Chapter 8 - Misunderstood

Chapter 8 - Misunderstood.

Following Day;

Emily Sheridan...

Why would you offer someone to meet up and then cancel?

Is he just playing me?

Making a fool of me?

I never would have thought that he could be that cruel; but it has all started to look and feel like he is just that cruel. I feel so utterly disappointed in him. I had, had him on this pedestal for so long that; I am devastated to come to the conclusion that he isn't at all who I had thought and fooled myself into believing, he was. I am devastated that he has gone and done the one thing, that I had convinced myself that he wouldn't....and that is.... hurt me.

In a way; I guess that it's a good lesson to learn; never put your complete trust in someone other than yourself.

Was I a fool for having him so high above everyone else? Yes, I now believe that I was. However, that is stopping right here and right now. I just hope that my resolve remains intact once he is in front of me again.

What is wrong with me?

My stomach hurts – there is nothing that can stop it – I have tried everything to ease it.

I just wish that he hadn't cancelled on me; I am left having so many thoughts and I need to know what it had been that had happened between us. I am the type of woman who needs to resolve things as quickly as possible.

Well; I realise that I am cutting my nose off just to spite my face; but he will now have to wait until I am ready to talk. Plus, the way I am feeling right now; maybe this time next year I will be ready.

Yesterday, had been a great day, despite Jeffrey's inability to talk to me about the things that had happened between us. Paige and Ryan had stayed and helped me until every last item had been relocated and then we ordered Chinese food and got caught up on all the things that had been happening to them. It had felt great to be in my best friend's company again. I had missed them both terribly; it was good to get all up to date on what had been going on with them.

Hearing about Paige's lost love – Ryan Reynolds, turning up on her doorstep, while my dad had been ill, really got my back up. The fact that he had gotten in touch at all; made my blood boil. After all that he had done to Paige – I just couldn't believe the size of his balls. I just have to hope that he doesn't come near my friend while I am around.

Putting Paige back together after he acted like an asshat and just, what we call today, ghosted her, had been one of the hardest things that I had ever done. My friends had gone threw break-ups before that, but Paige's break-up with Ryan had been worse than anything I had seen before. I hadn't even known what to do, or how to help her. In the end, I had done everything by my gut instinct.

It had been enough to make my approach to men only ever short and sweet. The minute that I felt myself begin to develop feelings – I would bail quicker than a whore in church. I don't ever want to go through what Paige went through when Ryan bailed.

I can't imagine loving someone 'that' much. Not even Jeffrey.

I just find it hard to believe the size of balls that Ryan must have. There is one thing that I do hope that he knows – and that is – to stay the fuck away from me, otherwise, I wouldn't be held responsible for my actions. Growing up with my dad and Jeffrey – it was drummed into our heads from an early age; that friends stick together and always stick up for one another, and step up if they are unable to stand up for themselves.

Ryan, my other best friend had managed to find her soul mate; I couldn't be happier for her. My dad had made it to her wedding – something that I knew meant the world to him and he had managed to enjoy himself.

Seeing Ryan and her hubby together it was clear that they are meant to be. They are like fish and chips – you just automatically put them together; they work better together.

I can't help but wonder if it will ever happen for me! I mean, my very own soul mate – is he out there, waiting and looking for me?

No point in thinking about it right now – not when things with Jeffrey are so up in the air. My head is just mince on that situation. I just wish that he hadn't cancelled on me. I can't even imagine what could have been more important than clearing the air between us?

'Em's do you have plans for tonight?' a text message from my friend Ryan came through just as I killed the engine in the car park next to my building site.

'No, why? Xx'

'Tommy is in town for a couple of days – do you want to come out with us? Xx'

Did I really want to go out and be the 3rd wheel? The way I am feeling about Jeffrey really was not making me feel comfortable about having a night out. I don't drink very often – so being out and drinking tonight might not be one of my better ideas.

Ahhh fuck it!

