12 • drunk

THE WALKING DEAD- a rick grimes fanfic story -

EDITED: 4/30/24

GREENE FARM 📍

season 2, episode 8

  All I could hear were loud cries, everyone was crying. Carol continued to scream her late daughter's name, Beth, and Maggie crying for their mother and brother. 

My eyes were sealed shut, afraid to look at the damage in front of me. I couldn't bear the thought of seeing the lifeless child in front of me, as well as Beth's mother and brother. Yet I knew I would have to whether I liked it or not.

I slowly opened my eyes, my puffy teary blue eyes focused on the dead Sophia right in front of me. Her grey body now lying limp on the ground, dark blood from the bullet wound oozing out of her head. 

In the corner of my eye, I see Rick slowly lower his gun to his side, then turn to his left to look at Shane who was staring in shock.

I look down at my body, my stab wound slowly dripping with blood, and my clothes had dirt all over them due to Shane pushing me to the ground. My eyes glide over to my right hand, the gun in my hand twitching, I carefully place my gun back in the band of my jeans. I slowly turn to look at everyone, my eyes cast over Lori and Carl, my heart dropping to my stomach once I see the young boy softly crying in his mom's arms.

"Don't look, Don't look." I hear Daryl order, my head snaps towards him to see Carol struggling in his arms while loudly crying. Carol rips herself out of his arms, giving all of us one last look before running away from the group. 

My breathing gets heavier the longer I stand, I look back down at my wound to see blood leaking quickly. My hearing had turned to nothing but a faint buzzing sound, pure shock flowing through my veins.

I bring my hands to my stomach and press pressure on it cringing a bit at the feeling of blood filling my hands, I pull away deciding to let it leak blood, I'd take care of it soon. That's when I hear Beth sobbing, I weakly look towards my family to see the amount of emotion on their face.

Hershel was still kneeling on the ground, his hands over his mouth as he softly cried, Maggie was stood beside him with her hand resting on his shoulder, Beth was holding onto Jimmy for comfort as she loudly wailed, Patricia was stood by herself staring at the scene in shock. 

I take a few steps towards them but pause once I see Beth slowly pull away from Jimmy and make her way towards the walkers, as she walks past me I bring my bloody hand towards her trying to push her back.

"Beth, no, don't," I weakly warned her, and she slightly pushed me, running into Shane and Rick who also tried to stop her but failed. 

Beth let out sobs as she lowered to her knees in front of a dead walker, Annette. Beth grabbed Annette's shoulders and pushed her over on her back, softly saying "Mom?", we all watched in silence.

Before anything else could happen Beth let out an ear-piercing scream, the once beautiful woman that was her mother was now a growling walker, snarling at her daughter and trying to attack. 

Everyone yells out and runs towards Beth, including me. I wrap my arms around Beth's arm and pull her away from her now dead-walker-mother, Beth screams and cries only get louder as the walker now has a grip on Beth's hair.

Everyone in the group works on pulling the two apart, as we finally pull Beth away I hold her in my arms, she tries to fight but ends up giving up and falls weak in my arms. T-Dog and Glenn try to fight off the loud snarling walker, T-Dog kicks Annette's head which causes her to growl louder. 

As they continue to fight her off Andrea runs towards us with a gardening tool in her hand, quickly swinging her arms and hitting walker-Annette in the head, causing her to finally go silent.

Hershel walks up to both me and Beth, taking her from my arms which she gladly moves to Hershel's arms letting him hold her while she cries. I blink my eyes quickly, my breathing still quick and heavy, I slowly look over at Rick to see him staring down at Annette, overwhelmed. 

I go to open my mouth to say something but nothing comes out, instead, I feel a hand grab my arm, and I turn around to come face to face with a sorrowful Maggie.

"Your wound, you pulled the stitches. We gotta get you fixed up," Maggie told me softly with a small crack in her voice. 

My eyes blinked quickly to remove the cloudiness in my vision, I slowly nodded my head and took a step towards Maggie with a slight stumble, she quickly grabbed my arm and wrapped it around her neck to keep me stable, we followed behind Hershel, Beth, Jimmy, and Patricia as they make their way towards the house.

As we slowly make our way home I slightly turn my head to see Rick, Glenn, and Shane walking behind us quickly, causing me to sigh. I tighten my hold around Maggie's neck once I feel myself slipping, my eyes slowly drooping, my chest heaving.

"We've been out. We've been combing these woods looking for her and she was in there all along?" My eyes roll in annoyance once I hear Shane's snobby voice, Maggie slows and turns to send Shane a glare. 

Shane looked at me, he noticed my vulnerable figure and pointed his finger at me with a disgusted look. "You knew." He spit out towards me, I scoffed and shook my head too weak to reply.

"Leave us alone." I hear Maggie utter out towards him, she turns us to continue our way to the house. I could hear Shane repeat his words, Rick running up towards him trying to grab ahold of him but he growled at Rick to leave him alone. I gulped and breathed deeply, my hand held against my reopened wound.

"You knew, and you kept it from us." Shane accused us all, Hershel shook his head and tried to wave off Shane.

