the flight knowing damn well he is here, and everything seemed to be falling into place. 

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