18

Ryder

I approached the bridal shop, a small brick and mortar building with tasteful flower arrangements at the door and an elegant wedding gown in the window. I was late, about twenty three minutes to be precise as I couldn't leave work as early as I wanted to. Everyone was here, Laila, Miriam, Priya, Raven and Claire of course.

I hated the thought of having to walk in late as they sat around waiting for me. It was a bad look, especially as the maid of honor. I smoothed out my flowy sundress, hoping it didn't wrinkle in the uber over here. I knew better than to wear my usual business wear here, I'm sure everyone inside is dressed appropriately for the occasion.

No matter how long I've been friends with Laila or a small part of their world, the feeling that I don't belong has never quite dissipated. At this rate, I'm not sure it ever will.

I'm greeted by a tall, thin redheaded woman dressed in all black.

"Welcome to La Robe Blanche, how can I assist you today?" She greeted me warmly.

"Hi, I'm here for my friend Laila Malik, she's supposed to be looking at dresses today," I reply.

Her green eyes light up and she nods promptly.

"Ah yes, she just started trying on dresses. I'll bring you to them, follow me."

She leads me through the front of the boutique, past the smaller fitting areas towards the private room in the back. I can hear the muffled voices of the women slipping into the hallway.

She opens the door and beckons me in. The room is surprisingly fluorescent, with a large white podium in the center in front a large brass antique mirror. There were cream couches that sat in front of the viewing area, currently occupied by the most important people to Laila.

I walk in, an apologetic look on my face as I catch Miriam's eye. She smiles warmly and pats the spot next to her.

"There you are dear, we saved you a spot," she greeted warmly.

I walked over to the couch and she rose to give me a brief hug.

"Sorry I'm late, I tried to leave early but things got a little crazy. I hope I didn't miss much," I apologize.

She pats my back and pulls away.

"Not at all, she just now went to the back to try on her first one. Don't worry about it. Sit," she insisted.

She sat and patted the spot next to her. I sit down, Miriam on one side of me and Raven on the next. Priya's on the other side of Miriam and offers me a smile. I smile back and greet her. I can feel eyes burning into the back of my head. I know it's Claire, sitting on the other side of Raven and suppress the urge to role my eyes. I can't help but feel annoyed she's here. I know she's an old family friend and she's grown closer to Laila in my absence but just her presence irks me.

It always has. Before I could tolerate it but now every time I look at her, I think of her and Zayn. The graphic images that pop into my mind instantly sour my mood.

Raven nudges me and I turn my gaze to hers."There you are, it felt like you were saying five minutes away every ten minutes. You hit traffic?" She asked.

I sighed and nodded.

"That and work was crazy. I couldn't leave until Victoria came back from lunch and she took it late and... it was a whole thing. Either way, I'm here now and glad I didn't miss much."

"You didn't, and she'll be pleasantly surprised to see you've arrived when she comes out. We didn't want to start without you but also didn't want to waste the shop's time either," Raven explained.

I nodded.

"I know, she told me it was hard to get last minute appointments here. I would've felt bad if I screwed it up for her. Did you guys get to pick any?"

Raven nods and smiles.

"Yeah, my mum and Priya found this pretty lace one. I picked out this beaded strapless one and Claire picked out a silky halter neck one. We don't know what she picked out for herself yet."

I imagine the different dresses in my head and my anticipation grows.

"I can't wait to see them all on her, I wonder which one she'll pick."

Raven smiles and shakes her head.

"Knowing her, none. We'll probably have to try out multiple bridal shops before she decides on something. I'm surprised she isn't using one of Valentina's connections to get something custom made."

I laugh and nod in agreement.

Nothing was ever simple when it came to Laila. But I never held it against her, she always had a clear vision and knew what she wanted. She wasn't the type to settle.

I think that's an admirable trait to possess.

"Yeah, probably. I guess we'll just have to wait and see," I reply.

Raven glances over her shoulder at Claire, whose gaze is locked on her phone, and turns back to me. She leans in, her dark eyes bright with excitement and she wiggles her eyebrows at me.

"So, please tell. How was Thrillfest?"

I glance at Claire who's still scrolling on her phone and shoot Raven a look.

"I already told you, it was fine. We had fun."

She cocks her brow and tilts her head.

"And?"

I laugh dryly and shrug my shoulders.

"And what? There's not much to say."

She nudges my shoulder with hers.

"Did you guys like... talk?" She asked inquisitively.

There's an infectious grin on her face as she awaits my answer.

I groan and shake my head.

"Ray, now is not the time or place, you know that. We'll talk after."