"I didn't know," Hershel mumbled, both him and Patricia holding onto Beth tightly as she was in shock. Shane and Rick continued to follow after us, Rick was obviously trying to hold back Shane but was failing, not knowing what to do.

"That's Bullshit. I think y'all knew." Shane declared, I grunt in pain my hand pressing against my stomach as it bleeds. 

I shake my head and turn my head to stare at Shane, "We didn't know!" I yell out weakly, Shane's anger only grew, and my eyes glanced over at Rick to see him looking at me worriedly.

"Why was she there then?" Shane questioned us, Hershel opened his mouth to reply but paused as he couldn't seem to find the correct words.

We slowly but surely make it to the first few steps of the house, Maggie lets go of me as I'm steady on the steps without her hold. I turn around to see an angry Shane, a shy observant Glenn, and a speechless Rick.

 I watch as Patricia leads Beth inside the house, Maggie brings her hand to my back to try and lead me inside but I stop her, motioning that I want to stay out with Hershel, she nods her head deciding to stay with me.

"Otis put those people in the barn, maybe he found her and put her in there before he was killed," Hershel suggested with a shrug, unsure of himself. Rick's eyes look between Hershel and Shane, as do mine as I sense another fight about to break out, I didn't want Hershel to get hurt.

As I suspected Shane tries to take a step forward, "You expect me to believe that? What do I look like? Do I look like an Idiot?" I take a step down to where I'm standing next to Hershel, my hand finds its way to Hershel's chest as Rick does the same and holds back Shane, "Shane, hey, hey, hey." Rick tried to calm the man.

"I don't care what you believe!" Hershel yelled at the man, swinging his hands around. I gulp, my chest heaving up and down as I watch the two men fight. My jaw clenches as I look at Shane to see a smug look on his face, which pissed me off deeply.

Rick brings his hands and stands in the middle of Hershel and Shane, "Everybody just calm down, please." Rick tries to plead with the men, my eyes look in between Hershel and Shane, the tension only growing.

"Get him off my land!" Hershel demanded, Rick shook his head and went to say something to Shane. I look down and see as Shane's fists clenched, his jaw locked as he angrily shakes his head, "Let me tell you something." I hear Shane mutter out in a snarky tone as he glared at Hershel and slowly stormed towards us, Hershel gulps and slowly backs away but I stand in front of him protectively.

Shane storms up towards Hershel and me, he goes to raise his hand but I move quicker by balling my right hand into a fist and swinging it right at Shane's jaw while loudly shouting, "Don't touch him!"

 I watch Shane finally stumbled to his ass, a small yet noticeable smile on my face as I saw pain flash through his face, I felt a small bit of joy as I was finally able to punch the shit outta Shane. The feeling of joy I felt didn't last long as Shane jumped up to his feet and lunged towards me, I let out a gasp and went to push him away but before I could I heard a slap, Maggie's own hand hitting his skin.

Shane finally stops, he stares at the three of us, "Haven't you done enough?" Maggie shouted towards him bitterly, silence filled the air beside my loud heavy breathing, and I brought my hand back towards my wound and pressed on it. Maggie notices my weak, fragile figure and wraps her arm around my waist, slowly leading me towards the house.

"I mean it. Off my land." Hershel concluded sharply, I closed my eyes and gasped out as the pain in my abdomen worsened, I needed painkillers.

•••

Patricia helped restitch my wound, making sure to bandage it tightly. I thanked her, taking the painkillers from her hand and gulping them down quickly, waiting for the pain to end. Patricia then left me alone in my room as I changed into dark blue mom jeans, a tight long-sleeve black shirt, and my regular black combat boots. I rolled up my jeans and the sleeves of my shirt, I stared down at my side, and double-checked the bandaging.

I let out a sigh and put my belt on, making sure my knife was in my sheath, I grabbed my gun from my bed and checked to make sure I had ammunition before putting it in my holster. I take a long look at myself in the mirror, brushing my short hair with my fingers before leaving my room and quickly walking down the stairs.

As I walked through the house I noticed Glenn and Maggie both sat together, I looked at them from afar and sighed. I slowly make my way towards the both of them, their eyes glancing up at me. 

"You shouldn't be up, you'd risk breaking the stitches again," Maggie told me quietly, her hand resting on her cheek as she wiped away tears. Glenn was sitting beside her with his arm wrapped around her shoulder, his other hand on her knee in comfort.

"I'll be fine." I swiftly told her, I sighed and rubbed my hands together while lost in thought. Maggie just sighed, knowing she couldn't control me anymore and knowing that I was going to do what I wanted anyway. I go to turn away from the couple but I pause, I bite my bottom lip harshly and look back at Glenn.

"Hey, Glenn?" I call out faintly, Glenn looks up from Maggie and raises his eyebrows. I could feel the tears prick my blue eyes, I closed them tightly and sighed. "I'm so sorry, about Sophia," I told him shakily, I opened my eyes and bit my bottom lip to stop it from wobbling. Glenn frowns sadly, he looks down at the floor for a slight second before looking back at me.

"It's okay, Nola, you didn't know." Glenn gently assured me, I let out a soft trembling breath and softly thanked him. I look away from the couple and walk past them quickly, I walk towards the front of the house and swing open the screen door.

