Chapter 15

Lilly's POV     Have you ever experienced a moment when you literally felt something inside of you, or in your life, shift? Something inside you changes, and it happens so suddenly that you don't even realize it at first?

     Sex with Sutter was like that. Something in our relationship and ourselves, shifted.

    We were already a lot closer than your normal teenage couple. But after we had sex for the first time, it was even more intense. And I'm really not sure why, I just think after you share such an intimate and vulnerable moment with someone, it makes you trust each other even more than you did before.

     It also makes you more possessive though, because the thought of them sharing that act of love with someone else, literally drives you crazy.

     And because of Ashley Moore, I was about ready to be committed to some crazy house, or ward.      It was like every time I wasn't with Sutter at school, she was there. I would be walking into the cafeteria and would look over at our table where we sit, and she would be occupying the seat next to him. Or I'd walk down the hallway to meet him in between classes, and she would be walking beside him, just looking up at him. Not to mention they had three classes together, and he and I only shared one.

     It was of course the one they didn't have together.

    I told Sutter repeatedly that I didn't like them spending so much time together, that she had ill intentions towards him and it made me feel uncomfortable. To his defense, I never noticed him reciprocating any of those behaviors, and half the time he wasn't even paying attention to her but instead looking for me.

     I told him I wanted him to tell her to go away, to leave him alone, but Sutter never had it in him to be mean to people like that. He once asked me why I never said something to her, and I told him because I didn't want everyone thinking I was some crazy, controlling girlfriend.

     His response?

    "So you want me to be the one to be an ass, and the only one who knows you're a crazy, controlling girlfriend instead?"

     His smartass got punched for that one.          I had brought it up again last night, before we parted ways into our houses, for the couple of hours until he was sneaking into my window.

     "I just really wish you would say something to her. Tell her you have a girlfriend and that' there's no point in flirting with you because nothing is going to happen between y'all."

    He rolled his eyes, clearly annoyed with how much I kept talking about this lately. "I don't need to tell her I have a girlfriend, she knows. The whole school knows."

     "So that's makes it okay? No! If anything it makes it worse that she knows we're together and doesn't have enough respect for our relationship to back the hell off."

    "Lilly, I don't know what to tell you. I'm not saying anything to her because I know there's no point, the girls gonna do whatever she wants to do. You say something if you want to. But there's no reason because no one is going to take me away from you. Even if you are psychotic now."

     He meant it as a joke, and even laughed a little to make it obvious. But it wasn't funny to me, because he didn't realize how insecure I felt about this.

     Ashley was this spunky, beautiful, cheerleader. And she knew how to talk to boys and get what she wanted. I was blonde, athletic like the boys, and loved to read. I realized I wasn't bad looking, but I didn't look as good as Ashley either.

     "I think you should stay in your room tonight." I said to him, and turned to walk away.

    "Whoa, stop." He said, reaching out and grabbing my arm to stop me from walking off. "Don't walk away after you say something like that."

    "I don't know what else to say to you, nothing is getting through to you." I pull my arm out of his grasp, but I don't walk away again.

     "Lil there is nothing to get through to me! She is not a threat to us, you're just letting it feel like she is. I don't want her in any aspect. I love YOU, I want YOU, I need YOU. And no damn body is going to change that."

     "You not telling her to leave you alone is why she won't stop. She doesn't think there's anything wrong with what's she's doing because you never tell her she shouldn't. I mean do you like the attention or something? Do I not give you enough? Are you wanting something different and bored with me?" I throw questions at him, knowing some of them are stupid, but I'm so mad I'm not even thinking of the words coming out of my mouth before I say them.

     "Would you listen to yourself!" Sutter raises his voice at me. "Did you not just listen to what I said? I don't want her, or anyone else, all I want is you. You give me everything, I don't need anything else. I'm just not going to be an asshole to the girl because you want me to."

    "So you'd rather her just continue on with what she's doing and me feel this way?"

    "The only person who is making you feel this way is yourself. If you would just stop focusing all your attention on that, you would realize there's nothing to worry about."

     I don't say anything at first, because I want him to realize that I'm not just saying this in the heat of the moment, I really mean it. "I still think you should stay in your room tonight."

