♠︎ thirty one

CHAPTER THIRTY ONE

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♠︎ YOONGI

Yoongi wasn't in the house when Jungkook had tried to find him, because he had a more important place to be.

All day he'd been ruminating on Jimin's standoffish behaviour, anger simmering in his veins. But under the anger was sadness. He hadn't lied when he'd told Jungkook about why he was upset.

He just wanted Jimin to be his friend again. That's all. He missed him.

So having the younger boy ignore him on the beach that day was like a knife through the heart.

When darkness fell, Yoongi gave up on trying to reconcile with Jimin that day, and headed down the beach for a walk by himself. He knew Jungkook was right - he should talk to Jimin and tell him the truth - but his obstinate pride made him hesitate. Yoongi wasn't use to being open about the way he felt. He'd hidden his sexuality for so long, that it felt natural to hide parts of himself away.

He pushed through the sand, step by step, his calves beginning to burn as he grew further away from the group. Yoongi liked having his friends here, but he hadn't had an ounce of peace since they'd arrived, and the more he moved up the beach, the quieter it became.

Until he heard a giggle in the darkness.

Yoongi narrowed his eyes, knowing that giggle anywhere. "Nia."

A short gasp found him in the dark. Clearly, Nia had not been expecting to be discovered. There was hurried rustling in the darkness, and then she emerged in front of him, her shirt still half open and eyes glazed. A sheepish looking Namjoon appeared behind her. 

"Hi hyung," Namjoon rubbed the back of his neck. "We were just, uh-"

Yoongi held up a hand. "Don't even try and explain. I'll leave you to it."

He made to move past them, but now it was Nia who was holding her hand up. "Wait."

Yoongi paused.

Nia glanced at Namjoon. "Can you give us a minute?" she said to him, indicating at Yoongi. 

Namjoon nodded with an easy grin, turning to walk back to the others. Yoongi didn't miss the way his hand brushed against Nia's gently as he went.

"You've been here for two days, and already the man is in love with you," Yoongi muttered. "You never change."

"If he's in love with me it's his own fault. I'm just here for a good time," Nia said, her eyes trained sternly on Yoongi. "Now, spill."

Yoongi held his chin aloft. "Spill what?"

Eyes rolled so hard into Nia's head he thought she might pass out. "Don't play that with me, Yoongles. I've known you long enough to know that you're currently on one of your Mister Darcy-esque brooding walks where you pout and sulk about something while getting as far away from civilisation as possible."

"Mister Darcy-esque?" Yoongi repeated incredulously, but Nia had moved closer now, her gaze softening a little.

"Is it Jimin?" she asked. "I saw you two bickering earlier."

Yoongi tutted. Nia and you could both read Yoongi like a book - as could Jungkook now, apparently. 

"So what's the deal?" Nia asked, eyeing him victoriously as she knew she was on the right lines. "Are you fucking him?"

"No," Yoongi muttered. "That's sort of the problem."

"Oh, so you do want him," Nia smirked. "I was wondering after that frosty exchange earlier. The tension between you two is off the charts."

Yoongi's jaw clenched. Thinking about how much he wanted the flirtatious little brat was not going to help him think this situation through with a cool head.

"What's going through your head, hm?" Nia asked now, a little softer this time. "Why don't you just go for it and see what happens?"

"It's not as simple as that!" he protested. "He's my best friend, Nia. What if this fucks everything up?"

"Yoongi, you do love being a tortured soul, you know," Nia smiled at him a little, reaching forward to poke him gently. "Just talk to him. It's okay to want to just be his friend. It's also okay to want more. But you have to be honest about it or you'll lose him entirely."

Yoongi thought about how close these words were to Jungkook's pep talk earlier. "You're the second person to tell me that today," he grumbled. Nia laughed.

"Well, maybe it's because it's true," Nia rolled her eyes. "It's always best to tell the truth, Yoongles. Otherwise things just get messy."

Yoongi nudged her. "I seem to remember you lying to your parents every Saturday night to come smoke weed at my house in high school," he pointed out sardonically. "It's not like you're the saint of honesty, Ni."

Nia chuckled. "That was for a good cause."

"Oh, right, cause you always tell the truth otherwise?" he teased.

He'd meant it as a joke, just to prod at his friend. 

But Nia's smile had dropped.

"Yoongi," she said softly. Yoongi had never heard her use this voice with him before, and her eyes had turned round and vulnerable. "I... think maybe I should tell you something."

He gazed at her, stomach clenching. The air between them had changed all of a sudden, and he knew that she was serious.

"Okay," he said uncertainly. "Is it bad?"

"No," she shook her head quickly. "Well, yes, maybe - but-"

Nia paused, and Yoongi realised it was first time he'd seen her fumble for words. But then she took a deep breath, and looked firmly at him.

"When we were in school I was in love with you," she said, so quickly that Yoongi almost didn't catch it. 

When he did, he scoffed derisively at her joke. "Yeah right-"

"No, Yoongi," Nia said, softer now, and Yoongi paused. "I... I'm serious."

