18: Jacob

JACOB'S POVMarch 10th

Katie showing up at the Rez was expected. I knew that she wouldn't take my silence for much longer. She was much too stubborn for that. Still, when I heard her call after me I was hit with a fresh wave of surprise. "Jacob! Hey!" She sounded angry—rightfully so.

She couldn't be here. It wasn't safe for her. I wasn't safe for her. I froze in place. How do I tell her to leave? Her voice was so familiar that my heart started pounding.

I couldn't even bear to look at her while she talked to me. I knew that as soon as I saw her big eyes I'd fold like a house of cards. I couldn't fold, not when I wasn't the same Jacob any more. It was so unfair. I had no control— I would spill my guts to her, if I could. Just to have her around. Selfish, but true. I need her in my life. But I can't have her, not without putting her in danger.

I could tell my words to her were sharp and frustrating to hear. But there was nothing else I could say. I'd tried, once or twice, but couldn't choke out the words. 

After an eternity of bickering, I was content to walk away, to leave things as terribly as they were. It would be in her best interest, after all. But that's when I heard her shuddering breath. It broke my heart. And then she said, "Come find me again when you've decided I'm worthy of your presence." She sounded so... defeated. We both did.

She had been getting this all wrong. How was I supposed to explain all that I wanted to say to her under Sam's gag order? I couldn't let her think this was all because I had just moved on. She was much better than me. Couldn't she see that?

I turned around. Without thinking, I reached out and grabbed her hand, knowing she might hit me, and turned her towards me. I had never held her hand before— she had always moved away. Never let anyone hold her hand.

That's when it hit me. I saw her face, and I knew what was happening.

I imprinted on her.

So many scenes, almost like memories, whisked through my mind at once. Of her. Of us. Of me as a wolf and her still by my side. It became clear that I wasn't able to walk away— she was it. The center of my universe.

I was half conscious of our real selves, stuck in my head, but Katie seemed as shocked as I did. I felt her legs buckle, and we both went down in the grass on our knees. I couldn't help myself— I just stared at her. My mind was spinning. And I couldn't look away from her eyes, so close and yet so far away.

Katie was my imprint. My best friend. My soulmate, more or less. And what I had just said to her... it was enough to make my stomach weak. I wanted to take it back. To apologize, right then and there. Words failed me.

Sam, Embry, and the rest of the pack darted out of the house, clearly alarmed by what they were seeing. Katie and I, just staring at each other, half in horror and half in surprise. Embry stepped forward, ready to pull me away from her if necessary.

"What was that," Katie gasped, scrambling backwards and away from me so fast that it surprised me. It made sense, now, that she was so shocked— she had seen it too. But, as far as I knew, Emily hadn't when Sam imprinted on her. So how had Katie seen it?

"Katie—" I sounded small. My heart was pounding. Control it, Jacob. "How did you..."

She didn't wait for me to finish. Katie stared at me a moment longer before she sprinted away. I couldn't even get up to go after her. I just watched her, watched as she hopped in the passenger seat of her car and as Bella drove away. Another moment passed in silence. "Dude, what the hell just happened?" Embry asked me, clapping my shoulder loudly.

I ignored him, and shook him off as I stood. "I screwed up. Big time."

Embry rolled his eyes. The others were silent. "She'll forgive you. You guys clearly love each other."

That pissed me off. Yeah, I loved her. How hadn't I seen it before? I had ignored her, and cast her aside for her own good. But she already knew about vampires. If I had been able to talk to her sooner... I would have imprinted then. And I'd have more leverage to explain things to her, properly. "That's not it." How could I explain when it felt like I was not even in my own head anymore?

Sam's eyes narrowed. "Did you tell her?" He was skeptical, commanding.

Everyone inhaled sharply. It was against orders to tell anyone about the pack, and with the gag order it was physically impossible. "No." I said miserably. I wish that had been it, I almost said. I hesitated, then I began stalking towards the woods. "I imprinted on her."

With that, I went into my wolf form. Maybe if I just ran it out it'd all make sense. I got about five strides into the forrest before I heard the pack approaching.