     He throws his hands up dramatically. "What for? I haven't done anything wrong. And what is us being away from each other going to solve?"

     "You haven't tried to see this from my perspective the first time, all you see is your side. And that's not how our relationship works. So maybe we need a couple hours of space to figure our mess out."

    He shakes his head. "Fine. You can have your couple hours of space, but tomorrow we're back to normal and going to pretend like this didn't happen. I hate fighting with you and I refuse to lose anymore time with you over something so inconsequential."

     He leans down and kisses my lips a few times before we walk the opposite way to our houses.

     That night when I'm laying in bed, I realize that the only way he'll ever know what this feels like, is for him to experience it for himself. And that's exactly what I have planned.

•••

    The next morning I text Nadine and tell her I need a ride to school. I don't tell Sutter, but I text his mom off my moms phone telling them I don't need a ride anymore, just so they don't waste any time waiting on me.

     I told Nadine my plan on the phone this morning, and she was all about it. She dislikes Ashley too, but for different reasons.

    Sutter tries to call and text me all morning long, and I finally respond to him at school, letting him know I still needed some space.

    Nadine and I have first period together, and we spend the whole time plotting out our plan. It's golden too, and there's no way that it's not going to work.

    My second period class is with Sutter, and I get there before him because his first class is in a different building. And I spot exactly who I want to help me carry out this action plan.

    Evan Mitchell. He's a junior, plays Lacrosse, and he's old enough to drive and has a jacked up truck. Which at our school, all these attributes make him nearly famous. We share another class and he always compliments me on how well I played in my games the night before. I even caught him staring at my ass one time when I was leaned over grabbing a pencil out of my book bag.

    But the best part? He's a total player.

   Guy has never had a girlfriend a day in his life. And he's probably banged more girls than some college guys. He has no morals when it comes to relationships either.

    I know if I play my cards right, I'll have him eating out my hand in no time. Not to mention I'll be a challenge for him, because I'm not single and never showed an ounce of interest before.

     I sit down in the desk next to him, and grab my materials for the class out of my bag.

    "Hey, I heard you places first in all your swim races last night. Good job." He compliments me.

    Normally when he says this, I just smile and say thanks. But not today. "Thanks. Didn't y'all have a game last night too? How'd it go?"

    His eyes show his surprise that I responded. "It went good. Beat them 6-2."

   "Wow that's good, I bet you were the star of the game, huh?" I try my best to give him a flirty smile, and it must work because he smiles back at me.

    Wait, he actually has a really nice smile.

    "I mean that's every game, so that's nothing new." His words are arrogant, but the boy next door smile he has down so well makes it not seem so bad.

    "But we're not cocky or anything, right?" I ask, and giggle.

    I freaking giggled.

    "Not cocky, just confident."

    "So what else are you the star at doing?" I ask, not suggestively but I know that's where his mind will take it.

     "Why don't you come-"

     "Why are you sitting over here?" Sutter asks, out of nowhere, interrupting Evan.

    I shrug my shoulders like I don't know. The whole time me and Evan were talking, more students had been filing into the classroom, and there isn't an empty seat next to me.

     "Well come move over here so you can sit next to me." He tells me, eyeing Evan the whole time.

    "Class is about to start, I'm not getting up and moving now." I tell him, and as if on cue, our teacher walks through the door.     He notices Sutter standing up next to me in the back of the classroom. "Mr. Mayfield, find your seat please so we can get started."

    Sutter looks at me one last time, but I look away before I can analyze whatever message he was trying to convey to me through his eyes.

     "Trouble in paradise?" Evan asks, the minute Sutter walks away to the front of the class.

    I shrug my shoulder again. "Just been having a lot of disagreements lately."

     He nods his head, and whispers so the teacher can't hear us. "That's to be expected. Y'all are so young, you shouldn't be tying yourself down so early in life. You should be having fun, playing the field."

    I have to force myself not to roll my eyes. "Is that why you like Lacrosse so much, you're good at playing the field?"

     He gives me his signature smirk, which I admit is even more attractive up close. I can see why girls have a hard time resisting him.

    "Someone's gotta do it." He says.

    We're quiet for a while after that, listening to the teacher tell us what we're doing in class today. I glance at the back of Sutter's Head more times than I'd like to admit.

