Chapter 9

I spent the rest of the day with Kendall he sat on the couch with his feet on the coffee table and I laid my head on his chest and watched movies. I eventually fell asleep and Kendall's arms sheltered me almost. When I woke up, Kendall was moving. He was shifting uncomfortably.

"What's wrong?" I asked sleepily. Kendall chuckled.

"I have to pee." He said truthfully. I started laughing and moved over so he could be released from my iron grip on his arm. He came back in a minute or two as I situated myself on the couch and tried waking up.

"You don't have to get up, your pillow's back." Kendall said touching his shoulder. I smiled and stood. I walked over and stood in front of him.

"I don't spend the night before the first date, or even after the first date. Maybe the third if you really wow me." I teased as Kendall put his hands around my waist. I leaned into him. My head on his chest and my arms around his waist as well, I closed my eyes wanting to get back to sleep.

"Since that was your first kiss, I'm safe to assume you never, uhm, have spent the night with someone before?" Kendall asked then, a little awkward. I pulled my head from his chest as I stared up at his eyes. I didn't say anything, I just shook my head in response. He nodded in understanding. It was awkward now, standing in front of him, admitting to my being a virgin. It was weird. It was bad enough admitting my first kiss had been with Logan while drunk off my ass.

"I should get home." I whispered. Kendall pulled away and stuck out his lip.

"Fine." He mumbled. We broke apart as he grabbed his keys and I grabbed my things. As we waited for the elevator, Kendall's hand sneakily came in and grabbed mine. I hid my smile and giggled.

"What?" Kendall asked. I shook my head.

"Nothing. You're just a dork." I told him. Kendall then put his other hand on my waist bringing our body's close. He then leaned me against the wall next to the elevator. My breathing caught in my chest as I looked into his mysteriously gorgeous green eyes, but that made me remember a pair of eyes. James. James's eyes looking down at me flashed back and I was shocked by Kendall's lips on mine. I gave in and kissed him back, even if I had just been thinking about one of his best friends. Kendall eventually pulled away as the elevator appeared and opened. We walked in together and stood quietly, comfortable for Kendall I was sure, but confusing for me. Why was I worrying about James all of a sudden? We hadn't even talked that much. I mean he did hold my hair back as I vomited and I had fallen asleep on him first last night like how I had tonight with Kendall. James took care of me, so maybe I felt a connection to him just based on that. I didn't know. I just needed to be alone to clear my head. We drove in silence, Kendall pulled up to my apartment and then looked at me before I could get out.

"Yes?" I asked smiling to not lead him to think something was obviously wrong.

"What are we? Like in your mind?" He asked as I assumed he figured he'd ask this in case I was being a weird virgin who fell in love too fast for her own good. Oh shit, I thought. I smiled shyly.

"What do you want to be?" I asked trying to come up with a way to detour him from defining us.

"I think we just kissed tonight. We confirmed we had new feelings for one another, but we aren't exclusive or anything yet. Agreed?" He asked. Could he read my mind? I was relieved.

"Agreed. I mean, we haven't even been on a real first date yet." I said playing off the serious vibe with a playful one. Kendall smirked.

"'Yet' being the key word. What are you doing Monday night?" Kendall asked reaching and taking a hold of my hand. I thought a moment. I never had anything to do.

"Nothing, why? What'd you have in mind?" I asked. Kendall shrugged.

"I thought I'd get you into a Heffron Drive show with a backstage pass and you could hang out and listen to this cool guy I know sing." Kendall teased. I giggled.

"I'd love to." I smiled and leaned a little too close on accident, which have him the impression to kiss me. Again there was a passion between our lips and I felt it in my soul. I didn't know what to do, but I needed to get out of that car before another one or worse happened. Even though it felt good, it wasn't great. I didn't know what it felt like. It was torturous though.

"You should get inside before I follow you up there." Kendall whispered with his lips brushing against mine as he spoke. Alarms went off in my head at that comment. I got out of the car as Kendall rolled the window down. I started to walk away as Kendall called out to me.

"No goodbye?" He yelled as I approached the stairs. I smiled at the comment and started up the stairs.

"As if this view isn't enough for you." I said swaying my hips as I climbed the stairs, trying to play it off as playful rather than me running away from the situation. I could picture Kendall smiling and pulling out of the space he parked in. I heard his car drive away as I opened my front door and I locked myself in. I turned on a few lights and fed Oliver. My head then began to throb and I knew that distracting myself was the only way to get this pain out if my head. Then my phone vibrated.

I walked to the counter and grabbed my phone. I had three missed calls, two from James and one from Carlos. Then I had a text or two from a weird number. I looked at the texts and they read,

Hey! I hope you don't find it weird that I got your number out of your phone when you were sleeping! That sounds super creepy, I'm sorry. Anyway, I just wanted to say, I had a great time tonight. I hope we do it again soon. I'll see you Monday. Text you soon with the details. - Kendall

I felt warmth in my chest and just reading it in my head I could hear him saying this to me. I smiled anytime I thought of Kendall, but I was not nearly ready to do anything other than kiss him. I sighed happily, knowing he wouldn't push me to do anything and his comment was just in the moment, and texted both Carlos and James to see what they needed. Right away, Carlos answered.

Carlos: Just seeing how everything went tonight!

Me: It went really well actually. I told him about Logan and me.

Carlos: And he's okay with you and Logan?

Me: Well, he asked if I had feelings for Logan. I don't, so I was honest. He said it was fine. Then I told him it had been my first kiss. This led to him asking if I thought that was the first kiss I was deserving of.... Somehow, we ended up making out. What is wrong with me?