Jake, you probably didn't imprint on her. I mean... Embry started, speaking mind-to-mind, but I interrupted him.

I forced myself to remember what had just occurred. What I had seen, how Katie had reacted, all of it.

Holy shit, Embry chuckled.

You imprinted all right,  Jared chimed, like he was whistling.

Don't be so miserable, Jake! You can tell her, now. About all of it. She'll forgive you. Embry added.

I tried my best to repress the words I had spoken to her, but it was impossible to keep anything from the pack."Don't quit on me, Jake. I can't take it," she had said. I said the worst things to her. And she saw the truth. I know she did. And she still ran away.

Jacob, Sam said firmly, having an imprint is a responsibility and an honor. She didn't see the truth— couldn't know the truth yet. She needs to hear it from you. Emily had no idea it was happening until I explained it.

Katie did know, I insisted, recalling her panic. Didn't you hear her? She asked me about it. She knows.

Maybe she already has a suspicion. She knew about the Cullens, after all. Paul said simply, like it made sense.

No, I confirmed. I know her. If she had known about any of this, she would have said it directly. She doesn't beat around the bush. I can tell she didn't know about the wolf thing. But somehow she knew about the imprint. It was written all over her face. She's always been easy to read. Thinking of her fondly, like that, made my gut twist into something worse.

God, you're getting mushy already. Keep that romance stuff out of my head—

Anger blinded me. Shut up, Jared. She's my best friend.

And you should keep it that way. He retorted. Wish you didn't imprint. I would totally hit that—

I growled at him, sharp and vicious and piercing. It surprised me, because I hadn't even consciously wanted to snap at him.

Careful, Jacob, Sam warned. You just imprinted. For the next few months, you're going to be extra territorial. It's in your DNA. He paused, clearly reminiscent of his own experience. And that means, the rest of you, lay off him about it unless you want a fight. He won't be able to control it.

Great. Another thing I can't control, I felt worse, now, than I had before.

Talk to her, Embry insisted. Go to her house or something. We'll follow you. You'll feel better when you know for sure.

No. I knew the right course of action. She needs time. I know she needs time. She runs hot. If I go now, she won't listen to me.

Match made in heaven, Paul chuckled, and I had to fight another growl.

Watch it, Sam warned again. I couldn't tell which one of us he was warning.

Can I have a chaperone? In case I can't control yourself around her? It was pleading, but I was willing to do it. Please. I don't want to hurt her. Tonight. I'll climb in her window or something.

Why not just use the front door? Jared laughed.

Charlie's pissed at me, remember? Rightfully so. Do you think any of them would willingly let me in if I knocked?

Right. Chief of Police's niece? Totally forgot. Well, good luck with that as an in-law, Paul snorted.

Yeah, Jake. Sneaking into her window like a criminal is the perfect way to get inside. Have you ever considered that she might, I don't know, not let you in?

I don't have any other ideas. And I knew, deep down, that this is how she'd want it to happen. In public, she'd blow me off. I needed to make sure we were alone. You will have to wait outside. She won't want to talk to me if I'm with you all.

Harsh. Embry seemed to understand, though. Yeah, Jacob's right. She's very direct.

What, so everyone knows this girl other than me? Paul asked. "This girl" made me want to lunge at him. He recoiled at my intention. Not trying to be offensive. I'm serious.

She's been friends with Jake since she moved here. Embry said. We've hung out a few times. Small town, remember?

Yeah, yeah, Paul snorted. I just hope she's just as accommodating to us as she was with the Cullens.

We don't know for sure that she was aware they were vampires. Sam said smoothly.

Yes we do. She all but confirmed it, I replied. I don't know how she found out, though.

I do. She's best friends with Bella. Practically sisters. How wouldn't she know?

I don't think Bella told her. I don't know why I think that, but it rings true in my head.

How else would she find out? It isn't like she can read minds or anything, Jared seemed annoyed. He thought I was in denial.

You're forgetting that she was with Bella just a week ago when we killed that vampire. She could have found out then, Embry said.

Maybe, I allowed, but didn't totally agree. I can ask her when I explain everything.

And I would, I realized. Explain everything. So that maybe we could be friends again. I would do anything to be with her again.