Yoongi's smile dropped from his face.

Nia wasn't joking.

She looked away now, her face scrunching a little. "Don't worry, I - I'm over it now... mostly, anyway. And being told by the guy you're in love with that he's only into boys is a real turn-off," she rambled, but Yoongi saw her hands shake. "But... yeah. I think maybe now that I'm over it, you should know the truth. It's only fair."

Yoongi was too stunned to speak. Nia? In love with him?

It wasn't possible.

They had always been best friends. Ever since the day they met, he'd seen something in Nia, something sarcastic and loyal and intense, that mirrored what he felt inside him, too. Along with you, the three of you had been as close as three friends could be ever since. Yoongi knew the two most important women in his life like the back of his hands.

So the fact that he hadn't known this was too much for words.

Nia was panicking now that Yoongi was silent. "Oh god, maybe I shouldn't be telling you this," she said, looking away, worry seeping into her expression that Yoongi rarely saw on Nia's face. "Shit, just forget I told you all of this -"

But Yoongi was already moving. He cut her off with a fierce hug, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and crushing her to his chest.

Nia was stunned in place. Yoongi never gave hugs - a reassuring squeeze of the hand, maybe, but full blown hugs? They were rare. After a minute she seemed to regain her senses and wrapped her own arms around his waist.

"Thank you for telling me," he said after a long time. He felt Nia's arms squeeze a little tighter around his waist, and she mumbled something unintelligible into his chest.

They stayed entwined for a long time - longer than either of them was really comfortable with usually. When he pulled away, he felt the awkward tension rise between them. He gazed at her, noting with alarm that her eyes were wet. Nia never cried.

"Ni," he said softly, guilt rising inside him. "If I were straight, you know-"

"I know," Nia said with a laugh, looking down at her feet as she wiped her eyes, the tension of the moment broken. "I'm irresistible. Just ask your big tall friend."

Yoongi regarded her now as if seeing her for the first time. She truly was beautiful, her caramel skin and matching eyes clearly smooth and beautiful even in the darkness. Her body moved with utmost confidence, the result of years of dance training. But it was her soul that was what Yoongi loved most about her. She was the fiercest person he knew; ruthless in defence of her friends, and herself. Nia felt everything three times as hard as Yoongi and you did - it was always obvious what she was feeling, even when she tried hard to cover it up.

How had he not known the way she felt about him?

But Yoongi knew this was for the best. He didn't deserve Nia, anyway.

"Namjoon is a good guy, y'know," he said now, seeing her smile a little at the mention of Namjoon's name.

"It's not serious," Nia shrugged, with a dismissive wave. "I'm only here for a week."

But Yoongi had known his friend for long enough now to know when she was covering up the true extent of her feelings. "Okay," he nodded, knowing Nia probably wasn't ready for that conversation yet. "As long as he knows that."

An indecipherable emotion flashed through Nia's dark eyes, and she looked away, before she smiled at him.

"C'mon," she tugged Yoongi by the arm, drawing him with her back towards the campfire. "I think we both have people to find."

Yoongi was going to disagree, but found himself following her.

They walked in silence, and by the time they reached the campfire, Yoongi knew what he had to do. There were only a few stragglers left now, as it was nearing one in the morning - but he spotted the person he was looking for, sitting alone and sullenly staring out at the dark frothing waves.

Yoongi's legs were moving of their own accord, until he was standing right in front of him.

Jimin bent his neck upwards, frowning a little as he saw him.

"Hyung," he greeted quietly. His voice was devoid of emotion, but the pain in his crescent-moon eyes told the story perfectly. 

He was just as upset as Yoongi was.

Tell him the truth, came Jungkook and Nia's voices in his head.

And Yoongi was sick of denying it.

"I can't promise I won't regret it," he said honestly, gazing down at Jimin. "I don't want to lose you as a friend, Jimin-ah. I won't do it again with you if it's going to compromise that. It's too risky."

He paused here, as if he were going to continue, but he didn't. Jimin looked up at him patiently. "But?" he pushed, raising an eyebrow.

Yoongi took a deep breath and told him the truth.

"But," he murmured, "I want to do it anyway."

Jimin regarded him for a long moment, and throughout it Yoongi feared he'd made a horrible mistake. Fear ran cold in his veins - until Jimin stood up, drawing himself to Yoongi's height.

"I'll take those odds," Jimin smirked. "Kitten."

Yoongi felt the lust flash through his veins as a twinkle lit up Jimin's eyes. He reached for the younger's hand, pulling him flush against his body. The heat where they met made Yoongi's heart race.

"What are we waiting for, then?" Yoongi pressed, his lips inches from Jimin's. "Let's go."

The younger's eyes hooded, and he smiled, stepping away from Yoongi and tugging him towards the house. As Yoongi followed, a tiny part of him prayed it was the right decision. And yet an overwhelming majority ignored it.

He'd wanted this for long enough. And he'd be damned if he was going to let anything stand in his way of having it.

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