Once I walk out the screen door my eyes widen in surprise as I see Rick striding towards the Greene house, I hear the screen door slam behind me. Rick looks up from the ground and once he sees me his pace quickens until he's jumping up the porch steps and is face to face with me.

"Lia, I'm sorry about Shane," Rick breathed out regretfully, he shook his head and rubbed a hand over his face. I gape at Rick for a moment before grabbing his wrist and leading him toward my normal spot on the porch, Rick follows after me quickly while spitting out apologies.

"Rick—Rick, it's okay, it's fine, really." I smoothly assure him, he shakes his head and huffs out a false laugh. "No, it's not. Shane shouldn't have done that, you and Maggie had every right to hit him... I don't...." Rick trails off slowly, he lets out a deep breath and looks down at the ground for a few seconds before delicately gazing at me.

As Rick gazed at me I felt my breath stop, my stomach flutter slightly, and my cheeks burn, the look he gave me made me feel alive, it made the world flicker in bright, burning colors. And I hated that from that look alone he made me feel this way, I hated how I felt whenever Rick looked or talked to me, it was wrong and I wasn't sure how to stop it.

"It's fine." I choke out, breathless. Rick deeply sighs out and nods his head in defeat, he clears his throat and straightens his posture before continuing.

"How's your wound?" Rick asked me, his eyes glancing down toward my stomach before looking back into my eyes. My hand instinctively raised up to my bandaged wound, my thumb rubbed against my abdomen before I replied.

"It's good, Patricia stitched it up and bandaged it for me." I stuttered shortly, my nervous eyes avoiding his intense gaze. I watch Rick nod his head and bring his hand to rub the back of his neck anxiously.

"The other night..." Rick begins, I could feel my heart drop as my mind races with what he could possibly bring up, we've talked almost every night.

"I shouldn't have brought up your past, I'm sorry." Rick apologized to me tensely, he was biting his bottom lip and looking at his boots, obviously embarrassed by his words from last night. I sighed and shook my head, I was overwhelmed with all the apologies that Rick was spewing suddenly, but I was still grateful that he was making himself accountable.

"It's okay, Rick. My past is a part of me, I'm not ashamed of what I did." I responded lightly, Rick looked up from his brown boots and tilted his head to the side.

As I thought about my words I couldn't help but feel the opposite of what I said, I was ashamed, but guilt took up most of the feeling.

"Do you... wanna talk 'bout it?" Rick asked me unsurely, my eyes snapped on him and I could tell he cared, he wanted to know, which confused me. I was confused as to why Rick wanted to know, but then I remembered the night when I questioned how he got shot, and I ran out crying, which was embarrassing...

I stared at Rick while I thought of my options, Rick stared right back at me while waiting for a response. Once I looked into Rick's blue, kind eyes, full of questions, I folded. I gulped as I slowly lowered myself down into a chair, Rick watched me with careful eyes before taking a seat next to me, his eyes watching the side of my face.

"Why do you wanna know?" My voice was flat, my eyes focusing on the wood floor below me. I hear Rick shift in his seat uncomfortably, he clears his throat.

"I'd wanna be friends, Lia. You saved my boy," Rick told me, almost obviously.

My eyes don't bother to stop staring from the ground, I bring my hand and anxiously rub my hand over my face. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, it's none of my business, I just want you to know I'm here, as a friend," Rick emphasizes to me, that's when I slowly look up from the ground and towards Rick who was leaned forward.

My mouth opened slightly to reply but it automatically closed, I was unsure of whether to tell Rick or to tell him I wasn't ready, I didn't know what to do. My head once again turned to see Rick quietly watching me with his careful eyes, I licked my lips and leaned back in my seat as I breathed deeply.

"It was a mistake," I start carefully, Rick adjusted himself to show he had my full attention. "I was 21, in college..." I trail off as I think back to the moment with Lori when I confessed to her about my abortion, I cursed to myself as I knew I wasn't honest with her about the whole story.

I brought my trembling, sweaty hand to my mouth and covered it while gulping. In the corner of my eye, I could see Rick leaning more toward me, his posture tense as he stared at my side profile in wonder and concern. At that moment I realized I couldn't go on, a part of me was begging for me to tell Rick, to tell somebody, but I just sat in silence unable to talk.

"I get it, Lia. You can tell me when you're ready, or not at all. It's all on your schedule." Rick kindly assured me, his hand delicately resting on my knee in comfort. 

My eyes stare down at his strong hand, his thumb softly back and forth on my kneecap. My eyes then decided to glimpse up towards Rick's face, his baby blue eyes sweetly peered into my own, my once tense posture was now softening as the both of us gazed at each other with such an intense and strong emotion I couldn't quite grasp it.

"I should uh... Probably get ready for the funeral." I whispered, clearing my throat. Rick's eyes blink quickly as he digested my words, his hand slowly falls from my knee as I stand to my feet.

 My chest beats rapidly as I try to get rid of the thoughts that are circling my mind, without another word I walk past Rick and into the house to avoid the unbearable tension between the two of us.

