Chapter 1 (A secret)

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"Hey, Moony! What you have over there?" Sirius asked, promenading around the dorm, trying to find the top of his pyjamas. His chest was bare and his long raven hair flowed down to his shoulders.

Remus, paler than usual, was sitting on his bed, book in his hands, writing something down with a thoughtful expression. He glanced up."Homework," he replied.

"Naaah... it's Friday, stop studying already, or your head is gonna explode. And I certainly don't want to clean that mess," Sirius snorted and walked over to him. He ripped the book out of the other boy's hands and looked at the cover. It was plain black."What's this?" He asked, lifting one eyebrow.

"Just a notebook. Give it back," Remus said nervously and held out his hand, which was slightly shaking. Sirius noticed that and handed him the book. "You look terrible today, Moony. Are you okay?"

"Y...yeah. It's the moon, you know."Remus put a bookmark between two pages somewhere in the middle of his notebook and threw it aside. Sirius put one arm around his shoulders. "It does nasty things to you."

"M-hmm."

"Maybe you should lay down, mate. Look how tense you are," Sirius said, concerned, shaking Remus a little, trying to relax his stern posture.

"It's alright, Padfoot. I'm just tired."

"Well, you do look terrible today," said James, who had just come to the dorm, holding a glass of water. He came closer to the boys sitting on Remus's bed, sat on the ground in front of them, and lifted the glass, handing it to Remus, who took a sip. "Thanks, Prongs."

James sighed. "Can we do something...?"

"No. I'll just go to slee... eep," Remus yawned.

Sirius chuckled and rubbed his friend's back in a comforting manner. The two dark-haired boys stood up and walked over to their beds. "Good night then, Moony."

When Sirius lay down, he tilted his head to the side and watched his werewolf friend pulling a red blanket up to his chin.He felt oddly excited after touching the other boy. Remus had quite a slender build, light brown hair, and amber eyes. He was decent and elegant and... smelled very nice. Sirius just realized how strange his thoughts were and rolled over quickly, dismissing his fantasies.

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The next morning Sirius woke up late and alone. James, Remus, and Peter had already left for breakfast and let him sleep there, for he'd refused to get out of the bed even though James had started throwing pillows and dirty socks at him.

He stretched and yawned, rolling on the other side, rubbing his eyes. Once he got up, he started fumbling around, looking for his shirt. Where had he put it..? He turned around and accidentally knocked over Remus's bedside table, scattering all the stuff it was filled with.

"Fuck..." he mumbled, annoyed. As he picked up all his friend's belongings, he noticed a familiar black notebook.

What is so important he had to study on Friday night, three days before the full moon?

He opened the notebook and walked over to his bed. There was a bookmark on the page where Remus stopped writing. Sirius gasped when he realized what it was.

It was a diary.

--Today was a very very exhausting day. It's three days to the pilnatis, and I feel terrible. I'm even weaker than the last month, and I am really not looking forward to the pain it will bring. I feel like it's going to be hard this time, like something is going on with me.

Right now, David is walking around the dorm, shirtless as always. I'm trying to ignore him, but I still feel funny every time he does this. It's like... I don't know. I don't know if I should feel that way about him. It's worse now, so close to the pilnatis, it is overwhelming, and I just want to do things I shouldn't, and the worse part is that I'm not entirely sure if I would be even able to keep myself from hurting him. It's so frustrating and I'm so... confused.

He wouldn't want to... he couldn't feel that way about me. I'm too damaged. How much I wish I was normal!I shouldn't think about him the way I do right now, but I can't help myself. He's so perfe --

The last word was unfinished, and the ink was smudged. As if something had interrupted him... wait. He wrote this yesterday. Sirius flipped through the diary, finding another day.

--I have to admit I think I have a thing for David. He was in my dream last night. I wonder how his dark hair would feel under my fingers.

For fuck sake, I must be insane. I have to stop with these fantasies, or I ruin our friendship for good. I just have to focus on that test we have tomorrow. --

"Merlin's briefs! That's... That can't be... about me?!" Sirius exclaimed to the empty room and stared at the diary. It looked like Remus fancied him. He read some more, and it seemed to be true. Who else had dark long hair? Who else walked shirtless around the dorm? Who else...?