She blinks at me and assumes an oblivious expression.

"Why not? Aren't we all among our closest and dearest friends?" She snips sarcastically.

I narrow my eyes at her as my mouth sets into a fine line.

She grins and nudges me with her shoulder again.

"Chill, I'm just fucking with you. Well grab a coffee after this, I want details."

I open my mouth to reply but I'm cut off by a woman's voice. I look up to see Laila in what I assume was Miriam's pick, a delicate long sleeve lace dress with beading at the waist. She walked up to the podium and took center stage, the shop assistant holding the trail behind her.

"So ladies, what do we think?"

Laila's eyes scanned over us to gage our reaction. Her eyes softened when they landed on mine and she mouthed about time.

I'm so sorry I mouth back with a pout.

She smiles and nods her head at me.

"It looks lovely dear, just breathtaking," Miriam beamed.

"Yeah, I love the beading, it accentuates your waist," Priya affirmed.

It's probably the most feminine and dainty dress I've ever seen her in. I wouldn't say it's her style but she looks stunning.

"I love the lace," Raven chimes in.

"Yeah, you look amazing Lai," I add.

Laila smiles sweetly but there's a hesitant look in her eye. I'm sure it wasn't her first pick, she most likely tried it on first for Miriam.

"What do you think Laila, how do you feel?" Claire asked and sat forward in her seat.

Laila opens her mouth and shuts it quickly. She turns to look at herself in the mirror and purses her lips.

"Yes, tell us what you like and what you don't like," the shop assistant stated.

She shrugs as her eyes gaze down the dress.

"It's pretty, very intricate lace with the beading but I'm just not sure it's the one. I mean I feel pretty but I don't feel like a bride in this one," Laila confessed.

"No worries, it's only our first dress. Let's try on some more," the shop assistant insists.

Miriam nods.

"Yes, no need to worry, we've got plenty of options. I'm sure we'll find the one. Go try on some more."

Laila nods and turns to step down from the podium with the shop assistant's help.

We chat casually as we wait for Laila to appear in another dress. I can feel Claire's eyes on me every so often and I can assume the glare is lethal. I pay her no mind, today isn't about her or me, it's about Laila. It's obvious my reappearance has bothered her more than I anticipated and she's going out of her way to make it obvious. It's funny, because you would think it would be the other way around as she's the one actively screwing my ex. Surely, that would be a victory in her eyes. But it seems, I'm still just as much of a threat to her now as I was years ago when we were together.

It's a shame.

Luckily for us, Laila returns. This dress is not personally something I would imagine Laila in, the gown itself full of tulle and very princess like and I'm left wondering who would pick something out like this.  Maybe the shop assistant. She forces another smile in the mirror but shakes her head as she runs her hands over the fabric.

"It's not bad, it's just not what I imagined I'd be walking down the aisle in," she confesses.

"What don't you like about it dear?" Miriam asks.

Laila winces as her eyes scan down her reflection.

"Everything?" She replied unsurely.

"No worries," Claire chimes in, "Let's try on some more, I'm sure you'll like one of the ones picked out."

Laila nods and turns to the shop assistant. She gathers the back of the dress and offers an arm to guide Laila down off the podium.

The next few dresses Laila shows us are beautiful, but I can tell by the look in her eyes that she's not sold on any of them. By the time she tries the last one on, her energy has all but diminished.

"Did you want to take another look at the other dresses we carry? Maybe we've overlooked one, we have so many in stock," the shop assistant offered.

Laila's eyes sweep over us and then land on the shop assistant's. She smiles uneasily and shakes her head.

"Maybe I can come back another day? It'll give me time to revisit my moodboard and a break from trying stuff on."

The shop assistant offers her an encouraging smile and nods.

"Of course, we can schedule another day for you to come in. That's no problem."

Laila nods and turns back to us with a sympathetic look on her face.

"I'm sorry we didn't find one today, I didn't mean to waste your time."

Miriam stands up and walks over to her as she shakes her head.

"Don't apologize, you didn't waste any of our time. Today we weren't successful in finding a dress but we were successful in figuring out what you don't want. Now we can come back in a few weeks time and have a better understanding," Miriam comforts her.

Laila's eyes soften and she nods.

"That's true," Laila affirms before looking back at us, "Why don't I treat you guys to lunch? To make up for it?"

"You don't have anything to make up for," Raven assures her.

Laila shrugs and grins.

"Well, then we can just get lunch, yeah? Since all of my bridal party is here, we can chat about the wedding and catch up," Laila insists.

