15 - HONESTY

[ HONESTY ]TW: Slight mention of sexual abuse/rape.

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  It had been two days since Finn had murdered innocent villagers from Sayah's village. When they got back, Sayah didn't speak to Murphy for a while but eventually when she found out what really happened, she came back to him.

She knew what happened wasn't what Murphy had wanted and he had tried to stop it. And she also would remember that Murphy was . . Murphy. A part of her would never truly forget that he could be bad. But they all were. They all had their monsters. Finn's monster just didn't seem to care.

Sayah avoided Finn, tried her best to anyway. It was hard seeing him, watching him act like what he had done was nothing when it wasn't. It had put everyone on edge. Especially Clarke.

When they had gotten back, Sayah was expecting to be locked up again despite the protests of Murphy, Octavia, Bellamy and Clarke. However, Abby had allowed her freedom, letting her roam and reminding Sayah to report any discrimination or something.

Sayah learned to ignore the amount of stares she got. The disgusted ones, the interested ones, the fearful ones. They had once gotten under her skin, but Murphy was always there to question someone's staring with a snarky remark. She appreciated it.

She also helped to provide any information to Clarke and Bellamy about what she knew of the Mountain Men, helping their plan in getting out the other 47 delinquents out of Mt. Weather.

That was where she was now, sitting down at a small table with Bellamy and Clarke as they discussed a plan, map in front of them.

"Okay, tell me again." Bellamy told Clarke.

"Its a labyrinth." Clarke explained, glancing between Sayah and Bellamy. "We got to the dam through this tunnel," She pointed to it with a pencil. "It's all connected to the mine system. That's our way in."

"Sure, if you can get past the Reapers and the Mountain Men." Sayah sighed.

"I swear to God," Bellamy sighed, looking to Clarke. "If your Mom doesn't sanction a mission soon, I'm going by myself."

"You won't be by yourself." Clarke told him. Sayah nodded along with her in agreement.

Sayah followed Clarke's gaze, where Murphy and Finn approached them, walking out of the Ark. Bellamy turned to look at them too. "Guess the inquisition's over."

"How's Finn doing, anyway?" Bellamy questioned Clarke, turning back towards her.

"I haven't talked to him since we got back." Clarke admitted. Sayah scoffed. "I'd say that's for the best." Sayah said to Clarke. Clarke shot her a look.

Sayah didn't look apologetic. "My personal opinion."

"I don't know what to say." Clarke added. "He just kept shooting. . ."

Sayah noticed Finn making his way towards them. "I wish you luck," She muttered, gesturing to Finn before standing up and leaving the two. She didn't really want to be around him.

After a moment of hovering, Bellamy approached her. "You couldn't handle it either?" Sayah questioned with amusement.

"Too awkward for me," Bellamy responded. "You want a drink?"

Before Sayah could reply, a voice cut in for her. "You buying my girl drinks now, Blake?" Two arms wrapped around her waist from behind.

Bellamy and Sayah both rolled their eyes. "Get off," Sayah ordered, a hint of humour in her tone as she escaped Murphy's grasp and turned to face him. He smirked at her.

"What, you're not my girl?" He questioned, arms pulling her in towards him.

Sayah clenched her jaw, feeling her cheeks warm up and pushed him back a little. He didn't seem to react to the distance she made between them. "You seem happy," She raised an eyebrow with a small smile.

"I was pardoned," Murphy replied smugly. Sayah turned in hopes to see Bellamy's reaction but he wasn't there. "Was Finn pardoned too?" She questioned.

Murphy licked his lips. "Yeah," He admitted slowly. Sayah nodded in return. Murphy hated how her smile disappeared.

"Do you actually want a drink?" Murphy questioned softly. "I could get you some of Monty's moonshine?"

Sayah chuckled a little. Murphy grabbed her hands in his. Sayah felt her body go warm as he smiled and leaned in. "How about this? You can just share mine, go sit down with Clarke and I'll grab a cup. Meet you there in about. . ." He paused and hummed. "Five seconds."