•••

My eyes were cast down at the three graves in front of me, silence filled the thick air as the whole group besides Carol stood around the graves and silently sent their respects. I had noticed that Hershel was wearing a nice suit, and it made me frown as he had to go through the death of his second wife.

Shane was the first to walk away from the group, my eyes were glaring at the back of his head as he stomped away. But little by little everyone dispersed from the group to their own respective areas, I was the final one left my eyes not moving from Sophia's grave.

I slowly crouched down in front of Sophia's grave, my hand resting on her stone for a second before standing to my feet once again and backing away. As I make my way back towards the house I can't help but still feel guilty, my frown only deepened on my face as I walked further away from Sophia, Annette, and Shawn.

I felt guilty for many reasons, I had broken my promise with Carl, I had snuck my gun and shot walkers right in front of Hershel, it felt exhilarating— and I hated that.

My fingers rub the bridge of my nose as I breathe out unevenly, I can feel my eyes threatening with tears but I gulp them back and continue my strides towards the white farmhouse. As I'm walking closer to the house I notice Maggie swing open the door and run towards me frantically, I halt in my steps as Maggie has suddenly flashed towards me.

"Nola, Nola! Come quick, it's Beth, she's collapsed, please!" Maggie sobs out towards me hysterically, my eyes are wide in panic but I speed after her as she turns to run back inside.

Maggie quickly leads to toward Beth's bedroom, she opens the door and pulls me inside the bright room without bothering to close the door behind her. My eyes glimpse towards a pale sickened Beth, her eyes wide open but empty as she stared at the ceiling. I slowly stepped closer to Beth, my hand softly meeting her cheek, but as I watched her I saw that she was almost an empty shell of who she used to be.

"What's wrong with her?" Maggie panted out, I looked over at her to see her eyes desperate for an answer. My eyes glance back down at the clammy, pale, young 17-year-old girl, a girl whom I have looked after for years of my life.

"It seems like she's in shock, understandably," I tell Maggie truthfully, I bring my fingers down to Beth's wrist to check her pulse to see if it is steady. As I move my hand to check Beth's fever I hear loud quick hurried steps make their way toward the room, my head turns to the wide open door to see Lori and Glenn peeking through.

"Where's Hershel?" Lori asked us worriedly, my eyebrows furrow in confusion, wasn't he just at the funeral?

"I can't find him anywhere," Glenn stated cautiously, he stared right at his girlfriend who could only let out a shaky breath. Maggie turned her distressed green eyes over to me, I shook my head unknowingly.

Lori watched between me and Maggie, she let out a huff before quickly walking out of the doorstep leaving Glenn. My attention moved back to Beth, I brought the back of my hand to her forehead to check if had a temperature, but she didn't. In my heart, I knew what Beth really needed was Hershel and of course her mother.

Although I was not able to give her mother back, I knew I needed to find Hershel so he could be here for both of his struggling daughters. My blue eyes meet with Maggie's green ones, I gulp and bring my hands to her shoulders to slowly sit her down on the bed beside Beth.

"Talk to her, I'm gonna try and find Hershel," I tell her with a stern nod, she opens her mouth to protest but closes it and defeatedly nods. Glenn removes himself from standing in the door frame and stands beside his girlfriend, he places his hand gently on her shoulder to attempt to comfort her.

Without another thought or glance I walk out of the room and search the whole house looking for Hershel, as I realize he isn't around the lower floor I check upstairs once more. My hand slowly lowers down to the doorknob of Hershel's room, I slowly twist the door open and I'm met with a quiet, empty room. My feet creak against the floorboards as I carefully gander around the room, I stop my motions as I hear a pair of footsteps behind me.

My head spun around behind me to see Rick, Lori, and Shane all standing at the door watching me unsurely. The three of them welcome themselves in whenever I flick my finger in a motion that tells them "Come here". Before I knew it we were searching through every drawer in Hershel's room, looking for a clue that could tell us where he disappeared.

I let out a painful grunt as I lowered myself on the wooden ground, my stomach resting on the cold, hard surface. Rick freezes in his steps beside me, although I couldn't see his face I could sense he was staring at me. My eyes squint as I look under the dusty bed, my eyes soften once I notice two boxes underneath.

"What is it?" Rick asked me impatiently, his voice carrying a bit of gruff to it, causing my lower stomach to clench. 

I let out a huffy breath and grabbed ahold of one box, trying my best to ignore the tingling feeling in my body as Rick stood over me. I slid the box from underneath the bed, grabbed the other box, and slid it towards Rick till it hit his boot.

"Boxes," I replied shortly, another painful grunt leaving my chapped lips as I struggled to stand. I moved myself from my stomach to my butt, I take a long breath as I sat on the floor in exhaustion, my head spinning. 

My back leans against the side of the bed as I breathe through the stinging pain in my abdomen, the painkillers wearing off. A grunt leaves my lips as I slowly move to stand, but a big strong hand covers my vision.

My eyes briefly look at the familiar hand in front of me, and my eyes slowly flicker up to see the owner of the hand, Rick. Deja vu crashes through my head as I stare down at the hand Rick offered me to take, my mind flashes of the dreams I had of him. My overwhelmed blue eyes flash toward his relaxed face, a smile resting delicately on his plumped wet lips. I bring my hand towards him timidly, waiting for him to speak but he doesn't, instead, he uses his strength to help pull me to stand on my feet.

