🥀 28 🥀

~♡~

Lyla's heart races as she gets up dizzily to answer the knock on the door, knowing who it was.

Without all the deadbolts and security she's not bothered with tonight it's easy enough to open them in her state.

She's suddenly feeling self conscious as she realises her hair is messily falling around her shoulders and she's in an off the shoulder jumper and leggings. The last time she saw him she was dressed to the nines.

Wait, why does she care?

Opening the door Lyla sees the handsome brunette in front of her. He looks different himself, in more casual clothing. Black jeans and a black t-shirt and boots. His hair is ruffled slightly, like he'd been asleep or disturbed himself.

"Lyla, hey you ok?" Bucky asks as he looks concerned and steps forward into the apartment.

She realises she's broken another promise to herself of just letting anyone into her safe space. But it's too late.

"Hi...yeah...I just- I don't know." Lyla mumbles as she feels tears prickle her eyes again.

She knows it was stupid now to call him as she sees him in front of her, feeling small and childlike. She should really be talking to Loki, but she can't bear the thought of having to see his face again, especially after it was coated in blood.

"It's ok. You've been through a lot." Bucky says sympathetically as he quickly looks around at the messy apartment.

So much had reminded Lyla of Loki that she'd pulled random items off shelves in her drunken stupor. Bucky's gaze lingers on the wine glasses and empty bottles. He quickly understands the hole that Lyla is in.

"Why don't you go take a seat and I'll clear up here, maybe make you a coffee?" Bucky asks, his eyebrows drawn together in concern.

Despite being invited over at such a late hour with the preface that it wasn't for that kind of company, he'd still felt hopeful until he saw the state of Lyla. An unfamiliar emotion of guilt stabbed through his chest.

Lyla sniffs and nods as she tries to stop fresh tears coming through, going back over to the sofa and wrapping herself in her fluffy blanket. What would Bucky think of her?

Oh God, what would Loki think if he found out?

Were they over officially? She didn't even know but her gut was telling her yes.

Why then had she invited another dangerous man for company? Her head was fucked.

Eventually Bucky brought over two mugs and sits tentatively beside Lyla as he doesn't know what to say. Lyla grips onto the warmth as she steadies her breathing.

"Wanna tell me what's going on?" Bucky asks sincerely and Lyla clears her throat.

"Well you know what's gone on. I just can't bring myself to think or contact him James. The way he acted in there, the way he's been going behind my back this whole time. I feel betrayed. He's just as bad as...Brock." Lyla squeaks out the last name as if it gives her physical pain.

Bucky sighs and puts his mug down, wrapping an arm around her.

"I'm sorry this happened. You're not meant to see that kind of violence Loki showed you. It was wrong." Bucky says nervously.

Lyla shakes her head. "It's not just that he showed me, it's that...I don't know how to put it into words. I just always knew what he did and stayed out of it, but seeing him with that look in his eye. I couldn't separate the two and my brain shut down." Lyla attempts to explain.

Bucky nods thoughtfully.

"I didn't realise the extent as to how Rumlow treated you Lyla. I'm sorry." Bucky mumbles.

Lyla, for the first time, looks at him and can see the pained look on his face. This was a different side of the flirty, arrogant man she'd witnessed before. He looked genuinely remorseful.

"It's not your fault. I just obviously attract a certain type. He's right, I am naive." She swallows her coffee harshly, desperately trying to sober up to shake off these horrible, messy thoughts.

"You're not naive Lyla. You're just...better than the rest of us that's all." Bucky mutters.

Lyla rests her head against Bucky's shoulder in a friendly way. She knows he is most likely as bad as Loki, but for now he's not as involved in the mess and she needed some outside support.

"I'm sorry for calling you, I didn't know who else to go to. I didn't wanna disturb Nat and Thor." Lyla apologises feeling guilty about bringing Bucky here.

He pulls away, stroking her arm and looking down at her.

"Don't apologise. I told you when you dropped me off if you need anything, I'm here." Bucky confirms as Lyla feels her eyelids get heavy and her mug being removed from her clasp.

—

Lyla wakes up in her bed, unsure how she got here, but thankfully still fully clothed. The first thing she notices is her headache. The second is that she's alone.

She groans as she rolls over, blinking away the harsh lights and being reminded by a flood of memories what happened last night. She cringes at the fact she even rang James.

Tiptoeing out of bed begrudgingly, she creaks her bedroom door open to see if he's still here; half praying he's gone home so she doesn't have to face him in her hungover state.

