Ch. 51 - Now or Never

 ~ Chapter 51: Now or Never  ~

[ Justin’s POV: ]

It’s been about 3 days since Katie and I were forced to take the paternity test. I could tell Katie thought we’ve lost trust in her, or that we’ve gone against her by doing this, but I think she also understands Scooter’s intentions behind it. The fact that she cooperated and didn’t ask questions or complain, made me feel like she’s confident it’s my baby.

“I just don’t see how it could be someone else’s,” I remember her telling me. “I think I’d know if there was some other guy that could possibly be the father. But that’s impossible. I had sex with you, not some other person.”

Still, I can’t ignore this feeling inside me that wishes it wasn’t my baby. I know it’s terrible to think about, and maybe Katie doesn’t want to be a parent right now any more than I do, but the feeling is still there.

I love Jackie. I realize that now. But how can she ever be in my reach with this baby in the way? What am I supposed to do? Do I even have a chance? Jackie seemed pretty happy with that other guy, so why would she consider taking me back after all I’ve done to her? I hope she understands that everything I did, I did it for her. For her own happiness and well-being. I kept her out of fame this far, so why would I tug her in now?

“You okay?” Katie’s voice snapped me from my thoughts.

I blinked twice and looked over at her to see her sitting on the couch, snacking on crackers as she watched t.v.

“I’m fine,” I sighed, readjusting myself on the love seat next to her.

“You sure? You seem kind of dazed,” she murmured.

“I’m fine,” I repeated.

Katie nodded and turned her attention back to the television. I simply stared at her for a while before speaking again.

“Katie,” I called out.

“Hm?”

“How far along now?”

She glanced at her belly and then back at me. “Only 4 months left,” she said softly.

“Oh,” I bit my lip, awkwardly looking at the television as well. “Well, um, whenever you’re ready…”

“Yeah, I know,” she smiled, “I’m just about done eating.”

“Alright,” I nodded, standing up and grabbing my keys. “Let’s go.”

“Sure,” she said, turning off the t.v and following behind me.

I could feel my stomach twisting in knots. Today’s the day we find out the baby’s gender, as well as checking up on how it’s doing. Katie’s been more than excited waiting for today, but me? I’m anxious. I know it’s the right thing to come along with her, but I’m starting to wonder how this baby thing is gonna work out.

I’m so young and stupid right now and there’s no doubt in my heart that I’m going to mess up. I’m not ready to be a father. Not just yet.

“Aren’t you excited?” Katie beamed, grabbing onto my hand.

“Um… Yeah,” I tried to show some enthusiasm, but it wasn’t working quite as nicely as I’d hoped.

The next thing I know, I was at the hospital, watching Katie’s doctor put that weird jelly thing on her pregnant belly in order to do the ultrasound.

When the doctor started rubbing the machine across Katie’s belly, the monitor switched and showed the image of a fetus baby on the screen. The doctor suddenly smiled and looked at us, watching closely for our reactions.

“That’s your baby right there,” she pointed at the screen. I felt Katie’s grip on me tighten and I heard her let out a small gasp.

“Oh my god,” she whispered to herself, her gaze locked on the monitor.

“Congratulations on your growing baby girl! She’s doing great so far and now all we need to do is wait the remaining 4 months,” the doctor informed us, a little too cheerily.

“Thank you,” Katie said happily, her grip on me easing slowly as she fell into a daze at the sight of our baby.

I didn’t say a word the entire appointment. I merely nodded, gave quick smiles and looked at my baby girl through the ultrasound monitor.

When we left, Katie couldn’t stop talking about how excited she was for our future. Once again, all I did was nod and agree. At one point, I stopped listening and my thoughts drifted elsewhere. I was out of it today and I wasn’t quite sure why. I just let the day pass by without giving things a second thought.

It was only when Katie kissed me on the cheek that I actually snapped out of it. We had just gotten back to the hotel and Katie’s been clinging on to me all day.

“I know it’s sudden,” she whispered, leaning close, “And I know I’ve accidentally told you this before, but…” She nervously bit her lip before looking deeply into my eyes. “I love you, Justin.”

