17: Katie

KATIE'S POVMarch 10th

I'd had enough with Jacob's silence.

I was pissed. Actually, I was enraged.

Jacob said I was his best friend. He didn't have the right to treat me this shittily. I still can't get Jake to pick up the phone when I call, but he's more than healthy enough to go see his other friends? I'm glad they made up. I really am. But that doesn't give him an excuse to blow me off.

He had told me that he'd call when I can come over again. Well, if he can't act like a good friend, then I won't, either. I'm going over to their house whether Billy or Jacob want me there or not.

Charlie didn't say anything when I angrily grabbed my keys from the hook by the front door. "I'm going to La Push," I called over my shoulder, just in case he cared.

He didn't say anything, and I think it's because he understood. He understood that his wasn't going to be a friendly visit unless Jacob had a damn good explanation for ignoring me.

Bella came down the stairs then, a quizzical expression playing on her face. "Want a ride?"

I wanted to say, 'No, this will be easier when I can yell at him in private,' but a small part of me wanted her there. Jacob was her friend, too, and he'd been ignoring the both of us. Plus, my hands were trembling, and if I got any angrier I'd probably not be able to drive myself back home. "Sure," I eventually relented, tossing her the keys.

We were both silent on the car ride. My mind had been eating away at me for the last few days after what had happened in the clearing. At first, going to La Push seemed reckless and selfish. But I decided that, with the high likelihood that I'm dying soon, I'd better at least speak to Jacob again. Face to face.

Bella and I hadn't talked much about it, but I knew she thought the same thing as me. I could tell by the way we both flinched every time we heard a loud noise. Charlie, it seemed, had connected my behavior with Jacob's sudden disappearance, and had slowly become furious with Billy.

While stupid to admit, it touched me that he cared about my well-being. It was fatherly in a way that made my chest tighten.

When we got to the house, I made Bella kill the engine. Finally, I killed the silence. "I was planning on waiting here until he got home. Billy told me he was out with Embry. I think..." I cleared my throat. "I think he's part of Sam Uley's gang..." I trailed off, looking her in the eyes. "Remember him telling us about it a while ago?"

Bella nodded. The dots seemed to be connecting for her, too. "Yeah." She frowned, the v between her eyes deepening. "That would explain a lot, actually. Maybe he hasn't been avoiding you on purpose. Maybe he just hasn't been able to call you."

"Maybe," I said, even though that part was still uncertain to me. "Either way, I just need to talk to him. Alone," I added. "I just think I need to talk to him one on one."

Bella nodded. "I'd suspected that." Honestly, in that moment, I wasn't sure if I'd ever loved her more.

I nodded and got out of the car, leaning against the hood. It was cool outside and there was a little bit of a drizzle, but I didn't mind. My anger was making me feel hot anyways.

I let my gaze drift around the property, taking in the scenery I hadn't seen for almost a month, my eyes dating from the trees to the house.

I spotted him before he noticed me.

He was walking with purpose, crossing the large grassy area in front of the house. Behind him were four other boys; each equally tall. But I didn't care about them, not now.

"Jacob!" I shouted, standing up. He froze in place, back to me, and that's when I really took him in. He was shirtless, almost bigger than ever. His hair was short, cut almost sloppily, inky and black around his ears. "Hey!"

He didn't move. The other boys turned to me; each a replica of his tension. Their expressions were solemn, angry, but I bet mine was the angriest of them all.

"What do you want, Katie?" Jacob responded, still refusing to look at me. His body language was stiff. It pissed me off.

"I want to talk to you, Jake." My voice was sharp. The rain picked up in its intensity, the drizzle turning into somewhat of a downpour.

"Go ahead." He hissed with a viscousness I had never heard from him.

"Alone." My voice softened a little. He still wouldn't look at me, but these other four boys were glancing between the two of us. Jake turned to Sam, carefully, and I got a glimpse of his face, but I know he didn't see mine. Sam nodded, and the others retreated.

"Okay." Jake said, finally. He didn't turn around to look at me, keeping his head tilted towards the ground.

"Are you going to look at me?" I snapped, even though it was petty and stupid. I just didn't want him ignoring what I had to say.

"You wanted to talk." He said, although it sounded like a sigh.

Even though he had ignored my comment, I powered through. "You know what I want to know, Jacob. Where the hell have you been?" I kept my voice down, but the tone was still demanding. I probably sounded like a jealous girlfriend, but I didn't care. I was jealous.

"It's not what you think, Katie." This time, I could tell he was sighing. His walls had broken down slightly, and his shoulders hunched forward. "It's not what I thought. I was way off about Sam."

"So what is it?" I asked plainly.

He shook his head. I wished he was just look at me, but my feet were glued to the ground. I couldn't walk in front of him if I tried. "I can't tell you." His voice had gone so soft, the pain clear.

I grimaced. "I thought we were friends, Jacob. Best friends." Here he was, still hiding things from me. Keeping himself separate.

"We were," he said, and the use of past tense told me enough.

"So that's it? You don't need me anymore, now that you have Sam?" My words were sour, so sour that I could taste them in my mouth.

"I didn't understand him before. I do know." He said it simply, as if there was no other way around it.

"Well, hallelujah," I replied sarcastically.

"It's not Sam's fault. He's helping me, Katie. As much as he can." I heard the rage return to his words, and there was nothing more I wished than to look him dead in the eyes.

