Chapter 8

00:28, 23 February 2025

Life has a funny way of passing you by when you don't pay too much attention to it.

That's how I used to be...

"So, Anna."

I'm back on the sofa again in the therapist's office room.

I just sit there, listening to her talk.

But this time, this day... it doesn't bother me.

Nothing does.

"Have you noticed something different about yourself?" She asks.

I only smile cheekily from ear to ear.

An hour from now I would be walking the park as Spring has finally come after so long of me waiting.

"Yes," I tell her back.

It's been months since I last saw Emily... Marnie... and I? I couldn't be happier.

As I walk the park in an hour's time I still go over in my head what the therapist had said to me in our last session.

"So you and that boy, Matt?"

I look at the budding flowers and the new green leaves that are growing on the trees.

"Yeah?" I had said back to the therapist when she asked me this.

"Are you two... official?"

"Yeah," I had responded, grinning.

The sun is bright in the sky as I stroll along, my hands in my pockets. I then spot HIM down the way, as he just enters into the park and he gives me a wave in the distance.

I reach out my hand and wave back.

"And the ghosts..?" She asked me and I only giggled a little bit.

"Not ghosts," I say back to her, thinking of when I last saw Marnie and Emily, "Angels..."

Matt does a small run over to me, more like a jog but he is by my side in a few moments.

"Hey, Anna," He says to me with a soft shy smile and I return the gesture.

"Hey, Matt,"

"And how do you see your life NOW?" The therapist had asked me and I just said in one simple word.

"Good."

Matt takes my hand and we walk together around the park as I remember the last thing the therapist said to me.

"Good... that is all I wanted to hear,"

"Matt," I say now to him and he glances at me, joy on his face and I ask him, "Am I your girlfriend?"

He goes a bit pink in the face and I continue... daringly for once – which I never am.

"Are you my boyfriend?"

He only laughs nervously, squeezing my hand in his and says back at last, "I think so..."

I smirk at this and he adds on quickly.

"I hope so."

I laugh softly now and squeeze his hand back as I stop walking and he is pulled to a stop beside me.

"Okay then..." I tell him with a small smile and pink coming to my cheeks.

"Okay then." He replied back and our noses bumped for a moment before I placed my hand on the back of his head, and Matt's eyes widened when he realized what I was about to do.

I kiss him, and it is my first time kissing anybody.

His lips are warm and his breath, hot.

Kissing him feels natural though, it just feels right and when I brush my mouth away from him, I can see his eyes are lidded as my own had just been and when we finally break apart, he flutters open his dark brown eyes and chuckles weakly as he asks me.

"You kissed me..?"

"Er... yeah..." I reply, shyly now and he only cocks his head to the side, adding on in a giddy voice.

"Isn't it the guy who kisses first?"

"It's been more than three months," I reply finally to him and he only laughs shyly over this fact.

I then feel him hold me close again, our noses touching barely as he proclaims.

"Then I better make up for it."

I grin as we kiss again and when the smooching is over the two of us separate awkwardly before continuing our walk.

"Do you remember when I saved your life?" Matt asked me then, and I smiled sheepishly as I nodded my head, "For the second time?"

I gasped out a laugh, nudging him a little bit on the side of his arm with mine.

But I could remember it... and I could remember the cliff.

He HAD saved me both times.

And I was glad he did.

I was glad.

I thought about them then, Marnie and Emily and how they had let me go.

Or more correctly, I had let them go.

I had been given a chance to stay with them in Heaven, home... but I didn't.

Because there were still one or two people who loved me, who needed me.

When I came home after my stay at the hospital my mother was there for me, and much more importantly, I was there for her.

I don't know how I knew... but suicide, death... it wasn't the answer.

It wouldn't solve all the problems in the world. It was just escaping them.

And leaving the problems for the ones who were left to figure out.

And the pain I would've caused... I couldn't excuse that.

I would've left my mum devastated... I would've left Matt heartbroken.

I may not have known then what I know now, but things, when you think you're at rock bottom... things can improve, and they will improve if you stay living, stay breathing.

You only die once...

And you only LIVE once, too.

I had to remind myself of this every day I woke up in my bed, and that I was still alive.

I was still breathing...

My lungs might always be weak from my asthma, but that didn't mean I was weak.

No, since that day when everything had nearly ended... I realized just how strong I really was.

I think it took some time, with the depression and sorrow in me to go away. But I think the thing that did make it finally leave was just living life.

Living life and pushing forward.

To be brave and not give up.

And when I had finally learnt this I could let them go.

Marnie and Emily.

I could focus on reality. My life. And what I wanted it to be.

"Anna," Matt asked me then and I blinked my eyes surprised, as I realized I had drifted off inside my own head with all these thoughts.

"Yeah..?" I asked him and he stopped our walk, turning to face me right on before he asked me.

"Do you love me?"

