Bittersweet revenge

As you reach the compound you see Natasha, Bruce, Rhodey, Steve and Thor run towards you. As she safely lands the plane. She opens op the door. As Nebula holds you and Tony up from the ground. Neither of you able to stand on your own to feet for more than a couple of seconds.

Natasha grabs your hand as you fall into her arms. You sob uncontrollably you've never been so scared or lost in your life. And now you were home. You look around in search of Loki he had to be here somewhere.

"It's okay y/n You're all safe now" Nat whispers as she strokes your hair.

"Where is he?" You ask softly, you're voice is shaky and low from pure exhaustion.

"Y/n-"

"Where is he Thor?" You say as you turn to him.

He shakes his head softly, looking at your small tired frame..

"Thor?" You whimper. Your lips quivering. "Where is Loki?"

Thor looks down at the ground, as a sickening feeling overpowers you. And at that moment you knew exactly how death felt. Like your insides had been torn to pieces, your heart ripped out from your chest. You don't feel sad.. you don't feel anything at all. Never before have you ever felt so numb. It's like your heart stopped beating and a black hole grew where your heart used to be. You've lost everything.. and there's nothing you can do but sit in this hurt as the world goes quiet.. falling to your knees. Not a single word escaping from your lips. Your whole body trembling. Like water filling your lungs, screaming at the top of your lungs, except no one could hear you.

"One second he was there.. and then-" Steve tries to take over. "He just wanted you to know he loves you.."

"No" you whimper.. in complete denial. It couldn't possibly be true, out of all the people Loki doesn't just die. He couldn't possibly die..

"If there was anything we could have-."

"Don't" you hiss.

"Come on y/n"

"I said don't Captain.." you hiss once more.

"He's gone y/n"

As you hear those words, it feels as the ground beneath you gets swept away from under you, as you collapse. Thor and Natasha helps carry you inside. You just stare into nothingness. Barely able to breathe. You wanted to cry, your whole body was fighting to just do anything to get rid of this sickening feeling. But there was nothing you could say or do to make you feel better.

Natasha tugs you into bed, she speaks to you but you can't hear her. You hear nothing. You just lay unable to move or sleep.

A trauma doctor comes in the next morning checking up on you. They say you're just in denial, that it's a normal part of grief.. that you refuse to speak or sleep because you don't want to. But it's not that you don't want to, but words have lost all meaning, and sleep will only ease the pain until you open your eyes to discover you're reliving the same nightmare.

After two days they had you plugged into to different machines, injecting the food and water through a tube to get your body stabilized. The only person allowed in your room was Tony, who as well as you was wired up to different machines.

Two weeks later

Tony looks at you through the open door, as you're laying in your bed.. He rolls into your room in his wheelchair. Grabbing your hand.

"Y/n you gotta talk to me.. you're the only person here who doesn't think I'm insane" Tony says desperately. "If you could just-" he stops himself. "Just look at me!" He pleads.

You sit in silence looking at the blank wall in front of you.

"They're gonna send you away!" He yells angrily. "Lock you up in some psychiatric hospital.. just say something dammit" He hisses.. "y/n I'm begging you please, you're all I have left, and right now it feels like I might as well have lost you. You're my best friend and I love you, but you have to snap out of it." Tony says softly. "SNAP OUT OF IT" he yells

You turn your head for the first time since you got back, looking him dead in the eyes. "I can't" you speak softly. Your voice doesn't even sound like you anymore.

"See that wasn't so hard" Tony smiles. Tugging your hand. "We are having a meeting today.. just go lay out what we know.. please come with me" he begs. "Seeing you like this-"

"Tony I can't"

"I know you say that.. but ehm.. you're all I have y/n right now.." Tony claims. "Sitting here hating everyone, starving yourself, refusing to speak that's not gonna bring him back. That's just gonna kill you.. and I- I just can't loose you"

"I can't die.. but It feels like I already have"

"Y/'n don't-"

"Don't what Tony?"

"Look I know you're grieving but it's not the end okay?.." Tony says desperately trying to talk some sense into you.

"Then why does it feel like my life just did?" You ask looking up at him.

"Y/n-"

You tug his hand softly. "I didn't even get to say goodbye" you sigh. "I didn't get to say goodbye"

"I know" Tony says. "But I made him a promise y/n.. I'm gonna look after you, I'm gonna be there. And if you want to push me away that's fine.. I'll just sit right here until you're ready" Tony says firmly.

"When's the meeting?" You ask.

"In an hour.. they're all coming here" Tony smiles.

"I can't look at him Tony... I just can't right now" you admit.

"That's okay.. just sit beside me. Look at Nat, look at Thor.. look at me. We're all here for you"

You nod your head, as you hold onto his hand, sitting up. It took all you had in you just to get up from the bed. Natasha walked in with a wheelchair for you, as she helped you down. Rolling you out into the headquarters.

