Part Nineteen

I managed to force him to run the last stretch and then allowed him to collapse on the grass beside me. 

"Fucking hell" He wheezed. 

"Feels good though, right?"

"Yeah"

"Imma do a handstand" I pushed myself up to balance on my heels and then stood up fully, arching my back and stretching. I then swung my body forwards and up into a perfect handstand, like i'd practiced many times before. I let myself fall to the ground in a defeated heat as the blood rushed to my head and my top had come up revealing my flabby stomach.

Nathan army-crawled his way over to me and laughed before stroking my hair back and hooking it behind my ear. I undid his work, knowing i hated the dark freckle just below my earlobe.

"What?" He asked.

"Nothing, i just don't like my ears"

"Weird"

"Not really."

"How on earth did you survive with Max around if you don't like your ears?"

"Well, it's not so much my ears but the freckle beneath it"

"Oh"

Before i had a chance to reach up and conceal it, he'd swung his leg over my body and had my arms expertely pinned above my head using one arm and was brushing back my hair with his other hand.

"Stop!" I squealed, desperately trying to wriggle out from under him, though slightly enjoying feeling the weight of his body on top of mine.

"What! I like it!" He grinned.

"Well I don't. So let me go!"

"Or what?"

I thought for a moment and looked for points where i could attack him. He was right, he had me pinned - literally. There was nothing i could do to be free and the smirk on his face told me he knew exactly how much power he had over me.

"Or no more smoothies"

"I'll just go on my own."

"Loser" I laughed, still squirming to get away.

Suddenly it wasn't so funny anymore. He'd pushed down the sleeves of my jumper in the wrestle to pin me down and the dark scars from 3 months ago were visible.

"What are they?"

"Amy" I snapped. He let me go and I sat up, pulling my sleeves down.

"No they're not. You're not ashamed of the scars Amy gave you where as these, i haven't seen before."

"So?"

"So, they can't be scars from her"

"Well they are. Lets just leave it at that"

"Es"

"What?"

"Let me see"

"No." I pulled my jumper tighter around myself, gripping to the ends of the sleeves.

"Esmie, i've seen scars like that before"

"So?"

"Let me see" He demanded, shuffling closer and taking my hand in his.

"Don't Nathan" I begged.

"I'm sorry" He pushed back one of my sleeves slowly and gazed upon the many cuts. I had avoided looking at them for weeks now. I wanted to live in the fantasy that things were really okay. Nathan fucked that up though.

He ran his finger over the most recent one.

"When?" He asked, his voice hoarse. 

"Yesterday"

"Because of me?" He asked, even quieter this time.

When i offered him no reply for not wanting to lie to him or make him feel bad he lowered his head. 

"It's me Nathan. It's my fucked up issues and mind."

"I'm not helping you. I'm supposed to be there for you. I said i'd protect you and it feels like i've failed."

"You didn't"

"I have"

"As long as you're getting better, thats all i care about"

"I shouldn't have to get better. I should never have fucked up in the first place."

I let the conversation end, knowing it would only continue to be Nathan loathing himself for my mistakes. He lifted my arm and gently kissed the most faded scar.

"Don't do it again. Please?" He looked up, into my eyes assertively.

"I'll try"

"I promised you i'd stop drinking and smoking. I have. Now you promise me you won't do this again?"

"Okay, i promise"

"Good" He leant over and paused before lifting his hand to reach round to the back of my neck and pressed his lips to mine. Slowly and gently he broke away.

"What was that for?" I asked.

"Is it not obvious?"

"No.." I shook my head.

"Lets go" He chuckled, dismissing my question and standing up. I followed him, my head a mess and my lips still tingling with the taste of him. He took my hand and wound his fingers through them.

"Home?" He asked.

"Okay"