Chapter 7 - All By Myself

Emily Sheridan...

Last night had consisted of dream after dream of Jeff and I having mind-blowing sex. I would wake up after every single climax – repeating the same process of having a cigarette, a drink of water and falling back asleep with the hope of no more dreams. I guess its no surprise that I feel like a zombie; that Jeff kills on the TV show The Walking Dead. It, honestly, felt that I had physically spent the night getting fucked out of my mind. Also, now all I can do is think about how Jeff would actually be in bed. I figured that he'd have to be amazing; he has dated some really beautiful women over the years – which had only resulted in me feeling fat and ugly, as these women were stunning; there was no way that he would ever look at me the way he had looked at them.

Was he as good in bed as I had dreamt him to be? I'd never find out; not if his reaction to our almost moment last night was anything to go by.

Yesterday, I had planned on going down to the building site today but now, I just don't feel like I have the strength for it; neither physically or mentally. That is why at 9am – I am still lying in my bed. I don't know what to do – I had made my mind up last night that I was going to text Jeffrey this morning; but honestly, right in this moment it just didn't feel like it was a very good idea.

Even if I had felt like it was a good idea – I have no idea what to say in the text. I mean maybe I was making more out of what had happened, than what had really happened. Yes, I had, had always had a crush on Jeffrey but to take it further wasn't something I had ever really put much thought in to – mainly because of my dad. Did that mean that what had happened last night was down to the both of us missing my dad? That could very well be; why he had left so quickly. I just wish that he would have talked to me about it, rather than getting up and fleeing like he had a rocket up his ass.

Texting him would be making a big deal out of what had happened – maybe its best to just try and forget what had happened!

The beep in my phone alerted me to a text message; 'Em's is it ok to come by tonight?' it was from Jeffrey, which of course sent my over-thinking mind off in a tangent all over again.

Do I text him back straight away? If I did; would he think that I have just been sitting here waiting to hear from him?

Or do I ignore him for a few hours? If I did that; would he think that I am not bothered at all about what had happened?

What do I want him to think?

What do I think about what happened? I just feel confused about the whole thing. My crush on him had always been just simmering on the back burner and there is no way that Jeffrey had been harbouring similar feelings for me and I am ok with that; I understand it – I am his best friends' younger daughter.

Over the years I had watched my friends getting hurt and turned inside out by guys, not to mention my own experiences with men – I think that I had convinced myself that Jeffrey was my safe option; because there was no way that anything was ever going to happen with us, which of course, meant that he'd never hurt me.

So, what am I meant to do now?

I desperately wish that I could talk to Ryan and Paige about it – but he is their dad and I don't think that they'd be too happy to hear about it. I know that I'd find it weird if one of them had confessed to have a crush on my dad.

'Hey honey, Ryan and I are on our way over xx' another text came through but from Paige this time and I didn't need to think about whether or not to reply.

'Ok let yourselves in. I am just heading into the shower xx'

Forcing myself to get out of bed – I moved into my en-suite and turned the shower head on to warm up. After the first dream last night; I had decided to move myself into the master-suite – which had the panic room. It made much more sense to be closer to that – being that I am a single young woman living in a mansion.

'Ok honey xx'

It didn't take me long to shower and get dressed. I am excited to be seeing my girls. I had been so numb and catatonic that I didn't want anyone to see me like that. I just hate being vulnerable around people; I had felt comfortable doing it in front of Jeffrey because I was so much like my dad in a way – that it felt like I was talking to my dad.

Closing my eyes for a moment before heading down the stairs; I can still feel the burning intensity of how he had managed to turn me on so much. I feel myself shudder at the thought of what could have happened had that fucking cold-caller not called – would I have woken up next to him this morning? Shaking m head; I need to stop thinking about this. If I didn't – it was only going to drive me bat-shit-crazy.

Rushing myself to get my hair dry; I hope that Paige and Ryan would want to help me move my things into my dad's room. I had always wanted to have his room; but I don't like the price I have had to pay to get that room. I would trade it all in, if I could have him back here with me.

'EM'S THAT IS US HERE!' Ryan called up the stairs.

'I'LL BE THERE IN 5 – HELP YOURSELF TO ANYTHING TO EAT OR DRINK!' I called back to them.

Do I reply to Jeff's text?

I am confused; suddenly when I think of him now; I can feel a little flutter in my heart; like it was trying to come to life after laying dormant for years. How the fuck is that possible? We aren't dating each other and when we almost kissed – that seemed to have been the catalyst to this feeling.

Push it out of your mind Emily. I muttered to myself.

Rushing down the stairs; and into the kitchen where my friends were busying themselves making coffee and toast. It felt good to have them here now.

When my dad had died – I had found myself running on fumes, like automatic pilot; I felt numb. I didn't know what I was even doing half of the time and I couldn't have told you what day it was. Being alone was what I wanted, it was ok with Jeffrey because in a weird way, that I simply can't explain, but with Jeff it felt a little bit like having a part of my dad still here.

"Ladies," I smiled; slowly my friends turned smiling and practically rushed and tackled me to the ground, "wow – a girl needs to breathe!" I laughed.

"How are you feeling?" both of them asked me – stepping back as they realised that I did indeed need to breathe.

What do I say?

I mean, I can't say – 'well me and your dad had a moment last night, I have had a crush on him for as long as I can remember – so when he all but threw himself out the door, while I was on the phone, I was left feeling stupid and confused.' No, I definitely can't say that.

"I'm ok, still a bit numb over it all," I admitted instead.

I am used to hiding myself away; when it comes to talking about crushes – I had never been able to tell them that I was lusting after their dad, and now was no different.

