San 三

| YUTA'S POV |

I just got out of the shower when i heard someone knocking on my door. Johnny, my roommate was still asleep so i had to quickly put on my clothes and open the door. As i went towards the door, the knocking stopped so i opened it and was meet with a falling human. Luckily, i managed to catch him in time before he meets the ground. He stood up wobbly and regained his balance. Oh its Taeyong...? Why does he look so thin and why are his eye bags so deep? I can't help but to be worried.

"Woah there, you okay?"

"Yeah sorry,i'm fine now."

"I wanted to wake you up but i guess there's no need for that anymore. Oh and can you let go of me now?" I looked down and noticed that i was still gripping his wrist.

"Oh yeah i had a nightmare so i woke up earlier today. And sorry."  I quickly let go of his wrist and apologised embarrassingly. He's all bones now. Did he not eat?

"Anyway, breakfast is ready so come down if you want to eat. That's all, i'll be going now." He turned around to leave but i prevented him to do so. I had to ask him something.

"Taeyong wait! Have you been getting enough sleep lately or even had a proper meal?" I can't help but to ask. Out of all of us i think Taeyong had to work the hardest,being the leader and all. I just had to worry.

"Y-yeah i d-do....don't worry about it." Liar. He always avoid eye contact when he is nervous or lying. Yah Lee Taeyong why are you lying? I was about to ask him a few more questions but he already left. I couldn't stop him.

After our conversation, i can't help but think of him. I was always caught lost in my thoughts by Johnny, he then invited me to go have breakfast. That's right! I can talk to Taeyong then. As we got to the ground floor, most of the boys were already there having their breakfast and i was the last one. I noticed the seats around Taeyong was empty and i can't help but feel irritated by the member's childish behaviors. I took the advantage by sitting beside him but he was too lost in his thoughts that he didn't noticed everyone was already there until i pulled out the chair. He finally got back to his senses and looked around the room like a lost and confused baby. When we lock gazes, i gave him my warmest smile but all he returned back to me was a small smile which looks sad and forced.

I reached out and took one of the kimbap that Taeyong made. I unwrapped the foil and put the kimbap in my mouth. Ahh..oishi. Of course, every food that Taeyong made is always delicious. I continued eating but noticed that there was a half eaten kimbap in front of the leader. Is he not eating again? I was about to ask him to eat but he looks bothered and somewhat nervous. He keeps fiddling with his hand and he repeatedly opens his mouth to say something but nothing came out. Suddenly,as if like he was possessed, he looked up and cleared his throat.

"U-um g-guys, can i s-say something." He managed to say out, his voice shaking.

"I just w-would like to apologise about yesterday. I was too harsh on you guys and i shouldn't have lashed out to you like that. I'm sorry and i will never do that again. I'll try to grow and improve to be the leader that you guys can look up to and not a leader that you feel small or inferior to, just like Johnny said. So i really hope you guys can forgive me this time and give me another chance. And once again, i'm sorry and i regret with all my heart." I looked at him sadly. I understand where he is coming from and leading 17 people isn't easy. Besides, he probably had some other leader burdens that he was stressing over that day so he had to be going through a lot.

After he apologised, everyone was silent, including myself. I hate myself for not having the courage to say "its okay,i forgive you" or at least a "i understand". Good going Yuta! I wanted to pat his back but was too late again as he got up to leave, grabbing his half eaten kimbap. Once he gave the reminder and went up to his room, i gave everyone a death glare.

"Y-yuta hyung, why are you looking at us like that?" Win Win asked, intimidated by my glare.

"We need to stop being like this. What he did yesterday was a mistake and we have to forgive him for it. Everyone has flaws, everyone loses their cool, so i dont understand why you're treating hime like he didn't have the right to scold you guys. Yes what he said was a bit harsh but he scolded you guys because he cares. He wants you all to improve and that's why he is going hard on you. I swear, not sitting beside him and giving hime the cold shoulder...are you guys pre-schoolers or something? Learn to take in criticism or else how are you going to survive in the music industry where the public constantly criticize you. Be more mature please." With that, i got up from my seat and left the room leaving the members speechless.

I went to the last floor and went the opposite way of my room. I noticed that his door was left ajar so i could see the inside from the corridor. There at the foot of his bed, a silhouette of a boy crouching over his knees were seen. The said boy was holding a half eaten kimbap on his left hand. With his dominant hand, he peels open the foil slowly to reveal the food that he himself made. He slowly and hesitantly move it towards his mouth. He took a small bite and tried to chew then swallow it but his body rejects immediately. Bits of chewed up food pieces fell on the wooden floor. Frustrated, the boy threw the food across the room which created a mess. Feeling defeated , he brought his knees up to his chest and cried. Yuta felt disheartened watching the scene. He moved towards the room with hopes to comfort the boy but once his presence was exposed, the latter quickly ran in his bathroom and locked himself in. Yuta ran towards the locked door,trying to convince Taeyong to let him in.

"Taeyong come on. You don't have to do this. I'm here for you, please talk to me." I said softly, trying to convince his way in. He knew there was something wrong with his friend and the scene he saw earlier just proved it.

"Go away. I'm fine." Was all he said.

"No Taeyong, i won't go away and you are not okay. Please come out and talk to me. Taeyong please, talk to me now or else we won't have the time to since we need to go soon." I pleaded him to listen to me and get the door open. Somehow, he kinda did and opened the door, but not how i expected him to.

"See there's nothing wrong." He opened the door and came out smiling. Or what it seems to be a 'forced smile'. He passed by , went to his bed and cleaned up the mess he made earlier. I can't help but to just stare at his depressed state.

"Taeyong, look at me." I pleaded again but was ignored.

"Tae..." I tried with a softer tone but failed.

"Lee Taeyong please look at me!" I grabbed his wrist and pulled him towards my chest. I forced him to look at my eyes and we just stayed there.

"Yah Taeyong..please tell me what's wrong. I don't like to see you hurting. You're not alone, you have me." I sincerely said to the older boy who now is stuck under my grip. We stared at each other for a few seconds until his eyes became glossy and teary. Soon, a tear fell and he finally let down his wall. I pulled him into a hug and he cried harder into my shoulder.  I'm here now Taeyong, you're not alone anymore.