48

I'm not sure if the Hadley's stayed or not.

I did end up going back to bed, though it was short lived when my mind went into overdrive again.

I was worried about the others worrying where I was.

I was worried about Cato worrying about me, though I shouldn't he deserves to be a little worried once in awhile. But I don't want anyone worrying about me.

And the dreams were waiting for me. Waiting to tear me apart from the inside out.

I was in the games, all the tributes turned to mutts chasing me through the arena, eventually killing me. I could feel the limbs being teared from my body, their evil grins as they ate me alive.

Until everything faded..

I jolt up, I was drenched with sweat,my breathing heavy. I reminded myself again and again, it was just a dream. None of it was real.

Though it didn't help. At all.

My heart was pounding so fast I thought it might just actually explode. I saw the sun was just rising, no point trying to get back to bed even if I wanted to it would've been no use.

I sigh sitting upright in the bed leaning on the cold wall looking out the window right by the bed. The trees were swaying carelessly in the wind.

I glanced at the time, it reading 5:30.

I hear stirring downstairs confirming she's here. I really hope it's just her.

If Cato came he'd would've been up here already.

Now I need to deal with everyone yelling at me for disappearing again. I didn't have the patience for that today, the lack of sleep and desperation already has my body overran.

I got up brushing through my hair, inspecting the bruises. Luckily, they were almost non-existent. Though I still tired, sweat from the nightmare was glistening on my forehead.

Other then the eye slight eye bags from lack of sleep I look halfway decent.

I go downstairs, Mrs.Hadley was making eggs, bacon and toast. I eye the room making sure no one else was with her like Zane or Cato. It was just her, maybe if I hurry I can get back to the training center before any of them stop by.

She looks over her shoulder," Morning sweetheart." Mrs.Hadley says. " You scared us, no one knew where you went after training." She always sounds so happy.

I pull out my chair sitting," Sorry, I was occupied I must've forgot to tell someone where I was going." I say tiredly.

She turns facing me, " How did you sleep?"

" Ok."

She gives me a small smile, " Well, how about we wake you up with some coffee, how does that sound?"

I give a warm smile, "That would be great thank you."

She dumps quite a bit of food on my plate before turning back around to make some coffee. I'm not quite sure what she did,but she made the eggs and bacon so good, now I know where Cato gets it from when he cooks.

I small ping of hurt runs through me whenever I think about him, it makes me irritated realizing I think about him as much as I do.

I shouldn't.

" I haven't seen you in awhile dear, how are you and Cato doing?" She asks bringing me back from my deep thinking.

Of course she says that.

What am I supposed to say? Tell her the truth? Lie? I don't know what Cato would want me to do.

Screw what he wants me to do, how am I supposed to tell her I broke up with him because I saw him..whatever that was.

I didn't decide if I believed him or not.

" Fine." I say simply. If he wants to tell her he can go right ahead.

I hope the simple answer would satisfy her.

" Oh, well that's good. You two aren't fighting anymore?" She asks.

What did he tell her?

" Fighting over what?" I ask, I'm not the one who will be giving out what happened. The less anyone knows the better.

She turns looking at me with a small smile. " Cato said you two were having a small disagreement... you've been staying with a friend right? The Kentwell girl?"

Of course he saves his own ass...

I feel me clench my jaw looking down at my food. I saw her looking at me so I just give a tight-lined smile " Oh.. Yea it was stupid."

" Has that been happening a lot? The disagreements?" She says washing some of the pans.

I stop eating, looking up at her. " Everyone has fights. I guess we're to much alike, we both like to be right."

" Ohh... I see hun. Just know I'm here if you ever want to have a girl to girl talk... I know how my son can be, I also know it's hard with no parents here. Your mother said she's been doing well."

I stop eating completely looking up at Mrs. Hadley "She's been writing to you?" I ask.

" Yes, every week I get one.. How about you?"

I look at my plate, I ate about half of it. " I haven't spoken to her since she left." I say a little to bluntly.

She pauses for a second, " She hasn't written you?"

" No." I half smile so it looked like it didn't bother me though I think it was just as transparent.

She stays silent for a couple minutes, scrubbing a little to hard on the poor skillet. Just then, the door opens revealing Zane... and Cato behind him.

Here we go.

His face softened when he saw me, relief flushing through his features. But they slowly go back to blank when his eyes met mine.

I give him a look, which he caught. He quickly looks at his mom then back to me before he looks away again.

