Chapter 19

Steady my dear, hold back your steps, for you might jump into mud, a mud that would make you filthy. You would't want that now, would you?

Nesta

I couldn't not do anything. It's been 3 hours since I was sent off in to the house of wind, where Elain and Amren sat, journal in Elain's hands, as she read over to me for the 100th time what our stupidity has caused the whole town.

 A civil war! 

Something that started off as a small fire, just remaining within gossip limits, had now turned into a wildfire where actions were put in front. And the people from the hewn city pronouncing unannounced in the city was like an uproar, so much to be taken care of. The situation would be out of limits soon in the Illyrians if the hewn city got to know that Cassian had disobeyed an order. The High Lord's order, and Rhysand wouldn't be able to protect him, when all the Illyrians would ask for justification. Keir wasn't someone who wouldn't want to take advantage of this situation, he mostly would spread bad rumors that the High lord is incapable of managing his city, and would want the Illyrians to side with him. And well how can someone forget how awful Mor's relationship with her family is. Morrigan's relationship with her father and mother is extremely poor; her father is verbally, emotionally, and was in the past physically abusive towards her. As she has no relationship with her mother even, it can be assumed she holds her mother in the same contempt with which she holds Keir. The two are antagonistic towards each other whenever they meet in person. She must be raging. who am I kidding, I saw the look on her face, she was in a hyper hell mood. Juts not what Rhysand would want to deal with. Mor has her own estate in Athelwood, Elain had told me that Azriel was told to accompany Mor, and stay along with her as far as the situtaion requires. Because Mor left out when, the dark bringers roam around the city was far more dangerous.And with Azriel along, it would only mean war. So they both were told to stay away.  Cassian made me swear to not move out of House Of Wind. It wasn't because I needed protection but perhaps because he knew i'd let myself tangle into some messy business. And right he had his plates full, he said while pointing at Rhysand who wasn't even meeting Cassian's eyes. Feyre was with the Keir and his troops, making sure they are keeping their hostile nature in check here. She indeed has a duty of being the hostess, showing the other lands, their very own City of Dreams. And no one maybe except for the High lady or the High Lord can actually describe this marvelous city. 

I don't sit, I cannot sit, It all happened, because I flew away, I was the one who was trying to go nowhere with the powers I had, and Cassian had tried to find me. But it was true that Cassian was still going to climb the Ramiel this season, with or without me, It just so happens, things are now coming rushing down at us. 

Well did I care though? Should I care? Should I at least pretend that i do? What good will that be! I sat on the couch, finally taking in a deep breath, I side glanced at the book placed on the table nearby, and went through it. It was something in ancient proverbs, It must be Amren's. I was surprised to find out that I could in fact read what was written. It was surreal. the book was about some high paved prejudices and ancient history on the lands of Prythian. I knew what I would want to read about. I went through the book, trying to find a heading titled as Ramiel, when I heard Amren's voice. "I need to leave this place, I need to see for myself what these fools are doing.' She said this to no one in particular but as I was in the earshot, I heard her muttering some abuses.

 "I'll come with you." I stood up, gripping the book tightly in my hands. 

"No you won't, Not with me." Not this right now...

"Look I am not coming for you. I want to go there, because I am not the kind of person who doesn't do anything to clean up the mess she made." 

 She looks me up and down, taking me down with her eyes. But I didn't even so far as blink. She notices the book, but doesn't comment anything. "I always knew you were trouble."

"I would totally bet on that." There was no sense of smirk or playfulness in the way we were conversing. 

We both had said some harsh and disappointing things to each other earlier when I had tried to be friendly with Amren. Knowing she is not exactly the type to let loose. I had tried to make an initiative one summer night. We weren't the types to gossip around. We just looked at the people around the club, made lame comments, judged around. It was what we were not, but acted like. I was getting a lot tipsy by the 7th something round. When she stated, judging me this time. "You know you would have been the ultimate bad boy, wanted by all the male faes. You know you have got the looks, the body. you are always distant, not exactly into feelings and love, everything only about sex, booze,  hell you even give me the vibe that you are sinful." She said with no smile, just that smirk that told me she meant it. I couldn't exactly disagree. She wasn't even looking at me while saying that, her eyes were focused on her drink, as she chugged it down in one go. Putting her glass down and turning towards me as I spoke. "In my stories, the bad boys are still accepted and loved. No one ever wrote it the other way around. Being a bad girl isn't something I wanted to be, No one wants to be a bad person, but well some people can't exactly help it. There's a saying that 'why should boys have all the fun.' I like going by that. What else does the life has to offer?" Amren raised her glass in a cheers. And we continued. It was good. It was nice, until Amren had started asking me about my powers. It was too much questions, she even paled for a second but then quickly recovered it. My head had started aching so bad. I told her I didn't know about them. Thinking about my powers made my head drill. But she was insistent. I told her I didn't know. She let it rest and then after a while bugged me indirectly about it. I had had enough. "Is that why you brought me here today? Just so you can know about my powers. I thought you were my friend. I thought we had something that I could rely on. I thought you appreciated me, respected me. But now I know, it was all about my powers. Well you know what Amren, go to hell!" I swirled my chair and started to go, when I heard her say. "Good, do what you always do, leave. and push people away. But girl know one thing. Yes, fine I wanted to know about the powers, but just so I could help you." I shook my head. "So it was true, you are here just for my powers, not me. I should have known. I should have freaking known. This act you do about always being nonchalant about things, and your inner circle, so fake. You are always interested, aren't you. You always want in, but you are different, and you never exactly fit in. I thought that was something same in us. Try to be yourself Amren, for once. Be up front and on't fake it. Maybe I am the bad girl, maybe I am the witch but atleast I acknowledge what I am." I barged out of the place. I think I heard her gasp. 