Lylas wish isn't coming true however, as she notices James up and cooking an omelette on her stove whilst he downs his own coffee. It's a sight that's too domesticated for her, and she takes a moment to gather herself before walking in to begin the day.

"James, you didn't have to stay." Lyla mumbles as she feels the bright lights of her living area and kitchen penetrate her irises.

She squints and Bucky turns around, smiling when he sees her.

"Sorry if it was the wrong thing to do. You fell asleep on me so I moved you to your bed. No funny business, I promise!" He said cheekily as he went back to flipping the omelette over.

Lyla couldn't lie, she was starving and it smelt so good.

"Well, thanks. I didn't think you rich people knew how to cook." She says, walking over and peering into the pan. James chuckles.

"Well I didn't grow up rich like some families I work with. We were self made. Besides, in the army you don't have anyone to do shit for you." James grins as he begins to plate up the breakfast, gesturing for Lyla to take a seat so he can serve her it.

"This is too much. Honestly I'm surprised you didn't run a mile. My life is a mess right now. I'm a mess." Lyla groans, her head in her hands.

Bucky hands her a fork and gestures for her to eat before grabbing her a glass of water. Lyla suddenly realises how attracted to this man she is and feeling immediate guilt, shuts it down.

She watches the way he moves his prosthetic arm with ease, as if it had always been a part of him. She had to remember she was safe with no one however. She'd heard tales from the brothers of the Winter Soldier and she had to protect herself.

But right now she simply didn't give a fuck.

She was numb, she was hurt, she was angry. She needed a distraction. She needed to shut all her emotions off and be as cold as the world she'd been thrust into.

"Things are messy sure, but you're not a mess." Bucky smiles as he sits near her.

"I gotta go to work, but how about we go out this week? Take your mind off it?" James says as he finished the last of his coffee.

He looks slightly nervous at the proposition. Lyla's heart races.

"When you're at work...could you not, urm, mention this? I know nothing happened and I don't want to see him, but still, I'd imagine it'd cause more trouble for you." Lyla mutters as she sees James nod thoughtfully.

"I don't wanna be a dead man. That's for sure. But you're a sweet girl Lyla. I like spending time with you. Even if you're unconscious for half of it asleep." He jokes and Lyla laughs as she bites into the food, her stomach instantly grateful.

"And about going out, what do you say? You need to forget him for a while if that's what you want." Bucky suggests.

Lyla has a think.

"It's not like a work thing right? Just casual?" She asks, unsure. Bucky nods.

"I've got a club I like going to. Come dancing with me it'll be fun. No pressure." He says as he places his mug in the sink before leaning back over the table near Lyla.

"Umm, ok, sure, I guess. I just don't wanna do anything to make him angrier than he is." Lyla stutters.

Why the fuck was she even worrying? It was over wasn't it? Maybe she should go talk to him.

Ugh. Her brain was mashed.

"You don't have to live your life for others Lyla. Do what you want." James says assuredly as he grabs his keys and jacket.

"Get some rest Doll, I'll message you later." He winks as he walks over to her and places a kiss on her forehead.

Lyla frowns, taken off guard but smiles as he leaves.

Fuck it.

She'd attempt to talk to Loki today, if only to get some of her stuff back and get the closure she needs before she moves on with her life. Deciding to go after work, her mind is set.

Now she just had to deal with Peggy who'd no doubt see through her as clearly as those books she's working on.

~♤~

Loki strides up to his fathers office, throwing the door open and adjusting his tie.

It's the first time he's been back in work in a few days after his somewhat, breakdown. He'd decided no more. Lyla had made it clear by blocking him and refusing to see him that it was over, and he had an empire to usurp.

He knew it could never last anyway. She was pure and warm, he was corrupt and cold. It was nice living in the domestic fantasy land for a while, sure. But if he had to make the choice to protect her once and for all and this be the outcome, so be it.

He feels his chest hurt thinking about her, he needs to get a handle on these emotions that threatened to drag him down. He needed to be him again.

Odin looks bemused as Loki struts in, unwelcome. He gestures for a seat in front of his desk but Loki leans over menacingly, placing both palms on the rich oak.

"I know you had something to do with Rumlow at that party. I know it was a test that went too far. And when I can prove it I'll have your other eye." Loki hisses.

Odin barely flinches.

"Good morning to you too Son. Always a pleasure." Odin stands up with the help of his cane and walks round to the same side of the desk as Loki, towering over him.

"Before you come in here making such vile accusations, you'd be wise to remember your place. You embarrassed the Odinsons at Zemo's party. That show was a disgrace. All for some girl you claim to be nothing more than one of your whores." Odin spits back.