    And I'd probably take three years off my life if it meant I could know what was going through his head right now. He has his head bent down, and the only movement is the rise and fall of his shoulders under his black hoodie.

    I don't want to hurt his feelings, but I see no other way to show him what I'm talking about than to actually show him myself.

    "So partner up with someone next to you, and get started." Our teacher says, and then turns to walk back to his desk.

     I missed all the instructions, but it doesn't matter because the next second Evan is moving his desk closer to mine so they're touching.

     "I zoned out, what are we supposed to be doing?" I ask him, hoping he was listening.

    "We need to read chapters three and four together, and write down all the definitions for the bolded words." He explains.

    We get to work and it takes us only twenty minutes to finish. He was a fast reader and I'm a fast writer.

     "So tell me something about yourself fresh meat." Evan says, distracting me from my thoughts of Sutter.

    "What do you want to know?" I ask, leaning forward and resting my chin my hand. Sutter has looked over here a number of times, and I want him to see us interacting with each other.

    "How old are you?"

    "Fourteen." I answer automatically.

    He whistles. "Just a baby huh?"

    I roll my eyes. "Do I look like a baby to you?"

    His eyes roam over my face before going to my body. I'm wearing a tank top underneath a button up plaid shirt, but the shirts open. I have on dark jeans, and a pair of boots. It's a casual enough outfit, but the way he's looking at me makes me feel like I should be on a runway.

    "No, you definitely don't look like a baby."

    I feel myself blush, and do my best to hide it. He's not affecting me the way Sutter does, not in the slightest, but I can't deny the fact that I like to know other guys find me attractive too.

    Sometimes when you're with someone for so long, you can never really tell if they still look at you the same, or if they've just got used to you.

    "And you know what else?" Evan asks, leaning forward on his desk so are faces are even closer.

     I know I should move back, but I can feel Sutter's stare on the side of my face.

    "What?" I ask him.

    "Fourteen is the age of consent in our state." He says boldly, and I can't help but bark out a laugh.

    Is he really that confident in himself that he thinks it's normal to say that?

    "Mr. Mitchell, Ms. Matthews, please do a little more working and a lot less talking." Our teacher cuts in, obviously hearing my laugh.

     I instantly get a embarrassed at being fussed at in front of the class, and I start to apologize but Evan beats me to it.

    "Sorry sir, didn't realize how loud we were. We finished our work a couple minutes ago, but we'll keep it down."

    "You two finished already?" The teacher asks, and we both nod in response.

     "Well that was certainly fast. Guess you two make a good pair." Our teacher honestly couldn't have said anything worse, or better.

    "Guess we do." Evan says back loud enough for the class to hear, but he never takes his eyes off me.

    I hear a wood pencil snap in the front of the class.

    I chance a glance at Sutter, who is sending death glares to Evan. His face is blood red, and his knee is bouncing up and down so hard I'm afraid he's going to knock a hole in the bottom of his desk.       The class bell rings then suddenly, dismissing class and telling us it's time to get to second period.

    "Can I walk you?" Evan asks, because we have the same second period class together too.

    I open my mouth to respond, when I'm yanked backwards away from Evan. Sutter is pulling my by my book bag so fast that I'm practically tripping over my feet to run backwards.

     "Sutter stop, I'm about to fall!" I tell him.

    He lets go of my book bag, but then grabs my hand and continues to pull me along.

    We enter the library through heavy metal doors and he walks us inside and down an aisle that's empty.  

     "What are you doing?" He exclaims the minute we finally stop walking.

     "What am I doing?! What are you doing, dragging me down the hallway like some crazy person!" I whisper yell at him, not wanting to get kicked out of the library.

    "Well I'm sorry, I'm trying to make sure that my girlfriends body didn't get taken over last night, because the way you're acting right now is definitely not like HER." He makes no try at lowering his voice.

     "All I did was sit down and talk to a friend? Since when is that so bad?"

    "A friend? You think Evan Mitchell wants to be your friend?"

    "Why wouldn't he? Some people don't mind my company." I know I'm being ridiculous, because Sutter likes my company. But I never claimed to not be petty.

     "The only kind of 'company' that guy wants from you, is the kind you do when you get naked together."