I almost retorted with something even nastier, but I forced myself to exhale. "Jacob, there isn't any chance you could tell me what happened? Maybe I can help. Or—"

"Or what? No one can help me now." His voice broke, and suddenly he didn't seem so tough.

"Oh, Jake, what did he do to you?" I tried to stay collected but the tears had started to form in my eyes. I took a step closer to him.

"Katie, stay away from me. Don't touch me." He said, as if he knew that I had been about to hug him.

"The only person I'll be touching is Sam, when I punch him for what he did to my best friend—"

"Katie, stop blaming Sam!" Jacob shouted, lifting his head. He looked like he was going to turn, but he didn't.

"Then who should I blame?" I snapped, throwing my arms wide as if he could see it. "I don't see any other factors to this sudden change!"

Jacob growled. "Fine!" He hesitated, like he knew saying whatever would come next was a terrible idea. "Want someone to blame? Blame those filthy, reeking bloodsuckers you've come so accustomed to—"

My mouth fell open. I was frozen, somewhere begin crying and throwing a tantrum. There was no way I had heard him incorrectly, right? How in the hell did he learn about vampires?

"What are you talking about?" I said slowly, voice hard. If he knew what had happened between me and Johnathan, I'd understand why he was so pissed at me.

"The Cullens." He became quiet, then, like he was putting things together in his mind. "Bella knows, too, right?"

"It's not what you think." I said, as condescending as he had been to me not five minutes ago. If he thought this was all because of the Cullens, he was far from correct. Raindrops slid down my cheeks like cold tears.

"It's too late. Don't you see? Everything's already been set in motion. Because they exist, I am this way. That's why they're to blame." Jacob sighed loudly, shoulders dropping.

"I don't understand, Jacob." I was desperate now, for a real explanation instead of another bullshit half-answer. "You're being cryptic."

"The damage is done. I can't tell you anything more, Katie! I would if I could." He sounded sincere, so sincere, that it hurt me in my heart.

"What damage, Jacob?" I ask anyway.

He shook his head. "I need to go back to Sam. And you need to go home."

No. He had given me half-answers and no real explanation, and I deserved at least that. Or some closure, so that I could think about something that wasn't Jacob. "So that's it? You're done with me? Just like that?"

His head dropped. "I can't be friends with you, Katie." I still just wanted him to look at me, to acknowledge that I was right behind him.

"Why?" I was so desperate, and I knew I was acting the fool, but I couldn't think straight. With the other boys around my head was thrumming and warning me but I didn't know why. It was like that day in the clearing all over again. My mind seemed petrified in their presence. "You promised you wouldn't break my heart, Jake. You lied." There it was— my breaking point. My voice cracked, and the tears I had been so successful at holding back began rolling down my cheeks. I felt so lonely in that moment.  "Don't quit on me, Jake. I can't take it."

His breath caught. "No, Katie, don't blame yourself. Please. It's me. I'm not... good enough to be your friend anymore." His body was slowly turning towards me, but his eyes stayed locked on the ground. On his hands in front of him.

I shook my head, a small sob escaping me. "I don't care! You've always been good enough to be my friend. More than good enough." This situation was so... ironic. In the least humorous way possible.

He shook his head. "No, Katie. It isn't enough."

I huffed out a shaky breath, then turned away from him, finally. "Come find me again when you've decided I'm worthy of your presence." I wiped the tears and rain from my cheeks angrily.

He must have heard it— the final wall crashing down. Heard my heart break in half. Because he finally broke his stubbornness and turned to me.

He grabbed my hand, and whirled me around so I faced him.

Because he was grabbing my hand, all at once, I was pulled into his mind. At least I thought it was his mind, because I was looking at myself. I looked so... small in his eyes.

His mind exploded with an indescribable emotion. Glimpses of things that were definite drifted through his head, although I knew that hadn't happened— they were in the future. Well, I guess Jake knew that. It was glimpses of me, of us together. Holding hands, smiling, laughing, hugging, and... and kissing.

I saw glimpses of the wolf, the reddish brown one,, and understood from Jake's perspective that the wolf was... him. They were the wolves. Werewolves. Sam was their leader. That's why he couldn't tell me what was wrong.

So many things happened in my mind that I felt overwhelmed. I felt like I was invading his privacy, but at the same time it was like I couldn't pull myself away. I was frozen, so much information passing by in what couldn't have been longer than a few seconds.

I was vaguely aware that my knees were buckling, and I fell to my knees in the wet grass. Jacob did, too. The others had come back around, clearly alarmed by Jake and I, who were looking at each other with eyes so wide you would have thought we'd just learned some big secret.

"What was that?" I was scrambling backwards and away from Jacob so fast that it caught me off guard. The rain was starting to get to me, numbing my skin. My head was pounding, threatening to knock me out if I didn't quickly get away from the source of the sensation. Werewolves, I understood now. They were werewolves.

"Katie—" Jacob looked stricken, no longer angry, his expression soft and dazed. "How did you..."

I knew what was coming next, and I wasn't thinking straight, and all I could hear was a dull roaring in my ears. I stood, everything seeming fuzzy, and sprinted back to my car with everything in me. Jake didn't follow me, and I was glad he didn't, because as soon  as I slid in the passenger seat I was sobbing.

"Go, drive," I urged to Bella, not too kindly, my head pounding so hard that it made my tears sting even worse.

Jacob was a werewolf.

And I... I didn't even know how I played into it, but something just changed between us. It was like fate, linking us together. I was confused, and angry, but most of all terrified. Because, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't distract my brain from thinking: how am I supposed to explain myself without losing him forever?