Loki clenches his jaw so hard he feels he will break through his teeth.

"Well, she is now. That's all she is. I hope you're proud of yourself father. Mother would be ashamed." Loki sighs angrily as his father suddenly strikes him across the face harshly.

Loki stumbles backwards a little, knowing that would most likely be the reaction he'd get but still being shocked all the same.

"You're getting sloppy father. I no longer care about the girl, but when I find something to take you down, I will. Have no worries on this. The time is ticking on you old man." Loki sneers as he walks backwards towards the door.

He knows he has to strike whilst the iron is hot. Odin has many enemies as well as allies. He'd find a way.

"Don't tell me the frosty oaf fell in love?" Odin asks, narrowing his eye and laughing.

Loki feels his blood boil but knows he cannot show it right now. He shakes his head.

"I can't fall in love. Look at me. I'm a monster, you're a monster. It's not who we are." He confesses as Odin for a moment looks vaguely hurt.

For only a flicker of a millisecond.

"You've got what you wanted. Now stay out my way old man." Loki shouts as he throws a glass ornament across the room and leaves.

He pulls his phone out his pocket.

"Rogers, call my old regular to meet me at my house." Loki orders, not even waiting for a reply from his friend.

He knows he'll be disappointed. He doesn't want the speech. He just wants to get her out of his system. It's too painful to bear. It's too foreign to him. He can't assassinate his way out of this one.

Wiping away a rogue tear that has slipped past his defences, he slams on the gas in his car and speeds home, swigging whiskey out his hip flask on the way. He needs to be numb.

~♡~

Lyla fluffs her hair up in her rear view mirror as she sits outside Loki's house. She hadn't been greeted by Phil, or seen Loki's driver Peter either. The front gate had been open which was unusual.

Pulling up outside his house Lyla feels her adrenaline start to whizz round her. Maybe coming here wasn't such a good idea. But over the phone didn't seem right either.

She'd driven here almost on autopilot. Hungover and not really sure what she was doing. Still the thought of seeing him now in person was giving her seriously mixed feelings. She tries not to let her legs wobble as she pulls herself out the car.

Lyla walks up to Loki's front door, knowing that security would see her coming, or if security weren't here, then Loki himself through CCTV.

Lyla holds her hand up to knock but feels nauseous at the thought of seeing his face again. Changing her mind, she goes to run back to the car until a voice calls out.

"Lyla?" Steve says as he opens the door more fully now.

Lyla spins around sheepishly as she relaxes a little seeing those kind blue eyes. She sighs.

"Steve." Lyla greets with a smile.

Steve moves forward thinking about hugging her but deciding against it. He can see the dark circles under her eyes and the tiredness across her face. She looks sad and hollow.

"What are you doing here?" Steve asks as he closes the door slightly behind him.

Lyla feels her cheeks flush with embarrassment as she groans and covers her eyes.

"I don't know Steve. I just thought I'd have to face him, get some closure if that's what this is. I don't know. My heads absolutely fucked." Lyla sighs as Steve finally pulls her into a hug.

Lyla rests her head against Steve's chest, trying not to cry.

"It's over isn't it?" Lyla murmurs and Steve pats her back reassuringly.

"I think you both need time. Trust me I've already spoken to him about how he can't let you go." Steve admits shamefully.

"I can't relive this again. I just wanna have fun and forget." Lyla shakes her head as she pulls away from him.

"I just need to get my stuff, maybe say goodbye. I don't know, maybe it's cos I'm hungover but I just kinda found myself here." Lyla confesses.

"I hear you. But now's not a good time Ly. Why don't we go for a coffee or something? And I'll let him know you came by." Steve says as he closes the door fully now and tries to usher Lyla away.

Lyla scrunches her brow, resisting a little as she moves past him to the door.

"I'll be five minutes Steve. I know he probably doesn't want to see me. But I have to do this." Lyla says as she opens the door.

"He probably already knows I'm here right?" Lyla says walking into the corridor and immediately looking round for him. Steve is hot on her heels.

"Lyla. Like I said now is really not a good time." Steve says, grabbing onto her arm. Lyla turns to him.

"Steve. Please." She says with tears in her eyes now.

Even the smell of Loki's home is bringing back memories. She suddenly wants to be enveloped in it, in him. She swallows hard.

"Lyla. I'm asking you as a friend to leave now." Steve warns as Lyla registers his face.

He's trying to protect her, but from what?