Now as I looked at Amren I know she was recalling the same thing. Maybe I had said too much, but i was hurt. Is being accepted the way I am too much to ask for? Is wanting a friend, who would not want to know about my powers, but about me, too much to wish for? 

I rushed out the door, only to find it opening. "Nesta" 

"Feyre." 

"Where are you going?" She asked me as she strolled inside. The doors closing on their own accord. "I need to know what's happening. If no one would tell me then I would very much like to atleast know for myself." Feyre loked straight into my eyes, trying to figure out anykind of lie within it perhaps. 

"It's not safe. Nesta please. Everyone's fine out there. " 

The way Feyre's eyes were solemn, said a different story. 

"Where's he?" 

The expression on her face said it all. "Nesta, please. You know you won't be able to leave this house. I won't let you. This all will be over soon." 

"Feyre for the last time, What is happening? and Where is Cassian?"

"Nesta please sit down, we'll tell you. Just calm down." 

I fold my hands on my chest waiting for her to speak. Cassian must have been punished. This was all my doing, I did it. I told him, I wanted to climb the mountain, I should have stopped him. 

"The Illyrians are enraged. The warriors say that Rhysand is partial in his judgement and ruling. They think Rhys permitted Cassian to climb. No one knows about you, that you were there too, Cassian didn't want that. But now the Illyrians are asking for justice. They had always thought of Cassian as a lowly bastard. Many of them still do. But just cause of the rank and command, they always had a subtle respect for him, but many are still envious of that. Not listening to the High Lord's order used to be death earning depending on the crime they are committing. Illyrians were even punished with their wings cutting off." 

Elain gasps from behind. 

"The Illyrians don't want that to happen. But what they want is for Cassian to step down from his rank." 

My eyes widen and a sharp pain course through my chest. "Cassian would never do that." 

Feyre nods her head.. "I know but Rhysand says that's the only option to calm the Illyrians. They are getting violent. And before they get to the city and Keir gets to know about all this. It's better if the situation is handled." 

"You are the High Lady of the Night court, and he is The High Lord! What more authority do you both need. Make it stop." Feyre doesn't say anything and her her lips set in a straight line. 

"How can Rhysand let this happen?" It was Amren who spoke that and she looks equally horrified and shocked. "Cassian cannot ever step down, there's no on better than him. No one!!" 

I listen to Feyre tell her something, and the voices are muffles as I think of what can be done. I won't let Cassian lose his position because of me, No matter what price i will have to pay. I am done letting others pay for mistakes. 

"There's a way...Everyone in the ritual saw me, getting hidden and then I was gone. No one exactly saw what happened. Cassian came to me searching for me, to take me back to the camp. And this is true. We can say he found me on the monolnyx and he had no other choice but to take me with him. He had to climb it." 

"Nesta, If this is told then you will have to go through the consequences."

"And I don't care. If that's what I will have to do." 

"Nesta, you don't know how it will be. They won't even accept this, because they just want Cassian to step down." 

"I think Nesta should do this." It was Elain who spoke, she was looking at me skeptically. "Nesta, I think you owe Cassian. You need to do this for him. Hell you owe everyone in this house something. This will be your apology." 

"Elain!" Feyre's voice was silky smooth as she retorded. 

"It's okay Feyre, I think she is right that I owe Cassian and Rhys and You. But not an apology, and not to everyone. I want to do this. Even if there's a slight possibility that Cassian would be left out of this, then I'll do it."

I get what Elain wanted, she was a wallflower, always innocent, caring, loving. And she was cared for here, She was a pert of this inner circle now, They were his family. And I was now considered to be the one breaking it apart every time. I couldn't be mad about it. But I knew where I stood now. 

"Take me there." 

Feyre slightly nodded and Amren stood there, a smirk on her face nodding at my decision. 

                                                                                   **********

I didn't felt even a slight fear for what was to happen to me. But when I saw Cassian and the way he looked at me with his jaw tightened and his fist closing and opening. His anger almost made me yelp. But It wasn't at me. It was because I broke out from the house and didn't listen to him. Rhsyand and him were there standing on the a slightly elevated land then the others. There were so many voices screaming and protesting. There was no lady in sight, only huge in build warriors, Lord Owen stood there along with Cassian, And he slightly dipped his head at me as in a greeting. I did the same. My eyes again wandered off to Cassian's  as he mouthed my name. 

"Nesta."  I nodded at him, as if in reassurance. To him or me, I had no idea. And then looked at the Illyrians ahead of me.

 "Gentlemen."The crowd silenced as I spoke. 

 This is going to be fun to say the least. 

Ahh! Long chapter...indeed. The story continues ahead in the next chapter. Comment down below what do you think will happen now? Will Cassian let Nesta take the fall? 

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