He should be worried, If we were alone I think I might smack him again. Maybe that will knock some thinking into him.

" There is the little run away. How are you kiddo?" Zane says ruffling my hair making me look from Cato to him.

" Fine....what do you mean 'runaway' I was here." I state. " I didn't try to run anywhere. This is still my house."

" You didn't tell anyone where you were. The youngest Blake boy along with some girls were asking everyone where you were. Your own boy...friend didn't even know where you were." Zane says, boyfriend meaning his son.

" Ohhh... yea." I glance at Cato who was glancing at me already, " Sorry. I guess I didn't realize I didn't tell you. I just wanted some quiet."

He looked a little bit more relieved I'm going with it. " As long as your safe I don't care." He says quickly.

" Zane, can you help me make the bed quickly before we eat?" Mrs. Hadley said quickly.

" I'm coming my dear Marie." He says following her, leaving me and Cato.

I looked down at my plate, I could feel his eyes burning holes in my head. But still I eat, a little faster so I can leave, or go back in my room and hope no one bugs me- no one meaning Cato- though I know that is highly unlikely.

He sits down in the chair way across from me grabbing a plate to eat." Why didn't you tell anyone where you were?" Cato says quietly.

I take a deep breath, almost slamming my hand into the table though I catch myself. It's my house technically. I can come here if I want. I just didn't want anyone seeing me cry. I just didn't want to see anyone period.

I pick at the food that was on my plate, distracting me from Cato's looks. " I just needed to cool off. I missed being here." I say plainly.

" Oh." That's all he said though I know he could say more. He wanted to say more.

" So, you told your mom we were fighting?" I ask now looking up at him with my new anger. " Not what actually happened?"

He nearly chokes on his food, setting down his fork he looked at me." Yea... she was asking a lot about you, they dropped in that one day and was wondering where you were."I bite my cheek giving a hum.

Both of Cato's parents come back into the kitchen."We're back... Cato, sit with your girl friend...what kind of manners or those?" His mom fusses.

He looks reluctant but slides to the seat next to me, I give a small smile to convince them, I guess lying all this time on the train has paid off.

" How are you really doing Kaylaya?" Zane asks.

I chuckle, Cato looks at me blankly. " I must look like real shit for everyone to be asking me. I'm guessing Cato told you what happened at the Academy. It still hurts a little but it's healing. I'm fine, really."

" I may have made an appointment for you hun.. We are all worried about you." Marie says.

" Appointment?" I ask, though I think I sounded a little annoyed, " For what?"

Zane puts food on his plate as he talked," Cato said you had nightmares when your games first ended, every once in awhile. He said when that boy was on top of you-when you had the flashback- he said you never looked so terrified in your life."

I raise my eyebrows, looking over at Cato. Yea, this wouldn't have happened if he actually thought for a second in his life.

His expression said he knew it to.

I look back between Zane and Marie," I promise you guys I'm fine."

She shifts in her chair... " Cato... tell her how worried you are. I know you two might be fighting but I want my future daughter in law to be healthy."

I bite my cheek looking at the 3 of them. I'm beyond uncomfortable, if only they knew what Cato actually did and why we're 'fighting'.

" I'm going to take a walk. I don't need an appointment." I say standing up.

I quickly walk out of the house retreating to wherever,I don't even know somewhere that isn't here. " Kaylaya!" I thought it was Cato but it sounded older and more mature.

I know I won't be able to get rid of Zane, he's the head of 2 now basically. I turn around looking at him , " Yes?" though there's an edge in my voice.

" Stop."

" I'm standing here."

" I'm not stupid my dear, I can tell when your not your normal self. None of that was yourself."

" Mr. Hadley-"

" Call me Zane. You can still call me Zane."

I take a breath," Zane... I can assure you nothing is wrong-"

" -Kaylaya.. I'm trained to detect a lie from the most experienced criminals in Panem, I know you. I trained you. I know when your somewhere else, and I know how much Cato has an effect on you. I also know Cato, he's never a foot away from you. And now he's afraid to even look in your direction. I see guilt."

I open my mouth to speak but I stop, why am I even trying? I'm not going to get through Zane.

He continues " And I know he probably had something to do with what happened? I know he wouldn't let just anyone spar with you if he was there." He says lowly.

" Not exactly." I mutter, I wanted to cry, I was about to... I looked away to avoid it.