I only gleamed from every part of my face.

"And I mean... love love me?"

"Yeah," I replied and he tilted his head amused by my simple answer.

"Then..." He goes on, taking my hand again but he only takes his other hand and uses a finger on it to roll around in my palm. He is nervous, I can tell this and he finally forces his shy eyes to look at me head-on.

"Will you meet my parents?"

I did not expect that, but my heart was fluttering inside like a frantic but happy butterfly.

"Yeah," I said back, nodding my head eagerly – which is a new gesture for me to make.

He only grins back at me delightedly and throws his arms around me, spinning the two of us around in a hug.

I'm only chuckling the whole time this is taking place and when we stop our joyous spinning, he places me down gently and I say to him.

"Will you meet mine..?"

He looks slightly guilty now as he says, "I have... when you were in the hospital,"

I look at him, surprised to hear this from him.

"Your mother is a really good person."

I am so amazed to hear this... but I know his words are true.

Yeah... my mum was a good person. I just couldn't see it until someone finally pointed it out to me.

"Is she..?" I asked nervously, and he nodded his head.

I suddenly get it then, an idea in my head and I grabbed his hand, pulling him along with me as we leave the park.

"Where are we going?" He asked me puzzled and I only smiled back at him as we reached my home in a few minutes and I opened the door with the spare key I had on me.

"Anna?" I hear my mother call to me from away and I pull Matt in with me. She comes out from the kitchen and looks at us – or more so – the boy I have brought with me home.

"Mum," I say to her, my body full of joy and happiness and I wave my hand to Matt, "I'd like you to meet... my boyfriend."

"Anna..." He says shyly, but my mother just wipes her dirty hands on her cooking apron and approaches him as she says with that kind smile.

"I believe we've already met before."

"I know..." I say back to her, and just add on, "But he wasn't my boyfriend then."

She chuckles to herself, and even Matt lets out a nervous laugh.

Suddenly he pulls out his hand to her, saying with a formal straight voice.

"Nice to meet you again."

"You too, again." Mum says back to him and shakes his hand before letting go and walking back to the kitchen.

"Do you two want tea?" She calls out to us and Matt gazes at me again, before I shrug my shoulders and he does the same.

"Kay," The two of us say together and in minutes the kettle is boiling.

~x~

The next Monday we're all back at school and I sit where I always sit.

With the person I now always sit with.

Whether at class, lunch or assembly, I am no longer alone.

I have someone.

I am someone...

I always was someone.

I wasn't just dust like I thought I would be...

I wasn't just nothing that could be thrown away and not missed.

I meant something to the world because I meant something to the people in MY world.

I was in the last class for school that day, and I stared dreamily out the window. The sun was shining brightly through the glass and I gazed through it... looking at the warm day beyond me.

The sun, the light of my life...

Life has a funny way of passing you by when you don't pay too much attention to it.

That's how I used to be...

lost in my own head, and not so much the reality around me.

But this year in school... things had changed.

I had never been much good at making friends... keeping friends was even harder for me.

But then I met him... I met Matt...

And he changed my world entirely.

He had saved my world.

As I stared outside I could hear the last bell for the day chiming throughout the school and I glanced away for a mere second before back outside.

And there he was.

There he was.

I waved at Matt through the window and he waved back.

I got to my feet, packing away my books and folders into my school bag and I met him outside only two minutes later.

"Hey, Anna." He said to me and I hugged him as I approached him. Just happy to have him in my life and world.

"Hey, Matt."

We begin to walk out of the school grounds and he looks a little nervous as he says.

"Anna..?"

"Hmm?" I muse back to him, making this noise with a shut but smiling mouth.

"I just... I just wanted to say..."

"Yeah?"

"Thank you,"

I looked at him, perplexed for a few moments before I asked back confused, "For what?"

"For being in my life..."

I slow down then, touching his upper arm to indicate for him to slow down too. I shake my head weakly, tears beading in the corners of my eyes as I say.

"No... thank you."

He looks at me lost in what I just said.

"Thank you... Matt... thank you for saving my life."

He looks now at me shyly as I take both his hands in mine as I tell him the truth.

The absolute truth.

"For saving it, for changing it... for giving me a reason to keep on living... and it's not just because I love you, cos I do. It's because you were there for a girl who thought she had no reason left to stay alive for. YOU cared... and if just ONE person caring is enough to change a life... well... you changed mine."

I wipe the tears from my face and finish with a shaky warm smile.

"You saved mine..."

"Ditto..." He said back to me and I smiled at him with love.

Because he understands.

He knows what loneliness can be like. He knows what it's like to be nothing.

But now, we were something.

To one another... to each other.

There's always one person that cares, there just has to be...

Whether you know them or not, you are never completely forgotten.

I held his hand in mine and we walked on home.

We knew there was a life worth living.

And we were gonna live it.