✮⋆˙ Robots

TW: SA and self-harm

★ SUNDAY 16th JANUARY ★

"HE CAN'T KEEP FUCKING DOING THIS TO US" Nevan grumbled for the thousandth time, kicking the paper cup on the floor "It's not bloody fair"

Lorcan picked up the cup and tossed to the side, landing it in the pile of rubbish that had accumulated in the corner "I know but what can we do about it?"

"We're 15 Lorcan!" Nevan snapped, throwing his hands up gesturing to the room were currently locked in "15! And were not allowed out, not allowed friends, I mean look at our lives"

"Stop shouting" I cut in, my voice quiet but yet they still heard me

"Yeah, we're trying to blackjack and you eejits are making it impossible for us to concentrate" My older sister Delancey added, glaring at them both with pointed look that had them immediately shutting up

"Whatever" Nevan muttered, slumping down onto the mattress, resting his back on the wall

Lorcan sat back on the other mattress on the other side of the room, copying his twin brothers stance

We have been locked inside this room for 3 days now, Nevan has lashed out 5 times, Lorcan has told him off an equal amount

None of us liked being locked inside this stuffy bedroom, left alone in the stark darkness that could only disappear with the light of the morning sun. But when it's dark, like now, the only source of light was the small torch that Shane managed to nick before we were thrown in here

Our father has very strict rules of never interacting with any other kids, never leaving the house without his permission, never telling anyone our business. However when he is gone he has no trust in us to abide by them, so to make sure we behave he throws us in this cold suffocating room until he gets back

The room was pretty much a giant box, in one corner was a plain mattress and the same in the other corner and stashes of food and water was in another. Luckily this room was connected to a small bathroom, but it stinks in there, like rotten mould and wee

What made it worse was that we couldn't even leave if we tried, the door was bolted shut. Once Lorcan kicked it down just so he could take Shane to the hospital after he accidentally stabbed himself in the foot from a rusty nail in the floorboards

When da got home that time he proper flipped out, shouting so loud that I think that the walls shook. Red faced and bared teeth, da threw punch after punch at Lorcan, never once stopping until my brother passed out

After that none of us dared to touch the door, not ever

"What does this say?" My twin brother Ozzie asked, pointing to a weird looking number that looked like a triangle with an extra line

Shane sighed, pinching his nose "Four" He whispered to us, so Del couldn't hear

Shane was our own personal number person, as I liked to call him. Me and Ozzie both couldn't read anything so Shane always did it for us, especially when we're playing card games

So whenever we play, me, Ozzie and Shane are always in a team. Nevan said it was unfair but Lorcan quickly made him shut up with those sharp eyes he gives

"Stick?" I whisper to Ozzie, looking down at our cards

Ozzie nodded, biting his lip to hold back a excited smile "Stick"

Del looked her own cards, then back at us, gaze focused on Ozzies hopeful expression. With a sigh, she moves to the pile of cards on the middle "Twist"

Then a second later, she curses under her breath and throws her cards down "Bust"

"We won!" I cheered, a beaming smile pulling at my lips when I placed out own cards down, eight of hearts and the queen of spades, equalling to eighteen

From beside me Ozzie threw a fist in the air in triumph "We shall not be defeated" He said in a batman voice which made me giggle

"Never" I replied, doing my own batman voice along with him

After a moment we both broke out into a fit of laughter, cackling like evil geniuses that you see on the telly

"Crazies" Shane muttered, arching a brow at us

Once our synced giggling stopped, we shared a look before glaring at Shane "We're not crazy, we're winners" I said

"Yeah you're just mad because we won" Ozzie taunted, with a cheeky glint in his eyes that i'm also currently wearing

"Jesus you're like those twins from The Shining" Nevan muttered, earning a snicker from Lorcan and a nod from Delancey

Slowly turning our heads to look at one another, we copy eachothers creepy smile and turn back

Still in sync!