Suddenly Lyla hears noises coming from the living room and although her gut tells her to run away, she feels herself drawn towards it.

"Lyla, no!" Steve shouts but it's too late.

Lyla has taken off down the corridor and has her hand on the handle to the door. She just needs to see him. One last time. Smell him, touch him, find out what happened before she can go completely and utterly numb.

She pushes the door open with no warning to see Loki sitting on his leather couch whilst a woman with long dark hair kneels between his legs, moaning loudly as she fills her mouth with him. Loki has his eyes closed as he roughly grips the back of her head, thrusting up into her.

Lyla's blood goes cold as she freezes, Steve nearly bumping into the back of her.  Seeing him with another woman makes her feel physically sick. All that numbness she promised herself comes crashing in like a tidal wave, dragging her under. 

Her breathing stops with a gasp.

Loki opens his eyes, looking over the woman below him to the door where he catches Lyla's gaze. He immediately throws the woman off him, pulling up his trousers as he stands up. The woman looks confused as she turns towards the door, giving Lyla a death stare.

"This...this was a mistake." Lyla whispers as she feels a tear come down her cheek and drop off her chin.

Every last shred of hope she had was crushed in that moment. She feels stupid.

"Lyla- what the fuck are you doing here?" Loki shouts as he stumbles over his trousers. "Gods, Steve what the Hel?!" Loki shoves Steve aside as he tries to chase after Lyla who's now run out of the living room and back down the corridor as fast as her legs will carry her.

"I tried to stop her Boss!" Steve shouts after Loki as he picks up the pace, fastening up his trousers as he runs.

Lylas crying now as she runs out to her car, fumbling with her keys to get in. Loki unfortunately has caught her up.

"Lyla, please- why are you here?" Loki demands as his mask slips and he looks devastated. Lyla turns around holding her hands out, stopping him from coming any closer.

"I know you've been trying to get hold of me, so I thought I'd come talk in person, maybe get my stuff, I don't know... FUCK!" Lyla screams as she sobs.

It shouldn't hurt her this much. 

Loki tries again to get close to her but she shoves him away, ignoring the smell of him that was once home.

Lyla unlocks her car and gets in, slamming the door on Loki's face. Loki bangs on the window. He looks remorseful but Lyla can't trust anything. Although she'd invited James round she hadn't done anything. But this was different. It was definitely over now.

Eventually she winds the window down, only a fraction to hear his pathetic excuse.

"Lyla, it wasn't what- "

"What it looked like? What a cliché. I thought you were better than that Loki." Lyla huffs as she roughly wiped away more tears.

Loki balls his fists in rage at himself.

"I didn't know you were coming. I haven't been able to speak to you, I thought-" Loki vegan exasperated but Lyla shook her head, throwing her hands over her face to hide herself.

"You thought right. We are obviously over." Lyla groans as she tries to collect herself. "You're right I am fucking naive." Lyla shouts, gripping the steering wheel.

Lyla puts the keys in the engine, desperate to get away from this Godforsaken place and everyone in it. Steve has rushed outside now as the fully clothed girl walks to her own car.

Loki leans his hands against the roof of the car, looking into the window.

"Lyla please. Come in and talk." He pleads, his resolve fully dissolved now.

"We are DONE. You've made that quite clear. That's fine. I guess I'll confirm with James I'm up for going out with him now. Shit, this was all such a mistake! I never should've loved someone like you. I always get hurt." Lyla shouts as she throws her hands in the air.

"Don't you dare say that!" Loki shouts back and Lyla flinches away at his tone.

She can't tell if he's angry at her or himself but that side of him she hates acknowledging is there again.

She sits in silence listening to him breathe heavily as she stifles her sobs. She doesn't know what to say. She needs to switch off.  Slip back into that void again. She steadies her breath, focusing on calming down.

It was for the best she'd seen this. It was the nail in the coffin.

"He's dead isn't he?" Lyla asks quietly, knowing the answer before she's even asked the question.

Loki sighs as he rubs his face, Steve appearing right behind him now as he's made sure the other girl is gone. Steve looks helplessly between the two.

"Tell me the truth Loki." Lyla demands.

She finally brings herself to look at him before his face is steely again. He nods, his lips in a grim thin line.

"I had to do it for you." He says coldly. Lyla scoffs.

"Goodbye Loki." She says, putting the car into reverse and rolling down the front drive.

She looks in her rear view mirror to see Steve putting a hand on Loki's shoulder only for it to be shoved off. Lyla promises herself that's the last tears she'll ever cry over Loki Odinson again.

—