I did a double take, my eyes widening as I stared back down at her. She had her arms wrapped around me, her pregnant belly touching my stomach and I felt my body go numb.

She… what?

She loves me?

No, no, no.

“You don’t have to say it back,” she added softly, though the glow in her eyes told me otherwise. I know she was hoping I’d say I love her too. I know she was waiting for me to protest, and say that I’ll say it back because I mean it.

But I… don’t.

I don’t love her.

Even if I wanted to, I can’t force my feelings into loving someone. Katie’s not the first thing in my mind when I wake up in the morning. She’s not the last thing I think about when I go to sleep. She’s not the cause of my heart aching deeply with love. She’s just… not.

I didn’t avert my gaze from Katie’s. Instead, I slowly grabbed her hands and pulled them away so that she wasn’t holding me anymore. I then backed away, turned around, and left.

It might’ve been harsh, but I didn’t know what else to do. It wasn’t the worst thing I could’ve done, either. The worst thing would’ve been to say that I don’t love her—and that I probably never will—right to her face. Now that would’ve been more harsh.

When I got to my room, I shut the door and plopped myself to my bed, looking up at the ceiling. I don’t know how long I laid there, doing nothing but staring at walls, but I was sure it had been at least half an hour.

“I miss you,” I suddenly blurted out, my eyes slowly widening.

Why did I just say that out loud?

Without even realizing, I’ve been thinking about Jackie throughout that entire half-hour. I urged to hear her voice, her laugh and gaze into her beautiful green eyes and to hear her talk for hours about anything as long as I could listen to it all day.

Without giving it as much as a second thought, my hand mindlessly pulled out my phone from my pocket. I unlocked it and went straight to my contacts, scrolling down until I saw the name Jackie Miller written on the screen.

Should I call her?

I sighed, contemplating on the idea. Would she be happy when she realizes it’s me? Does she want to hear my voice as much as I want to hear hers? Is it wrong to call her out of the blue like this? Is it wrong to feel this way when she’s already got a man?

My finger was shaking, tempted to tap on her name and call her. I wasn’t quite sure what I was going to say to her. All I know is that I wanted to hear her voice, even if all she says is “Hello?” or “Who is this?”

I’m gonna do it.

I should call her.

It’s now or never.

I was about to tap on her name when the screen switched to a call and my phone began to vibrate. I looked at the caller I.D and saw that Scooter was calling me.

Great timing.

I tapped ‘answer’ and pressed the phone to my ear. “What’s up?” I said casually.

“Justin, I’ve got something you need to know,” he spoke cautiously.

I furrowed my eyebrows. “Why do you sound so worried? Is it more rumors about me? ‘Cause I quite frankly don’t give a fuck.”

“No, no, not that,” he sighed. “It’s worse.”

“Worse?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Well… What could be worse than the media?”

“The paternity test came out negative,” he blurted out.

My heart stopped. I gripped my phone tighter in my hand as the silence in the room began to slowly suffocate me and I felt as if I was being choked.

“W-What?”

“That baby’s not yours, Justin,” he sighed. “It’s actually good news.”

“I—… Wait, how could… How is that even.. possible?” I was having trouble forming proper sentences.

“Maybe she just lied to you,” he simply said.

“No… Katie wouldn’t…” I stuttered.

“You sure?” Scooter questioned suspiciously. “I’m sorry, man, but she can’t stay with us anymore.”

“W-What?”

“I want her gone.”

“S-Scooter, I—”

“I’m serious, Justin. I need to clear rumors up and her staying with us is just gonna make it worse. I want her out, you got that?” he said strictly.

And before I could even reply, Scooter hung up.

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Sorry for such a late update guys. My life is pretty hectic right now. Anyhow, I’m literally like 2 days away from being done with school officially and I’ll be visiting family a lot this summer but I’ll always make time for you guys! :)

So what did you guys think of this chapter? 

Paternity test = negative

Katie’s baby = girl

Justin calling Jackie = #fail

Scooter = Jesus

Love y’all! ❤ 

- Nina xx