Chapter 62: Push and Pull

*Natalia's POV*

I went from waking up just as the sun started to rise next to Joe in Chicago to trudging under the white duvet in my own bed alone in Boston with the sunset disappearing into the horizon. It was dark, cold, and utterly confusing.

My head and heart weren't aligning. Did I make a rash decision based on Joe's influential persistence? Was I losing focus on myself by jumping into a relationship? It was with the right person, but was it the right timing too?

Bzz!

I closed my eyes, throwing the duvet over my head while letting out a long sigh.

Bzz!

This was exactly the time we'd usually be having our nightly phone call. No one else would've been texting me at this hour but him.

Bzz!

Usually, those phone calls were what got me through the rough days, impatiently waiting for them to hear his voice or see his genuine smile beaming on my screen. Right now though, I wanted nothing more than to be left alone, and he clearly didn't take that request seriously.

Bzz!

I threw the duvet off my upper body as I quickly sat up with a clenched jaw, seizing my phone off the side table to scroll through his bombarding texts:

I'm glad to see you made it safely back home. I gave one of our crew members my phone so he could let me know through my in-ear just in case you texted once you landed, but I guess you were busy.

Actually, no. Why are you doing this? I don't get how one second you're in this with me, and then the next you've completely flipped switch. Nat, what did I do so wrong?

I'm sorry if I pushed you to where you felt forced to get in a relationship. I didn't mean to make you feel like I was controlling you into making a decision you don't even know if you want. I never want you to feel like I'm controlling you, ever.

Can you call me so we can figure this out? I can be better. I can be more patient. I can be more understanding. We can work through whatever doubts you're having. I'll keep on flying to Boston. It's not an issue. I'm basically a pro at long-distance. It comes with my career. So please, please don't think I can't 'handle' that.

After reading them, I locked my phone and placed it back on the side table. The more he pushed, the more I pulled away. He didn't need a text from me informing him of my whereabouts. He already knew I was back in Boston.

I snapped every emotion except for annoyance out before the knock on my bedroom door could. "I'm sleeping," I lied, blatantly.

"With your light on?" Maddy's voice spoke from the other side, catching me completely off guard, "C'mon. We know you'd never sleep with them on."

The 'we' part brought enough curiosity for me to limp myself out of bed and open the door. My heart jumped at the sight of Maddy standing there, Jules a little further behind her. They both wore cautious smiles, unsure how I'd react.

Truthfully, I was still hurt to the point where I could've easily went off on them, the pain masking itself into anger. But my heart missed them too much, my arms squeezing them in an unexpected embrace that we all needed.

"Holy shit," I exclaimed, pulling away just enough to admire Jules' baby bump and pouted, "Look at you! I can't believe she's really in there."

"I know, right? She's been kicking nonstop," she instinctively rested her hand atop of it, then darted at mine that hesitantly wanted to reach out to feel, "You wanna...?"

Maddy brought herself into me as she clung onto my upper arms, propping her chin on my shoulder, as I lightly placed my hand on top of Jules' pregnant belly. All three of us were in giant smiles that brought a shine to our eyes.

"Of course now she decides to stop," Jules chuckled after we waited for a minute of nothing, my hand dropping back to my side, "So, you going to let me stand here with insane back pain, or can I get some relief on your bed?"

"Sorry," I giggled, leading them in a space that never really felt like mine, but I had to make do, "Welcome to my new home abode. Here we have a TV for entertainment, a bathroom all to myself attached to the right, a closet that has a third of my clothes in it, and a bed for doing everything else. If you feel crumbs, my late-night munchy self is sorry in advance."

"Oh my god," Jules sighed out in relief as she adjusted herself onto my bed, using one of my extra pillows for added belly support, "I couldn't give a shit about crumbs right now."

"Hey, Nat? Can we talk on the back porch for a sec?" Maddy quietly piped up before we both glanced at Jules in deep comfort, eyes closed and all, in my bed, "Trust me, I don't think she'll even notice we'll be gone."

"Yeah, sure," I agreed, grabbing my grey crocheted throw blanket that had been draped down off the end of my bed and guided Maddy to the patio, passing my mom's bedroom that still had her light on too.

There was a sense of awkward nervousness that followed us, the unknown flipping my stomach repeatedly. Even the nature of chirping crickets and croaking toads didn't relieve the silence as we sat on the outdoor wicker couch.

"Do you want a glass of wine?" I offered, alcohol being the only ice breaker I could think of in the moment, "Or are you about to tell me you're pregnant too?"

