Part 3 ~ "Dangerously Yours."

Nikolai's POV:

As I searched with my beloved's severed arm still clutched in my hand, I pondered off the urge to pout at the grim spectacle before me. If I did find Fyodor's body here, he certainly didn't want to appear tearful or pitiful. No, Fyodor would hardly appreciate such a display. Me, pouting at his remains? How unbecoming of me! Though, to think about it. That was a part of my well practiced mask of being a performer, a dramatic person.

Using the dismembered arm, almost reverently, I removed my eyepatch. It felt ceremonial somehow, a tribute to the enigmatic soul who lay either dead or dying. To honor a friend, dead or not, I thought. To hear the words you never spoke, Fyodor, and the secrets you kept hidden so cruelly beneath that brilliance.

But then, in an instant, the somber weight lifted. My eyes brightened, theatrical joy replacing the gloom. There, amidst the wreckage, I found him! My entire being seemed to ignite as my eyes settled upon the form of my beloved Fedya. I realized I was happy way too soon, but I tried my best to keep up with it..

"I found you, Fedya!" I exclaimed, my voice lifting with a kind of manic glee as I stood over him. Fyodor was propped against the wrecked helicopter, a chuckle escaping those bloodstained lips. Even battered, even broken, he was magnificent, an ethereal beauty in chaos, smeared with his own lifeblood. It sent a shiver through my spine.

Nikolai couldn't resist the pout forming on his lips.

"Oh, God... Fyodor..." I whispered as his trembling hand reached for Fyodor's cheek, desperate to feel his warmth, even in such a damaged state.

But, as always, Fyodor's sharp mind pierced through the haze. His eyes, though dimmed by injury, flickered with a cold, calculating edge. The swat of his hand was quick, dismissive.

"Don't look so pitiful, Nikolai. Congrats," Fyodor muttered, almost sarcastically. His voice was laced with disdain, but strong.

What a cold, divine creature he is. I marveled in silent admiration. Even now, in this wretched state, his mind remains untouchable. Fyodor, the impenetrable genius. Fyodor, the obsession.

My thoughts spiraled. Fyodor was everything I desired—his mind, his strength, his cruelty. This bond between us, I mused, it is far more sinister than love. It is an obsession, a hunger to devour and be devoured. To destroy and be destroyed by him.

"Nikolai, you've saved me. You found me just in time," Fyodor's voice pulled him back, and I blinked, realizing the gravity of the situation. "What is it that you want?"

I laughed heartily, the sound wild, unrestrained. "Oh, come now, bestie! It's part of the game, you weren't supposed to die because of Dazai's antics!" he exclaimed, eyes gleaming with a familiar glee.

Fyodor's laugh was cold, a hollow sound that left me only wanting more. "Yes, Dazai. What do you know? He has proven himself quite worthy. But come, sit with me, Kolya. Let's discuss your... antics in the helicopter," Fyodor gestured, shifting slightly. I wasted no time, bounding to Fyodor's side, the severed arm still firmly in my grip, like a prized relic that it was.

"That was bold of you," Fyodor continued, a trace of something unreadable passing over his expression. "To attempt to kill me... and then save me. Kolya, you never act without reason, and you never save without one either." His words cut deep, as though dissecting my very soul.

My laugh rang out again, though this time, it was more strained, nervous. "Ah, Fyodor, always so sharp. You know me too well, my clever friend! The truth? It's rather foolish, I'm afraid..." My voice trailed off, gaze distant for a moment.

"I just wanted to save you, my best friend!" My words were a facade, even to myself, but he could not stop them. "I couldn't let you die by the hands of Mr. Bandages!"

Fyodor's expression remained neutral, though his eyes betrayed a flicker of something... perhaps understanding. Fyodor nodded. "Yes, if he were unworthy, this would have made quite the suckish death." His gaze briefly fell on his missing arm, as though contemplating the absurdity of the situation. "Would you like to return that?" he asked, almost nonchalantly, though I could see the dark humor in his words.