Sayah glanced towards where Clarke sat with Finn. "John—" She began to protest but his hands slipped out of hers and he was gone. She hated him.

No, she didn't.

Sighing, she went and took a seat beside Clarke. She had interrupted awkwardly but she didn't care. Sayah began to think that Clarke needed it anyway by the appreciative glance she sent Sayah's way.

Sayah met the eyes of Finn, who stared at her sternly. "Hi, Sayah."

"Finn." She smiled, but it didn't reach her eyes. Soon, Murphy was joining them, taking a seat beside her. "Ah, check it out. Salvaged Monty's still from the dropship." He began. "Now, I guess, you know, if they could just salvage Monty, huh?" He chuckled a little before handing his drink over to Sayah to have a taste.

She eyed the cup but took it anyways. Clarke glanced over to Murphy, unamused at his words. "Easy. It was just a joke." Murphy defended.

He glanced between Clarke and Finn, who looked more than annoyed. "Okay. . ." He sighed awkwardly. "You tell her we were cleared?" Murphy questioned Finn.

Sayah took a sip of the drink, scrunching her nose at the taste. Murphy watched her with affection in his eyes and a ghost of a smile on his lips. She gave the drink back to over to him, her face still showing disgust.

"No." Finn answered Murphy's question, eyes on Clarke.

"Well, looks like our pardon for surviving includes our time on the ground." Murphy commented. "Now, bigger fish to fry, I guess."

"We did what we had to do," Finn spoke up, eyes on Clarke.

"And what, that consisted of murdering innocent people?" Sayah snapped, eyes meeting Finn's. Finn didn't reply and Murphy bit his lip before taking Sayah's hand in his, rubbing her knuckles soothingly.

"I gotta go," Finn suddenly said, standing up and leaving the trio. Sayah scoffed to herself.

Murphy whistled lowly. "Trouble in paradise?" He glanced to Clarke.

"Just because they've pardoned you, doesn't mean I have." Clarke said to him, annoyed. Murphy sighed.

Sayah inhaled lightly. "Well," She spoke up. "I'm off. I'll speak to you later, Clarke."

Clarke nodded and Murphy frowned as Sayah took her hands out of his, standing up and walking away. Murphy shared one last look at Clarke before following after Sayah.

"Hey," He called out to her. She kept walking.

"Sayah," He spoke more clearly now, grabbing her wrist.

She turned to him, eyes sharp. "What?" She snapped.

Murphy furrowed his brows. Sayah swallowed a lump in her throat and avoided his gaze, turning to look at the ground in guilt. He lifted her chin up to connect their eyes.

"Don't shut me out again," He murmured gently. "Especially when it's been so long away from eachother. It's hell."

"For both of us." Sayah admitted, eyes never leaving his. She tried her best not to show how she was really feeling about their close proximity.

Murphy pursed his lips, ignoring the way his heart fluttered in his chest. "I want to show you something." He suddenly said, pulling her along with him.

"Where are we going? This is taking forever." Sayah complained Murphy as he pulled her along behind some large part of the Ark.

Murphy turned to her with a cheeky smile. "If you are always this slow, Sayah, I will make sure to never do this again."

   Sayah scoffed at his mocking of her words the night she brought him to the ledge. That was an amazing night.

   "Okay, cover your eyes." Murphy ordered. Sayah furrowed her brows. Murphy rolled his eyes. "Just do it, Sayah."

   Sayah let out a sigh before closing her eyes. Then she felt two hands grab her waist from behind. She flinched at the sudden touch. "It's just me," Murphy's deep voice spoke in her ear. She could feel his warm breath on the back of her neck. It made her hair stand up and a shiver go down her spine.

   Part of her despised it. Part of her.

   Murphy then led her forward slowly, hands still planted firmly on her waist. They kept walking and walking, and then he stopped her.

   "Okay, now you can open them." He whispered.

   Sayah did as she was told, opening her eyes. Two make-shift chairs sat in a small clearing behind the Ark, beside a bunch of blankets laid on top of eachother and some sort of pillows: a small comfy bed of some sort.

