✮⋆˙ Fantasy world

★ TUESDAY 18th JANUARY ★

"WELL, WELL, WELL WHAT TIME DO YOU CALL THIS MISSY?" Gibsie chuckled, raising an eyebrow at me as I sauntered into the common room at break

I rolled my eyes and laughed along with him "Hello to you too Gibsie"

"You're in late today, any particular reason why?" He mused, something cheeky hinting his tone as he grinned

"Had-" I started

Before I could even finish Gibsie already started rattling on with theories "Ooo, let me guess. Hungover? Mystery boyfriend? Err accidentally woke up in another area? Oh come on give me something"

"I was going to say, before you rudely interrupted me" I laughed, Gibsie shrugged unapologetically "I had a photoshoot this morning"

Gibsie sighed and shrank back down into his seat dramatically, as if I had just crushed his dreams "Boring" He sang

"Shove over" Cadhla said as she wedged herself between me and Gibsie "How was it? What did you wear? Omg did you meet other supermodels?"

"Omigod yes! I met Adriana Lima and Gisele Bundchen" I sarcastically remarked, playing with a piece of my hair "No, you silly bitch. Only just a few other girls my age"

Cadhla rolled her eyes and sighed "Just imagine if you walked into a shoot and saw like, Alessandra Ambrosio there. Like my life would be complete if that happened"

"Don't worry, if I do happen to meet them, i'll make sure I get a signature for ya" I said, an honest smile twitching at my lips

From next to me, Gibsie waved his hand and pointed him to self with a betrayed look "Uh hello, what about me?"

"I'll get a picture for you Gibsie, maybe even there numbers" I chortled, ruffling up his blonde curls

He threw a triumphant fist in the air "Class that is Double D"

"Your welcome G spot" I giggled

We fell into a easy conversation, a mix of humour, sarcasm and just a general catch up on our lives. Cadhla was talking about this new boy she's obsessed with, Gibsie was going on about how his cat brutally attacked him, and me talking about my morning

The photo shoot was for some fancy fashion brand doing a teen girls line of clothing, they were also doing a runway for it which I was also invited to

Seamus made sure of that

Ugh I hate that all my achievements are always bittersweet because I never really properly accomplished them, not with his help

Now every I do, skating, gym, modelling turned into something sour. I hated them all, I only carry on with it because I have to

If I could do what I wanted I would drop them all without even so much a second of thought, and I don't think I would ever regret it

Sometimes I often found myself wondering about Johnny and his rugby. Does he work himself to the bone because he wants to or because he has to, like me

Does he enjoy it? Or is just a facade put on to appease others

Of course he enjoys it, you can see it in the way he plays. He loves every minute of it, that's what makes him so dedicated

I wonder if I had grown up the way Johnny did if I would actually enjoy skating and everything

Hell if I grown up the way all the people in Tommen did, affection, love and freshly made pancakes every morning I would probably be a completely different person

Maybe I would even be as sunshiny as Claire, or as happy as Cadhla

Their personalities were fake like mine, they didn't wear their smiles like a mask, they didn't wield their humour like a shield

They just were happy, not a faker like me

And if I did drop the act for even a second, the whole world would probably crumble down on me. My friends would find out how hollow and bitter I am inside and would leave me like everyone else in my life

"Danny? Earth to Danny" Cadhla voice brought me back to reality, she was waving a hand over my eyes which I quickly batted away

"Sorry, what was you saying" I cleared my throat

Cadhla suspiciously eyed me for a second, green eyes piercing before they softened "I was saying about how much I love Harry Seddon"

I scoffed "Where did you say you met him again?"

At my question she beams, clasping her hand to her heart like a woman moonstruck "Omigod, it was like something fucking movie. Basically I was  walking back from the corner shop and I saw this absolute ride, leaning against this brick wall like a tortured bad boy. I'm serious, he had a cig in his mouth and guess what was right beside him?"

"Ooo, a dog" Gibsie guessed "No scratch that, hmm a cat?"

Cadhla brows creased in disbelief "What? No of course not. A fucking sexy arse motorbike"

Before I could put any word in my best friend continued "And then, I was like there was no way I was going to ignore this boy, he is just too perfect. So I sauntered right up to him and asked him for smoke"

I cocked a brow and tilted my head "But you don't smoke?"

