Chapter 5

TW // DESCRIPTION OF GORE, DESCRIPTION OF A PANIC ATTACK AND DESCRIPTION OF INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS.

Sam was going to immediately leave his home to search for Bucky and where he may have went to, but decided against this. It would be wrong to just persue this man and tell him that he loves him, while in the state he was currently in. It'd probably just hurt him more. It'd be rather sadistic, he thought, so he waited.

An hour, he thought, an hour, and he should be at least a bit approachable.

The hour dragged, as if it wished to tease Sam for his unintentional mistake. He tried everything to pass the time. He tried playing a mobile game, he tried sitting down and playing piano, he tried everything, but with every minute that passed in its excruciating way, he became more and more antsy, to the point where he noticed he was trembling a little and struggling to breathe. Thoughts flooded his mind as he buried his head into his hands, as if he were trying to run from them.

Bucky could be dead by now, they said, and it's all your fault. He is dead, Sam. He's probably lying on that highway, his body mangled from being hit by a vehicle.

He couldn't help but imagine that very thought. His body was distorted beyond recognition, splayed out on the road, his eyes wide open, filled with sweet death, glaring to the side of him. Glaring at where Sam stood in this conscious nightmare.

He let out a stifled gasp, realising what he had potentially done to Bucky, before completely breaking down, his eyes gushing like the river that seeped from Bucky's corpse. He emitted a muffled scream, which was strained by his tears, as his panic attack took course, consuming every conscious thought he once had which wasn't related to the uneasiness he felt for Bucky.______________________________________

It eventually ended. Sam was left breathless from this, but he took a moment to clear his thoughts.

Bucky may still be okay, he thought, if he's hurt, then there's still time.

He grabbed his coat, his phone and his keys, and headed out of the door, entering the location into Google Maps where he believed Bucky would probably be. It was a place they took Falcon a while ago together, when he was still healing.

The field that was on the opposite side of the vet clinic.

The very place that led to that fateful day.

The day he met Bucky.

10 minutes commute, you are on the fastest route, Sam observed on the app.

Good.

He would need to get there quickly, anyway.

_______________________________________

The field was probably one of the most picturesque places Bucky had been to within this area of Brooklyn. Sunflowers bloomed all around, as well as corn. Both of which glowed in both the sun and the moon's gentle gazes. The only thing that lied in the very heart of this field was a sycamore tree, and that was where he sat, his cheeks stained with tears as he stared blankly into thin air. He was truly broken, and the only thing that could fix this was the person who started it.

Sam parked the car where he would usually park it when taking Falcon through the field, and ran, apprehensive about the fact that it may be too late.

Bucky could hear footsteps approaching, though was too emotionally drained to bother turning his head to see what was going on. He only glanced up once he saw Sam standing to his side.

"I know you told me not to follow you, Buck, but.." Sam gently sighed, before continuing, "I.. I want to fix this, okay? Are you willing to hear me out? Just.. listen to what I have to say, then decide if you wish to continue to hate me, okay?"

Bucky glanced to the side for a moment, to consider Sam's proposal, then nodded.

"Is it okay if I just sit beside you and explain all this?"

Another nod.

Sam did exactly that, though kept a bit of distance from Bucky as he explained everything, gazing up at the night sky, "Buck, it.. it was the song that hurt you, right?"

He nodded once more.

"Right.. look, um, Buck.. I'm not here to judge you on your actions, but, the way you acted.. it was a bit irrational. I never said who the song was about, and I never said if it was a past love or a present one. You just made an assumption. It was present, though. I think it's unrequited though."

Bucky hadn't got the hint yet.

"Can I just ask who this woman is?" Bucky spoke, his voice subtle and hushed.

"Bold of you to assume it's a woman."

"You're gay?"

"Bi," Sam chuckled a little, "but, you promise not to hurt them if I tell you who it is, even if it is someone you know, and someone who you hate deep down?"

"I promise."

Sam teared his gaze from the stars, and looked over to his own, "I was on about you, Bucky. I love you. It's okay if you don't return my feelings but-"

"-Sam," Bucky once again spoke, his voice somehow even more lulled than it originally was, "I love you too, you fucking idiot," He moved himself close to Sam, placing a hand on his cheek, "I always have."

Bucky tilted his head upwards, and let his lips meet Sam's, just hovering within mere centimeters of his. He felt his hand warm up with the other's touch, and soon found himself sharing his first kiss with him. It took him all of his strength not to sob from sheer joy. He was finally with the man he had pined for for so long, and that was all he ever wanted. Once they both pulled away for oxygen, Bucky let himself rest his head on Sam's shoulder, gazing up at him with pupils so dilated, the colour could be barely seen.

"Forever?"

"What?"

"You promise to be with me forever, right? Please don't ever leave me."

Sam smiled warmly, then kissed the top of Bucky's head.

"I promise you forever, and even what extends beyond that. I'll never let you go, Bucky, I promise."