"Oh, no, no!" I laughed, pressing my vest against Fyodor's wound with more tenderness than I would've ever admitted to. The blood seeped through, but the physical pain seemed secondary. The real danger was something else. I smiled brightly at him.

".. I could kill you with a touch of my fingers, aren't you scared?" Fyodor tilted his head, looking rather smug for some reason. "No, I like it, I'm not sure why, though. It just makes you more divine." The honesty slipped from my lips, I guess I didn't see much to lie about.

I watched as his face faltered to a blank one, unreadable, not even if you were able to read everyone like an open book would you able to understand, magnificent. But something told me, he felt something from my words.

"Geez, we need to get you to a hospital! And I have already learned, I am no doctor." I placed my hands in my lap.

"Kolya," Fyodor's voice softened, a rare thing. "Nikolai. This doesn't change anything. You will still be killed, right now or not." His words, though chilling, lacked the malice they usually carried. He lifted the gun with a steady hand, the same one Chuuya 'attempted' to kill Dazai with earlier. "Just because I have one arm doesn't mean I can't shoot you right in the face."

"I know you will, Fedya. Of course! I don't doubt it, but.."

"Hm?" He questioned. Gosh, I enjoy every sound his vocal cords make. "I know, I want you to!" A smile formed on my lips, but it was looking as one of genuineness. My mask was breaking.

Yes, he was confused. I've shaken him, 'just a little.'

"I know you will, Fedya. I want you to, it's your goal. Your passion, a fire that'll never stop burning within you, I'm not sure if I'll be there in your vision to hold you back." My voice was soft, almost tender, and Fyodor's irritation deepened. His composure was slipping.

I placed his dismembered hand against my cheek. "I love you. You may as well take my heart, Fyodor! It's already full of you, every day. I see humans differently because of you." The words tumbled out, more sincere than anything I had ever uttered.

No, my mask wasn't breaking. It was slipping off.

Fyodor's eyes widened, his grip on the gun faltering momentarily. "You hardly know me, Kolya. Me, truly. I doubt you can see. Don't try to manipulate me." His voice was sharp, defensive. But, I knew there was some lie to the words. He knows I can see, that's our bond.

 "No, I know you, Dos. When I first heard of abilities, I thought they should be gone. You know, I looked at Dazai and thought 'he'd like competing with him.' Just like you know me. Наши души связались, by the universe. But, we're free from it, we can be free from it. If I just go." There was also some lie to my words also.

Fyodor froze. For once, his mask cracked, also. Revealing the barest hint of vulnerability beneath. He expressed pure shock. "There's so much I want to say, but let me start with this—I've tasted your blood, your flesh. You're a part of me, Fedya, in ways you can't even comprehend. Look at me." My words flowed like a torrent, the rawness of my confession shaking even him.

He avoided contact with me, his face looking at me in a distasteful manner. "Listen to your heart, Fedya." I rose from my seat on the ground, taking his arm up with me. His eyebrows furrowed, like I had expected his face to look like. Fyodor pointed the gun at me, for once, it seemed like he got defensive. His hands were shaking, I wasn't sure for what reason but him having only one arm definitely was not helping in his case.

I got closer to him. The coldness of his words made flinching tempting, but I didn't dare. 

"Feel it pounding." I spoke, the words spitting from my mouth like how saliva rises in my mouth. "Your time is up, Nikolai. You have been a very good companion." Fyodor spoke, his words icy, freezing over my soul. "Then, Fyodor, my last words; I love you, Fyodor." 

His face scrunched up, looking disgusted. Not because of my words, but he obviously didn't believe my words, I wonder if he'd ever know how true and deep they ran. "You're determined to die with a lie on your lips?!" Fyodor pushed the gun closer to me.

"I.. love you, Fedya." Before I could say anything else,

Fyodor shot a bullet, straight at me.

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