   Awfully simple but sweet nonetheless.

   "I had to. . . borrow some things, and the electrical wired fence is still there so watch out for that, but. . ." He inhaled, eyes darting around nervously. "I did it so we could, y'know, see the stars."

   Sayah glanced up slightly, he was right, the fence was still there but if you really looked straight up, there they were. Shining and twinkling, staring back down on the two like they were welcoming them back.

   "It's. . ." Sayah looked over to Murphy as he got comfortable on the blankets, head turning to her.

   "Not our ledge." Murphy noted. Sayah smiled, moving towards him and laying down beside him.

   "But, still just as—" Sayah began.

   "Private." Murphy smirked.

   "I was going to say just as sweet and pretty," Sayah rolled her eyes. Murphy turned his head to look up on the sky. The couple laid on their backs, gaze searching over the sky.

   "Thank you, John. This is actually. . . incredible of you." She turned her head to face him. He did the same.

   "I missed you more than anything, more than the ledge, more than the stolen food," He joked a little before turning serious. "No, but, I really did miss you more than any of it."

   Sayah's gaze flickered to his lips then back to his eyes. "I missed you too. I thought you were really gone."

   Murphy shifted, laying on his side and hesitantly reached over, tucking a strand of Sayah's hair behind her ear. His hand rested on her cheek for just a moment.

   "Beautiful," Murphy whispered. Sayah had never heard anyone call her that. Then he began to lean in and Sayah's heart raced. He was about to kiss her. John Murphy was about to kiss her: Sayah. His eyes fluttered close and before he could press his lips against hers, Sayah sat up straight.

   Murphy felt something shatter inside of him. Sayah cleared her throat, looking straight ahead.

   She knew that had hurt him. She knew that and she hated it. She did want to kiss him. She wanted to kiss him so bad, she was just. . .

   Scared.

   "I've never felt. . ." She began and realised that was the stupidest way to start. Murphy looked down.

   She turned her whole body to face him, crossing her legs and sitting up straight. "I—" She swallowed. "What I feel, with you— for you," Murphy glanced up at her, waiting for her to continue.

   "I've never felt it before. It's new to me. This. . . is all new to me." She admitted. "I can't— I mean, look at you! You've probably been with hundreds of girls, John, and you. . ." She sighed, running a hand through her hair. "I mean, I'm a Grounder!" She spoke in a hushed voice. "I've never had that." She told him honestly, shaking her head. "I've never liked anyone, I've never. . . kissed anyone. I've never done. . . what you want, with anyone before."

   "Do you think that's all I want?" Murphy asked. It wasn't a jab, it was hinted with curiosity. "To sleep with you?"

   "No. . ." Sayah shook her head before licking her lips. "I don't know, John."

   Murphy grabbed her hands in his and looked her straight in the eyes. "I like you, Sayah." He told her. "I really like you. I think you're amazing, and beautiful and generous and I don't care who you are: Grounder or not, that doesn't matter to me."

   "The day we met, my life changed." He told her. "Everything changed when I met you. I. . ." He sighed. "I just want to be with you. I don't care about anything else, and I'll go as slow as you want me to. I just need to know if you want what I want as well."

   Sayah nodded. "I do."

   Murphy let a grin spread across his face. "Okay."

   Sayah shook her head. "That's it? Just 'okay'?"

   Murphy chuckled a little then pursed his lips. "Can I kiss you?" He whispered. Sayah felt her heart race even faster.

   "Yeah," It came out quieter than a whisper but Murphy had heard it. He leaned in slowly, carefully in case Sayah changed her mind or if she was uncomfortable. . . and then he pressed his lips against hers.

   Finally.

   Sayah melted. If she ever wanted her first kiss with anyone else before, they were long gone now. All she wanted was John. She wouldn't have wanted it to be anyone else.

   Murphy pulled away, opening his eyes at the same time Sayah did. He just stared at her. He couldn't help it. She was gorgeous. And she was his.

   "What's a kiss from a grounder feel like, Murphy?" She joked, raising an eyebrow. Before he could respond she had leaned in once more, capturing his lips with hers. He smiled into it, kissing her back.