He felt a sudden wave of guilt wash over him. He shouldn't have read that. Then he heard steps. Quickly and silently he placed the diary back on Remus's bedside table and jumped on his bed, laying down, folding his arms behind his head. The door squeaked.

"Up already?" Remus grinned as he walked into the room.

"Yeah. I'm an early bird, you know," Sirius chuckled, trying to act normal. Remus laughed shortly and sat on his bed. He looked so pale and weak it almost hurt to look at him.

"Prongs and Wormtail went to the kitchen. To grab you something to ea..." he cut off midsentence, staring at the floor. Although Sirius thought it impossible, Remus went even paler. He rose slowly and walked over to Sirius's bed with a confused expression that quickly turned into horror as the realization hit him. He ducked down and picked up something that lay on the carpet next to Sirius's bed. A bookmark. His bookmark.

The amber eyes stared deeply into the grey ones. "What... Did you...?" he mumbled. He stood there in complete shock, frozen in place.

Sirius didn't know what to do. He had to think quickly. At that moment, after reading the private thoughts of the boy, he found him quite handsome. His jaw seemed to be more pronounced, his shoulders broader, the curve of his lips strangely inviting."I'm David, aren't I?" He asked calmly, still lying with his arms folded behind his head casually.

"No..." Remus barely whispered the word, there was panic in his innocent eyes. "No, no, no... you haven't... you didn't..." he stammered quietly. This is not happening! Fucking hell! He knows! Fuck!

"Yes, I did," said Sirius, standing up, admitting the privacy violation. Remus backed away, knowing that everything was ruined. The most disastrous day of his life. "Sirius, I... I..." he whimpered, he had to sit down at his bed, his legs felt like water. He didn't know if he should be afraid of Sirius's anger, embarrassed, or upset.

Sirius felt an urge to comfort the boy, to squeeze him tightly in his arms. His amber eyes were scared, but it wasn't making them less beautiful. How could he ever think him plain? How could he never notice the shine of his soft honey-brown hair, the straight lines of his cheekbones... his beauty. "Moony, calm down. The only new information I figured out was that you find me... attractive," he tried to make his voice soothing, but he couldn't help the smile creeping to his face.

Remus took in a short breath and hid his face in his palms. He felt so ashamed and exposed. He was about to lose his friend, his Sirius, the angelic creature he dreamed about and... wanked over.

"Am I David?" Sirius asked again.

Remus nodded, still hiding in his hands.

"Why did you change my name? And what the hell is palnutis?"

"Pil-na-tis, it's the full moon. In Lithuanian. I wrote it in another language and changed the names so no one would figure out that it belongs to me and that I am what I am. In case someone would read it without permission," he explained, the last sentence sounded angry, and glared at Sirius who was awkwardly standing right in front of him.

"Emmm... I didn't mean to read it. I've knocked your stuff over by accident and when I was picking it up I noticed the notebook and I was curious what kind of homework was so important that you had to do it at this state," Sirius said, gesturing toward the pale shaking boy. "Why David?" He asked again.

Remus sighed. "Because of the statue."

"Oh."

"You won't tell anyone, will you? Please, Sirius... don't tell the boys that I... that I'm a ..." he stammered but Sirius finished the sentence for him: "Queer?"Remus nodded. Tears were pooling in his amber eyes, and his whole body was shaking. That was the moment when he would lose his friend, creeped out by his pervert mind.

But Sirius didn't reject him. He ordered him in a steady voice to stand up and close his eyes. Remus asked why but obeyed reluctantly.

"I just want to try something," said Sirius with a hint of nervousness in his voice. He had never been so close to his friend before, never felt his warm shaky breath brush across his face, at least not this way. His brown hair looked so soft and tiny flickers of light from the dusty window above them danced around his face. The intimate moment made Sirius realize he wanted the boy, he wanted to run his fingers through his light hair, down his neck, across his rising chest, under the edge of his trousers...

