Chapter 7

I'm back in the abandoned house again the next day, looking around for the two friends I had.

Looking around for my family.

It's another dreary day, with the rain pelting on the roof above me, and I search and search for them.

I have questions I need answers to, and I think only Marnie and Emily could answer them.

And tell me the truth.

Was I going insane? Or was I insane already?

I slowly blinked my eyes then, and when they reopened I saw the sun shining through once more, the windows not boarded up anymore and the sound of laughter and life from the neighbours next door.

"Emily?" I call weakly, looking around for her, and for my grandmother's young ghost, "Marnie? Where are you?"

I sigh heavily, rubbing my eyes with the sleeve of my shirt.

I shouldn't be here, I hadn't told anyone I was here... today was Saturday so I didn't need to skip school... but still I remembered my foster mum's words to me.

"Where are you going, Anna?"

"I'm just..." I had replied, shrugging my shoulders as I lied, "Going to meet Matt."

I'm not a liar...

When I said that lie, those words I had spoken only yesterday pierced my heart and my foster mum only smiled tenderly at me as she said, nudging me out now.

"That's nice, dear."

When I had left the house, I felt so bad inside that I actually did text Matt, saying to him simply.

I'll meet you later at the park.

I had gotten no reply so I left it at that. I knew sometimes people can be bad with keeping up with texts, and when I had gone to the park, going in that direction to get to the house, I really believed he hadn't seen the message.

Now, back again I am in this fantasy, this vision.

It feels like so many years have rewound to give me this moment where both Marnie and Emily are young again. They MUST be young again!

And I finally spot them as a voice called out for me.

"Anna..?"

"Emily!" I cry in joy, seeing she's up the top of the stairs, just looking at me. Her hand is resting on the stairs railing as she watches me in silence before beginning to step down every stair and comes to me quickly, "Why are you here..?"

"Me?" I say back, almost sounding cheeky in myself – but only almost, I could never truly be a trickster, "What are you doing here?"

Emily is in front of me now, and she looks sad. I hoped in my heart it wasn't because I was here.

It wasn't because of me...

"You have to leave, Anna."

I stare at Emily slowly, as her words finally hit me and sink into my heart and soul.

"You've gotta leave,"

"No," I say back coldly to her. I shake my head and grab her hands in mine as I beg, "No! I can't!"

"I'm not good for you, Anna..." My young mother told me, trembling a little in herself, and she lifted one of her hands away from me, cupping my cheek with it, "We're not good for you."

"We're?" I uttered back confused, an eyebrow raising up as I look at Emily and am so lost in what she is trying to say.

"Yes, Anna..."

I hear another voice, the voice of Marnie and I see her standing at the doorway, the sunlight blasting behind her.

I depart quickly from Emily and rush to my young grandmother, grabbing hold of her hands now and saying to her, desperation coming over me.

"No, Marnie! You two don't understand!" Tears are flooding down my face now as I try to make them see, "You TWO are the only friends I have!" I am desperate for them to understand, "The only TWO I've got!"

Marnie smiles weakly at me, tilting her head as she says back, wiping the tear from my face with her index finger's tip.

"But that's not true, Anna... what about your foster mother?"

I shake my head hard in denial, my chest going up and down heavily as I'm wheezing in tears.

"What about Matt?"

I feel like I can hear my whole argument shatter at his mention.

Yes, Matt...

Oh kind gentle sweet Matt.

"But HE'S not YOU."

I say this and I am determined to die with this defence I am taking.

"Oh, Anna..." Marnie says to me again, stroking my face with her hand as she holds me close before her, "My sweet Anna... we know what you tried to do nearly yesterday." I gulp back my sobbing, watching her with my own red-veined devastated eyes, "So we have to leave..." I'm shaking my head again. I did NOT want to hear this!

"But we will always watch over you."

It was Emily who said this now, and she came back over to me and Marnie, but my heart was tearing apart in pain from the thumping it was making against my chest.

"P-please..." I weep, falling into Marnie's arms and she only holds me close, patting my back softly to try and soothe me – but it isn't working, "Please..."

"Anna..?"

I turn my eyes up, as I swear I had heard Matt's voice then, but when I look around I suddenly find I'm all alone, and I spin myself around the room, desperate to find my deceased family's ghosts.

