Empty - 09

★★★★★

Life went on.

The sun still rose. The clock still ticked. The world still moved.

But me? I stayed in the same place.

No morning coffees passed between quiet hands. No late night walks by the park where silence felt safe. No balcony talks with fingers curled around warm mugs and hearts even warmer.

It's funny how someone becomes a routine without you realizing it. And when they leave, every little thing feels... incomplete.

But I kept moving. Because that's what people do, right?

Even with a broken heart. Even with blurry eyes. Even when the weight of silence becomes unbearable.

I showed up at the hospital. I still wore my white coat. I still smiled at the front desk. Still nodded at passing nurses. Still checked my clipboard like I was present.

But I wasn't really there.

Not the way I used to be.

My mind kept floating somewhere else-usually to balconies and paint stains, to affectionate eyes and quiet "good mornings" that once meant the world.

I knew I wasn't okay. But I thought I could fake it enough. You know what they always say: Fake it 'til you make it.

Until I didn't.

It happened in one awful morning.

A small boy - my patient, barely eight years old. He came in with sleep trauma and anxiety, usually needing a micro-dose of melatonin just to relax before therapy. His case wasn't new to me. I handled it a dozen times before.

But this time?

I gave him two doses.

Two full dosages before I even realized my hands were trembling.

I stared at the syringe after. Time slowed. My heartbeat grew loud.

The nurse beside me screamed my name.

"H-He's not waking up!"

Then chaos.

Doctors came in. Nurses surrounded him. Monitors beeped like alarms. I heard words like "overdose," "pediatric risk," "low oxygen saturation."

My feet wouldn't move.

I just stood there.

Watching. Numb.

I almost killed him.

─── ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ───

They stabilized him hours later. But the whispers started long before that. Hallways were never quiet when the gossip was about you.

And Zayne? He found me before the day even ended.

We sat inside his office. He didn't speak for a long time. Just looked at me like he was trying to find the pieces of the childhood friend he used to know.

"You okay?" He finally asked.

I didn't answer.

He exhaled. Tired. Sympathetic.

"The board reviewed what happened this morning. And the past couple of weeks... Y/N, it's not just today. You've been off for a while."

I swallowed the lump in my throat. "I didn't mean to-"

"I know." He interrupted, gently. "But intent doesn't erase the outcome."

My hands curled on my lap. My nails dug into my skin just to feel something.

"They've decided to... suspend your license indefinitely."

My world stopped.

"That still means... I need to renew my license, right? Isn't this punishment too much?"

"You're not being punished." Zayne added quickly. "But you need time. Real time. Not this fake coping you've been doing."

"And if I don't agree?"

He looked down. "Then they'll take it. Permanently. You won't be able to enter the medical field."

Silence.

I felt everything at once. And nothing at all. What the hell is happening to me...

Zayne leaned forward. "Y/N, please... get help. You're always the one healing others. Let someone do the same for you now. You need it."

I stared at the ceiling. I blinked away the tears.

And when I finally walked out of that office, I wasn't Dr. Y/N anymore.

Just another broken soul in need of saving.

─── ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ───

The walk home was quiet.

No messages. No calls. No one waiting at the door.

I sat on the couch in my cold, dimly-lit apartment, hugging the giant apple plushie Caleb gave me. The same one I clutched the night I first realized I liked Rafayel.

I remembered Rafayel's laugh. The way he'd paint with his whole body. How he once whispered, "I love you" through a kiss but thought I didn't hear it.

I remembered it all.

And now, all I had was... silence.

No hospital.No boyfriend.No brother.

Nothing.

─── ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ───

I decided to leave. To go abroad.

I didn't leave a note.

Didn't bother writing some poetic paragraph about self-love and healing. Didn't post a vague quote online to make it seem like I had it all figured out.

No. I just packed.

A few clothes. Important documents. Some cash. Nothing more.

I didn't even take my stethoscope. The one Caleb gifted me when I graduated. It still smelled like hospital corridors and hope.

But I wasn't that girl anymore.

I needed to be someone else now. Someone who could heal others again - but only after she healed herself.

─── ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ───

I booked the flight that morning.

One-way. No return date. No plans to update anyone. I just wanted out.

Of this city.

Of this pain.

Of myself.

They said healing required space.

So maybe another continent would do.

And yet... right before the taxi arrived, I made the dumbest decision of my life.

I turned back.

I stared at the towering apartment building across the street like it was some sort of unfinished chapter I was still stupidly attached to.

And my feet moved before I could stop them.

─── ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ───

The code still worked.

Rafayel's apartment door clicked open with the same dull sound it always made. But the silence that greeted me was different.

Too quiet. Almost hollow.

I stepped inside slowly, scanning the space.

Empty.

Not the kind of empty where someone's just out to buy groceries.

No. This was different.

The furnitures were wrapped in protective sheets. Canvases leaned against walls like forgotten thoughts. The shelves were bare. The scent of linseed oil and lavender - gone.

I swallowed the thick lump in my throat.

He left.

No note. No heads up. No goodbye.

Just gone.

I wanted to sit. Or scream. Or cry. Maybe all three.

But I didn't.