     "Is that all I'm good for, Sutter? Just for someone to have sex with? Because there's just no possible way anyone could want to be friends with me, right?" I'm being completely irrational and I hope he catches on soon.

    "You're taking everything I'm saying to you and twisting it all around. I'm saying he wants to be more than your friend."

    I roll my eyes. "You're being crazy. He's just being friendly, and we had a good talk."

     Sutter looks at my sarcastically. "Oh yeah, what'd you guys talk about? He's sixteen, almost seventeen. You're still fourteen years old for a couple more months."

     "He said fourteen is the age of consent, so I think I can choose what friends I want to have." I tell him, knowing the consent he was speaking of was definitely not friendly.

     Sutter's eyes widen furiously. "He said that to you?!" He all but screams.

    I try to shoosh him, but it's too late. The old Librarian hag walks over to our aisle and gives us a menacing look. "If you cannot respect the rules of the Library, then please leave it." She tells us, authority ringing in her words.

    "Yes ma'am." I say, and use this as an excuse to escape from Sutter.

     He's hot on my heels though and I only make it out into the hallway before he's pulling me to a stop again. "Stop walking away from me."

     "Class is about to start, I don't have time for this."       Sutter knows my schedule, and knows Evan and I have the next class together too. "Are you going to sit next to him again?"

    I give him a confused look. "I don't know, probably. We really did work well together."

    I'm waiting for the perfect timing to drop my next line.

     "I don't like it, Lilly. He's not a good guy, and definitely not one that needs to be hanging around you. He's obviously flirting with you if he's talking about the age of consent."

        "The only person who is making you feel this way is yourself. If you would just stop focusing all your attention on that, you would realize there's nothing to worry about." I throw his exact words back at him that he used at me last night.

     Understanding lights off in his eyes.

     "Sutter, hey, are you waiting on me?" Ashley asks. And the gods must be on my side, because she couldn't have walked up on a better time, to really drive my point home.

     "Do you see who I'm standing with?" Sutter asks Ashley, pointing to me. "I'm standing and talking with my girlfriend, so why would I be waiting on you?"

     I'm shocked at his words, and by the dumbfounded look on Ashely's face, so is she.

    "I just thought-" she starts, but gets cut off.

    "No, you don't think at all. Because if you did you would realize you're wasting all of your time flirting with me, when I have a girlfriend who I'm in love with. So stop following me around like I'm going to change my mind, because I'm not."

     I can't believe the words that are coming out of his mouth, but it makes me so happy I can't help but smile. Ashley's whole face is beet red, and she puts her face down and starts sprint walking away from us. I almost feel bad for her.

    Almost.

    "Is that what you needed to hear?" Sutter asks.

    I nod in response, worried he's going to be mad at me. But instead, he leans forward and kisses the day lights out of me.

    We don't kiss long, because we're in school. But something passes between us anyway. He pulls back and looks at me. "I'm sorry it took me this long to get what you were saying. She doesn't have good intentions, and it doesn't matter if I'll ever act on them or not. I shouldn't let her continue to do it."

     "Finally! He finally gets it!" I yell dramatically, and feel my hearts doing cartwheels inside my chest.

    "Next time, I'll listen to you when it comes to stuff like that, okay?"

    "Sounds like a plan." I agree.

    "Now let's go." He says and starts leading us down the hall again.

    "Where are we going?" I ask, confused.

    "To find Evan, and let him know you're never going to be his partner again, of any kind."

     "Oh my god, are you serious?" I'm trying to stop us from walking, but Sutter is practically carrying me down the hall.

    "Extremely serious. If I ever see him talk to you again, I may have to kill him with my broken pencil from class, like I'm John Wick."

     "Sutter!" I yell his name in frustration.

    And that night after we talked and made up more over everything that happened, he had me screaming him name for a totally different reason.

A/N: ahhhhh another flashback!! They're seriously my favorite.

Book suggestion this chapter is "Reason to Breathe" by Rebecca Donovan. Kinda hard to read so definitely not for the faint of heart!

   My question to everyone in this chapter is, what is the first book you ever read that had you get hooked on reading? Mine was twilight and I was in the fifth grade! Lol (:

    Hope you guys enjoyed and please vote and comment!!