'Sure, tell me a time and a place xx'

'Was going to ask if we can all come to yours before heading out? xx'

For the following few moments; we text one another back and forth – it turned out that Tommy was home with the other members of Five Finger Death Punch, the band whom he was filling in for the lead singer for. Thanks to Jeffrey; I had met the guys before Tommy even came on the scene for Ryan. Ivan and I had even had some playful flirting and Ryan had made a point on informing me that Ivan was getting a weekend pass to come out with us.

Maybe I could have some fun tonight! It beats sitting at home alone pining for a man – who had made it very clear that he doesn't respect me enough to come and talk to me about what had almost happened between us.

One night; just for me – it can't hurt right?

Making the time to come over to my house for 7.30pm – we said our goodbyes and I stuck my phone back into my bag,

So tonight, I am going to allow myself to have a good time and I am going to forget about Jeffrey for the night. I deserve it, don't I?

Lighting a cigarette; I fall back into my seat and rolling my window down for an exit for the smoke. The familiar wave of relaxation washed through me. What am I going to wear tonight? I just wish that I could actually get my mind off Jeffrey – he resides in almost the whole of my heart and it kills me to think of him.

Am I ever going to get over him?

Jeffrey Dean Morgan...

My wife had always had impeccable timing. Last night had truly been a home run for sure; I swear she just knows when it isn't a good time and she just steps up; just to make life difficult for me. How am I meant to tell my girls? They had both been crystal clear that they don't want to see her ever and they certainly don't want anything from her.

I know that they would be livid when I tell them that their mom is going to be here early evening tonight until early midday tomorrow. I know after things that they had seen her do to me – they were passionately loyal to me, and I love them for that but if my ex-wife has begun to feel better; she deserved the chance to be out of that facility, right?

My fear is that Emily might think that my ex-wife; Lizzy and I are getting back together. It was hugely important to me that Emily not think that way. I don't know why and I don't understand it but my feelings for her were weird and certainly confusing me; however, I just do not want her to get the wrong end of the stick. I hate that I had to cancel going to see her, I had desperately wanted to talk to her about what had happened, I didn't want things to be weird between us, I wanted us to go back to what we had been before that weird moment.

Was that even possible?

Is it really what I want? I truly don't know anymore. I can't think straight and it is frustrating me. It's like one minute I can tell you that yes, there is something there and I am attracted to her, but then the next minute I am certain that we can't ever be more than friends. Is my thought process normal?

Sliding the sheet on to the bed in the spare room, I was getting it all set up for Lizzy. There is no way that she is sleeping in my bed with me, and there is no other place that I can put her. The spare room, was used mostly as my home office, but for tonight, it was going to be the place where my ex-wife sleeps. The thing is; I don't want her staying here, but I have to give her the chance, don't I?

Damn it, I just wish that she hadn't picked right now to turn the corner. I am stuck though – I can't say no to her, she has the right to see if she can be out of there; I would hate to be locked up 24/7, as I say – she deserves the chance.

I had tried to get my girls to talk to me before they had left to go to Emily's house, but they had been running late and just wanted to get over there, I guess it can wait until morning, I just hope that they don't bump into Lizzy in the morning, in the kitchen before I have the chance to tell them.

What am I even going to do with Lizzy?

If she hadn't been coming to stay, I would have gone out for a drink to drown my sorrows; maybe I can just have a drink here and drown my sorrows in the comfort of my own home. However, I don't believe that will be a good idea; Lizzy being here and if she saw me struggling with something; she would take advantage of the situation, or at least try to take advantage and that was the absolute last thing that I needed to happen. No, it was best that I don't drink while she is around, even though the thought of her being around made me want to reach for the Bourbon. Why did I agree to this?

I figure that it was that they had caught me at a moment of uncertainty – it felt as if Lizzy was giving me an out. I hadn't wanted to deal with the whole Emily thing in that moment, mainly because I just wasn't sure of how I was feeling. I still don't know what the hell I am feeling about Emily, but I had, in a round about kind of way, been given a few extra days to try and wrap my mind around it all.