Both Rick and I share a small scan of each other, our eyes both glimmering as we sink in the sight of each other. I then remembered the two other people in the room and decided to look away, our gaze breaking. I point towards the boxes instead, "Put 'em on the bed," I ordered Rick quickly, ignoring the heat on my cheeks as I watched him bend down to grab the boxes.

As Rick placed both of the boxes on the bed the four of us searched through it, my eyes realizing the items that I had found. In the corner of my eye, I could see Maggie and Glenn slowly walking into the room, watching as we scavenged through the boxes expecting answers. Shane and Lori removed themselves from the boxes, leaving both Rick and I to search.

Rick makes his way to the bottom of the box, he pulls out a sparkly wedding dress, I smile to myself at the familiar beautiful dress. "Your stepmother's things?" Rick questioned both me and Maggie as he kept his hold on the white dress. Maggie sighed, leaning against Annette's old dresser.

"He was so sure she'd recover. They'd just pick off where they left off." Maggie told us sadly, I frowned to myself as I thought about Hershel losing his wife believing there could be a cure. We all stood in silence, that's until Shane grabbed something on top of Hershel's dresser, showing the five of us.

"Looks like he found an old friend," Shane stated bluntly, waving around the metal flask in his hand. All I could do was sigh in sadness, at the thought of Hershel falling back into his old drinking days. Shane then tossed the flask to Rick, Rick effortlessly caught it in his hand and looked at it before his head peeped up towards Maggie.

"That belonged to my grandfather, gave it to Dad when he died," Maggie explained, she took the flask from Rick's hands and studied it carefully.

"I didn't take Hershel for a drinker," Rick commented surprisingly, both Maggie and I shook our heads.

"No, he gave it up on the day I was born," Maggie told Rick firmly as she furrowed her eyebrows at Rick's silent assumption. I turned my gaze away from Maggie and looked over at Rick who was bouncing his eyes between Maggie and me.

"Hershel didn't and still doesn't allow liquor in the house," I told Rick truthfully, Rick bit his bottom lip and looked at the flask in Maggie's hand before looking back towards the two of us.

"What's the bar in town?" Rick placed his hands on his hips as he stepped towards me, I blinked a couple of times before embarrassingly stuttering out an answer.

"Hatlin's." I stutter out uncomfortably, I was well familiar with the nearby bar. "He might as well have lived there back in his drinking days, he was there almost every day," I admitted with a sigh, Maggie gripped the flask in her hand tightly as she leaned against Glenn in comfort.

"Betting that's where I'll find him," Rick told Glenn with a shrug, Glenn unwrapped his arm around Maggie and looked at her.

"Yeah, I've seen the place. I'll take you." Glenn nodded towards Rick, Maggie's eyes widened as she placed her hand on his arm. "No." Maggie carefully stopped him, Glenn's eyebrows furrowed as he looked at his girlfriend's concerned face.

"It's an easy run," Glenn told Maggie comfortingly, her head shook even more at his words. "Like the Pharmacy?" She harshly whispered, loud enough for me to hear her causing me to tilt my head and squint my eyes.

"Hey, Maggie? I'll bring him back." Rick assured the worried woman, he backed away from the room with a small chuckle. My head is turned towards Maggie and Glenn to see them both beginning to have a deep discussion, and that's when I decide to follow after Rick.

"Hey, Rick?" I softly call after him, his steps slow as he turns his head at my voice. His piercing eyes land on mine, I open my mouth to speak but my brain freezes as Rick's intense eyes are on me. I blinked my eyes closed and shook my head with a huff, Rick's head slightly tilted to the side as he watched me.

"Yeah?" Rick's hoarse accented voice drags me from me admiring the man, I take a few steps towards him as I speak.

"I'd like to join y'all, I could convince Hershel if he doesn't agree to come. I also easily know my way there." I announced strongly, from the look in Rick's eyes I could tell he was debating on an answer, and his lips fell into a straight line.

"Fine, but just..." Rick sighed, "Don't do anythin' to rip your stitches again, got it?" Rick responded firmly, his finger pointed in my direction. I brought my hands up in a mock surrender, a smirk growing on my face. 

"I won't, I pr..." I trail off, shaking my head, I didn't want to repeat the same words I had repeated to Carl, it was too soon to do so. "I won't," I repeat, clearing my throat uncomfortably. I nod towards Rick and walk down the steps without another thought.

•••

My hands fumbled with my gun in my hands as I impatiently waited for Rick and Glenn, I decided I was going to drive us to Hatlin's since I knew exactly where it was. 

As I messed with my gun I heard footsteps causing me to glance up from my silver pistol to see Rick quickly walking towards me and pushing his colt python in his holster. Rick looked up from his gun and saw me sitting halfway in the truck, my legs hanging out the side as the driver's side door was open and the window was slightly rolled down.

I offered Rick a tight-lipped smile as he slowed his pace the closer he got to the truck, he sighed and leaned against the hood of it, his back facing me. My eyebrows furrowed at his tense demeanor, his head leaning towards the ground, and crossed his arms over his chest. 