I huffed a sigh as I looked to see the dots typing at the bottom of my screen.

Carlos: Oh, okay. And how does this make you feel? Were you ready for that? I wasn't quite sure based on your tone this morning if you had been ready for Logan's kiss even, and that was while you were drunk so it just happened. This one, completely sober?

I groaned reading it. He was asking me all the questions I was practically asking myself. I don't know. I knew no answers to any of these questions.

Me: Still trying to figure it all out. I was sober this time, and I initiated it. But, it didn't feel.... right?

Carlos: Shit, I don't know what to tell you, Liz. Your life is complicated. Do you need to speak to Lex? She might be able to assist you more accurately in this department...

I snorted as I doubted even Lexi would be of much help to me right now. I was floating in my own head right now. Had I been ready to just willingly make out with Kendall? Not that I regretted it, but damn, if I did this with these close group of friends, what was going to stop me once I got even further, to having sex or whatever else? I feel like I was overthinking this all. How stupid of me.

Me: Nah, I'm okay for now. Her services maybe needed another time however, but not today. I'm fine, Carlos. Thanks for checking up on me.

Carlos: No problem, Liz. We're both here for you. Don't hesitate to ever call or come over, you're always welcome. Get some rest to work off the rest of that hangover! I'll talk to you tomorrow.

Me: Will do, thank you for being you guys. You're the best. Have a good night. Talk to you tomorrow.

I bid Carlos goodnight as I was then feeling alone. I climbed on my couch and found a comfy spot in the living room where the night before I had slept on James's shoulder. My mind wander to if I would feel the same towards James as I did with my kisses with Kendall. They were great, don't get me wrong. I enjoyed kissing Kendall, something deep inside me was nagging though. Was I moving too fast with all these guys? Or was I just overthinking? Would a kiss with James feel the same as a kiss with Kendall? Maybe.

Oliver came and jumped on my lap, settling in for awhile as I scrolled social media. My mind was blank as I scrolled and scrolled, trying to lose my thoughts as I did so. Apparently it was working too as I was mindlessly scrolling past everything, not taking in any real sights or anything from the social media. Within a few minutes of mind numbing scrolling, James was calling me back. My heart fluttered slightly as my thumb shook as I answered the call.

"Hello?" I answered, putting the phone to my ear as I was eager to hear his voice.

"Hey! How you feelin'?" James asked sounding cheery. He was sweet, just like Kendall. Shit, can I not speak to one and not think about the other?

"I'm better, much much better. Carlos and Kendall dropped off my car after I woke up. We had lunch and then I hung out with Kendall until I texted you when I was home." I said smiling hoping to get a good response. Silence. "James?" I asked worriedly. There was shuffling on the other side of the phone.

"That's good. Distracted you from the headache?" James asked sounding just as cheery before, but I sensed he wasn't.

"Yeah, otherwise, I think I would've been in bed all day long." I confessed to James. He chuckled.

"Yeah, you would've been. Hey, I was wondering what are you doing tomorrow?" James asked, sounding hopeful. I thought and realized it was Sunday, so I usually would have lonely meals and catch up on my Netflix watching.

"Nothing. I usually don't do anything on Sundays. Why, do you wanna hang out?" I asked feeling hopeful as well. I liked James,  a lot. He made me smile and laugh. He also calmed me when I was nervous. He also took care of me when I was far from decent the other night. James laughed at my suggestion.

"Yes, I was going to ask if you wanted to have breakfast, go see an early morning movie, have lunch, go for a walk in the park, and then I don't know, have dinner? Kinda spend the day together? If you're feeling up to it?" James asked. He sounded nervous. Did I make James nervous? He hadn't assumed I would say yes like Kendall assumed I would kiss him right away. I felt conflicted and I closed my eyes. Kendall and I weren't a thing. He even said so. I can date. I can go out with a nice guy who can be considered a friend, who could be more eventually, and then go on a date with another guy who I've made out with right? Yeah. Girls did it all the time. I wasn't official with anyone. I was just growing into what girls my age usually do. They go out with a lot of guys, not just two. But the guys probably aren't best friends either though.

"Of course, I feel up to it." I said feeling like I would be regretting it later, but James was ecstatic. It made me happy hearing him excited.

"Great! I'll pick you up at 8?" He asked happily.

"Sounds great!" I cheered and then wanted to beat my head on the wall. I wanted to be with Kendall. I mean, didn't I? No, I wanted James. Right? No. Kendall. No. James. Logan? No. I didn't even know Logan. But I did kiss him and it was pretty great. He was really nice and I know he'd accept me at my sloppiest drunk moments. No! James was the one to take care of you. But Kendall was the sweetest guy alive. But I thought of James while kissing Kendall. Did that mean anything?

"Okay, it's a date. Can't wait." James said making me feel butterflies throughout my body.

"Me either. Have a good night." I said smiling like a fool at the phrase 'it's a date'. I then hung up and dropped my phone on my lap and put my face in my hands.

"What did I just do?" I asked myself. I knew the answer, I just confused myself even further.

Then without thinking, I grabbed my phone, keys, and purse again, and headed out the door. I jogged down the steps and to my car. I got in and started it without hesitation. As I pulled out of the parking lot, I knew what I was doing was for the best. In thirty minutes, I was getting out of my car and knocking on a door.

"Lizzi?" Carlos asked confused as I stood in his doorway.

"I needed someone to talk to." I informed him shyly.