Desperate to not let them go.

The sun is still shining as I'm still in this vision from the past, and it is then I spot Marnie and Emily at the open door... as they step into the blasting light and I gasped in horror, running after them.

But the second I burst through the door I am caught in a whirl of rain as the sky is heavy with black clouds and a storm is taking place, flooding the streets and the roads and the WHOLE AREA!

I ran towards the park, the first place I had ever seen Emily.

I run around it desperately, crying and sobbing and yelling out their names.

"Marnie!"

I'm looking everywhere.

"EMILY?!"

EVERYWHERE!

And then it starts to hit me. What IF the two are gone for good? What IF the two have finally left me?!

Memories hit me hard as I see the pictures in my head of Marnie and Emily.

The first time Marnie ran out to me from her beachside mansion!

Beat Beat.

The first time I saw Emily in the rain, watching her from the gazebo.

Beat BEAT.

The first time she held me in her arms... the first time Marnie had, too.

BEAT BEAT.

And now, them leaving me for good... leaving me FOREVER!

My chest is cold and wheezy as I'm finding it hard to breathe. I'm stumbling over my feet in the heavy rain and I finally slip on the wet cement as I crash to the ground.

My clothes are soaked through, my hair completely drenched.

I lay there on the cold ground and just weep, that's all I can muster myself to do. Just cry, and cry and CRY forever till FOREVER is GONE and I am back with them!

Forever... my chest wheezing and aching in pain.

Forever...

Mum... Matt... I'm sorry.

I couldn't stay here.

I c..o...u...l...d...n'..t

All is darkness now.

My whole world was overtaken by a shadow of deep blackness.

I can feel my chest slowly going up and down, as I lay there dying on the ground.

Every breath I take in, my chest expands mightily, and every breath I take out, it deflates like a balloon.

I hear his voice one more time.

"Anna.."

And it is like honey to my ears. I can't see the young teen boy... and how I wished now I could look at him one more time and say.

"Sorry..."

Just say sorry and kiss him and let myself fade from existence.

Into the darkness I was formed, into the darkness I will return.

But I don't think he knows this, as I feel my body being picked up with all the strength he could give and I feel my head leaning over his arm as I am practically dead.

Practically gone.

"Anna, stay with me," He begs my dying body and I only smile deliriously, my eyes still too tired now to open up and look at him, "Please, YOU promised ME!"

Did I promise him..? I can't remember, I can't recall, and I only say back to him, a small grin on my lips.

"Liar..."

I can hear him laugh in pain, sorrow at my response, and I slowly drift off to sleep...

~x~

Dreams... that's how this all started off.

I always had a bad habit of falling asleep in the worst places possible... but those first few dreams had shown me Marnie... and in those last few dreams, few visions, had shown me Emily.

My birth mother...

Marnie... my best friend.

I was in a garden again with them, the three of us sitting around on bright green healthy grass.

"Where are we...?" I asked confused. I don't remember how I got here, but I know I've been here for the longest time.

"Home,"

I look at Emily as she says this to me, and she places her hand on my shoulder, nodding her head gently at me.

"...home?" I say back, confused to hear that word.

"Yes, Anna," Marnie tells me now, and smiles that beautiful smile of hers, "If you want it to be... it can be..."

I'm lost for what to say back and Emily finally chimes in.

"If you want to... you can stay."

Oh, I wanted to! Oh HOW much I wanted to!

Anna...

I could hear another voice now, but it sounded echoey and far in the distance. I turn my eyes in the direction it's coming from and I recognize it as my foster mum.

Anna, please wake up...

I gulp. I can feel the sun on my skin and warming it so very softly.

I slowly look once more at Marnie, once more at Emily...

"I-"

I knew what I was going to say. I was going to stay for this was my real home.

This was where I belonged.

You BELONG with ME!

The memory of when Matt had begged these words to me, for me to understand and see.

All I could see in the distance was darkness...

"Matt..." I whispered, more to myself than anybody else.

Anna...

I heard his voice now and my heart quaked for him, and him alone when it came to love that was more than familial.

I was in love with him...

And I wished just then that I wasn't! That I could cut that final tie I had with the real world.

