Chapter 15

"I love you, so much, Raven." Zayn kissed my forehead then slowly left soft kisses down my face then to my lips. "Please, come visit me in a week, alright?"

I nodded slowly and wrapped my arms around his waist tighter. "I don't want you to go," I whimpered.

"I know you don't. I don't want to either, but I have to." He burried his head into my neck as I nuzzled mine into his chest. He started to play with the tips of my hair as we stood in the airport, waiting for his plane to arrive. "I'll be back after a month for a week. Plus, you'll be visiting me next Friday."

"That's too far away. I'm not ready to be on my own, Zayn. I'm scared," I said quietly.

"Don't be scared. Ray, look at me." I looked up to him, my eyes meeting his. He studied my face for a moment before licking his lips and taking a deep breath. "You have to stop being scared at some point, Raven. We'll get there together, but we have to take the first steps."

I nodded again, understanding what Zayn meant. I'm scared to move on, as if I'd forget Jade. I could never do that, and neither could Zayn, I know that, but I'm still scared. I'm also scared about what might happen. If Zayn leaves, I'm afraid the darkness that Jade got, will get me. I'm terrified.

Zayn checked his watch and gazed down at me again. "I have to go, but I want you to promise me something."

"Ok?" 

"Promise me you'll dance again," he whispered, craning his neck to look me in the eyes as I lowered my head. "At random times in the day, let yourself go and just dance. Do what you love."

"I'm going to miss you," he whispered, pushing his forehead against mine. 

"Call me when you when land," I instructed. 

"Yes, ma'am," he laughed out. "You sound like my mother."

I felt a tug on my heart when I realized that I'm not a mother anymore. My baby girl is gone, torn out of my life. I can't be a mother. I looked up to him, tears filling my eyes.

"Oh, babe." Zayn wrapped his arms around my shoulders and let me nuzzle my face into his chest.

"I'm not a mother anymore," I mumbled before lettting out a quiet sob. 

He pushed me away from him and tilted my chin up. "You will always be a mother, Ray. You'll always and forever will be a mother." He kissed my lips softly before rubbing the side of my cheek.

"You're going to be late for your plane," I mumbled as his lips pushed against mine. He kept kissing my face, leaving little tingles all over my cheeks and nose. "Zayn!" I squealed as he kissed my neck and continued to bite my ear lobe. It's been a few months. You'd think I'd slowly be recovering, which I am, but much slower than others. Zayn does make me laugh and giggle, that's not unordinary. 

"Ok, I'm going," he said, kissing me one last time. "I love you."

"I love you so much more," I said before kissing the corner of his mouth and pushing him away to follow his body guard. I waved as he walked off, turning back every few steps. I blew him a kiss before wrapping my arms around my chest. I bit back the tears as I watched him walk away.

I turned around and walked towards the front doors, feeling my phone vibrate in my pocket. 

"Hello?"

"Yes, Raven Taint?" The women said.

"Yes?"

"This is Joanne, your National Banks teller. I'd like to inform you that the money taken from you has been restored fully, with interest. The man accused has been arrested as well," she explained.

"About damn time," I scuffed.

"Ma'am, I-"

"It's been a year since that money was taken from me and you're just giving me the money back!" I shouted. "I plan on switching banks." I hung up and stuffed my phone back into my pocket. I bit my lip and stormed out of the airport and to my car. I slammed the door shut and rested my head on the stearing wheel.

"I need out of here," I muttered. I sped down the road and towards the local dance studio, where I had recently been working when I got the strength. Zayn was right. I need to dance and just do what I want to do. Dancing was the reason I left London, though. The reason I left Jade. I will always feel guilty, but dancing is more than just a pass-time for me.

I unlocked the side door and walked into the studio, dropping my bag near some chairs. I stripped down to my dancing shorts and sports bra. I clicked play on the stereo and began to dance.

It was easy to lose myself when I danced. I forget about every problem I have ever had when I dance. That's why I do it, really. It's so I can be by myself for a certain amount of time. 

As I did another leap and started to dance again, I fell to the floor in emotion. I just sat there, leant against the mirror and hugged my knees to my chest. I thought for a while, just about the future and what will happen. I thought about Jade and what we would be doing if she was still here. I thought about Zayn and what he might be doing at the moment. I thought about everything.

