Chapter 45

Marshall POV

"Slim?"

"Yeah?"

"Where the fuck you keep going?" Dre said looking at me suspiciously from his position in the booth "Ah, fuck it, we'll break for a minute anyway, something's off on the beat"

I nodded leaning back in the chair.

"Sorry man, got some stuff on my plate I'm dealing with back home... Hey, can I ask you somethin'?"

"Anything"

"Do you think it's normal to feel guilty about somethin' I didn't remember?"

"Well if you found out about it and you were in the wrong then why wouldn't you, you're a good guy Slim, I ain't saying you're soft, but I know you gotta conscience, why the sudden questions?"

"Well, I've had one hell of a blast from the past lately, and it's got me all types of fucked up, I spent a week with this girl and ended it in a bad note-"

"Leila?"

"What?" I said looking at him confused "How do you know her name?"

"You called me, multiple times, during and after, I'll never forget it" He said rubbing his chin "You were messed up about how you treated her and I had to talk you down off a ledge, it was crazy since you had only spent a week with her, but she had an effect on you man, it was the most active and the most coherent Paul and I had heard you in a while"

I frowned "I don't remember any of it, I'm desperately trying to piece together fragments here, we spoke about it, she's still having an effect on me" I slump back in my chair "Now we've slept together, things are different, complicated, I can't remember much about what I did sure but I even don't know how to make it up to her, and now her cousin messaged me and says she's mad about some shit and she ain't answering my texts, I just- I don't fuckin know what I'm even doing"

"Welcome back to the jungle Slim"

I nod slowly as he laughed at me.

"Now that I have your attention" He flicks on the music and we listen to the verse he just laid.

"Let's make one thing clear (here)Here, my dear, my resolute for this yearNo pollution, fresh airMy solution, long hair with a fat ass, I'm deadassMile high club 'til I jetlagRothstein flow, casinoAnd you're just like Ginger, we knowSingle negro, I don't need your double standards and hypocrisyAnd that fake hand holding on Father's DayYou a different motherfucker when you not with meBeen sleepin' with the enemy, mockeryIt's like I'm John F. Kennedy, shots at meYes, I'm President of DebaucheryNone of that bullshit ever got to me'Cause your pillow, Brillo, dittoBreakin' this shit down little by littleI ain't got time for the fuckin' pom-pomsShoulda never let this dog out of that kennel"

"Dope" I said nodding along to the beat "I can definitely work with that"

---

I sat leaning back on the sofa back at my suite, checking my phone again.

Seen.

It gave me an involuntary eye twitch.

I scrolled to Alec's text and hit call.

"Yo man, thanks for getting back to me"

"No problem, what's up? Everything okay?"

"Well I was with Lala the other night and she filled me in on your history... I swear to God Marshall, you disrespect her like that again and I will fucking turn your ass into dust..."

"Uh... Chill the fuck out man I won't-"

"And I fucked up, in a rage where she was defending you about back then I told her about Tommy and I knowing you and that I told you but you didn't remember... Now she's big mad at everyone"

"Good job dickhead, explains why she ain't messaging me back" I snorted, I was really over this fuckin drama already.

In fact, the headache was already starting.

What the fuck was I getting myself into.

Some fuckin' bullshit.

"Man I'm sorry if she's mad at you, it wasn't my intention, I was just angry about what you did to her, and had I found out about it then, I would have saved you an overdose, asshole"

"Fuck you, I ain't doing anything now, I fuckin' apologised man I ain't even fucking remember all of it"

He went silent for the moment, so I continued.

"So what am I gonna do now?"

He sighs "I guess we just wait it out, Lala is pretty stubborn if you ain't noticed"

Fuck me.

"I didn't do shit though"

"Man, you gonna have to get used to this you wanna keep doing whatever the fuck you're doing with my cousin, I can't help you, she won't even key me in the house, she even went to Trick and blasted his ass too"

"Well thanks for nothing Jackass, I'll talk to you later"

"Aight Marshall, I'll keep you updated"

I hung up, the message chime ringing out on my phone.

I was about to throw it across the room because I just wanted a moment to collect myself with all this goddamn information, and the new flashbacks popping up, when I suddenly saw the name across the screen.

I opened it immediately.

From Leila I'm not mad at you, you did nothing wrong, I just found out the people I trust most have been lying to me for years. I'll get back to you when I'm done seeing red.

I couldn't help but breathe a sigh of relief, I said my peace to her and I really did mean it.

To LeilaIt's all good.

I facepalmed myself for being petty.

Now's not really the time for being petty.

Too late now, it's already sent.

And this is what exactly why you're going to die alone with your dick in your hand.

I threw the phone next to me.

Oh well.

I hear the door beep and then Paul strolling in.

"Evening Marshall, wanna go grab a bit to eat"

"Paul do you remember anything about me spending a week with someone back before I overdosed"

He looked confused, and sat down across from me slowly "Yes, why?"

"What do you remember?"

"I remember you locking yourself in your house all week, which wasn't really unusual, but the fact you had locked yourself up with a complete stranger, a woman, it was off, but you seemed less on edge and coherent like you were grounded, it was great until you rang me frantic and breaking shit around your house yelling about what you had said to her and tan her off, we agreed it was for the better, but you did ask me to find her, well, until you know" He sighed "I vaguely remember seeing her standing in the kitchen when I dropped off an NDA which you then tore up in front of me"

"So I did it on purpose?"

He nodded "Said you had to hurt her so that she wouldn't think of you, said it's because you liked her, and that scared you, and you didn't want to destroy her like you did Kim"

I threw my head back on the couch backing and glared at the ceiling.

"Why do you ask?"

"Because Leila is she, and I'm just now reliving everything, all these memories are coming back" I look back at Paul "I really said that?"

"You know what? I thought she looked familiar" He nodded "And you said exactly that, word for word"

"Why was I such an asshole about it"

"I wouldn't have a clue, maybe it was the drugs, maybe it wasn't, I can't answer that"

"The guilt is building daily" I groan as stand up and groan "Let's go eat before I go and grab a shovel and start digging my own grave"

"I'm sure you and Leila will work everything out" Paul just chuckled at my dramatics and I follow him out the door.