You sit beside Tony and Natasha, not letting go of Tony's hand. As you see all the flashing images of the people dead to you lost from the snap. Stephen...Wanda..Peter..Scott..Barnes..T'Challa, Sam.. your heart skips a beat as you see Nicks face.. you almost couldn't believe it.. then Loki.. you look down at the ground as the picture of him appears.

"It's been thirty two days since Thanos came to earth, world governments are in pieces. The ones that are still working are trying to take a census.." Natasha explains at the meeting. "And it looks like he did-" she says before stopping herself. "He did exactly what he said he was gonna do" she finally says. "Thanos wiped out fifty percent of all living creatures"

You look up from the ground, spotting Thor. He sits like you alone starring at the ground. With all hope and happiness lost from his eyes.

"So Where is he now?" Tony asks.

"We don't know " Steve answers. You cringe at his voice. You can't bear to look at him after what happened. "He just opened up a portal and walked right through it"

Tony sighs as he turns to look at you.. you don't react to anything. You simply sit there listening in on their conversation.

"We've been hunting Thanos for five weeks now. Deep space scans and satellites.. we've got nothing on him" Steve adds. "Tony you and y/n fought him-"

"We didn't fight him" Tony scoffs. As he tugs your hand tighter. "No he wiped my face with a planet and tortured y/n till she couldn't see straight. Forcing The witch doctor to give up the stone.. that's what happened cap.." Tony explains.

Your body trembles with fear from just the thought of it. It was burned into the back of your mind.

"There was no fight cause he's not beatable"

"Did he give you any clues.. any coordinates anything?" Steve asks you.

"You gotta be kidding me" you say quietly.

"What?" Steve asks.

"You think he stopped by for a little chat about his plan after this? He-" you trail off, you lip quivering.

"Y/n you don't have to" Natasha assures you.

"Have to what? I've already lived through it!" You stammer. "There's nothing more to live through."

"Im gonna need you to-"

"And i needed you.. as in past tense that trumps what you need Steve.. it's too late" you hiss at him.

Steve looks at you with a hopeless gaze.

"You know what I need?" You ask angrily. "I need to not be put in danger every five minutes. Not clean up after everyone else's mess.. I was finally happy. I had a home" you say on the verge of tears. "I was in love.. I am in love.. and now it's gone... I was gonna marry him.. he asked me to-" you say quietly. "So I just need everyone to stop looking at me like I've gone insane. You guys have no idea what we went through up there.. and I know you fought him too, and I know you've lost people too. But it does not make my pain any less valid" you yell frustrated. "Do you truly not see?.. we lost. He's gone. There's nothing we can do"

"Y/n you're being selfish" Steve says.

"Selfish..." Tony scoffs. "All this woman has done for you and you call her selfish.." Tony sigh. "We got nothing for you cap" Tony yells. As he stand up, pulling out the drop in his arms. As he walks towards Steve. "We got no coordinates.. no clues, no strategies, no options... zero, zip nada" he stammers. "No trust.. liar" Tony breathes shakily as he pulls of hoss arc reactor pulling it off his chest. Putting it into the palm of Steve's hand. "Here take this. You find him, you put that on. And you hide.. that's what you do best-"

Tony's knees give in as he falls to the ground. You quickly jump up from your wheelchair holding onto him. "Tony!" You yell scared.

"I'm fine" he assures you. Before he collapses onto the floor.

You, Natasha and Rhodey Holds onto Tony as you get him back in his bed, letting him rest. You stay by his side all night. Until You need a break, a change in scenery walking outside watching the stars glimmer im the sky.

"Y/n?" Steve soft voice speaks behind you. "Can we talk?"

"I have nothing to say to you" you say coldly. Not bothering to look back at him.

"I find that a little hard to believe" he chuckles kindly. "I know you're angry.. you have every reason to be.. can I just say something to you then?" He asks.

"I can't stop you can I?"

Steve walks towards you, he tries to sit down next to you. But you flinch as he moves to close to you. He nods his head before taking a step back.

"I know you don't believe it but, I understand the pain you're going through right now.. I lost someone too. We all did" he says softly. "It's okay to be sad but you can't let it control you."

You begin chuckling as he speaks.

"What?"

"You're unbelievable" you chuckle. "You think that by relating to my trauma that what happened would magically disappear.. I gotta tell you that's funny.. quite hysterical actually" you grin. "You don't know what it's like Steve. You have absolutely no idea what I'm going through right now.. cause If you did you wouldn't be standing here, I'm my face talking to me" you hiss.

"I just want-"

"I don't care what you want.. god it's so stupid." You say sadly. "I loved you.. so much. Perhaps if things hadn't gone down I would have loved you till the day I die. I put all my faith and trust in you, all for nothing.. How can I possible forgive you for that?"

"You were just so upset I was afraid you'd hurt him"

"Bucky? I never blamed Bucky for what happened. I know it wasn't him.. I blame you Steve. You are the one who fucked up."

