The Fall

Stephie

I shoot up in bed, heart racing, sweating, unaware that it was a dream. I turn over and see Spencer lying next to me, sound asleep. I grab my phone and look through my messages, it was all a dream. I'm careful not to wake Spencer as I crawl out of bed and tiptoe to my apartments kitchen.

I grab a clean glass from the sink and fill it with water. It was just a dream, I keep telling myself as I lean against the counter. I can hear footsteps walking in this direction, Spencer's awake now too.

"Everything alright?" He yawns and I set down the water glass, nodding my head.

"Usually you're a good liar, what's wrong?" Spencer chuckles softly, his voice is groggy, it's only two in the morning. I walk over to him and wrap myself around him, his arms wrap around my body in a gentle hug.

"Just a bad dream," I mumbled into his chest and he remains silent, just holding in his arms. I let go and then he does too. We just stare at each other in the darkness of the kitchen until I grab his hand and lead him back to my bedroom. We crawl back into to bed and Spencer pulls me close to him, messing with my hair until I fall asleep.

The next morning, I wake up to the sound of my alarm. Spencer is still asleep, his face peaceful. I slide out of bed, careful not to disturb him, and head to the bathroom to get ready for the day. I find it strange that Spencer isn't awake yet, he's usually up before me. The dream still lingers in my mind, a constant reminder of the secrets I've been hiding all these years.

By the time I'm dressed, Spencer is awake and sitting on the edge of the bed. When I walk in he flashes me a soft smile and then stares at me with a look of concern

"You were tossing and turning all night," he says, his voice still not awake. "Are you sure everything is okay?"

I force a smile and nod. "Just a bad dream, like i said before."

He stands up, crossing the room to stand in front of me. "Steph, I know you. There's something you're not telling me." My heart pounds in my chest.

I look away and shake my head, in search of my bracelet. "Spence, please, just drop it. It was a bad dream."

He sighs, running a hand through his hair. "I can't keep doing this, Steph. I can't keep pretending everything is fine when I know you're hiding something from me."

"What do you mean keep?" I ask confused as to why he's talking like I've been acting weird for months.

"You've been on edge for weeks," He sighs. Okay copy my thoughts word for word then.

"Spence, I am not hiding anything."

"Usually you're a good liar," he says softly, mirroring his words from late last night. "But not with me, not anymore."

Tears prick my eyes, but I blink them away. "Spence, please.." I step towards him.

He takes a step back, his expression pained. "I love you, Stephie. But I can't be with someone who doesn't trust me enough to be honest with me?"

Did he just say he loves me?

The words hit me like a punch to the gut nonetheless. "Spencer, I do trust you. I trust you more than my life." I want to reach up for his face but my feet won't move closer.

"Then tell me the truth," he says, his voice breaking.

I open my mouth to speak, but the words won't come. I can't tell him, at least not yet.

He shakes his head, his eyes filled with hurt. It pains me to do this to him.

"I'll see you at work," And with that, he turns and walks out of the room, leaving me standing there, feeling more alone than ever. The sound of the door closing echos through the silence, and I sink to the floor, tears streaming down my face.

I reach up and grab my phone from the bed. Only one notification is in my inbox. I click it open and feel my stomach drop to the depths of hell.

I'm in town for the weekend on business, can we have dinner?

Call me psychic, call me crazy, someone call me and tell me this isn't real. I delete the message, if there's one thing my father ever taught me it was:

If you can't see it, it's not there.

At the BAU, the day drags on. We're working on a new case, but my mind is elsewhere. Every time I glance at Spencer, I see the hurt in his eyes, and it cuts me deeply. I also can't stop thinking about my father being in town, how did he find me?

"Stephie, you with us?" Hotch's voice snaps me back to reality.

"Yeah, sorry," I mumble, trying to focus on the case files in front of me. I glance at Spencer who's staring at me.

"Are you okay?" JJ asks, her eyes filled with concern. I'm sure people notice the fact Spencer and I have both been avoiding each other.

"I'm fine," I lie, forcing a smile. "Just didn't get much sleep."

Throughout the day, I catch Spencer watching me. I know he's waiting for me to slip up, to give him a reason to confront me again. But I can't. Not here. Not now. It's hard with his desk right next to mine. The office has this tension inside of it today, like if someone makes one wrong move the whole bureau might blow up.

During lunch, I'm able to slip away to make a phone call. I need to check in with an old contact, someone who might have information about my father being in town, how he got my number maybe. I've been thinking about it all morning but, I can't risk anyone overhearing. I feel so out of character, so on edge.

I slip into the briefing room, it's empty with everyone taking lunch or at their desks. I pull my phone out and stare at it, debating if I should call or not.

"Stephie?" Derek's voice startles me, and I turn to see him standing in the doorway of the empty conference room.