Remus, eyes closed thoroughly, wanted so badly to escape the situation, run away, never come back, and die alone in shame. His whole body was shaking and his legs could barely hold his body in a vertical position. However, he didn't dare to refuse what Sirius demanded, not wanting to provoke him to reveal his secret to others."Don't play with me, Sirius. If you want to laugh at me then..." he didn't finish, for Sirius leaned closer and pressed his lips gently against Remus's. Remus flinched and froze in shock. He was there, right there, kissing him, making his lips tingle at that tender touch.

Sirius gained courage and pulled his friend's head closer, keeping his lips gentle and tentative. Once his hands buried themselves in the light brown hair, Remus groaned quietly, and the sound was sending a wave of excitement down Sirius's back. He took a slow step forward pressing his chest against Remus, pushing him to the wall behind him.

Finally, Remus decided this wasn't a joke, or an attempt to humiliate him further. He could feel the soft fingertips running down his spine, making his heart beat furiously. Sirius really wanted him, he could feel the growing bulge in his friend's pants, pressing against his thigh. All doubts evaporated and he started kissing the boy back.

Once Sirius felt Remus responding, his hands run down his chest caressing the fine lines of his toned body, around his slim waist, down his back, giving his round buttocks a light squeeze.

Remus moaned and wrapped his arms around the other boy, who wriggled one knee between his thighs, rubbing against the werewolf's hot groin.

Remus broke the kiss. "Sirius... stop... please," he breathed.

"Why would I do that?" whispered Sirius, who was busy sucking on the other boy's neck.

"It's too close... too close to the full moon. I can't... Sirius... I don't want to do something stupid. Stop." He tried to push the dark-haired boy away. Sirius groaned in frustration and stopped kissing his friend, taking his hands off him. They looked at each other, their lips were swollen, hair messy, and cheeks flushed.

"So..."

"Emmm"

"Well..."

"You... like me too?" Remus whispered, marvelling at the sight in front of him. Sirius's cheeks glowed, lips red, eyes dark with desire in a face that watched the other boy with rapture. He nodded.

"Since when?"

"Since now," Sirius replied and kissed Remus again gently. When he tried to pull away, Sirius's hands held his head firmly. "I won't do anything. I just want to kiss you," he murmured and pulled his face closer again.

Remus didn't fight this time, he wanted to feel Sirius's hot lips against his. When the other boy licked his lower lip, asking for entrance, he parted them and allowed the animagus's tongue to explore his mouth. He decided that being submissive would help him keep control. He let his arms hang limb along his body so Sirius could take the lead, keeping the kiss slow, gentle and careful as if he was afraid of hurting the smaller boy. As if the delicate lips were made of thin glass.

Suddenly, they heard footsteps and familiar voices. Sirius pulled away and hurried to the bathroom while Remus collapsed on his bed face down, burying his head in the soft pillows in an attempt to hide his erection and flushed cheeks.

"Hey, hey, heeeey," yelled James after he marched into the dorm, arms full of food. Peter was right behind him.

"Where's Padfoot?"

"Bathroom," Remus mumbled into the pillow, his body, stretched across the red sheets, was limp and motionless. He felt the mattress sink under James's weight as he sat down next to him.

"Is it that bad?" he asked softly.

"Mhmmm..." Remus groaned.

"Just two more days and it will be over," James said, trying to comfort his friend.

The nerves of getting caught had a similar effect on Remus's erection as cold water might. So he rolled on his back and looked at Peter who was stuffing his cheeks with chocolate like some kind of a rodent.

"At least the food brought some colour in your face," said James optimistically and turned his head to face the bathroom door. "Hey, dickhead! Come out! We've brought you something!" he yelled.

A few seconds later, the door opened and the three of them could see Sirius, zipping up his trousers, grinning. "What took you so long? I thought I was going to starve to death," he said, looking deeply aggrieved.

"My apologies, your laziness," James said and bowed to Sirius theatrically, "I hope you'll survive the immense letdown."

Both boys laughed, and Sirius took a bite of a sandwich James offered him on a ridiculously large plate