I ignored the small twinge of hurt I felt whenever he ignored me, I cleared my throat and looked towards the front door to see both Maggie and Glenn walking out hand in hand.

The couple both share a few words before they give a small kiss, the two of them lean away from each other with soft loving smiles. Maggie keeps her hand on his wrist, saying a few words causing Glenn to stare at her before walking away and towards the truck where Rick and I were at.

"You ready, Water-boy?" I ask with a grin, I noticed how Glenn looked zoned out, almost distracted. He blinked his eyes at me before hesitantly nodding his head.

"Yeah," He quickly said, he gripped the shotgun in his hand and breathed softly as he made his way to the passenger side of the truck. 

Rick pushed himself away from the truck hood and made his way to the passenger side as well, as I watched Glenn and Rick decide who would go first I twisted my legs back into the truck and slammed the old door closed behind me.

In the corner of my eye, I could see both Glenn and Rick silently debating on who should sit where one seat being open for the front and one being open for the back. Once I notice they aren't coming to a conclusion I groan in impatience, and my head turns both the two of them.

"C'mon ladies, I don't have all day!" I jokingly yell out through the open window, Rick and Glenn snap their heads in my direction and sigh. 

Glenn huffs and grunts as he opens the back door and throws his gun in and then himself, Rick quickly opens the passenger side door and keeps his hand on his belt as he sits in the passenger seat beside me, roughly slamming the door behind him which catches me by surprise.

"Damn, what'd the door do to you?" I laughed stunned, Rick slowly turned his head towards me with a glare catching me off guard. My body slumps in embarrassment, I blink away from him and clear my throat.

"Okay." I softly say to myself, putting the truck into gear and backing out of the grass to make our way to the Hatlin's bar.

A few minutes passed since I'd last embarrassed myself, and silence filled the truck beside the sound of the tires running over the rough gravel. I made sure to keep my eyes on the road rather than focus on the attractive man beside me, I had tried not to think of him. I looked up at the rearview mirror to see Glenn's lips pursed while he stared out the window, his brown eyes glanced up making eye contact with mine.

I looked away from Glenn and focused back on the road, I sighed to myself and brought my left arm to lay outside of the window. In my peripheral vision, I noticed Rick looking in my direction, his hands in his lap as he fumbled with them.

"Maggie said she loves me," Glenn blurted out loudly, as I heard him I obnoxiously gasped and turned my head towards him, trying my best to keep my control of the wheel at the same time.

"What?!" I yelled out appallingly, Rick let out a soft snort at my reaction as he turned to look at Glenn before turning back in his seat to look out the window. 

As I see Glenn's wide eyes at my reaction I turn my upper body towards the road once more, my hands tightly gripping the wheel with soft and even breaths. I looked in between the road and Glenn through the rearview mirror, he sighed before continuing.

"She doesn't mean it. I mean, she can't," He stuttered out anxiously, obviously surprised just as I was about Maggie confessing her love for the young man. 

My mouth was agape from his words I turned to see Rick with his eyebrows raised, I loudly scoffed and mockingly laughed. "She's upset or confused," Glenn continued with a shrug, "She's probably feeling like—" I open my mouth to give my real yet harsh opinion but Rick notices the offended look on my face and interjects for me.

"I think she's smart enough to know what she's feeling," Rick responded skillfully, I sent him a grateful look at his words and let out a deep breath as I looked out at the road in front of me. Glenn let out a groan which caused me to roll my eyes in annoyance.

"No. No." Glenn disagreed, and my jaw clenched. I noticed Rick cover his mouth as he let out a breathy laugh, obviously amused by how flustered yet disagreeing Glenn was.

"No. You know what, she wants to be in love," My jaw dropped as I heard the words come out of Glenn's mouth, I turned my head to turn at him but he avoided my eyes. Rick's laughs only get louder. "So, she needs something to like hold onto—"

"No, No, No. Stop. Just stop talking." I loudly interrupted, and I let out a loud shush which stopped Glenn from talking. Rick's eyes flickered towards me, his perfect grin shining my way.

 A part of my chest clenched as I noticed him staring at me and smiling at me with his genuine smile, but I forced myself to shove it down. He's married.

"Glenn, it's pretty obvious to everyone Maggie loves you, and it's not because you're one of the last men standing," Rick informed the Asian man, Glenn loudly gulped and leaned in his seat. Rick's head turned towards Glenn with his eyebrows furrowed, he frowned at the man's expression.

"So... What's the problem?" Rick calmly asked, my eyes glanced up in the rearview mirror to see Glenn already staring at me through it and sighing.

"I... I didn't say it back..." He mumbled, once those words came out of his mouth I slam on the breaks. The men let out loud gasps in surprise, their arms flung to try and keep themselves from crashing forward. My eyes were blaring out in front of me, I quickly and finally twisted my whole body to face the stunned Glenn.

"You What?!" I yell out, only Glenn was staring at me, his brown eyes wide and glaring as if I was insane, and I probably was.