"I know, I was as coughing like an eejit I was so embarrassed" She cringed, holding her head in her hands like even now the memory was haunting her "But it did have a silver lining" Cadhla sang, lifting her head up, that familiar excited smile returning "Somehow he found it cute that I used the excuse of asking for a smoke to go up to him"

"Hmm, go figure" I remarked, shrugging one shoulder

"Yeah and then he just asked my number and inside I was like jumping up and down but outside I think I totally played it cool, you know nonchalant and that" Cadhla rambled, eyes gleaming with pure unfiltered happiness

She looked so pretty with that bright smile, eyes practically light up. Cadhla was the epitome of sunshine, her light was always shining on me making the world seem less dim

I don't think- No scratch that

I know I wouldn't even be here right now if it wasn't for this girl

Every time the darkness has wrapped around me, lingering in my bones making every thought I have scary. Cadhla shows up and wards off all the monsters like a lighthouse guiding me back to the real world

I know i'm not exactly the bestest of friends with all my problems and all that, Cadhla should have dumped me a long time ago and to be totally honest I still feel like she will

She makes me happy, and I think I make her happy but not in the way she deserves

Whoever this Harry guy is better not fuck it up with her, otherwise I will chop his dick off and shove it in a blender as he watches

"Sounds like something out of a book Cadhs" I smiled, wrapping an arm around her shoulder "Soo what does Mr. bad boy look like?"

"Okay so, he has like brown hair that is sort of messy, but messy in the way that suits him. And green eyes to die for, with these beautiful lips. Oh and an eyebrow piercing and a slit" She ranted, hands waving about animatedly like she was trying to paint us a picture

"Think I saw him in biddes once" Gibsie chimed in, placing a finger on his lips as if trying to recall the memory

I laughed "You think you've seen everyone in biddes once"

He shrugged, not denying it "Mmhm yeah"

"He does sound like a ride Cadhs, very broody and mysterious bad boy" I joked, wiggling my eyebrows at her

"I know right" She chuckled "Oh and get this, he's is only just a year above me in BCS. Isn't that just perfect?"

✮ ⋆ ˚｡𖦹 ⋆｡°✩

English was something I weirdly good at, I understood deeper meanings behind simple phrases or words used by authors who most likely just threw them in for the fun of it

I could do creative writing and poetry and all that jazz

But still, like every test I take I end up doing absolute shit

My answers were so bad that i'm sure Shakespeare probably turned in his grave in disgust

It's just as soon as i'm in that, no speaking, no talking environment I choke. The air shifts into something more tense, blocking every thought in my head

That's the reason i'm still in the bottom set in English, because tests are the only place where your work matters

Actually fuck that, i'm not just only in bottom set, i'm in the set below the bottom for the people who are so utterly stupid they had to create a whole new class for them

Go me!

"Danny Doherty, ten percent" Miss Behan announced, sliding my test paper on my desk like a trophy of disappointment

It sat there for a while, torturing me with the ten circled in on the top corner

"You know Danny if you actually answered the questions, perhaps you'd get higher" Miss Behan said in a low voice, giving me a knowing look

I kicked the table leg of my chair in frustration "What's the point, I always get the lowest anyways"

My jaw tightened as I saw that familiar look on my teachers face, the one where she doesn't agree with what i'm saying but has to be careful in case I get testy

Nails digging crescent moons into my palms, I tried to reign in my anger but it was now wrapping around me like armour. My pulse quickened, heart beating so fast I swear the room is vibrating with each beat

"Danny-" Miss Behan started

Before my mind could catch up, I was speaking "Just fuck off!"

Then the whole world shifted, everyone's eyes snapped to me, giving me those judgy looks. A few people began whispering and snickering like this was all a joke and I was the biggest punchline

The air became thick and tense, everything around me blurred until all I could see was everyone staring at me

They were no longer my classmates, they were threats directly against me. Fury sparked in every limb like electricity running through my veins, a fire roared in my chest as that terrifying loss of control ignited

It was like an out of body experience, watching myself loose my absolute shit without my mind having any say in anything my body does

"Danny try to refrain from using that language in my classroom" Miss Behan carefully scolded, like she didn't want to make me even more upset

"I said FUCK OFF!" I roared, shooting up from my seat. The sound of my chair screeching back was like a gunshot in the dead silence that settled in the room

Everyone flinched, looking at me like I was some wild animal that needed to be put in a cage. But couldn't they see that I was being suffocated, my throat was being squeezed so hard I could barely breathe

Miss Behan approached carefully, hands slightly raised like she was trying to show she wasn't a threat "Danny, why don't we just step outside for a breather-"

I shook my head frantically "NO! Stop looking at me like some wild animal!"