"No, no. I'm good. I'm not pregnant, but I'm okay," she laughed while shaking her hand as a form of rejection.

I shuffled my body closer to Maddy, covering her lower body with half of my blanket to minimize the distance between us in more ways than the obvious one, "So, what's up?"

She moved her legs up to cover them completely underneath my blanket instead of having them hang down to touch the floor panels and slightly turned her body as a whole to face me, "I've really been missing you. It's weird not seeing you at work, which is maybe why I mention it to you a lot lately. Well, not the whole reason. I just don't want to say something that'll trigger you, so I avoid bringing anything up that might create a bad memory or...yeah. Um, I'm just sorry."

I leaned back, taking in her sincerity of an apology, but something about her choice of words triggered a recent memory with a different man, "Did Joe talk to you?"

She gazed down, twisting the thick lines of knotted yarn between her fingertips, "We talk here and there, mostly about music."

"I mean today," I specified, although her not denying my question already gave me the answer, "What did he tell you to get you and Jules here? Wait, please for the love of god tell me he didn't promise her an autograph or some celebrity bullshit if she made an effort to visit me."

"She doesn't know about you and Joe," she clarified, "She knows he and his brothers helped me with one of my songs, but that's it. I never told her how it happened. Honestly, I'm pretty sure it didn't fully register with her. She's been pretty occupied with her pregnancy. It's not been the easiest journey, but I know Drew's been taking good care of her."

My eyes lowered down to the blanket too as I nodded my head slowly with straightened lips, "That's good to know. You never told me what Joe said to you though. Did he offer you an autograph or more time in the studio?"

"You know I'm not that kind of person," she looked back up to gain eye contact with me, which she did get after a long pause, "He mentioned you don't think I've shown that I care, which I get. You know I've been trying to reach out and keep in contact with you. You know that. But that didn't equate to me being the kind of friend you needed like I assumed, trying to conversate about anything other than that topic. I really should have just asked."

I fixated on the thick material that covered our lower bodies, my mind numbingly blank, as I responded, "Is that all?"

"He may have also mentioned you broke down about Jules and how hurt you were that you were never invited or knew about her baby shower until a few days ago," she confessed, "I didn't know that. I figured I may see you there, and we'd be able to catch up then since you wouldn't reply to my texts. I only knew once I was actually flew in this morning and was getting ready with her at her mom's house. Then I saw you weren't even in town, so I was going to text you and ask if you wanted me to video call you whenever they were going to reveal the gender, but Jules insisted she'd tell you herself."

"She wanted to tell me herself, but forgot to invite me," I scoffed, shaking my head, "Doesn't make sense, but whatever."

"Talk to her, Nat," she nudged me with a tiny encouraging smile, "She's in your bedroom right now. Take this as your opportunity to fix your friendship. Yeah, Jules and I don't really talk all that much, way less than you think, but I do know she misses you too."

I wanted to believe that, I really did, but actions spoke louder than other people telling me something I wished to hear, "Yeah. I'll try."

"Ready to go back in?" she stood up, letting the blanket fall where she sat, and offered her hand out to me, "Pour us glasses of wine now? Well, you and I. Jules can deal with juice or water."

"You had me at wine," I smiled, but decided to stay sat outside for just a little bit longer by avoiding her hand that had been reached out to grab, "Can you give me a minute alone? I'll be inside soon to help tease Jules by getting tipsy without her."

"So does that mean an impromptu sleepover?" she giddily expressed, "This'll be like the old times! Okay, I know you said 'tipsy', but if I get drunk, you can't blame me. Especially if it's with that expensive wine your mom always brought when she visited you in the city."

"Maddy, calm down," I chuckled, "Go let Jules know you both are staying over so she can inform her fiancé she'll be safe and sound with two drunks."

"Okay, okay," she rushed over to the sliding glass door to enter the house, "The drunk part will be left out though. We don't need Drew to worry."

"Go," I giggled, using my hand to shoo her inside.

She left the sliding glass door open slightly, but was no longer in my vicinity. It was just me and the nature around me. Oh, and the building anger I had for Joe. He meant well, I knew that, but that was me expressing my trust in him and him only with my thoughts and emotions. He immediately stepped over a line of boundaries by relaying my vulnerability without my permission.

I needed a few deep breaths of the fall air that turned colder with preparing for winter, every holiday coming up all about family while leaving behind the spooky fun. No more tricks or treats. Just gatherings with food, reminiscing, keeping up with traditions, and gifts within the magic and twinkling lights.