"Nola, What the hell! You could've killed us!" Glenn yelled out, breathing heavily due to the fear. I shook my head and repeated, "What?!".

"You didn't say it back?" I scoffed out, and Glenn avoided eye contact with me. My eyes glared at Glenn for a few more seconds before I tossed my body back to its former position, I stepped on the gas causing the men and myself to be pushed against the leather seats.

"I've never had a woman say that to me before..." Glenn mumbles out embarrassingly, I don't react to his words at all although Rick drops the hand that was resting on his chest and turns his left ear towards Glenn to indicate that he was listening. "Except my mom, of course, and my sisters," Glenn continues on, I let out a grunt and rub my eyes.

"But with Maggie... It's different. We barely know each other, what does she know about me? Nothing." Glenn expressed with a shrug, I roughly bite my bottom lip as I fight the urge to pull the car over and scream in Glenn's face.

"We're practically strangers," My body slightly slumped as I took in Glenn's words, I slowly turned to look over towards Rick to see him already staring in my direction. 

As we both looked at each other it felt like the whole world disappeared, my vision blurring out everything except for him, my hearing fading, and both of our eyes were tightly locked on each other intensely. 

Whenever I looked at Rick it felt like I was on fire, my body tingled, my throat tightened, my face felt like it was burning, my stomach fluttered, and I had the need to be around him all the time, whenever I looked at Rick everything was in colors, brighter colors than before.

We both quickly remove our gazes from each other as Glenn continues to speak, I purse my lips and shake my head as I try to get my act together. "I didn't know what to do with it. I just stood there like a jerk." Glenn sighed as he finished, Rick turned his head towards Glenn and nodded.

"Hey. Hey, this is a good thing," Rick's raspy voice assured his friend. "Something we don't get enough of these days," Rick's strong accent trailed off as he looked away from Glenn, his eyes landed on me for a split second before finalizing on the road.

"And when we get back, return the favor. It's not like she's going anywhere." Rick shrugged, I didn't bother replying as I kept my eyes on the road. Silence fills the car as Glenn considers Rick's words, the three of us sit in nothing but silence for many minutes until the familiar outline of the small town comes into view.

I slowed as we were directly next to the bar, I shifted the gear into the park and yanked the keys out before going to open the door but Glenn's soft voice stopped me. "Rick?" Glenn breathed, Rick turned his body to look at a guilt-filled Glenn.

"I know about Lori, her being pregnant," He stuttered, I looked down at my jean-covered legs to try and avoid eye contact. "I... I gave Nola the list to get her the pills." Water-boy confessed, I cursed at myself and at Glenn internally. I quickly put the keys into my pocket and push the car door open, I look into the yellow car to see Rick doing the same.

"I figured," Rick said loudly, Glenn quickly opened his door and grabbed his gun. 

Rick and Glenn made their way towards me as I watched them, I stood with my hands on my hips as Glenn apologized to the southern man. I slowly brought my hand to my holster and pulled my gun out, I brought it to both of my hands and kept it ahold of me for protection in case of a walker.

"Don't be sorry. You did what you thought was right," Rick stated, his once warm eyes were now coldly on me. "It just so happens it wasn't." I annoyingly sighed and turned my head towards him, my tone hushed as I quickly spoke.

"I don't want to do this right now, we need to find Hershel." I harshly muttered, Rick's jaw clenched at my firm words but he nodded for me to get ahead of him which I gladly did. 

The three of us slowly but surely made our way towards Hatlin's while carefully watching out for any walkers, we had skillfully made our way without running into any walkers or people.

As I made it to the front door of the bar my mind rushed with different memories of this place, I remembered coming here as a little girl. I remember my dad driving to this place every day of my childhood, leaving me with a sober stranger in the bar, or sometimes leaving me in the car. My father and Hershel used to be drinking buddies, that is until Maggie was born of course.

My father was always a heavy drinker, he drank at bars, and at home. It was always Myles or I who were left to take care of him, my mother being out working her full-time job to take care of us. 

I could distinctly remember his breath as I helped drag him into his bedroom, laying him on his side so he wouldn't choke and die on his own vomit. I remember crying at the empty-broken promises he would tell me, "I promise I'll stop after this one", he would continue to break those promises.

It was when I was 20 that my dad finally got the help he needed, he never drank after that. He never even mentioned his past from that point. I liked to believe he changed, but sometimes my head and stomach swarm with unneeded anxiety as I remember the number of times he lied and kept broken promises. 

He was the reason I couldn't even look or drink alcohol. Yes, I've drank, but I would always find myself thinking of him. 

I hate drunks.

I pushed most of the thoughts and memories out of my head as I slowly opened the door, Rick and Glenn quickly following after me as I fully opened the door and walked in. As I walk in I relax, I see Hershel sitting on a barstool with his back towards us. Glenn being the last one inside leaving him to close the door, my mouth was tightly formed into a lip as I looked at Hershel sadly.

"Hershel," Rick spoke out, calling out to the sunken man. I watched as Hershel didn't move an inch from his spot, he breathed heavily before clearing his throat.

"Who's with you?" Hershel asked the man plainly, his hands tightly holding the glass cup in his hand. Rick looked over at Glenn and me before turning back towards Hershel, he took a step forward.