"Of course, you are, it's going to take time to get back to how you used to feel," Paige offered sympathetically.

If she only knew what had happened, or had nearly happened with her dad; there was no way that she be this nice to me. What would happen if Jeffrey and I were to have a thing?

Would my friendships be over? I just couldn't ask them to be ok with it, especially when I didn't know how I would feel if the roles were reversed. I really believe that I'd be creeped out about it – so how I could expect them to be anything more than that?

No; my friendships are far more important; I'd never be able to put them at risk over a dick.

Not even Jeffrey Dean Morgan's.

A Few Hours Later;

Jeffrey Dean Morgan...

Why hasn't she text me back?

More to the point; why am I bothered by that?

My daughter's Paige and Ryan are over there with her right now and Emily will never have her phone in her hand while she has company – she had once told me that she thought it was incredibly rude to have people visiting and you are constantly distracted by your phone.

I can't stop myself from thinking about her. This whole thing has completely taken me by surprise. I don't have a God damn idea on how I am meant to deal with it. Or where the fuck it had come from. I don't want to feel this way, I need to find a way to fight it. My best friend would be livid if he even saw what had happened last night – let alone knowing my thoughts right now or the dreams that had plagued me the whole night.

I love living by the water – its such a nice day; so, I figured that I would take a walk as it would give me time to think about what last night had been about.

The sun is dancing on the water as it gently crashed against the warm and soft sand. For as much as I love being by the water here, I also love being on my farm in Georgia.

What the fuck is going on with me? Why the fuck has this all happened?

Am I having a mid-life crisis? If I am – can't I just buy a fucking convertible car, like most men do? Oh no; not me; I have to take it to another fucking level!

Is it the grief of losing my best friend?

My dreams of Emily last night had been down-right pornographic at the very least. It doesn't matter if we were to explore something more – I will never be able to see her in the same light again. I can't help but wonder when Emily had grown up in to this stunning woman? I hadn't even noticed it happening and it had never even occurred to me to even look at her in a sexual manner.

And now.... it's all I can think of.

I don't want to feel this way about her – I don't like feeling this way. I feel like a pervert. I have no business, what-so-ever, to be feeling like this.

Maybe we need some space between us – should I go back to Georgia early? I know that the show had been put on hiatus until I got back. If I am to go back early – these feelings would surely go away. Or, what if distance makes the heart grow fonder? I have never been the type of man to second guess myself; but these feelings are so new and foreign to me; that surely my reaction is new too? I don't want to feel this way – and especially not for my best friends' daughter.

Can I get past these feelings?

If I am honest – I have to – there are no options in this. My phone ringing caught my attention, pulling it from my pocket – to see my good friend, Norman's name flashing.

"Hey man," I answered, "what's up?"

"Not much. I just wanted to check and see how you are doing?"

"Not great man. I'm trying to help Emily; however, something has happened..."

"What happened?"

Finding myself a spot to sit down – I took a full 10 minutes to tell him everything that happened with Emily last night. I left absolutely nothing unsaid – which helped me feel like a huge weight had been lifted. I did feel a little bit weird talking to someone, other than Ben, but I just have to suck it up. I miss him but he's never coming back.

"Why did you bail on her?" Norman asked me.

"I'm not entirely sure – I think that I just freaked out..."

"And you said that you text her?"

"Yeah, but she hasn't replied,"

"When did you send the text?"

"Early this morning," I admitted.

"Damn dude, I'd say she is pissed atch'you!"

"Thanks for stating the obvious dude,"

Deep down I had known that the lack of response from her meant that she was either pissed at me or hurt by my reaction. I hate to think that I had hurt her – she is a kind woman who deserves to be treated with more respect than I had clearly and appallingly shown her last night.

But how can I make it up to her when she won't respond to my text?

My mind needs to straighten out, what I felt for her, before we could talk. I don't want to talk to her without being sure of what I am going to say, or for how I feel about her. This is certainly not a situation that I had ever thought that I'd be stuck in. I also have to give thought to my girls about how they would react if Emily and I decided to try and see what is between us.

Would they be angry at us? Or would they be happy for us? If I do feel something for Emily; do I act on those feelings?

"What about your girls? Aren't they best friends with Emily?" Norman asked me.

"Yeah they are," I sighed; "there are far too many variables – my head is mince man,"

"Well let's think about that first," he suggested, "how do you think your girls would feel about their best friend becoming their stepmom? Not to forget how would Emily feel about that?"

"Woah-woah.... I am not talking marriage here..."

"Yet!"

I guess he is right – that's if she is even attracted to me. Before last night; I would have said no way, but after last night – I had to figure that she did; she had been as into it as I had been. Is that why she is mad at me? She had wanted more? I just can't get my thoughts straight.

First of all; regardless of her replying to my text – I am going over there tonight – we have to talk about it. We need to get on the same page as each other.

With my mind made up – I ended the call with my friend and began to head in the direction of my house when my phone began to ring again; hoping it was Emily, I quickly fished my phone from my pocket but it wasn't her.

"Hello?"

"Mr Morgan?"

"Yes, that's me!"

"I am calling about your wife!"

It was the nurse that worked in the facility where my wife resided as a long-term patient. My heart fell at the realisation that it wasn't Emily. Am I really this far gone this soon? My stomach flipped and I felt winded by the realisation that I am indeed interested in Emily – my best friends' daughter, who is 24 years old and best friends with my daughters.

The nurse explained that they needed to see me at the facility; they made the appointment for me, for 7pm and we hung up. As I ended the call; a text from her finally came through...

'Come by tonight, say 7? X'

FUCK!