"Just making a quick call," I say, trying to sound casual. Pull it together Stephie, lie.

He raises an eyebrow. "Everything alright?"

"Yeah, just tying up some loose ends," I reply with a chuckle, quickly ending the call before it even started.

"What's up with you and pretty boy?" He asks leaning into the doorway, suddenly forgetting what interest he ever had in my mystery phone call. I sigh, then lean into the table.

"Nothing, just tired today,"

Derek shakes his head and I see the smirk on his face, I gasp softly and then smile at him due to my shock.

"You knew?" He shakes his head with a chuckle.

"I knew, the whole time. So, what happened?" He walks further into the room and sits down next to me.

"Do ever feel like maybe you're the problem? Like, am i just destroying everything that I touch?" I look to Derek and he nods, listening to me ramble about things that don't even make sense to him because I have yet to tell him why Spencer and I are fighting, I don't plan on telling him. But I feel like I need to talk, get some stress off my chest.

"Hey, don't talk like that. You're one of the strongest people I know. We all make mistakes, but that doesn't define who we are." He pauses, and then looks out of the window that gives a whole view of the bullpen. "Whatever is going on with you and Reid, it'll pass. You'll get through it." He shoots me a soft smile and then waits for me to say something, I don't say anything though.

"Talk to him," He stands up, patting my shoulder, and then leaves the room.

As the day comes to an end, I can feel the tension between Spencer and I growing. I can see the frustration in his eyes, the way he clenches his jaw every time I avoid his gaze. Part of me wonders if he'll come back to my apartment like he usually does or if our argument earlier was a break up. I hope he comes back.

"Hey," I say softly opening the door when I hear a light knock. "We should talk," I say moving to the side so he can come in. He nods in agreement with me.

"I can't do this, Stephie," he says, his voice barely above a whisper.

"Spencer, I'm trying," I plead. He's already off calling me Stephie instead of Steph, it's not looking good.

"Not hard enough," he replies, his eyes filled with sorrow. "You're keeping something from me, and it's tearing us apart."

I feel the tears welling up again, but I force them back. "I just need more time."

He shakes his head. "Time isn't going to fix this. We need trust, and right now, we don't have it."

The words hang heavy in the air. I know he's right, but I can't bring myself to tell him the truth.

"Spencer, I want to tell you. I do but I.." I sit down on the ottoman and just stare at him, loosing my words as he leans on the wall.

"If I tell you, you'll hate me Spencer, I'll loose my job." I admit as no response comes out of his mouth from my previous sentence. The last part catches his attention.

"Why would you lose your job?" he asks, moving closer and sitting down on the couch in front of me. We're now face to face, inches apart.

I take a deep breath. It's either tell him or lose him. "My dad is, uh, Samuel Vance." I look up at him and see the confusion in his eyes. "He's a mobster, the boss of a mob back in New York." Spencer shakes his head in disbelief.

"What?" He doesn't even believe me; I can see it in his eyes.

"Where do you think I learned how to lie so well? Why I wanted to join the FBI in the first place?" I begin to explain, but he has no words.

"When I graduated high school, I left home. I changed my name and started college, then I joined the academy. I promised to never tell anyone. Nobody knows the truth, not even the bureau. I was scared. I knew what he did to people who knew too much, and I knew too much."

Spencer is silent, processing everything I just told him. I can see the conflict in his eyes, the hurt, the betrayal. Finally, he speaks, his voice barely above a whisper. "You should have trusted me. We could have faced this together, whatever kind of danger you're in now I can help you. The team can help you."

"No, we're not, you're not telling the team, nobody can know." I whisper, tears streaming down my face. "I'm sorry."

Spencer looks at me, his eyes filled with sorrow as we stands up. "But you're not sorry, Stepheni. I can't... I can't be with someone who doesn't trust me enough to be honest with me, or let me help them."

I nod, feeling my heart shatter, I want this to end, this whole conversation needs to end right now. "I understand."

He turns and walks towards the door, pausing for a moment before looking back at me. "I hope you find a way to deal with this. But I can't be a part of it right now."

As I sit there, I realize that I've lost the one person I trusted the most. The one person who could have helped me through this. And it's all because of my secrets, my lies. The weight of my father's legacy hangs heavy on my shoulders, and I feel more trapped than ever.

The darkness of the apartment seems to close in around me, and I wonder if I'll ever be able to find a way out of this mess. If I'll ever be able to make things right with Spencer. But for now, all I can do is sit here, and think about how to stay off my father's radar.

That's tomorrow's thought problem though, tonight my plans consist of getting rid of Spencer's things and crying myself to sleep. I pull the journal out of my coffee table drawer and being to write.

I can't see my own handwriting, tears just keep coming.

I love you too, Spence.

—————————————AN: Soooooo........!

How are we feeling?