"Glenn and Nola," Rick replied truthfully, he looked down at the gun in his hand before shoving it into his holster. 

Hershel's head tilts a bit as he absorbs Rick's words. I had begun to notice how Rick switched between my many nicknames, I knew it was probably confusing on what to really call me but I appreciated the nicknames rather than being called Magnolia.

"Maggie send 'em?" He tiredly muttered, I let out a sigh and also ended up pushing my gun away into my holster. I take a few hesitant steps toward Hershel, my combat boots thumping against the wooden floor.

"Glenn volunteered. He's good like that." Rick replied, paying Glenn a compliment at the same time, "Lia, she decided on her own, you know how she's always determined to do the right thing." Hershel's head slowly turned once he noticed the small steps we were taking towards him, we didn't stop until we were right next to him.

As I looked at Hershel I saw the prominent frown on his face that he's had all day, he was slumped in his seat with the glass in his hands. Once I got closer to Hershel his drunk eyes met mine, and my stomach swarmed with anxiety as I could smell the alcohol off of him, I hated it.

"How much have you had to drink?" I quietly asked the emotional man, he shook his head and brought the strong drink to his lips taking a small sip. My breathing stopped as I watched him take small sips of his drink, he roughly slammed his drink on the bar table.

"Not enough."

My sad droopy eyes look over at Rick to see him standing on the other side of Hershel with his hands on his hips. Rick's eyes were on mine, his eyes slowly and gently searching my face. Once he noticed my hurt expression he moved his gaze towards the drunken Hershel, and he leaned his head down.

"Let's finish this up back at home." Rick decided quietly, his left arm leaning against the bar so he was face to face with Hershel who was very clearly trying to avoid us.

"Hershel, please. Beth collapsed, she's in shock. And you are too, we gotta go." I announced quietly but firmly, trying to get my point across to the old drunk. Hershel then looked over at me with a contemplated look, he then glanced back over at his drink.

"You should go back home and be with her, you shouldn't be here." He slurred out a rejection. I angrily gnawed at my bottom lip, my hands gripping the edge of the bar tight, my eyes fighting frustrated tears. 

I hated drunks, ever since I had to deal with my father all my life it was almost programmed in me to hate drunks, to hate drinking, I didn't want to turn out like him. Turning out like him was always my biggest fear.

"She needs you, she needs her dad." I pleaded out with a whimper, Hershel's cold eyes stared at the cup in his hands, swishing around the drink.

"She needs her mother, or rather to mourn. Like she should've done weeks ago," Hershel stated guiltily, his lips formed into an aggressive line. "I robbed her of that, I see that now."

Rick shifted on his feet at Hershel's confession. My eyes were wide with tears as I watched Hershel finally get it, he was finally aware. And although I wanted to feel happy or thankful that he finally understood, I wasn't, I was upset that it had to take this long for him to.

"You thought there was a cure," Rick said calmly, trying to wash away the guilt from the Greene. "Can't blame yourself for holding out for hope." Hershel took a sip of his drink, placing it down on the bar slowly. He turned his head towards Rick, and Rick tried to offer him a smile.

"Hope?" He repeated, "When I first saw you running across my field with your boy in your arms, I had little hope he'd survive." Hershel confessed blankly, Rick moved from leaning against the bar to standing straight. Rick froze for a moment, he looked over at me for confirmation and I only bit my lip and looked away.

"But he did." Rick let out roughly.

"He did. Even though we lost Otis. Your man Shane made it back and we saved your boy." Hershel retold. My heart contracted at the mention of Otis, I was sad that he lost his life the way he did.

"That was a miracle that proved to me that miracles do exist. Only it was a sham, a bait, and a switch." The three of us watch the slurring man silently, I slowly straightened my back as I looked down at Hershel. 

Glenn was wildly looking around in case of walkers but he also paid close attention to Hershel's words. Rick was just staring down at Hershel, his mind probably trying to connect to what Hershel was trying to explain.

"I was a fool, Rick," He breathed shortly, "And your people saw that. Hell, Nola and Maggie saw it." Hershel let out a stunned laugh, he shook his head and frowned.

"My daughters deserve better than that." He picked up his glass cup and brought it to his lips as he decided to finish off the rest of the alcohol in his cup. 

My body cringed as I watched him gulp down his drink without flinching. He then picked up the bottle and went to pour more of it but I stopped him, flashbacks to me and my dad slowly clouding my mind at the familiar situation.

"Hershel. Don't, please don't." I softly pleaded with the man, Hershel paused and looked at me but his eyes hardened as he went against my pleas and poured more alcohol into his cup. I let out a shaky breath, shook my head, and banged my fist against the counter before turning on my heel to walk towards the door.

This is going to take forever.

—

WORD COUNT: 8700+

this is going to be part one of episode 8, this chapter is getting quite long.

sorry i haven't added a new chapter in awhile, i've been at school so i haven't had enough time to update as much or write.

anyway, let me know if there's any mistakes, ill be instantly working on part 2 of this episode.

ALSO. i finally found out what caused my gifs to be all fucked up, so i think i fixed them!

- L