I hesitate to say much, the idea of spending my afternoon with Claire is not ideal. Especially when Raven and I have to catch up on Zayn and Thrillfest.

But Laila gazes at us all with hopeful eyes and I am the maid of honor after all. I need to be supportive.

I nod and offer her a smile.

"Yeah, I can do that."

"Yeah, I think that's the perfect idea. I've been wanting to have a proper conversation about bridal stuff. I have so many ideas for your shower," Claire added, her voice a tad too bubbly.

Her energy towards Laila has been weird, as if she's overcompensating for something. Her demeanor changes and her voice goes up a couple of octaves. It was annoying.

Laila grinned and nodded.

"Sounds great, we can all hit up Tapas. I'll get changed and meet you guys in the front."

Laila made her way back past the satin curtains and the rest of us returned to the front of the store. I could feel Claire's eyes on me again but I simply turned away from her and pretended to go through emails on my phone.

Just as we were leaving the Bridal Boutique, Miriam had to excuse herself for a work related call. Laila and Claire took an uber here together, so they decided to uber to Tapas together.

Priya, Raven and I went in Raven's car. I decided to let Priya sit in the passenger seat and took the small spot between the two car seats in the backseat. I was grateful the drive was only about seven minutes away because I was slightly crammed in the back. Either way, it was still better than sitting in the back of an uber with Claire.

Claire and Laila were already at a table on the patio when we arrived, engulfed in deep conversation as Claire showed her something on her phone.

"Ooo, you got us a good table, it's the perfect weather to be sat on the patio," Priya beamed.

Their heads snapped up at the sound of her voice and Laila brightened. Claire's eyes found mine and she looked at me coldly. I shrugged her off and took a seat opposite of Laila. Raven sat down next to me and Priya sat on the other side of her, opposite Claire.

"I know, it's also a bit quieter and more private out here. I think they're hosting some private group inside so there's a lot of chatter. This way we can enjoy the sunshine and not have to shout to hear one another," Laila replied.

"Good thinking," I affirmed with a smile.

We chatted for a little bit about the bridal shower, which will be held at the family estate of course. The waiter comes by and grabs our orders and then we go back to chatting.

Laila wants to have a bachelorette party in this small town in Italy where we spent our final year of university, where she met Valentina. It makes sense as the wedding will be in Italy as well. A nice destination wedding, full of beautiful architecture, divine food and mind blowing scenery. I couldn't wait.

Our food came midway through our conversation and I was surprised at how smoothly this lunch was going. Claire would make a face here and there at a suggestion I had but I ignored her. Out of respect for Laila, it was the least I could do.

It wasn't until Priya and Laila excused themselves to the bathroom that Claire mustered up the nerve to actually say something.

"So Ryder, it's been interesting having you back. How are you adjusting?"

My eyes narrowed slightly as I clocked her energy. The faux look of interest on her face was apparent and there was a smugness in her eyes.

"I'm fine, what about me being back has been interesting?" I questioned.

She shrugs and takes a sip of her wine.

"You know, I mean you haven't really been back in the city since the summer before your senior year. So much has changed, the scenery, the people, relationships... just wondering how you're adjusting to all the change I guess."

I'm aware of what she's getting at, clearly this is her making sure I'm well aware of her place not only in Laila's life, but more importantly, in Zayn's.

"I wouldn't say much has changed," Raven interjected.

Claire's icy eyes flicker over at Raven and she raises a brow. I nudge Raven with my knee under the table, silently hoping she'll let me handle it. It's only a matter of minutes before Laila and Priya come back from the bathroom and I don't want to start anything.

I feel Raven's eyes on me but I keep my gaze steady on Claire.

"Really? I would argue that Laila and I have grown much closer over the past few years and Zayn and I-"

"I'm aware, I'm adjusting fine," I interject coolly though I can feel my jaw tense up.

Her brows lift slightly and she sits back in her chair. She nods and finishes the rest of her wine. She sets the now empty glass down on the table with a clink and a victorious smirk.

"Good to hear."

Raven shifts beside me and sighs with annoyance. I know she's biting her tongue, she probably wants to give Claire an earful but it's simply not the time nor place.

Claire surveys me for a moment, as if she could read through my current exterior for a weak spot she could exploit. But I give her nothing, simply smiling and finishing off the rest of my moscato. The last thing I'll give Claire is the satisfaction of seeing me squirm.

"Ugh, this has been so great you guys," Laila cheers as she returns to the table.

Claire puts on her toothiest smile and turns to Laila. Her whole demeanor lightens and she pulls Laila's chair out for her. Laila grins appreciatively and sits down. Priya walks over to her chair and grabs her bag.

