Chapter 5

A/N Warning: This is the saddest chapter so far, you may want to prepare some tissue with you...

Perrie's POV

Jade suddenly pulled out her hand and I don't know why. I looked at her hoping she would do the same but she never looked at me once. She just looked out at the window at the other side, ignoring me for the whole ride. What have I done? I had been thinking about all the possible reasons but I couldn't find any. I wanna cried right now. I wanted to ask her to forgive me for anything I have done wrong, but I didn't want to beg her for attention cause I was afraid she would hate me more. Please don't hate me...again.

After 30 minutes of agonizing ride, we arrived at the mall. No one had spoken throughout the ride and I think Lesy sensed the tension between Jade and I. We got out of the car and Leigh gave me a look implying she wanted to know what was going on. I shook my head and immediately looked at the ground as I was on the verge of tears . She came to me and pulled me into a hug. I couldn't hold back my tears anymore so I let the tears falling down on my face. Leigh kept rubbing my back and comforting me saying everything would be okay. I felt myself slowly calming down and when I pulled myself away, Jade and Jesy were not here anymore.

"They went into the mall. I told Jesy to take Jade away because I know there is something up between you two, so we want to speak to you two separately." Leigh explained and I nodded. "She hates me" I muttered. "What? NO! Jade would never hate you Perrie." She put her hands on my shoulder and looked at me solemnly. She already did once.

-Flashback-

We had just finished our performance at the Hardrock Cafe and we didn't have any event anymore, so now me and Jade were on our way to the hotel as we were tired, where Lesy decided to tour around the town. My heart was still full of joy because of what happened back then. It was all like a blur as everything was happening so fast. But I do remember me and Jade were acting all lovey dovey on stage. I beamed at the brunette beauty who was now sleeping next to me with her head on my shoulder. This is the best day ever. I put my arm on her waist and pull her closer to me and lay me head of top of hers. I closed my eyes and let all the memory flowed back.

I frowned when I remember our "almost kiss". To be honest I would have kissed her if she didn't pull away. I don't think I could stop myself when those soft and kissable lips were so close to mines. I had dreamt of kissing Jade for so many times and I don't think I would just let the opportunity slips away. I sweared if I just leaned in one more inch, I could touch those lips. Just one touch is enough. But obviously it was not she wanted, she pulled away. She just took it like a joke and she definitely doesn't have feeling for me. Why would she want to kiss you you idiot? I should feel relieved she had pull away, otherwise she would hate me if I did kiss her.

My mind was running every different scenario. What if she feels the same way? What if I confess to her? What if she hates me? What would happened to the band? I should feel happy because of what happened back then, but my mind just won't stop thinking what if more had happened?

I opened my eyes and stared at Jade's beautiful face. I raised up my free hand and softly caressed her cheek. I wish you were mine but there is a line between us that I should never cross. I can't risk to lose you Jade. I didn't realize I was crying until I felt tears falling down.

The next couple days I had never mentioned anything about that day cause I think it would be the best to let everything back to normal. Sometimes Lesy would bring it up but I would just change the topic. It's almost like a taboo to me. Thinking about that day would just light up the fire inside of me and I might do something stupid that I would probably regret. And I can't let it happen. Jade never said anything about it either but I noticed she had became very quiet and I don't know why. Maybe she was just tired as we were doing promotion for our new album nearly everyday.

Until one day we were in our flat and I heard sobbing in her room. The door was unlocked so I went inside and found Jade sitting on her bed, her body was curving into a ball. I heard her sniffling so I sprinted over and sit down next to her.

"Jade why are you crying? What happened?" I wrapped my arms around her, and slowly rubbing her back hoping to calm her down. Her body shuddered the moment I touched her and she pulled away immediately. It hurts.

"No...it...it's n-nothing..." Jade mumbled in between her sobs with her head still in her chest.

"No Jade you are crying it's not nothing. Please tell me Jade." My voice was shaking because it shattered my heart seeing her like this. I tried to hug her again but she backed away again. I tried a few times more but she just kept pushing me away . It was like I was a disease and she wanted to be as far away from me as possible. I couldn't hold back anymore, I bursted out into tears as I don't know what I had done wrong.

"J-Jade...did...did I do something wrong? I-I am sorry..Jade p-please forgive me." I tried so hard not to sound like I was crying but failed miserably. She looked up and I could see her eyes were all red and puffy and it broke my heart. Her eyes widened when she saw me crying. I could see she wanted to lean in but she moved back instead.

"No Perrie you did nothing wrong!...It's just...um...I-I am tired...yeah...that's all." Jade said in a shaky voice and I knew she was not telling the truth because she won't look me in the eyes.

"Jade. I am your best friend. You could tell me anything. P-Please I know I have done something wrong otherwise you wouldn't have pushed me away." I was begging her now, hoping she would just tell me what I had done wrong. She took a glance at me but looked away the next second.

"No Perrie. I-I....just....just leave me alone...please.....please Perrie...." She put her head back on her knee and started crying again.