I wanted a home.

I wanted heaven.

"And you will get a home," Marnie tells me then gently, holding my hand and squeezing it tightly, "For time, Anna... it is eternal... and you know,"

"I know," I utter with a soft shaky smile. I look at Marnie and I proclaim the same words that Matt had said to me, "You only live once... you only die... once,"

Marnie nodded her head to me, and I crouched over to her, hugging her but knowing I'm not staying here... my heart starts to thud again.

But it isn't in this heavenly realm where it is beating.

No, it is back in my body, behind my chest and lungs.

I slowly look up at Emily and she gives me her final nod.

Her final act of permission given to me and tears only soaked my face again.

I crawl over to her and she holds my chin up with her hand.

"I know I never said this to you before, Anna..." She told me then as she hugged me tightly back and I am holding her in my own arms, "But I'm proud of you... and I love you..."

Anna...

I can hear Matt's voice again and I closed my eyes as I hugged my birth mother back.

"I love you too,"

Please, Anna... I hear Matt's voice call to me and I lay there on the trolley bed in a ward in a hospital.

"I love you..." He whispers to me, and I can feel him holding my hand.

I suddenly wake up with a gasp, as I jump to a sitting position almost immediately. His eyes are wide as he looked at me in his own shock at my sudden awakening.

"Matt!" I scream, and he looks at me with so much surprise but also so much joy now.

"Anna!" He yelled back at me and we hear two nurses in the distance shush us as they put their fingers to their mouths and go, "SHOOSH!"

I'm sitting there now, breathing in and out heavily, and I look around quickly for my inhaler. I see it on the desk next to me and I take it, about to breathe in my medicine but a nurse stops me as she points at a ventilator that I am connected to.

My lungs were being looked after.

"Anna," Matt says again to me that second and I turn to gaze right back at him, but my whole body feels exhausted and I slowly nod my head, showing I was listening.

"I..." He begins, looking at me so nervously as he takes my hand and holds it tightly. I just watch him, in silence, "I thought you were really gone this time..."

I smile barely, as I reply... tears welling in my eyes, but for once they are happy tears.

"Me too..." I admit, and he seemed so sad when I said this.

"But... you didn't go... and I'm so happy... but, YOU." He suddenly puts on a hurt angry voice as he shakes my hand in his, "YOU said you wouldn't DO THIS ANYMORE!"

I don't know how to respond.

"YOU LIED TO ME." He goes on, looking so very lost and abandoned by my actions, "And YOU told me you DIDN'T LIE."

I feel exhausted now as I hold his hand in mine and I say the truth now... I let it escape me.

"Sorry..."

Matt doesn't look satisfied at my apology and only turns away from me now, letting go of my hand as he folds his arms against himself.

"You mean it..?" He asks me back, sounding very grumpy now and I only nod my head.

As I say.

"Yeah... I do mean it."

He shakes his head barely, before glancing back at me and he sees my sincere expression. He smirks only the littlest and this time holds my hand as he responds back with love.

"Okay... I guess I believe you..."

"Anna..?"

The two of us look over at the doorway, my foster mum standing there and I gulp nervously when I see her.

Matt lets go of my hand, waving nervously goodbye to me as he leaves me alone with my mother.

She comes over to my bed and sits at the edge, looking at me and saying.

"I thought I lost you, Anna..."

I see the tears in her eyes and how much she truly loves me.

"I thought I had..."

I smiled weakly at her, holding her hand with mine and I said back weakly.

Telling the truth.

"You nearly had..."

She breaks down in tears when I say that, but I assure her.

"But I'm here now... so please, mum," And I mean it this time when I call her my mum, "Please don't cry..."

She nods her head, laughing in her sobbing and she looks at me... as she sees something different in me now.

Sees that I am... I am happy?!

"Oh Anna," She says to me and hugs me then, "Please let me back into your life... please-"

"-Okay," I say before she can even finish and she looks into my eyes, her own shimmering with joy.

"Okay," I say again and I just look outside the window to my side.

The sun just shines through a crack in the clouds and heats up my ward with its golden beams. It shines in my eyes and I turn my face away, as I smile and tell the world then.

"I'll be okay..."

I will...

I will.