" Hey.." he says carefully, " I made a vow to watch you while your mother was away, as your father's friend I made a vow to protect you no matter what, and I'm saying this because I do care.."

He takes my hand softly, looking at me with the same eyes Cato has, those blue eyes staring into your soul, telling you to listen to whatever they say. " I want you to go to the doctor, something isn't right. You don't act the same, I-we-don't think your weak it's ok to get some help. I know what you went through was traumatic. Same thing happened with Cato."

I listen, tears threatening to spill, he continues" So either you let Cato take you or I'm going to drag you there and it won't be pretty.Now come on, let's get you ready to go."

I honestly was to tired to fight, or reject. I want to sleep, I want to feel happy, I just want to be normal again so I guess going to this doctor will be good so I can get back to that.

" Fine." I mumble reluctantly. He started to walk I stopped abruptly, I needed to know if he was telling the truth. He stopped to looking at me.

" I have one question. And you can't lie about it, it's why we're fighting." I say strictly.

He tilts his head up a bit. " Anything."

" You told Cato he needed to secure a deal?"

He face firms, " He told you about that?"

" He didn't tell me what the deal was about. You just told him he needed to secure it?"

" What did he do?" He ask dangerously low.

" What was the deal?" I counter.

" It's-"

" -Don't lie to me! You just promised. If you don't tell me I won't go, if you lie I'll find out."

He stares me down, I cross my arms waiting. No way I'm letting this down, not after all that happened for whatever he wanted.

Finally he breaks, " To secure a position."

" For what."

" Your fathers position."

I furrow my brow, " My dads? Your second in command, shouldn't that go to you?"

" No. It's voted on, I needed Cato to talk to Jackson's daughter-"

" You whored him out?"

He pauses, " No-"

" It's Cato. You and I both know what every girl thinks of him, don't give me that shit." I look at him.

Really look at him. The person that wanted power, using his son to get it.

" That's your son." I scoff.

" I didn't tell him to.. I'll talk-" I push him back, " What did you think he was going to do huh?! You didn't give him a choice. Your unbelievable."

I walk back into the house walking past Mrs.Hadley and Cato. They look over me to Zane.

So he did tell the truth.

But I'm still mad, for everything else besides that.

I go to take my shower,I hear Marie coming in dropping off clothes before leaving again.

She gave me comfy clothes to wear, I throw my hair up in a bun before going back out in the kitchen.

" Cato said he'll take you sweetie." Marie says cheerfully.

I look at him not saying anything, instead walking out the door. Marie says something to Cato before he catches up with me.

We walk in silence. I have nothing to say to him, I don't feel like fighting either so it's better to just say nothing at all, though he keeps looking at me wanting to say something but his better judgement thinks against it. He probably thought the same thing.

We walked to the hospital, Cato went to check me in while I went to sit down waiting for somebody to grab me. He comes sitting down next to me, leaning back in the chair.

We still sat in silence. He was shifting, he never really liked silence unless we were trying to sleep. He let's out a sigh leaning his head back against the wall trying his best not to look at me.

His leg accidentally touches mine- or maybe it was on purpose, no- I move my leg away from him as soon as I could.

I think Cato was more worked up then what I was, he was shifting in his chair a lot, then bouncing his leg up and down making me feel anxious.

" Are you sure I'm the one that needs an appointment?" I say flatly.

He turns his head," Oh, she does talk." He says, I noticed his leg stopped bouncing.

" You were making me nervous."

" Sincerest apologies." He says looking intently at me.

I give him a look of disapproval before looking back down at my hands refraining the silence.

" Kaylays Musak?" I lady says.

Finally.

She was shorter with bright blonde hair. She had rosy cheeks and big green eyes giving a smile.

I stand up, Cato following. I give him a look, " I'm coming with you." He states.

" I'll be fine."

" No, I don't trust you to tell me what they all said, therefore I'm coming with you." He says a little sterner.

I roll my eyes, following the lady to one of the rooms. " How are you today Ms.Musak?"

" Good."

" So you are having some PTSD issues?"

I look at Cato, glaring at him before turning back to the lady. " Well, I wouldn't I have-"

" She has symptoms of PTSD, she had a flashback during training." Cato interrupts.

I let out a big breath of air.

" Oh." The lady said sensing the tension filling in the room, " Can you tell me what day that was?"

" Tuesday." Cato says. I guess Cato will be answering all my questions.

We did basic questions. They want to give me some sort of shot to help with the symptoms.