"I just wanted to protect-"

"No you didn't!" You hiss. "This wasn't about protecting Tony or me.. not even about Bucky..it was about protecting yourself. If you had just told me when you found out, I would helped you, and I would have forgiven Bucky right then and there, but you chose to keep my best friends death a secret to me.. you knew me back then Steve. You saw me with him." You say desperate for him to understand. "What if I'd had been the other way around huh?.. what if Tony had killed Barnes and I knew and I didn't tell you?" You ask. "Would you forgive me?"

Steve looks down at the ground. Cause he knows deep down he wouldn't.

"That's what I thought.. now get out of my face" you yell.

Steve nods his head as he walks away. You sit outside alone as a single tear rolls down your cheek.

"Y/n"

"What now!" You yell angrily.

"We found him" Natasha says behind you.

"Im gonna kill him" you growl as you walk into the compound. "Tell me where he is" you demand.

"Y/n maybe you shouldn't go-"

"Don't tell me what to do Rogers, I don't remember asking for you opinion. I'm going" you say firmly."so where is he?"

"Two days ago a large amount energy, similar to te outbreak on earth when he snapped his fingers happened on this planet" Nebula explains.

"He used the stones again.." Natasha says worriedly.

"He clearly still has the stones we have no-" Rhodey says but he get cuts off.

"So let's get them" The woman who saved you says. "We can use them to bring everyone back"

"Just like that?" Banner asks.

"Yeah just like that" she smiles.

"But even if there's a small chance we can undo this, I mean we owe it to everyone who's not in this room to try" Natasha says confidently.

"So why are we just sitting here? Let's go!" You speak.

Finally Thor stands up, walking to your side. Looking at you with a subtle smile on his lips. "Let's get him back" he smiles.

You use the spaceship you landed with, flying towards the unknown planet with Bruce, Nebula, Thor, Natasha, Rhodey, Carol, and well steve.You sit beside Thor holding his hand the whole way there. He understands better than anyone, he doesn't judge your silence. He simply smiles at you every once in a while.

Carol flies down first just to check out the status. While you other wait for her que to land.

Steve sits in the front of the plane, looking down at his compas with the picture of you in it. You notice but you don't say anything.. you needed more time. You could forgive him.. but you needed time to build up that trust for him again.

"She's gonna come around Steve" Natasha says quietly but you hear her.

"I'm not so sure anymore.. she's right though. I wouldn't forgive her if it was the other way around" he sighs.

"She's not you" she smiles.

Carol flies back to you shortly after. "No satellites, not ships, no armies. No ground defenses of any kind... it's just him" she says.

"That's enough" you scoff.

You land the plane just outside a small cabin in the middle of nowhere.. as Carol blast through it, grabbing him around the throat. As Bruce in his hulk armor grabs one of his arms and Rhodey in his war machine suit grabs the other. You,, Natasha, nebula and Steve walks in. Right behind you Thor flies in chopping his hand off in one swift motion.

You bow down picking up the gauntlet from the floor. But as soon as you turn around, your heart stops. It was empty. You look up at Steve and Nat. As you close your eyes. Before seeing red.

"Where are they" you hiss, pulling out your dagger, putting it up towards his throat. "WHERE ARE THE STONES" you yell, as you push the blade against his skin.

"The universe requires correction.. after that the stones served no purpose beyond temptation" Thanos explains.

"You murdered trillions!" Bruce screams angrily. Pushing him to the ground.

"You should be grateful"

"Where are the stones?" Natasha asks

"Gone" he smirks.. reduced to atoms"

"You used the stone two days ago. So where are they?" Thor asks.

"I used the stones to destroy the stones" he explains. "I am inevitable-"

You scream in anger, pulling out your gun from your sleeve as you shoot him right through the head. Watching as his body drops to the floor.. "I told you I'd kill you.. if it was the last thing I did" you sob. As you fall to your knees. Everyone stands in a shock watching you. As Thor wield his hammer, crushing it against his skull to make sure he's dead.

"What?" Bruce stammers.

"What did you do?" Steve asks the two of you..

"We got our revenge" you say coldly.

Then grabs your hand as you walk with him back to the plane.

"Are you okay?" He asks you.

"No.." you answer.. it was as simple as that. "Is Heimdall?"

Thor nods his head..

"Where are you going now?" You ask.

"Home... you can come with me if you'd like.. Asgard needs it's queen"

"No.." you shake your head.. "I can't.. I can't be a queen without my king.. a queen without her king is just a fool.." you sigh.

"Y/n.. Loki would have-"

"Don't!" You hiss. "Don't tell me what he would have wanted!" You yell, instantly regretting letting you anger out at Thor.. "I'm sorry" you whisper. "Sorry"

"It's okay y/n.. just know Asgard is your home too"

"He was my home Thor.." you sigh. "He wanted to marry me.. we were gonna be together forever and now.."

"I know.. I wish there was anything I could do.. if you ever need me I'll be there"

"As will I Thor.. I just can't go back.. not without him" you stammer

"Then I fear this is goodbye my lady"

"I suppose it is.. You know where to find me" you say softly.

"And you'll know where to find me" Thor smiles before walking back inside.

Leaving you alone in the open field starting at the sky. Praying on the only person you believe in. Loki.