"I have to head out, I have a meeting to see to. But this was fun, we should do it again soon."

Raven turns towards her and props her head up on her hand.

"Sticking us with the bill Priya?" She teases and feigns shock.

Priya rolled her eyes and retrieved her sunglasses from her tote bag.

"Actually, I paid it after we went to the bathroom. You're welcome ladies," She announces with a smile.

"Oh thanks sugar mama, what ever would we do without you," Raven retorts sarcastically.

Priya laughs and shakes her head.

"Thanks, do you need me to Zelle you?" I ask her and reach for my phone.

"No, you're fine dear," Priya insists sincerely.

She turns to Raven and nudges her shoulder.

"You can pick up the tab next time," she responds.

Raven gives her a thumbs up and grabs her bag off the chair.

Priya says her goodbyes and gives me a polite wave. She makes her way to an uber not too far from the restaurant and hops in.

"Aw, does this mean we're all going our separate ways?" Laila asked with a pout.

"Well, I actually have to get back to the girls and Ryder has an appointment with her mom, so we do have to leave. I told her I'd give her a ride," Raven says as she stands.

I glance at Raven out of my peripheral vision, wondering why and how she came up with a lie so quickly.

"Don't worry, you have my full attention for the rest of the day, we can go back to yours and keep brainstorming. I'll make us margaritas and we can make a day of it," Claire insists.

I try not to roll my eyes at how transparent Claire is. For someone so confident in her relationship with Laila, she really comes on strong.

Laila nods and her energy brightens.

"Right, actually you can help me prepare for game night. You're coming to that, right Ryder?"

I hesitated for a moment, as game night had completely slipped my mind but recovered with a smile and nod.

"Yes, I'll be there."

Laila grins and stands up.

"Perfect, I can't wait."

I stand and she extends her arms. I pull her into a brief hug and give her a squeeze. Raven embraces her next and I simply turn away from Claire, not wanting to give her another moment of my attention.

Laila and Claire leave arm in arm in the opposite direction as Raven and I walk to her car.

She waits until we're inside to grab my arm and squeeze it.

"Ow, what?" I ask and pull my arm away from her.

"Why didn't you lay into her? She was being so sanctimonious back there."

"Okay and? Claire's always sanctimonious, that's who she is," I respond.

Raven sighs and lets go of my arm.

"Yeah, but now that her and Zayn have... you know-" Raven trails off.

"Fucked," I complete her sentence.

She winces and shakes her head.

"I wasn't waiting for you to finish that, you know? Either way, ever since that started happening, she's been worse."

I shrug again.

"Well, yeah. That's just who she is."

Raven shifts in her seat to face me more.

"Okay, and you're you!", she exclaims.

I let out a laugh and cock my head at her.

"Meaning?"

"You're an East Coast girl, you're from Jersey. Aren't y'all supposed to get down differently out there?" Raven inquired.

I smile and shake my head.

"What did you want me to do? Jump across the table and pull her hair? I fear you've been watching too much Real Housewives of New Jersey."

Raven rolls her eyes and laughs.

"Maybe not that, but you could've laid into her some more. 'I'm aware, I'm adjusting fine' was so... boring. You should've put her into her place," Raven insists.

I shake my head.

"I'm telling you, she's not worth it Ray. And besides, Laila would've came back and caught us arguing and somehow it would've been my fault."

Raven furrows her brows.

"How so? Claire approached you."

"The same way Claire has treated me like shit for years and yet I was in the wrong when referring to her as a bitch when Laila and I spoke about her last. Claire's right, they're closer now. Though how Claire avoided getting crucified for sleeping with her brother like I did, I'll never know," I reason.

Raven chews her lip and sighs as she thinks it over.

"You're right, their relationship is weird. They're definitely closer," Raven groans.

I nod.

Raven puts the keys in the ignition and starts the car.

"Fuck, why did you have to go off and travel the world? Why couldn't you have come back right away after you guys graduated," she groans.

"I'm sorry for trying to find my identity outside the Malik family," I respond.

She side eyes me and clearly I've struck a nerve.

"I love you guys, you know I'm incredibly grateful for you and the rest of the family. But I spent the entirety of college following one of you around, attending your events, vacations and trying to fit this mold to fit into your world. After college ended and more importantly, my relationship with Zayn, I realized I had become too dependent on you guys. I needed to get out and experience life for myself, alone."

Raven nods and gives me a knowing look.

"You're right, I know that. I just wish you had come back sooner, we've missed you."