And since I was there they wanted to give me a basic check up.

Apparently I lost weight from the last time I got a checkup which was a year ago.

" When do you think you lost all that weight, Ms. Musak." She asks.

" I guess the last couple weeks." I answer, I know if I tried fibbing Cato would say.

" Do you have bad dreams, Loss of sleep?"

" Yes." I say flatly, embarrassed almost to admit that. A person from 2..scared of the games.

There were a couple other questions before she went to get the doctor, they made me watch sections of my games attaching this thing to me before recording stuff on their clip board.

That was the last thing I wanted to watch, especially now.

" Ok, We'll be right back." The nurse said.

They leave, so it's just me and Cato again. I let out a get sigh of relief when they left, I close my eyes leaning my head on the wall.

" You ok?" He asks.

That's a loaded question.

" Apparently not Cato. Hence why I'm getting examined." I say sarcastically done with this day, I've only been up for a couple hours.

" Is there anything I can do?" He asks.

" No."

" Kay-"

He gets cut off by them coming back in. " So, it's confirmed you have a type of PTSD, your results sky rocketed when you saw people and some of the surroundings. What we recommend is staying away from anything that could trigger it like training. Take it easy for a couple days. And I'll give you the shot."

Of course I'm going to skyrocket when I see the arena that killed some of my friends, of course I'm going to feel something when I see their faces.

It's just basic human instinct.

He pulled out a vile to give me a shot, it was an illuminating yellow color, when he put it in my arm it felt like my whole limb was on fire. But I felt some relief seep it seems in my body.

" What is that?" I ask.

" This has traces of tracker jacker venom in it, it helps redirect the panic you feel. But some reactions vary. Cato, You'll need to keep supervision of her. If anything worsens you'll need to come back."

" She'll be with me, I'll keep a good eye on her." Cato says quickly not bothering to look at me.

He doesn't think I'm actually staying with him right? I keep staring at him which he does look at me, but his expression tells me what I was just thinking.

Oh hell no.

The doctor was still in the room so I didn't want to make a scene. I get up quickly flashing a smile to the doctor.

" Thanks." I try to sound grateful though thats the last thing that was on my mind.

" Thanks for your help." Cato said opening the door.

We walked out, I was raging.

When we get outside he finally decides to speak "We're going to the house." Cato said.

I scoffed looking at him , " I'm not going anywhere with you."

He sighs, " Yes, Kaylaya... you are."

" No, I'm not."

"Do you know it's actually illegal for a victor to live anywhere other then victor village when they win the games? It helps when you know the head peacekeeper to look the other way so whether you like it or not.. Your coming back home."

" Your bluffing" I scoff.

He gives me a glare, " Try me."

When does Cato bluff?

I glare at him pushing past him. He mutters something to himself before he follows me. The car was already waiting for us outside of town, waiting to bring us back to the house.

He knew I was coming back with him, I bet they all knew.

I slide in first before Cato comes, sitting on the opposite side, I don't look at him. Instead I look out the window at the gloomy sky.

The whole car smells like Cato's cologne, I close my eyes. His smell makes me feel safe, as much as I despise to say it. Between that and the shot working, I felt my eyes getting heavy and my will to fight Cato slowly faded as well.

I did kinda miss the house, I mean it's everything a person could want. And the bed was good to, that's one of the only places I can get a good sleep on.

And besides Cato. Stop thinking like that!

The shot knocked me out so much, I woke up on the couch, no recollection of anyone bringing me in, or maybe I walked myself in?

I was covered up, Cato probably brought me in. I sat up scanning the house for him though I didn't see him, I had no desire to look. First off, I'm livid at him and this spot was to comfy to leave.

I lay back down, nuzzling deep in the pillow that convintently smelled like Cato also. I hear someone come up the stairs. I roll my eyes before looking back over the couch to the door of the downstairs.

Cato was glistening with sweat, he had his shirt draped around his neck looking over at me. " Up finally?"

" You didn't think to wake me up when we arrived?" I shot back.

" I tried, you were out cold. You needed the sleep, so I carried you."

I sit up running my fingers through my hair, he's possibly right but he still could've woke me up.

He walks in the kitchen rummaging through the fridge, " Do you want something to eat? You didn't eat since this morning."

" I'm fine." I yawn.

" I'm making you food." He continued still rummaging through the fridge.

" Cato, I don't want anything-"

He totally blows me off still talking," Do you like Alfredo? Or there's pizza?"