I just stood there in the middle of what used to be his world-our world, trying to make sense of why the only person I wanted to say goodbye to had already left without saying a word.

─── ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ───

I tried calling him.

No answer.

Tried again.

Still nothing.

My hands trembled as I stared at the screen. One missed call. No voicemail.

The next thing I knew, I was calling Thomas.

He picked up after two rings.

"Y/N?"

His voice was quiet, surprised.

I cleared my throat. "Hey... um... I won't take much of your time. I just... I just wanted to say goodbye."

"Goodbye?" He repeated, confused.

"I'm leaving. I'm going abroad." I said softly. "To renew my license. To... fix myself. I don't know when I'll be back. Or if I'll ever come back."

A pause.

I didn't expect him to say anything comforting. Thomas was always a little awkward with feelings - a quiet supporter, not a speaker.

"Take care of yourself, Y/N." He finally said.

"Yeah." I forced a laugh. "You too."

Silence again. Then I added one last thing.

"If Rafayel asks... tell him I called."

I didn't wait for a response.

I ended the call.

─── ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ───

The drive to the airport felt like the last scene of a movie I didn't want to watch anymore.

The city passed me by like a stranger. I saw our usual coffee shop. The bookstore we found by accident. The tree we carved our initials into, that one time we were tipsy and happy and laughing under the stars.

Now?

They were just places.

Backgrounds of a love that once existed.

I didn't look back as I walked through the airport gates.

I didn't hope for some dramatic run-in or a surprise "wait, don't go."

Because this isn't a movie.

This isn't some kind of novel.

This was real life.

And in real life, sometimes people don't chase you. Sometimes they let you leave.Sometimes... they already left before you even had the chance to.

So I boarded that plane with a heavy heart and an aching soul.

Not knowing what came next. Not even sure if I wanted to.

But I left.

I really left.

And the sky swallowed me whole.

─── ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ───

Five years.

It's strange how time passes - painfully slow when you're hurting, but blindingly fast when you're trying to rebuild yourself.

One year of healing. And four years of clawing my way back to who I was.

Or rather, who I needed to become.

There's no dramatic way to describe it. No montage of breakthroughs and bright mornings. Just a long, quiet stretch of days where I learned how to breathe again.

Now I'm back.

Linkon City.

Akso Hospital.

The same place I once crumbled in. The same place I now returned to - not because I had to, but because I chose to.

I wasn't the same girl who left.

But I wasn't entirely new either.

─── ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ───

I didn't go back to my apartment.

I wasn't ready. Yet.

There were too many memories pressed into the walls, too many ghosts that knew my name. So I checked into a small hotel a few blocks from the hospital. Clean sheets, sterile lighting, no history.

Exactly what I needed.

The first morning back felt... surreal.

The walk to the hospital was familiar. Same crosswalks. Same smell of coffee from that tiny café on 3rd. But everything felt distant - like I was stepping into a memory I didn't quite belong to anymore.

Then I stepped through the glass doors of Akso Hospital.

And I was met with warmth.

"Dr. Y/N?" one of the younger nurses blinked, mouth wide open. "Oh my god, you're back?!"

Others turned their heads. Someone gasped. And before I could process it, I was being pulled into soft hugs and excited greetings.

They remembered.

And somehow, that made my throat tighten.

"You look so different, in a good way." another nurse smiled. "You seem... calmer."

I gave a small, tired smile.

─── ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ───

It wasn't long before Zayne found me in the hallway. Of course, he did.

Same neat hair. Same overachiever posture. But when he saw me, something in his expression softened.

He didn't say anything at first. Just looked at me, as if making sure I was real.

Then-

"I'm proud of you."

That was all.

Not "How are you?" or "You've been gone so long!"

Just that.

And for once, it was enough.

I chuckled, the sound awkward in my chest. "Thanks. Took me long enough."

He nodded. "Still feels a bit unreal. You're... really okay?"

I thought about it. About everything I endured. The nights I cried so hard I choked. The mornings I stared at a blank ceiling wondering if I'd ever be good enough again. The therapy sessions where I hated myself. The ones where I forgave myself. And all the moments in between.

"I'm getting there." I said quietly. "Still feel empty sometimes. But... I'm functioning again. That's atleast something, right?"

Zayne smiled and patted my shoulder gently. "It's everything."

─── ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ───

The day passed in soft reunions and tentative first steps.

New nurses were introduced. Old mentors gave kind nods. Patients' files were handed to me with trust in their eyes.

Somehow, I was back in a world I once lost.

And as I stood in the break room that afternoon, sipping burnt hospital coffee with a file in hand, I realized something.

I was breathing.

Not just existing. Not just floating.

Breathing.

Maybe not with joy yet, but with purpose.

That had to count for something.

─── ⋆𐙚₊˚⊹♡ ───

Later that night, I returned to my hotel room.A small, quiet box overlooking the city lights.

I lay on the bed in silence.

And for the first time in a long time, I didn't cry myself to sleep.

That's how I knew I was healing.

Even if the emptiness was still there. Even if Rafayel's name still lingered like a ghost in my chest.

I was getting better.

One breath at a time.

★★★★★

3 chapters left until the ending! Hehe