My thoughts were disturbed when the door was pushed opened. My head snapped towards the doorway to see a mildly pregnant Tracy standing there.

"Thought I might find you here," she said with a soft smile. She waddled her way over to me and sat down on the floor next to me, stretching her legs out and setting her hands in her lap. "What're you doing?"

I turned to face her, cocking an eyebrow. "Well, this is a dance studio."

"You know what I mean," she said with a chuckle, nudging me with her elbow.

"I needed an escape."

"I found out today," she broke the silence after a while. I tilted my head in question. "The sex of the baby."

I got onto my knees and started to bounce, taking her hands in mine. "Tell me!"

"It's a boy!" She said with a smile. 

"Tracy!" I yelped, hugging her tightly. I backed away and rubbed her belly, instantly remembering when I told Tracy I was pregnant with Jade.

"What is it, Raven?" Tracy asked as we walked into her living room.

"I just wanna tell you something," I said sheepishly. 

"Let's get something to drink first. C'mere," she instructed, gesturing me to follow her. I did as she told and placed myself in a kitchen chair. 

I was scared to tell Tracy about what had happened between Zayn and me. She didn't really believe me at first, but soon enough she did. I finally had someone behind me. Kris, her husband, didn't really think anything of it. He knew nothing, that American wankers. 

"Vodka and OJ?" Trace asked as she poured some vodka into a small glass cup. I shook my head. "Woah, what? Raven Taint doesn't want a drink? What's going on in that head!" She poked my forehead.

I swatted her hand away and giggled. "Can I tell you now?"

"Well yeah," she said, leaning on the table. She took a swig of her drink and smiled. "What is it?"

"Well, remember Zayn?"

"How could I forget? Go on."

I fiddled with my fingers and looked down. "I um-"

"Take a sip, it will help!" Tracy forced her drink in front of me. I waved it away, dodging her stare. "What's wrong?"

"I'm pregnant, Tracy."

Tracy and I sat for an hour, talking about the future baby shower, names, what she wants the baby boy's room to look like. It made me think about everything I went through with Jade and what Tracy had helped me with.

Thinking about Jade is slowly causing me to go into a depression. I miss my baby girl so much. No parent would ever think about the day their baby would have to be taken away from them. I never thought in a million years that I wouldn't have Jade. 

"If this is too much, we can talk another time," Tracy whispered. "I know it must be hard."

I wiped the familiar tears and nodded. "I'm sorry."

"Raven, we all miss her. Stop hiding in your mind. We all want to help," she said soothingly. She rubbed my shoulder and stood up. "You're not alone in this mess."

She walked out of the studio and I heard her drive off. She's right. This is a mess that I can't confront on my own, but it Jade was still here, there wouldn't be a mess and that's all I want. I want Jade back, I want it all back to normal. I just everything to be the way it was.

"Fuck," I muttered, pounding my fist on my forehead. I turned around and looked at myself in the mirror, seeing nothing but a broken person staring back at me.

I'm not myself, anymore. I never can be myself.

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Well, you're really gonna see some changes with Raven in the next chapter... ugh. and sorry that this is a little short. They're going to be since I'm busy and such and also It's getting right to the point until other things happen in the story.

OVER 2,000 READS ON THIS STORY I AM SO HAPPY THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH I LOVE YOU ALL

I updated because of that ^^ a major goal of mine while on here is to get a story read, and I've succeeded and I am so happy. I am actually looking blankly at my computer because my family is over, but I truly am so happy. I tell my friend every time something happens and hit her arm with happiness. I love you guys.

if any of you have like twitter or something, follow me so we can talk! it's @nightskyniall because I like moons and stars and niall

you guys are incredible. I can already see me bawling when this story ends... that author note will be akhdklashgjlads. I'm not sure how long exaclty, but I do know that I have a big idea for Raven and Zayn's relationship and friendship and everything. Even Tracy and Kris' new baby boy. 

Speaking of that, I need some boy names! If you have any names in mind, help a sister out :)

I dedicated this to @infiniteandbeyondxo because she is an absolute sweetheart. She has a known story called "Temptatious Desire" and she shouted me out on a seperate update!! She got me to 2,000 reads!!

dedication to a commenter!! (that looks weird.. "commenter" I think I spelled it wrong.. ugh)

thank you again for everything! 10 votes! Actually get it this time!!