My heart was broken into million pieces now and I don't think it would be whole again. I got up and walked to the door. I turned the handle and looked back at Jade, she was sobbing even harder now. I wish I could just hug her tight and tell her everything would be okay. But she doesn't want me. I gulped and turned around, and then walked out of her room. I closed the door and slid down. I sat by the door and I could hear Jade burst into loud sobs. I started bawling my eyes out because I felt so desperate. She hates me. But I hate myself ever more. I hate myself for being the reason for her cry and I couldn't do anything about it.

The next day when I woke up, the first thing I did was to check on Jade, but she was out already. She didn't tell me where she was going and she didn't come home until midnight. This happened everyday, unless we had promo on that day. That's like the only time I got to see her. Even though we were living together, she would stay in her room all day. Every time I tried to talk to her, she would just ignore me and walk away, like I was invisible. It was like hell to me. I really want to know what I have done wrong to deserve to be treated like this, but she won't talk to me. She didn't even give me a chance to make it right. I felt so devastated and hopeless every day and I would cry myself to sleep every night.

This continued until one day she came home and finally talked to me. I didn't really remember the whole conversation. The only thing I remembered is she told me she was dating Jed.

-Flashback end-

"Perrie...Perrie!" I snapped out of my thought and saw Leigh was waving at me.

"Perrie you have been crying the whole time. I had been calling you but you were in deep thought. Please tell me what's wrong. Is it about Jade?" Leigh stared at me like she was trying to read my mind. I just kept shaking my head cause I don't wanna talk about it. What can I say? I love Jade but she hates me?

"I...I am tired...can I go home?" I whimpered.

"Yeah...sure. I would just call Jesy. Do you want me to stay with you?" Leigh asked worriedly.

"It's fine. I am just going to go to bed and get some rest." I shook my head and smiled weakly at her. She nodded and started calling Jesy while I called for a taxi.

"I guess it's just me and Jesy do the shopping then. Jade just left." Leigh said when she hang up.

"Did she say where she was going?" I frowned.

"Jesy said Jed called her, so I think she is going to meet Jed." Leigh replied and my heart dropped. Of course she was going to hang out with Jed, he is her boyfriend. I gulped and felt tears threaten to come out again. I saw my taxi arrived. I got on the taxi before saying a quick goodbye to Leigh. I broke down and started crying my eyes out the second I closed the door. Why? Why can't I be the one she loves?

Maybe it's wrong to say please love me too

'Cause I know you'll never do

Maybe it's wrong to love you more each day

'Cause I know he's here to stay

Jade's POV

When I got out of the car, Jesy dragged me to the mall in no time. When we got to the mall, I turned around but I didn't see Leigh and Perrie. I looked at Jesy in confusion.

"What is going on between you and Perrie?" Jesy asked my solemnly and my body got stiff momentarily.

"Nothing." I murmured and looked away from her burning stare.

"Don't lie to me Jade. I was sitting right next to you two and I can cut the tension with a knife. Why did you ignore her? I could see Perrie had no idea what was going on." Jesy crossed her arms in front of her chest and looked at me sternly. I feel like a kid who had done something wrong and was waiting to be chastised by my mother. I lowered my head and didn't say a word. What can I tell her? I ignore her because I love her? She would probably think I was crazy.

"Jade. If Perrie had done something wrong, you had to let her know and try to make thing right. You can't just give her cold shoulder for no reason. I could tell she was hurt by your behaviour. She is your best friend, are you going to see her like this because of you and do nothing about it?"

My head shot up. Perrie was...hurt? And I was the reason to it? Oh my god what have I done? Tears started falling down uncontrollably and Jesy immediately pulled me into a hug.

"Jade. Please tell me what is going on? I want to help you. I don't want to see you and Perrie upset." Jesy whispered in my ear and slowly rubbing my back. My hand grasp tightly on her collar and kept sobbing. The thing is. I knew what she was saying was 100% right but I don't know how to tell her. I knew if I told her my feeling for Perrie, she would want me to confess it to Perrie and I don't want to do that. I know she doesn't feel the same and the last thing I want is to lose her... But had I already done that by pushing her away....again? We have been like this before and it took me a long time to be comfortable around her again. What should I do?

I felt my phone buzzing in my pocket. I pulled away from Jesy and took my phone out. Jed was calling me. I smiled and accepted the call.

"Hey Jade. I just came back from the US and would you like to have a coffee together? I miss you so bad and I am dying to see your beautiful face." He said in a playful tone and I could already imagine a smirk on his face.

"Yeah sure. I miss you too." I tried to imitate his playful tone and hid my shaky voice.

"Jade...your voice...are you crying? I am going out right now. Meet me at the coffee shop we went last time? I would be there in 10 minutes."

"Okay. See you there." I hang up and put the phone back to my pocket. I looked up and saw Jesy furrowed her eyebrows.

"Where are you going Jade?" She queried.

"Jed is back and he wants to see me."

"But what about the things between you and Perrie? You just leave it like that?" Jesy said in disbelief.

"I would talk to her I promise. Just...not now." I sighed

"Okay...but don't take too long alright? It would be better to talk to her sooner than later" I nodded and said goodbye to her. I left the mall and started walking to the coffee shop to meet Jed. He is the one I need right now.