Then all of a sudden my foot kicked over my desk, papers flew and pens scattered across the floor each one landing like a grenade. My breathing was ragged and laboured as if I was running a mile

"No one is Danny" Miss Behan softly said, her eyes were so gentle, way more gentle than I deserved

I pointed at some random boy who was snickering with his friends, eyes mean and judgemental, like razors cutting into my skin "He is! They all are!"

"I didn't do anything wrong!" I hissed, my thoughts so loud that I wasn't even sure what I was saying and what was in my head "Stop treating me like i'm crazy, and stop fucking looking at me like that!"

Miss Behan pointed to the door, like I was some misbehaving puppy "Danny go wait and calm down in my office please"

Fucking listen to her will you 

My chest heaved as I stalked to the door, leaving a storm in my wake as I threw the door open and slammed it behind me, so hard that it ricocheted of the wall. Outside, the hallway was deafeningly silent, not doing anything to put out the fire still burning inside of me

I didn't want to be like this anymore, an angry feral girl who snaps every so often. I just want to be normal like everybody else

Was that so much to so much to ask for?

A normal brain?

Hey, maybe even throw in a normal life

But of course no one hears my words, just like how nobody hears me

I don't think there is one person out there who fully understands me, who can just look at me and tell immediately that i'm not okay

But I guess that's alright, I mean if someone did my sharp edges would most likely cut them if they got too close. I know it's for the better since I mean come on, even if someone did understand and know everything about me they would probably think i'm dirty and disgusting and would leave like everyone else does

So I guess I just have to deal, like I do with everything else in my life

It's not in my control so what can I do?

The walk to Miss Behan's office was tortuously long, my shame was creeping in my fury that was still raging on like a wildfire. Once I was safely inside her room I broke down, throwing anything in sight as I furiously sobbed

I wasn't sure what was worse, the explosion of my episode or the aftermath

Pushing over her armchair with a broken cry, I mentally begged myself to stop but like usual my body didn't listen

Once I was finally finished with my tantrum, the mental exhaustion hit me like a freight train. My legs buckled, sending me to the floor. I scrambled backwards until my back hit the wall, hugging my knees to my chest, I held myself tight as I buried my head in my knees

Like if I held myself tight enough I could get rid of this awful feeling, the embarrassment and humiliation.

I didn't even hear the bell ring, too deep inside my head, letting the tortuous thoughts drown me and everything around me

My sobs were too loud for me to hear anything, not even the door clicking open

"Danny?" I think I heard Miss. Behan softly whisper from beside me. I waited all of two seconds before collapsing against her, my head fell to her lap as I curled into a sad little ball on the floor

"I- I- I'm sorry" I choked out, my voice cracked and broken

I didn't need to explain what for, Miss. Behan immediately understood, soft fingers stroking my hair "It's okay, you were having an episode, it wasn't your fault"

That only made me sob harder "They were judging me miss, I- I- I could feel it. I know they think i'm crazy. W- w- what if they're right?"

"You're not crazy" She assured me, nothing but sincerity in her tone "You are a good girl Danny, you just get a bit overwhelmed at times, but that's okay"

Another strangled sob escaped me, tears dampening her skirt "I don't want to be like this anymore, I want to be normal"

"What have I told you Danny?" She said, still soothing me by brushing through my hair "Nobody's normal, everyone has their individual battles and struggles and that's okay"

Perhaps maybe it was my mammy issues that were deep rooted inside of me, but I found myself closing my eyes and imagining that Miss. Behan wasn't just my teacher a counsellor but also my mam

It was a cruel habit of mine, the minute an older woman shows me a smidgen of affection I picture that I was their daughter, it was borderline fucked up but I didn't have it in me to care

I did the same with Edel, I would selfishly picture myself as her actual daughter, conjure up a fantasy world in my mind when she would do motherly little things for me, liking cooking for me, choosing me out outfits, brushing my hair, basically everything

Jesus fucking christ maybe I was insane

・❥・ Authors notes

Cadhla, Gibsie and Danny is such a cute trio

For futre references, my new character: Harry Seddon

He probably won't be introduced for another few chapters tho