Chapter 22

I locked myself in my room and barricaded the door with my bedside table. My entire body buzzed with fury. Before I could stop myself, I was ripping shit down from the walls. Slamming my dresser down and beating it with the bat I kept in my room. I smashed the lamp, smashed the decorations that lined the shelves and circled looking for something else to break. I stood in the middle of the destroyed room, my chest heaving and let out a scream that made my throat coarse and sank to the ground in the middle of my mess. How could Casey be my father? If he was my father, then his abandonment was all the more painful. He let my mom die alone after he'd loved her, after he'd left us. Twice, if what he said was true. And Raphael knew about it. That's why he was so against acting on his feelings, because I wasn't just Casey's niece, I was his daughter. It all clicked into place. Raph, Casey, all of it.Why he'd turned up at the funeral acting like he had some obligation to me.I sobbed into my hands. My mom. In the hospital, her grey skin and sunken eyes reflected the toll that cancer had taken on her, ultimately stealing her life. Leaving me here, alone, to deal with the mess of life without her. Not even the house could be saved, she had too much debt. A single mom working two jobs, and she couldn't even save the house. All our memories, gone. "Miya." Casey knocked on my door and I flinched, choking back my sobs, not wanting him to hear me crying."I'm sorry. I know how angry you must be. I fucked this whole thing up." I heard him say, his voice muffled from the door separating us."Please, talk to me." I wiped my running nose and glared at the door.I heard him sigh."I didn't know you were born until you were three years old. I went back to try and make up with your mom. I'd never forgot about her..She was special." I wanted to scream at him. He didn't deserve to talk about her like that. With the longing of a lost lover."I hadn't been done exploring the world. I didn't want to settle down. So she didn't tell me about you..and I came back and there you were..black pigtails and big brown eyes and you had these big front teeth just like I had at that age, and I loved you immediately." Another choked sob came from my body and I buried my face in my hands, trying to block out his words. "She said I could be in your life, but as your uncle..she didn't trust me not to leave again and break your heart." You did leave."I wanted to tell you, I wanted to be with her, but she'd moved on. She told me no. We fought about it and she kicked me out, out of both of your lives." He was crying, I could hear it in the shake of his voice."I should have fought for you. For her. But it was too late, you grew up, and she died." I was glad for the door separating us, I didn't want to see his heartbreak, not when my own was eating me alive."When I saw you at the funeral, you were so beautiful, just like I knew you'd be. You looked like your mom and you looked like me. I couldn't let you go again. I'm so sorry, for everything." I held my breath until I heard his footsteps fading away. I got up and grabbed my duffel bag, shoving clothes and essentials in it.I couldn't stay here. I wouldn't stay here. Throwing my bag over my shoulder, I slid my window open quietly and slipped out onto the fire escape and climbed down.