I smile at her words. Raven and I never lost contact of course, she made me a godparent of her twins. But I missed seeing her every Sunday for family dinners and randomly dropping in at her and Ted's to hangout. It's good to know the feeling was mutual.

"I know, I should've come back sooner. I missed you all too," I affirm.

She smiles and gives me a pointed look.

"But you've missed me the most, yes?"

"Oh of course, you and your angelic, charming twin babies."

Raven laughs and pulls a face.

"Angelic when you're around, but I'll take it. Promise to never leave me again, at least not for a while?"

I hold my pinky up and grin.

"Never, ever."

Her grin widens and she hooks her pinky with mine.

She pulls out into the afternoon traffic and turns the radio up slightly.

"So, what I really want to know about. Thrillfest, spill."

"Well, we had a good time. It was nice to be around him again," I reply.

She snorted.

"That's it? It was nice to be around him again? Did you guys talk?"

I shook my head.

"Erm, no. Not yet. It didn't feel like the right place."

Raven nods.

"Yeah, I guess not. Are you guys going to see one another again?"

"I'm not sure, I mean maybe? It was casual Ray, it wasn't like a date. So we didn't really make plans to see one another again. I'm sure I'll see him around."

"Ugh, seriously? You're telling me you guys spent a whole afternoon together and neither one of you made a suggestive comment or a pass at one another? I cal bullshit."

I laugh and shake my head.

"I mean, there were times I caught him checking me out and I'm pretty sure he caught me checking him out but nothing came of it. Though he did technically invite me over to watch discovery channel documentaries with him."

Raven snorts and she shakes her head.

"Ugh, of course he did. What a nerd," Raven teases.

"I mean, in his defense they did sound pretty interesting," I laugh.

Raven side eyes me and shakes her head.

"As if you two would actually be watching them. Please for the love of god, have a proper conversation with him before you decide to watch anything at his place. I know how those meetings end."

I scoff.

"Shit Raven, I'm not a feral cat in heat. You're acting like I'd jump into bed with him the second I get the opportunity."

"Well, you did when he came to see you in Italy after you two-"

"Shut up, we're not talking about that. That was closure sex, it's different now," I interrupted her.

She laughs and cocks her head as she keeps her eyes on the road.

"Closure sex typically happens once. You animals made a weekend of it."

My cheeks flush at the memories and I bite my lip to avoid a smile. I don't want to think about that right now.

"Well, that was years ago. We've evolved. I'm sure if I decide to spend an evening watching documentaries with him, it would be perfectly platonic. Besides, there's nothing arousing about watching the discovery channel."

"That's until he's put on some crazy animal documentary and their mating like crazy," Raven jokes.

I grimace and smack her knee.

"No, stop. Not even then, you're so weird."

She laughs and shrugs.

"Whatever, I'll drop it but if you do end up sleeping with him, I'm going to boast a hefty I Told You So."

I roll my eyes.

"Won't happen, but sure."

I'm sure it won't. I mean, he probably wasn't being serious when he offered to have me over. I'm sure he probably has better things to do. Even if he did, I'm sure I have more self control than Raven suggests.

We're older now, smarter.

I know that spark is still there but I've long buried it. It'd take more than an evening together for me to be tearing his clothes off.

"Well, we've arrived at your stop. Did you want a ride to game night tonight? I can come pick you back up later on?"

I shake my head.

"No, don't worry. I'll uber."

"Why? Save your money, let me take you. Or better yet, ask Zayn. I'm pretty sure he'll be there. Or at least he says he will," Raven suggests with raised brows.

I smile when I think of Zayn and I's previous conversation. I'm sure he'd love for me to reach out and request a ride.

"Haha, yeah we'll see. I'm good, I'll see you at Laila's later."

Raven grins and nods.

"You better keep your hands to yourselves on that ride over, if you even make it," she teases.

I roll my eyes and open my door to climb out.

I shut the car door behind me and she rolls the window down.

"I'm serious Ry," she grins.

"Bye Ray, I'll see you later on."

Her deep brown eyes twinkle and she wigged her fingers at me.

"Bye Ry."

I laugh and turn on my heels to head into my building.

I'm sure I could ask Zayn for a ride but I'll probably just Uber. It's easier for all of us that way.

Authors NoteI just want to apologize for such a long delay. My mental health has been trash and the world feels like it's on fire. I've finally been able to read and write again (yay) so I'm going to keep writing and posting as much as I can. Thanks for anyone who's still reading. I'm still excited to tell Ryder & Zayn's story. Xxx