Chapter 13: Trixie

Awaking to the sunlight and birds again, Trixie reached out expecting to find James where he started the night before but instead finding emptiness.

Trixie paused before fully entering the living room, and found James asleep on the floor. She walked back to the bedroom and grabbed some sandalwood. After lighting it quietly and setting it on the coffee table, Trixie stopped in the bathroom to brush her teeth and then padded into the kitchen to pull together something for breakfast. Her body enjoyed summer vacation- sleeping as late as 8:30 when usually she would be halfway through 1st block by that time. She was about to pull an overly sugary cereal out of the pantry when she felt a pair of arms gently wrap around her waist. James treated her as though she was a porcelain doll. He was always too gentle, too afraid that between the mechanics or the serum that he would hurt her. Monster indeed, she thought to herself as he brushed his lips against her neck.

"Captain Crunch or Coco Puffs?" she asked.

"Yes," he said and she could hear the smile in his voice. She pulled both boxes out of the pantry and set them on the counter while he got bowls.

"Bad night?" she asked, ripping off the proverbial band-aid.

"Yeah," he sighed, "I'm not sure why. Everything was fine, and then suddenly, it wasn't."

"Could be the mail you got yesterday?" she asked gently. Next week was Steve's birthday, and Sam sent out invites- more notices, really- for an event SHIELD was holding. She watched James as he blanched when he first read it.

James turned to look out the window, unanswering, unmoving.

"So, you don't go," Trixie offered. James stiffened. He would do anything for Steve, and for Steve's memory. She knew he couldn't not go, but she also didn't want to add to all the pressure he put on himself. "Or," she continued, "we go."

"We?" he asked, turning to her.

"Plus one," she said, pouring milk into his cereal mixture. "You don't have to do anything you don't want to. And you don't have to do anything alone."

"Thank you," he smiled. "I'll let Sam know we'll be there."

Since school ended, James had basically moved in but his mail was still being sent to his apartment. Most of it was bills or junk, so he only picked it up once a week. The invite got buried in a mass of credit card offers and missed for three weeks. Next week was the event and James hadn't responded yet. After taking his last bite, he opened his phone and called Sam.

"Man, I thought you disappeared again," she heard Sam say upon answering.

"Hello to you too," James retorted.

"Seriously," Sam said, the shock out of his voice, "How have you been, Buck?"

James bristled slightly. "Really good, actually. In case you didn't already," he said cutting to the chase, "make sure I'm affirmative for Steve's thing. Me plus one."

"Oh," Sam said, surprised, "You have been good. Anyone we know?"

"Nope," James smiled. He looked at Trixie and she nodded to him and held out her hand expectantly.

You're James now she mouthed to him. He looked at her puzzled, obviously not understanding what she tried to communicate.

"I'm really happy for you, Bucky," Sam spoke with sincerity. "You got dealt a raw deal. It's about time you leveled up."

"James," James replied, realizing what Trixie said to him after hearing Sam use his old diminutive for the third time.

"James...?" Sam asked, not understanding. "Rhodey is giving opening remarks so, yeah?"

"No," James clarified, "I'm not going by "Bucky" anymore."

"Oh," Sam said, taken aback, "Sorry, I didn't know."

"No, you wouldn't," he responded, "it's not a big deal. I just...I'm not Bucky anymore."

"I understand," Sam said knowingly. The words hung between the men. Everything had changed when Steve returned. He passed on his mantle to Sam, who took on the responsibility with hesitant honor. From what Trixie knew, he proved Steve right with his choice every day.

James broke the silence when he finally asked, "How are you, Sam?"

Sam sighed, the weight of the world on his shoulders. "Busy," he said, "Content. I got to see my nephews in their first basketball tournament."

"That's great, Sam," James said.

There was another pause. This time Sam broke it when he said, "I guess I'll see you next week?"

"Yeah," James said before hanging up. He looked over at Trixie and she saw sadness flash across her face.

"What's wrong?" she asked, taking his bowl and clearing the table.

"Sam's not doing well," Bucky answered, "I was so wrapped in my own grief, and then my own happiness, I never reached out to see how he was doing. Steve had two right hand men."

"He didn't reach out to you either," Trixie countered, "The phone goes both ways. You both were wrapped up in your own grief and your own separate lives." She returned to the table and took James's hands in her own. She noted how he no longer flinched when she touched his metal arm. It was a part of him, and she loved all of him. She hated when he flinched or tried to hide away any parts of himself. "I haven't spoken to any of my family since Grandma Bea's funeral. I get so wrapped up in work, and I often feel guilty about not calling my aunt, but she doesn't call me either."

James nodded and gently squeezed her hands before reaching for the invitation off the counter. "Guest speakers include Natasha Romanov, James Rhodes, Sam Wilson, and more."

"Do you want to speak?" Trixie asked.

"I don't know," he said. "I hate that the only people speaking are gonna speak to his legacy as Captain America. Everyone who knew him as the stubborn, skinny kid from Brooklyn are all dead. It's ironic really. Steve was born on the 4th of July. He really was destined to become Captain America."

James's attention was drawn to a cardinal landing on the windowsill and chirping loudly. "You know," Trixie said following his gaze, "it's said cardinals are our loved ones coming back to visit. To tell us we'll be alright."

"Loud and stubborn," James smiled as a few tears rolled down his cheeks.