𝐱

warnings ;

i. sexual content

trigger warnings ;

i. slight mention of drugs(ii. mentions of sexual harassment)

it wasn't until a couple of hours later, that you and satoru saw each other again. you didn't know if you did something to upset him, so you tried to avoid him. of course, that was inevitable, cause here he was— standing meters away from your desk.

"i brought you some documents that you have to sign, so i can send them" he said, looking at you.

"okay. leave them here"

you pointed at a folder, yet, your eyes didn't even caught a glimpse of him. satoru didn't know why you were acting this way, so he started thinking that he did something wrong. he turned to leave, but your voice stopped him.

"are you mad at me?"

"what?" he asked, turning around to look at you.

finally, you were looking at him.

"are you mad at me?" you asked, voice lower this time.

"why do you think i'm mad at you?" he asked, after some seconds of staying silent.

"you left last night"

"isn't this what i'm supposed to do?"

"you didn't do that the night before..."

satoru stayed silent for a moment, before he talked;

"you're right. i'm sorry, i should have told you"

"it's okay" you said, looking at the documents in front of you.

he looked at you, noticing the sad look in your eyes and face. he felt bad he didn't inform you. he tried to find the right words to tell you— to reassure you that it was something he did for good.

"maki has a second key to your apartment. and we both know she would just barge in without even telling you first. so, instead of risking it, i left once you fell asleep" he said.

"you're right" you smiled, looking at him.

"i'm sorry i made you think that i'm mad at you"

"it's fine, satoru. at the end, you did the right thing"

he, in fact, didn't feel like it was the right thing. he claimed that you were different than the other women, yet, he felt that he treated you the same as them.

he didn't want to leave you last night. he wanted to sleep there; in the comfort of your bed and with you glued to him. you gave him a piece of comfort, replacing that feeling of loneliness he mostly felt.

satoru always had to act when he was around other people, cause many couldn't put up with him. only a few did, and some of them already left his life. it almost felt like he was the anti-hero in his own story.

everyone always talked about how he was the lucky one. lucky to be born in such a nice family. lucky to be this successful. lucky to be able to have whoever he wanted. lucky to be this handsome. lucky to be perfect.

but satoru was far from lucky and perfect.

he wasn't born in a nice family. he was born in a rich and selfish family.

he wasn't successful because of his actions. he was successful because of his parents' company and orders.

he wasn't able to have whoever he wanted, because he was lucky with handsomeness. the majority of the women wanted him for his looks and his money. none wanted him for him.

women he gave a chance to in bed, ended up talking about their experience all over social media. he, at first, found ways to take down all of them. but, after some time he accepted that no one would talk about their experience with him. they would only talk about sex with him.

he spent years fucking women and giving them one night full of something he couldn't even enjoy. yet, he didn't stop. because he wanted to find the one that would make him enjoy it. make him feel something that would slightly fix the void in his broken heart.

at last, he found you. you were right there in front of him since you were kids. little did twelve year old him know what he would be doing fourteen years later, with his then best friend's crush.

without knowing it, you were filling a void in him· a void you didn't create. he was thankful for it, but, at the same time, he felt useless. because he couldn't fill the voids that someone else gave you.

he even felt guilty. cause none of this would've happened to you, if he actually stopped suguru from ruining himself with drugs. you would've been okay. you wouldn't have to live in fear and pain.

satoru sometimes wondered how you were able to forgive him. he could've done something to stop suguru from turning into that, but he did nothing. and you paid the price of both their actions.

what he didn't know is that you never once thought he was responsible. you only blamed suguru and yourself. suguru for taking substances that ruined him, and yourself because you stayed after it started.

and since satoru didn't know that, he blamed himself, too. he tried to keep you away from the disgusting hands of suguru, yet, he failed most of the times. it felt like suguru knew exactly when to act.

satoru sighed and ran a hand through his hair. he stared at the computer screen in front of him, yet he couldn't complete his work. his head was full of you and he wanted to get you out of it.

"what the hell is wrong with me?"

you were everywhere. even when he closed his eyes he could see you. and he didn't like it. he didn't like seeing that image of you in the cafeteria's bathroom with suguru touching you the way he did.

seeing you with tears in your eyes and red marks on your cheeks from slaps. the same red marks being around your neck from suguru practically choking you. seeing your half naked chest exposed, while hands that were nowhere near gentle, roamed around it.

then the images changing and morphing to you with a bandage around your bleeding head. your cries and your shaky voice filling satoru's ears, while he relived those moments.

he hated all of it. but mostly he hated himself. cause he didn't prevent those. he felt like he betrayed you. like he was the one who hurt you, without even touching you. he felt like his non-existent actions hurt you way more than what actually happened to you.

his phone ringing snapped him out of his thoughts, as he reached for it. he looked at the contact name, noticing it was none other than the one occupying his thoughts.

"y/n? is everything alright?"

"i'm at the cafeteria and he's here"

"why are you there alone?" he asked, emphasizing the last word.

"i-i don't know!" you panicked.

"do you want me to come?"

"no. just stay on the phone with me" you said.

satoru could hear the fear in your voice. without making much noise, he got up from his seat and started walking towards the exit of his office.

"satoru..."

"yeah?"

"i'm scared" you whispered.

"are there people in the cafeteria?"

"yes. but not enough to stop him"

at the sound of that, satoru started walking faster.

"where is he?"

"i don't know in which table he's sitting"

"i'm scared to turn and check" you added.

"do not turn around"

"i won't. i'm just waiting to get my order"

it wasn't long before he heard the cashier calling your name. by that time, he was closer to the cafeteria. he could hear your heels against the wooden floor, before a breath got stuck in your throat.

"satoru"

you were full panicking now, and that made him walk faster.

"yes?"

"he's following me"

"i'm outside, pretty"

at the sound of that, your eyes widened and you started walking faster towards the exit. you could hear your heart in your ears, as you tried to stay calm. you opened the door, hearing footsteps coming faster towards you.

your eyes fell on satoru, who stood outside smiling at you. he ended the call and wrapped his arm around your shoulders, once you were close to him. he held you tightly against him, as you held on the hand close to your head.

"why didn't you tell me to come with you?"

"i tried to find maki to tell her to come with me, but she was nowhere. and i didn't want to disturb you from work"

"that's nonsense. i value your life more than that stupid work"

you looked up at him, taken aback by his choice of words. valuing your life more than his work? who? satoru gojo? you hoped that he would explain what he said, but he didn't.

he bit the inside of his left cheek, something you weren't able to see, and cursed himself for what left his mouth. he really didn't give enough thought to it. it just left his mouth, like nothing was keeping it back. like it was completely normal to say it.

"thank you for coming" you said, breaking the silence between you.

"it was the least i could do"

"but, please, next time don't go alone"

once you were back at your apartment, you let your thoughts wander to what satoru said. you wouldn't understand what he meant by that.

satoru valued his work more than anything. hence being the most successful man japan ever saw.

you just brushed it off, thinking it was just a small mistake. you didn't want to pay much attention to it, because if you did, you'd be over overthinking it.

satoru didn't know why he said that, either. those nine words left his mouth all by themselves. he didn't even think of them to just say that they slipped. it was something he never thought or planned on saying. something that his mouth wanted to say.

he sat on his house's couch, holding his head in his hands. he knew that he would overthink those words for days to come. they weren't even true. or were they? he didn't know and he wouldn't even spend more of his time to find out.

so, instead, what was he gonna do? ignore it and pretend it never happened. he would just continue his days while pretending those words never left his mouth. and you would do the same.

"my parents would be so disappointed if they knew what i said..."