I know that I like her; I mean what is there not to like? She is stunning looking, I am attracted to her in a way that I haven't felt in the longest time, she is funny – I never thought that she could make me laugh, but she really does make me laugh, she is smart – having conversations about almost anything, she never claimed to know everything, but she had opinions on pretty much everything that was brought up around her, she is compassionate – things hit her hard, when anyone was having a problem, she'd get as involved as possible until she was carrying your burden and pain – I had often said to Ben, that his daughter was empathic to everything around her, like she had a second sense, she was passionate about the things that she did and the things that she was interested in. I guess, I am overly smitten by her. At least I am admitting that now.

However, it didn't matter what I felt for her – it couldn't, and shouldn't become more than us just being friends. For one thing; her dad, my best friend, would have a shit fit that would be felt from heaven, secondly; she was my daughters' best friend, thirdly; she is just far too young for me, right? Regardless, my mind was made up – we were friends and that is all that we would ever be.

Why do I feel a jump in my heart whenever I think about her?

Stop it! I scolded myself; I have made my decision and that is that we are going to be friends, and I was going to help her and look out for her as I had promised her father that I would.

I can't stop myself – I keep thinking about her tonight, and wondering what she will be wearing, if she will meet someone – will she want to be with someone else? Am I being too confident in thinking that she wanted to kiss me the other night? I do wish that I had stayed and talked to her about what had happened; but I had felt so ashamed of what had almost happened that I had fled without even really thinking about it. It had never occurred to me that we wouldn't be able to see one another again for so long – and now, it feels like this huge heavy dark cloud hanging over me because all I want to do is talk to her and straighten it all out.

It had been Norman who had pointed out to me, that it didn't matter what I was feeling, because how awkward and creepy is it, that if we got together; she would be her best friends' step mom! I mean that in itself just isn't right, is it? People who saw us together, would assume that I am her father; they wouldn't automatically think that we were a couple and I don't think that I can do that to her.

Emily had every right to have everything that she wanted – to be with someone who wouldn't be mistaken for her father, she deserved to be with someone who didn't have 2 children of the same age as her and I don't want her to have that burden or uncertainty in her life.

My girls were my priority, as they always were when I started to date someone new. I just know that they wouldn't like it and they would never be ok with me sleeping with their best friend. Everything that I did, I did it for my girls – the hours I work, the time that I am away from home, the work-related interviews, award shows, travelling all over the world, the paparazzi that were like vultures when they got the sniff of scandal – another reason that I can't be with Emily, I would never want her to be caught up in a trashy paparazzi scandal.

Moving through the house, I headed straight for the kitchen and the takeaway drawer where we kept all the takeaway menus. I don't know what I fancy tonight – pizza? Chinese? Italian? Indian? I feel at a loss; not sure what I want to do. I know that my indecisive attitude was down to Lizzy coming to stay the night. I don't know what to expect. I don't know what her mood will be; manic or level? I guess I will wait to eat until she gets here, she is probably going to want some actual good food, so we will order together.

I never, once, thought that we would be back to being in the same house together and planning on eating a meal together.

I really need to get back to Georgia; filming needed finishing and it was being held up because of me. It will also be enough space between Emily and myself – giving me plenty of time to work through these feelings that I am having for her. I would get over her. Right?

I can't even think about this properly as the doorbell rang, announcing my ex-wife's appearance. Great! Here we go; enter the insanity – hold on tight and follow your gut; that is all that I can do, its all that anyone can do.

Taking a deep breath, I moved to the front door and pulled it open, to find her stood there – she looked anxious, which is not a great start, in my experience with her, anxiety is usually the beginning signs of a manic phase coming on. Please let me get through this night in one piece. Lizzy's therapist, had given me her number as an emergency if things began to get out of control, I hope that I will not need to use it. I hope that Lizzy will calm down once inside, what used to be her home and she would see that she was safe here. Maybe we would have a chat and then she'd go to bed sleep straight through, get up in the morning and head on back to the facility. No harm done.

It never crossed my mind that this would be the beginning of something that no one could have seen coming. Least of all me.