"Stop doing that, it's fucking weird" Shane cringed

Me and Ozzie just laugh, we're used to people saying that us doing stuff in sync was creepy, that's why we did it so much. Since we were identical twins, Ozzie is the boy version of me, same eyes, same hair, same nose, same everything

Ozzie is my ultimate favourite sibling, he makes me laugh when I feel sad, he listens and talks to me for hours even when everyone else is sick of our voices. If I had to pick someone to be my best friend it would be Ozzie

He is my favourite person in the whole wide world actually

"Oi, no swearing" Lorcan shot back, pointing a finger at Shane

I don't know why Lorcan has this no swearing rule around us, it makes zero sense because we hear it from other people anyways

Da, mam, the weird people who always just walk into the house and stay on our sofa with wide pupils and trembling hands

They creep me out a bit, some of them look at us funny. Like they way da looks at mam sometimes, it grosses me and Ozzie out

I call them all ghosties because they all waltz in looking haunted and heavy but then da gives them that magical stuff. Then they're all light and happy, moving about like their weightless

"Fuck" Ozzie whispered in my ear when no one was looking. His eyes glinted with mischief when he saw my goofy smile

I leaned over, keeping my voice quiet when I said "Cunt"

"Shit"

"Bitch"

"Gobshite"

"Arsehole"

"Dick"

"Motherfucker"

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I woke up in a pool of my own sweat, chest pounding so fast i'm suprised my heart hasn't exploded out of my chest

Siddy and Duffy immediately jump up to my chest in alarm, looking up at me with small concerned eyes

They're used to my nightmares by now, me waking up in the middle of the night screaming and crying

And like clockwork they smush their little faces into my chest, soothing me more than they know

"Just a dream" I remind myself squeezing my eyes shut, running my fingers over Siddys fur

A door slam has me sitting up immediately

Shit I missed gym training this morning

Fuck

When I got home after Kierans I was supposed to go but then I got caught up writing something and the time just... slipped

That and I didn't have Seamus breathing over my neck since he was in a meeting and wouldn't be home until well now

"DANIELLE!" He bellowed, the walls echoing his shouts

Fuck, fuck, fuck

Throwing myself up out of my bath, I quickly gave Siddy and Duffy a kiss on their heads before swinging open the door with shaking hands

My heartbeat roared through my chest, beating wildly and erratically. Like invisible hands clutched around my heart, I was suffocating as I slowly made my way to my door

Don't fucking open it

But if I don't he will just break the door down and he can't take this safe space away from me. Not the one place I actually can somewhat breathe

I also won't let him rape me infront of my ferrets either, no way in fucking hell

As if in slow motion, my hands gripped around the cool metal knob of the door. Almost flinching when it clicked as I turned it, finally pushing it open with stiff limbs

Before I could even do anything, Seamus was already there

Gripping onto my forearms with pressure that made feel like he was squeezing my bones

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"He barked, spit flying in my face as he shook me "I PAY ALL THIS FUCKING MONEY, GIVE YOU ALL THESE OPPORTUNITIES JUST FOR YOU TO THROW THEM BACK IN MY FACE!"

I didn't even bother responding, my words would do nothing for me now

It was hopeless, I was hopeless

Shoving me back onto my bed, my head was thrown backwards due to the force. My body riddled with disgust as soon as my skin touched the itchy fabric, stomach knotting uncomfortably in my gut

"I'LL FUCKING TEACH YOU A LESSON, UNGRATEFUL BRAT!" He spat, jaw clenched so hard i'm sure his teeth would fall out

I made a pathetic attempt trying scramble away, my heels digging into the mattress as I scooted backwards

"Wait, no, no, no" I stammered, voice coming out in a broken plea "I'm- i'm sorry, just- just w- wait"

Obviously he didn't listen, my words changed nothing as he grabbed my ankle and pulled me towards him

Just breathe Danny, it'll all be over soon

Ripping his tie off with hands shaking with rage, Seamus pinned me down as he wrapped it around my eyes taking away my vision

"Stop- stop! I- I- said I was s- sorry" I fretted, still struggling to free myself

"Shut up!" Seamus snapped, now pulling at my joggers and the waistband of my knickers