I blink a couple times, he's ignoring my input again.

" Nothing." I say flatly.

He half turns looking at me, " That wasn't one of the options."

I look at him, disbelief in my expression. " Why can't you listen for once? I really don't want anything." I say again though my patience was dwindling fast.

He ignores me again grabbing Alfredo and two plates.

" Cato!" I yell, though it sounded more like a plea.

" What?" He asks, like he just heard me.

I throw my hands in frustration, " Why can't you just listen?" I walk towards the island giving him a look.

" Because I'm making the better judgement for you."

" Cato.. This is the problem, you don't listen. You just do. I can make my own decisions."

He cocked his head, amusement filling his face." I know but yours aren't that great. And I do listen. I always listen."

I look at him in disbelief scoffing at him. " Did you really just say that?"

He nods, " Yep."

I just look but he looks me up and down before throwing the food in to be reheated.

I shake my head," Ok... Ok, yea I'm not dealing with this. The doctor said NOT to stress me out, so I'm just going to go upstairs."

" Not without eating first." Cato says.

I ignore him just like he did to me, making my way to the stairs. " I'd stay here if I were you." He says.

I turn back around," Why?'

" Enobaria said to call if you gave me any problems, she's right across the road." He says smartly trying to hide his smirk.

And I know he will call her. Even if I wasn't being difficult, just to be spiteful.

I sigh going back down the steps, this time I sit on the island right behind him. He gives me a small smirk of triumph before going back to heating up the food.

His toned back flexed as he was working about, I tried not to really look at him but, he's a literal Greek god, though I'm not to happy with him at the moment. It's hard not to stare, why does he need to be so hot?

If he wasn't so hot I could avoid so many things with this man.

He turned around, I quickly fixed my eyes so I was looking down at my hands, he pushed a plate to me while he grabbed some silverware.

I focused on the food infront of me, taking a bite which tasted heavenly. I hummed to satisfaction not really realizing it until I did.

Cato looked up, trying to hide a smile, " Is it good?" He asked slightly laughing.

I feel my cheeks redden I internally scold myself..idiot" Yea... yea, it's fine. Who made it?"

He now smiled showing his perfect teeth pointing at himself. Of course he did. " Glad you like it. Do you want anything else? I can grab it for you."

Why was he being so nice? Like overly nice. And not giving his sarcastic remarks, or the look he gave me when I first came back, or at training.

That look like he wanted to hate me but couldn't. What happened to him picking the fights?

" Why are you being so nice to me?" I blurt.

His smile fades, he now has a slightly more serious face. " Because though you think I didn't care, I did. I always did. I still do."

I turn away from his gaze playing with my food."Why? Aren't you still mad at me?"

He takes a bite, chewing it slowly thinking of what to say. " I'm not mad at you."

" Then what was all of that if you weren't mad?"

" You need to clarify which part."

I shrug, " All of it."

He leans forward running his hand down his face, " I'm not sure."

" So you did everything.. for what? Fun?"

" No."

" Then what were you trying to do?"

" Maybe I was mad, at first. But I did try to care, I did care, I still do. I've always cared."

He still cares..a lot.

I manage to look up at him, his eyes shot up too, I glanced away looking back down at the food, I ate it all up, feeling full, and now tired.

" I think I'm going to bed, I'm tired." I say grabbing my plate.

" I'll pick it up-" he says reaching for the plate to, he brushed my hand his with causing me to pull back, dropping the plate.

It just dropped back down on the counter making a loud noise, I looked at it before looking at Cato. He looked me before his eyes went back to the plate grabbing it. He turned starting the water mumbling a " Night."

He looked hurt, but I guess confused? I was confused. I don't know why I just did that, I got so jumpy when he touched me. I just felt panic, maybe that's from the shot.

I walked to the stairs quickly, going up the stairs. I rush into my room sprawling on the bed, sinking into the soft mattress.

Nice going Kay.. Really keeping to yourself.

With a full stomach and tired body I fell into a deep sleep thinking about how am I supposed to live with Cato fricken Hadley again normally.

Where do we even go from here? I mean I broke up with him because I thought he cheated, which he actually didn't technically.

He was doing it for Zane, who I really dislike right now.

But he needed to convince Jackson's daughter I'm guessing. Everyone wants him, it was to easy for her to agree I bet.

He could've told me, even though we weren't talking.

I wasn't talking to him. I guess he couldn't.

I guess we'll see where this goes.