Sayah liked kissing John Murphy.

When they pulled apart, Murphy smirked. "Uh, I think you'll have to do it again so I can get a better idea."

   Sayah rolled her eyes but did it anyway.

   Finally, they had each other.

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   The next day, Clarke, Finn, Raven, Bellamy and Octavia left to go blow a transmission tower or something at Mt. Weather. Sayah chose to stay, deciding she didn't want to go anywhere if Finn was going.

   Maybe it was harsh, but she didn't care.

   Her and Murphy laid together at the their spot, Sayah resting her head on Murphy's chest. They had much to talk about.

   "Bellamy told me what you did," Sayah spoke up. "Killing two people then trying to hang him. And injuring Raven's leg."

   "What, is it 'remind-Murphy-of-all-the-bad-things-he's-done' day?" Murphy scoffed. "I can't believe—"

   "Hey." Sayah spoke sternly. "It's me you're talking to. So talk to me." She added gently.

   "The two boys, they tried to hang me, Sayah." Murphy's voice broke. "And Bellamy. . . he did nothing except kick out the crate from beneath me."

   "I know," Sayah replied. "But, that doesn't mean—"

   "Yeah." Murphy cut her off. "I know."

   Sayah sighed before sitting up and meeting his angry gaze. "Look at me," She said. He listened and his eyes softened.

   "What matters, is what you do now. I know you, John. And I know you'll beat yourself up over it; especially when they won't let you forget it."

   "What matters now, is if you'll change." She spoke. "I wasn't always with you or the other 100 but I know you've all done bad things. But that doesn't define you."

   "All of that, does not define you." She pointed at his chest. "You are a good person. I've seen it. You've shown me."

   Murphy doesn't immediately reply. He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. "Thank you,"

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   "I'm sorry about Lincoln. I really am." Murphy mumbled to her quietly. Sayah hummed.

   "Thank you, John." She replied softly before turning to look at him. She let out a shaky breath. "He's gone." She whispered and slowly, she looked into his eyes. "You. . . Octavia. . . you're all I have left." She admitted in a whisper.

   "I can't lose you two as well." Her lip trembled. Murphy pulled her into his arms, rubbing her back soothingly.

   "You won't." Murphy whispered to her. "I'm here, Sayah. I'll always be here."

   Murphy knew of what he actually wanted to tell her.

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   "Ekon, the one with the neck tattoo," Murphy spoke up, fingers brushing lightly across Sayah's arm. Sayah hummed in response.

   "Before, Finn, had killed him," Murphy began. "He told me something. Something about you."

   Sayah was silent for a moment. "What did he tell you?"

   "After they. . . let me go. . . he said you went to them, stabbed a blade through Kwan's hand." He paused. "Then, slit his throat." Silence fell over the two for a moment.

   "That I did," Sayah spoke clearly. "I don't regret it."

   "I know." Murphy chuckled lightly at her nonchalant repky. "But that's not it. He said. . . he said that they. . ." Murphy felt sick.

   "What is it, John?" Sayah was starting to get concerned.

   "Did they. . . do anything to you?" Murphy questioned, and it soundly so shaky that Sayah had to face him properly to see if he was alright.

   "What?" Sayah questioned, seeing the hurt look on Murphy's face. It took her a moment but she finally understood. "Oh, John. No! No, of course not!"

   She cupped his face. "I would cut off their fingers if they tried to touch me— They didn't do anything. Ekon is a liar, a snake, he was just trying to get under your skin."

   "And he did." Murphy admitted, swallowing hard. Sayah frowned before pressing a kiss to his forehead and wrapping her arms around him.

   "I'm yours; only yours, John Murphy."

   And that was all Murphy ever wanted to hear.

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a/n

MY LONGEST YEAH BOI EVERYAY THEY FINALLY SMOOCHEDIM SO HAPPY (N SO IS SAYAH N MURPHY) 🥰most of this chapter is just sayah n murphy talking n going over everything together bc communication is k  e  y

^ murphy @ clarke