It'll be over soon Danny, just hold on

✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩

Four showers, four showers and I still could feel his hands all over me

Still could hear his grunts

Still could smell his suffocating scent

Still could feel his thing inside of me

It made me want to tear the skin off of my bones, peel away all the layers that he had tainted

I didn't want this body anymore, this bruised disgusting body

My hand smothered my sobs as I looked at my mutilated skin on my hips, feeling a wave of absolute agony as I took the damage

Bite marks, old and new from where Seamus teeth had peirced my flesh

And underneath them was scars from self inflicted wounds from my own hand

It was a literal battlefield of revolting wounds on my skin, it was fucking horrifying to look at

But still, the fresh bite marks stood out over my scars

Naturally my eyes involuntarily flickered to my bathroom cabinet

This whole time i've been telling myself I only hurt myself when I feel like hurting others but truly I was lying to myself

Yes that was one of the reasons but the other reason was because the pain that I brought onto myself, that I could control was much better than the pain I couldn't

It helped me cope in the most fucked up way possible

Moving like a robot, my body went through motions. Opening the cabinet, digging behind my  face cream to find the disguised empty one, fishing out the sharp blade

Pulling down my joggers, I sat myself down on my toilet seat and leaned back as I dragged the blade over the skin on my hips, relishing in the cool sting

For a few moments, the ache between my thighs lessened as it was over powered by the fresh cut

In a messed up way, I weirdly liked that feeling

So when I cut myself again and again and again and again over the marks on my hips, I found myself finally catching my breath

✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩

With two massive thick plasters over my hips, Siddy in one pocket of my joggers and Duffy in the other I managed to hoist myself up her wheely bin and pull my body onto the branch next to her window

Thankfully it was open, so I took that as an invitation to waltz in

Personally I didn't want to wake nor burden Cadhla but I just couldn't stay in that house, and I had nowhere else to go

Swinging my leg over, cautious of the ferret in my pocket I quietly landed into her room with a soft thud

A mess of auburn hair rested on her pillow, and as soon as I stepped closer to the bed her head snapped up

"Danny?" She whispered, slight panic in her voice

I nodded sheepishly "It's me"

Cadhla sighed in relief, still clutching her chest as she reached over to her bedside table to flick on her lamp "Jesus girl, thought I was getting kidnapped-"

She cut herself when her soft light flickered on, revealing my current state. Blotchy skin, puffy eyes and lips

Dressed in joggers and a thick hoodie, covering almost every inch of skin from view

"Are you okay?" She asked, her voice soft and comforting

I didn't answer her, just scooped out Siddy and Duffy and held them in my arms "Brought you two visitors"

She let her eyes momentarily wander to the animals in my arms before looking back up at me, concern painted all over her face

"Did you have an episode?" She hesitantly approached, keeping her tone non threatening as she said it

Cadhla was the only friend that knows about my disorder, the only person I trust with that knowledge

It wasn't uncommon for me to come to her after an episode, no matter the hour

I remember once I had actually shouted at her. After the rage subsided I sobbed in her arms for an hour, apologising endlessly

I shook my head, climbing into her bed and letting my ferrets clamber into my arms as well

"Do you mind?" I said, even though it was pretty much pointless now

She shook her head "Well I mean you did just kind of break into my house and jump into my bed without so much as an invitation" Cadhla chuckled, using a comforting humor that made a smile twitch at my lips "Can't exactly turn you away now can I?"

"Oh shut up" I laughed, no real malice behind my voice

Flicking of her lamp, she shifted herself beside me in her bed until she was comfy, then she spoke again "Of course I don't mind, you're my sister remember"

"Unfortunately" I dramatically sighed, giggling slightly

Cadhla giggled along with me "Oh piss off, you bitch"

"Night Cadhs" I whispered, stroking the fur of Duffy who nestled himself into Cadhla's sheets

"Night Danny" She said back, her voice just as quiet

Then a few minutes later I found myself falling into another sleep, this time without nightmares

・❥・ Authors notes

Ozzie and Danny are the cutest twin duo 😛

Dannys lore is actually crazy it's insane