C11

After having breakfast with Gawin, Joss heads back home. Outside, he saw his father's secretary greeting him so he knows his father is back. He went inside to find his father waiting for him.

'Pa...' Joss walks near where his father is sitting.

'Where did u go last night?' Even when Joss approaches him with a relief face, his father didn't change his expression from the serious mode he had when Joss entered the house.

'I was at my friend's place.' Joss replies, looking down. His relationship with his father has deteriorated since the accident. He knows, his father knows, but both of them didn't do anything to save it from further deterioration.

'From now on, you are not allowed to sleep at anyone's place. If you want to spend time with your girlfriend, then you can bring her here.'

'But Pa....'

'I don't want to hear any further. You can go to your room.'

Joss was about to explain to his father but was cut midway by him. With a dejected look, he walks to his room. After a while, their maid came to his room.

Knock...knock...

'Khun Joss? It's Aunt Zit.'

'Come in Aunt zit.' She opened the door and came inside. She walks closer towards Joss, who is standing in front of his window while zoning.

'Joss..son...are u ok?'

'I'm ok, Aunt zit. What is it? Do u have anything to say to me?'

'Well, I just came to warn u about something.'

'Warn?'

'Um. Whatever u do from now on, be careful. I heard ur father talking to his secretary to have someone follow u.'

'A spy? But why?'

'Maybe because u spent the night outside yesterday.'

'Huh?'

'Look, for all these years, u haven't even for once spent the night outside. But now u are doing it, so he must be worried about what u are up to.'

'But I'm an adult now for God's sake.'

'I know, dear, but still be careful of what u do from now on. U know ur father doesn't like u doing certain things, so just try not to get hurt yourself and ur close ones . U know what I'm talking about.'

Joss knows what his aunt is implying by certain things. Only her can point out when his behaviour changes a little bit, so she knows that this time, it's not like the one before, no, not at all. Joss also felt a little confused himself as he didn't understand how his feelings had changed or maybe it was like this from the start. All of this leaves him thinking and remembering about whatever happens between them. No matter how much time has passed by, their first meeting still feels like yesterday.

He walks under the shower, zoning out. He asks himself many questions for which there's no answer, but there's only one question to which he doesn't need a second thought to answer it. "Do I want to protect him?" was the question he asked himself and "With my life." was the answer. Now it's decided he will protect him with all his might but from a distance. The reason... no one knows.

At class :

Joss walks inside reluctantly, trying hard to ignore the man who is waving at him with a wide smile from the moment he stepped inside.

"Hey." Gawin waves again when Joss walks towards their but no response on top that Joss walks past him, giving him a cold shoulder.

"Did I do something wrong to make him mad..?" Gawin murmers to himself. He decided to let him be for the time being and approach him again after class.

The classes go in full swing, but Gawin couldn't concentrate no matter how much he tries to. This is the first time he is being ignored by the most clingy man ever known to him, so he kinda can't accept it.

Class ends....

Joss walks past Gawin again in a swift while Gawin is packing his stuff in his bag. Gawin stuff all his belongings quickly and chase after Joss.

"Hey! Wait! Hey, J?" Gawin runs and stands before Joss, making him stop walking, putting his hands on him while he catches his breath. He lets out a long breath through his mouth and stands up straight. Joss didn't speak anything, which makes Gawin kinda awkward cause he usually used to be the one who always talks.

"Hey, what's wrong with u? Why are u ignoring me and my calls? Did I do something wrong?" Gawin asks softly.

"No." Joss replies back short.

"Then why? Why are u...

"Let's not talk to each other again."

"What!?"

"Act like u don't know me cause I'm going to act the same. U and me, we are from totally different worlds, so let's try to stay away from each other from now on." Joss stares into Gawin's coldly and walks away.

"Just like that?" Gawin said to himself. He chased after Joss again.

"Wait! Hey! Wait! I said...wait! Didn't u hear me!?" Gawin pulls Joss back to face him, Joss looks annoyed. "Why are u doing this to me?" Gawin was on the verge of tears. One more word from Joss's lips, and he will verge out in tears for sure. Joss looks at Gawin, with no change in his expression even after seeing his beloved on the verge of tears holding on to him not to leave.Gawin looks deep into Joss's eyes and lets go of him cause he understands what he's saying. There is no need for words. Joss turns around and starts walking, with each step becoming heavier and heavier.

Gawin just watches him walk away from him, not able to do anything but to let his tears flow down freely. He didn't wipe it nor tried to wipe it. The first time, he's giving his tears the freedom to flow down. If he wasn't at the back of the school, then he would be crying in front of his classmates.

Joss also took a lot of time to walk and disappear from the man behind him. Each and every step feels like there's a big boulder tied to his legs, and he's pulling it. But still, there's no change in his face, so no one will know what he's currently feeling but only himself. No tears in his eyes, not a hint of sadness on face with heart breaking into billion of pieces. He walks without looking back because he knows if he did, then the urge to hold the man he left behind will win over him, which is a risk he can't take.

"I am sorry..." Joss murmers to himself. The words he wants to tell the man that he left behind but end up murmuring it to himself. How fast time changes them.....

Gawin PoV : He walks farther and farther away from me. How much I want to hold onto him... how much I want to tell him not to go....how much I want to tell him that I'm scared to be left alone but there is no strength left in me to chase after him again. Even if I do, my lips won't be able to utter another word, so I just stand there, watching the tall figure disappear from my sight.

Joss walks to his car with great effort. He gets inside and smacks the steering wheel hard causing pain to his own hand. But the pain in his hand is nothing compared to the pain his heart is being inflicted by himself. He starts his car and heads to the bar instead of going back home. He who doesn't touch alcohol if not on special occasion, is gulping down shot after shot until his head starts to get dizzy.

He couldn't even stand up properly, let alone walk, so he called up Lee to come . On the way back home, Joss rolls down the window and lets the breeze graze against his face. He looks out, it was already dark, many hours has passed since he left his happiness behind but the scenes were still fresh in his mind. He closes his eyes, and a warm drop of tears gently roles down his cold cheeks.

At Joss's house :

Joss walks inside with unsteady steps. He supports himself, holding onto things he could reach until Zit runs up to him to support him. She walks him upstairs and makes him sit inside his room. She pours a glass of water and hands it to him. Joss took the glass , took a sip, and gave it back.

'Why are u drunk today? Is there something wrong, son?'

'Ha! Wrong?' Joss looks up at her, tears start to swell up in his eyes, and a drop fell down his cheeks.

'Son, why are u crying?' Zit wipes his tears. She considers Joss as her own son as she's been taking care of him since he was born. She also had a son of the same age as him but died due to an illness, and she couldn't save his child. When she was swallowed busy her sadness and guilt of not being able to save her own child, Joss appeared as a bim of light in her dark world. From then on, she considered him her own and has been taking care of him ever since.

'I left my happiness behind today.' She understands what he's implying, so she wipes his tears and hugs him, patting on his back. 'Everything's gonna be OK, son.' Joss hugs her back tightly and bursts into tears crying out loudly, letting his heart, which is engulfed with sorrow, shink deeply into his tears. Just the thought of how much pain he had cause him makes him even more drowned in sadness, causing his whole body to go weak in an instant.

"This pain, this weakness, this sorrow I am feeling. Will it all go away when I wake up next morning?" Joss asks himself internally.

Someone whom he approaches out of curiosity changes to someone he couldn't watch being sad. From someone whom he clings to in the name of friendship has turned to his happiness now suddenly and unknowingly. How fast the night changes.

< see u on next chp >